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(Slate)   Mugger: Gimme all your money. Victim: I'm a furloughed government employee, I don't have any money. Mugger: Fine, gimme your phone. Victim: Ok, but I work for the NSA, so they'll track it down in about ten minutes   (slate.com) divider line 39
    More: Unlikely, NSA, civil servants  
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8852 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Oct 2013 at 12:37 PM (44 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



39 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-10-17 12:38:47 PM
Every turd has a pearl?
 
2013-10-17 12:41:28 PM
I guess even the DC muggers are up to date on government policy and NSA stories. Too funny.
 
2013-10-17 12:42:48 PM
"I work for the NSA" sounds like more of a reason to shoot the guy.
 
2013-10-17 12:43:49 PM

neversubmit: Every turd has a pearl?


I'm not checking the toilet. Not again.
 
2013-10-17 12:43:56 PM
Lying to someone pointing a gun at you might not be the smartest of moves.  Especially if they just have to get your wallet to find out you're lying.

What I'm saying is that passive aggression is no match for real aggression.
 
2013-10-17 12:44:02 PM
The one person to benefit from government incompetence and dishonesty.

Lolz
 
GBB
2013-10-17 12:44:22 PM
Mugger: Vell, I ham nut rubber. I ham Ruusian spy.  Come vit me.

/horrible russian accent.
 
2013-10-17 12:45:10 PM
Hell, I wasn't furloughed and I still don't have any money.
 
2013-10-17 12:45:57 PM
The assailant grabbed the victim's arm and demanded her wallet and phone. "I said the first thing I could think of," the victim, who asked to remain nameless, told the Washington Examiner.

So a person called up the Washington Examiner, and anonymously told them they were mugged but that they lied to the mugger?  The nameless girl then went on to give details about the cover for their phone, and how much they weigh - other random bits for an otherwise nameless person?  Sounds terribly likely to be a real story, and not something that the "reporter" just made up.
 
2013-10-17 12:48:29 PM
IamAwake:
So a person called up the Washington Examiner, and anonymously told them they were mugged but that they lied to the mugger?  The nameless girl then went on to give details about the cover for their phone, and how much they weigh - other random bits for an otherwise nameless person?  Sounds terribly likely to be a real story, and not something that the "reporter" just made up.

It's the Examiner.  They get shipments of whole cloth four days a week.
 
2013-10-17 12:48:37 PM
Mugger in question?
www.wpbf.com
/he seemed unsympathetic to my furlough story
 
2013-10-17 12:51:04 PM
www.slate.com

Bud, you're old, fat, bald, middle-aged. Give up the ponytail.
 
2013-10-17 12:51:23 PM
Is he actually an employee of the NSA or should the authorities be visiting him for impersonating a federal agent?
 
2013-10-17 01:00:09 PM

ikanreed: Lying to someone pointing a gun at you might not be the smartest of moves.  Especially if they just have to get your wallet to find out you're lying.


I'm pretty sure nothing in an NSA employee's wallet mentions "Super Sekrit Government Employee"

I work nowhere special and my employee badge says nothing about the company for security purposes.
 
2013-10-17 01:00:32 PM

Giltric: Is he actually an employee of the NSA or should the authorities be visiting him for impersonating a federal agent?


did you rtfa?  no?  he's a 95lbs she.
 
2013-10-17 01:04:09 PM

IamAwake: Giltric: Is he actually an employee of the NSA or should the authorities be visiting him for impersonating a federal agent?

did you rtfa?  no?  he's a 95lbs she.



This is Fark, I'm only here for the headlines.
 
2013-10-17 01:14:43 PM
Oh yeah? Well I'M a Red Chinese Shaolin ninja, so gimme your wallet anyway!
 
2013-10-17 01:16:11 PM
If the NSA was smart, as a PR move they'd start a program where they'll track down your phone for free any time you report it stolen. Then people might think they're getting something in return for undergoing a 24-hour-a-day colonoscopy of every last bit of their personal info.
 
2013-10-17 01:16:40 PM

Quantum Apostrophe: [www.slate.com image 590x421]

Bud, you're old, fat, bald, middle-aged. Give up the ponytail.


And he wears a black dress shirt. Seems the ponytail dudes wear them, and they all seem to have dandruff.
 
2013-10-17 01:18:24 PM
Not smart to brag about pulling that off.  He's probably a farker and will be back to find her again.
 
2013-10-17 01:18:43 PM

Quantum Apostrophe: [www.slate.com image 590x421]

Bud, you're old, fat, bald, middle-aged. Give up the ponytail.


Someone needs to photoshop solitaire or candy crush on that monitor.
 
2013-10-17 01:24:17 PM

GBB: Mugger: Vell, I ham nut rubber. I ham Ruusian spy.  Come vit me.

/horrible russian accent.


Now say "Nuclear Wessel".

/No!
 
gja [TotalFark]
2013-10-17 02:06:59 PM

Combustion: Quantum Apostrophe: [www.slate.com image 590x421]

Bud, you're old, fat, bald, middle-aged. Give up the ponytail.

And he wears a black dress shirt. Seems the ponytail dudes wear them, and they all seem to have dandruff.


Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh......C'MON! I was just finishing lunch and my desert was a cannoli with powdered sugar.

Daaaaaaaamn it.
 
2013-10-17 02:11:09 PM

Quantum Apostrophe: [www.slate.com image 590x421]

Bud, you're old, fat, bald, middle-aged. Give up the ponytail.


He's looking for the Tall Man.  Easier (and safer) than doing it from an ice cream truck.
 
2013-10-17 02:26:58 PM

Quantum Apostrophe: [www.slate.com image 590x421]

Bud, you're old, fat, bald, middle-aged. Give up the ponytail.


No matter what age you are someone is always telling you what to do.

Freedoms!
 
2013-10-17 02:40:51 PM
I'm trying to figure out why someone would steal a phone like that anyway.  The metadata from the cell companies is available to the police pretty much for the asking, so the ability to see where the phone went is there, at least roughly.

Or is it just that the police don't care that much about