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(Gawker)   You ARE smarter than a pageant kid... and their parents... and their friends   (gawker.com) divider line 73
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6513 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 17 Oct 2013 at 2:24 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



73 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-10-17 12:50:06 PM  
Damning us with faint praise, eh subby?
 
2013-10-17 01:00:57 PM  
Was the 'obvious' tag dolling itself up before it's little turn on the catwalk, on the catwalk, yeah on the catwalk?

/Do its little turn on the catwalk?
 
2013-10-17 01:01:42 PM  
Or if you dance on tables, you're gonna have to go to the judge.

Only as long as the judge has tip money.
 
2013-10-17 01:03:14 PM  
 
2013-10-17 01:09:56 PM  
My sister posted this old newpaper clipping on her Facebooky yesterday about how she one some Miss Something County Minnesota pageant when she was a little girl.  She claims she was crowned in part because the judges loved her story about how her little baby brother had set the house on fire the night before trying to make a pie.

It made me feel all warm inside, like I was part of something greater than myself, like I too was in some way royalty.
 
2013-10-17 01:12:02 PM  
Or if you dance on tables, you're gonna have to go to the judge.

Well, she might as well get used to dancing on tables.
 
2013-10-17 01:14:48 PM  
You're also smarter than TLC, which said that "America" was discovered by Columbus in 1492, which is  such bullshiat.
 
2013-10-17 01:19:34 PM  

Rincewind53: You're also smarter than TLC, which said that "America" was discovered by Columbus in 1492, which is  such bullshiat.


I thought Columbus was discovered by natives who found him off course and starving and fed him and he in return paid them back with infectious diseases.
 
2013-10-17 01:46:25 PM  
Who discovered America?" "Obama."

That is an actual exchange from last night's Toddlers & Tiaras


During the 1984 election, I famously told someone that they should vote for Lincoln, not Regan. When pressed, I thought that George Washington was also in the running.

Now, no one thought I was stupid. They thought I was five.
 
2013-10-17 01:58:43 PM  
Why are we expecting four-year-olds to have a grasp of these things?
 
2013-10-17 02:19:49 PM  
What about Leif Ericson?
 
2013-10-17 02:20:02 PM  
There was a commercial on the radio this morning for a "Talent and Modeling Agency that can get YOUR kid on the Disney Channel, Nickelodeon and even in feature films -- auditions are ONE DAY ONLY so sign up now!"

I wondered how many pageant parents were shuffling credit cards once they heard that
 
2013-10-17 02:21:26 PM  

Makh: What about Leif Ericson?


He discovered electric Nissans and broadband hardware.
 
2013-10-17 02:28:33 PM  
WTF is a toddler supposed to know about civics?! Hell, half the adult population doesn't know what the President does.
 
2013-10-17 02:30:27 PM  

vudukungfu: Rincewind53: You're also smarter than TLC, which said that "America" was discovered by Columbus in 1492, which is  such bullshiat.

I thought Columbus was discovered by natives who found him off course and starving and fed him and he in return paid them back with infectious diseases.


Hey, he made sure they had plenty of job opportunities in the gold mining industry too.
 
2013-10-17 02:31:22 PM  

BKITU: He discovered electric Nissans and broadband hardware.


That should count as something.

To be honest, I am more concerned about the parents.  But I haven't seen all of the takes.  They may be dumb or these are outtakes of epic screw ups.
 
2013-10-17 02:32:40 PM  

Mr. Coffee Nerves: There was a commercial on the radio this morning for a "Talent and Modeling Agency that can get YOUR kid on the Disney Channel, Nickelodeon and even in feature films -- auditions are ONE DAY ONLY so sign up now!"

I wondered how many pageant parents were shuffling credit cards once they heard that


They show those around here too. When I see them I just think its some pedo out for recruitment.
 
2013-10-17 02:34:09 PM  

Target Builder: Hey, he made sure they had plenty of job opportunities in the gold mining industry too.


Giving natives the plague also became a formal job later.  Also the slave sugar and chocolate farms.  You can thank him.
 
2013-10-17 02:36:58 PM  

Mr. Coffee Nerves: There was a commercial on the radio this morning for a "Talent and Modeling Agency that can get YOUR kid on the Disney Channel, Nickelodeon and even in feature films -- auditions are ONE DAY ONLY so sign up now!"

I wondered how many pageant parents were shuffling credit cards once they heard that


You know what they do here to up their game even more? "Talent and Modeling Agency FOR CHRIST" No joke. I wish I were unethical enough to do that.
 
2013-10-17 02:38:06 PM  

Makh: Target Builder: Hey, he made sure they had plenty of job opportunities in the gold mining industry too.

Giving natives the plague also became a formal job later.  Also the slave sugar and chocolate farms.  You can thank him.


If only Vinland had become a successful colony.
 
2013-10-17 02:50:13 PM  

Wendy's Chili: WTF is a toddler supposed to know about civics?! Hell, half the adult population doesn't know what the President does.


And that includes the president.
 
2013-10-17 02:55:40 PM  
Okay, the kids I can give a pass on this one, because THEY ARE TODDLERS.

Their PARENTS are farked up though.
 
2013-10-17 03:08:18 PM  

Cagey B: Why are we expecting four-year-olds to have a grasp of these things?


The young kids I excuse. What I don't excuse is this:
"When was America discovered? I don't know, like 1800?"-Actual quote from one of the moms.

"My favorite American would have to be Lady Liberty."-Dumbass living out her fantasies through her kid.

Godamn it, these assholes really piss me off. They're all fat, ugly, and stupid and insist on making their little Tater Jr. look like a prostitute. I really hope they're playing up their stupidity for the camera because the if they really are this stupid I can't believe child protective services haven't taken all the little Taters away from them. It's like they don't view their kids as actual people with needs but as spray tanned dolls to play dress up with. And their raising their precious little Tater Jr. To act as stupid and vapid as themselves.
 
2013-10-17 03:10:51 PM  

BKITU: Makh: What about Leif Ericson?

He discovered electric Nissans and broadband hardware.


No, he's that washed up 70's teen idol.
 
2013-10-17 03:13:55 PM  

Richard C Stanford: Cagey B: Why are we expecting four-year-olds to have a grasp of these things?

The young kids I excuse. What I don't excuse is this:
"When was America discovered? I don't know, like 1800?"-Actual quote from one of the moms.

"My favorite American would have to be Lady Liberty."-Dumbass living out her fantasies through her kid.

Godamn it, these assholes really piss me off. They're all fat, ugly, and stupid and insist on making their little Tater Jr. look like a prostitute. I really hope they're playing up their stupidity for the camera because the if they really are this stupid I can't believe child protective services haven't taken all the little Taters away from them. It's like they don't view their kids as actual people with needs but as spray tanned dolls to play dress up with. And their raising their precious little Tater Jr. To act as stupid and vapid as themselves.


The next generation of pageant moms has to come from somewhere.
 
2013-10-17 03:14:53 PM  
The really dumb mom with the short hair and cute smile kind of does it for me.
 
2013-10-17 03:14:53 PM  
 
2013-10-17 03:22:39 PM  

brap: My sister posted this old newpaper clipping on her Facebooky yesterday about how she one some Miss Something County Minnesota pageant when she was a little girl.  She claims she was crowned in part because the judges loved her story about how her little baby brother had set the house on fire the night before trying to make a pie.

It made me feel all warm inside, like I was part of something greater than myself, like I too was in some way royalty.


facepalm.jpg
 
2013-10-17 03:23:34 PM  
"Who is Uncle Sam?"

"Uncle Sam is someone who donates money to people."

Well... that actually sounds pretty accurate to me.
 
2013-10-17 03:25:54 PM  

RedT: The fun starts at 1:30
Video of Beauty pageant gone horribly wrong... or right
[metrouk2.files.wordpress.com image 650x347]


SHUTUP AND TAKE MY MONEY.
 
2013-10-17 03:27:33 PM  

Crewmannumber6: facepalm.jpg


Sounds like somebody didn't get a sash of their own now doesn't it?  There, there, beauty and charm isn't everything.
 
2013-10-17 03:30:13 PM  

brap: My sister posted this old newpaper clipping on her Facebooky yesterday about how she one some sum

 Miss Something County Minnesota pageant when she was a little girl.

Sorry, pet peeve.
 
2013-10-17 03:34:17 PM  

what_now: Who discovered America?" "Obama."

That is an actual exchange from last night's Toddlers & Tiaras

During the 1984 election, I famously told someone that they should vote for Lincoln, not Regan. When pressed, I thought that George Washington was also in the running.

Now, no one thought I was stupid. They thought I was five.


Yeah, some of those kids were AWFULLY young to be expected to rattle off some of those answers.

The adults, on the other hand...
 
2013-10-17 03:36:04 PM  
That kid looks like she's around 4 years old...I didn't know wtf the president did when I was 4.
 
2013-10-17 03:36:47 PM  

bdub77: Or if you dance on tables, you're gonna have to go to the judge.

Well, she might as well get used to dancing on tables.


Yeah, I'm sorry, that girl wasn't "stupid", she's a natural farking stand up comedian. That was an awesome story. I had no idea someone could successfully weave together Obama, bathing cats, dancing on tables and 'fessing up to the judge, but this girl pulled it off like she's been doing it her whole life...
 
2013-10-17 03:39:02 PM  

RedT: The fun starts at 1:30
Video of Beauty pageant gone horribly wrong... or right
[metrouk2.files.wordpress.com image 650x347]


Dear lord.  I had no idea.  I did a farking spittake at the stripper scene.
 
2013-10-17 03:40:08 PM  

RedT: The fun starts at 1:30
Video of Beauty pageant gone horribly wrong... or right
[metrouk2.files.wordpress.com image 650x347]


Johnny Knoxville as Borat?
Are these real pranks or staged?
Or a mix of some real some staged?
I was assuming fake.
 
2013-10-17 03:41:34 PM  

RedT: The fun starts at 1:30
Video of Beauty pageant gone horribly wrong... or right
[metrouk2.files.wordpress.com image 650x347]


"what's your stripper stage name?"
"I'll just call you cinnamon."
 
2013-10-17 03:43:11 PM  

BKITU: Makh: What about Leif Ericson?

He discovered electric Nissans and broadband hardware.


Yeah, you are thinking of Eric.
 
2013-10-17 03:43:36 PM  
Really, 52 states? Everyone knows there are 57.
 
2013-10-17 03:44:45 PM  

Richard C Stanford: Cagey B: Why are we expecting four-year-olds to have a grasp of these things?

The young kids I excuse. What I don't excuse is this:
"When was America discovered? I don't know, like 1800?"-Actual quote from one of the moms.

"My favorite American would have to be Lady Liberty."-Dumbass living out her fantasies through her kid.

Godamn it, these assholes really piss me off. They're all fat, ugly, and stupid and insist on making their little Tater Jr. look like a prostitute. I really hope they're playing up their stupidity for the camera because the if they really are this stupid I can't believe child protective services haven't taken all the little Taters away from them. It's like they don't view their kids as actual people with needs but as spray tanned dolls to play dress up with. And their raising their precious little Tater Jr. To act as stupid and vapid as themselves.


Why are you so mad? The world needs strippers and prostitutes.
 
2013-10-17 03:47:14 PM  
So do they ask the questions to get the real answer or to get a cute answer? I vote for cute.
 
Ant
2013-10-17 03:49:38 PM  

Target Builder: Hey, he made sure they had plenty of job opportunities in the gold mining industry too.


The first job creator!
 
2013-10-17 03:55:54 PM  

Jim from Saint Paul: "Who is Uncle Sam?"

"Uncle Sam is someone who donates money to people."

Well... that actually sounds pretty accurate to me.


I came here to say that was the best answer possible. If it were said by someone in their 20's with a sarcastic tone, we all would be laughing.   And seeing that there was about 15 (I lost count) kids in the same room, he might actually know this to be true.
 
2013-10-17 03:56:22 PM  

Makh: What about Leif Ericson?


He was made for dancing.
 
2013-10-17 03:57:22 PM  
Who cares if the kid knows US history if she's hot in a size XS bikini?

/ and that's XS for "extra sexy"
 
2013-10-17 03:58:02 PM  

brap: My sister posted this old newpaper clipping on her Facebooky yesterday about how she one some Miss Something County Minnesota pageant when she was a little girl.  She claims she was crowned in part because the judges loved her story about how her little baby brother had set the house on fire the night before trying to make a pie.

It made me feel all warm inside, like I was part of something greater than myself, like I too was in some way royalty.


I lol'd.
 
2013-10-17 04:00:43 PM  

RedT: The fun starts at 1:30
Video of Beauty pageant gone horribly wrong... or right


Hahahaha! Too good.
 
2013-10-17 04:05:18 PM  
The kid who said that the president's job was to do paper work was partially right. He should get half credit for that one.
 
2013-10-17 04:06:46 PM  

Cagey B: Why are we expecting four-year-olds to have a grasp of these things?


Exactly.

On the other hand there's no excuse for the ignorant adults.
 
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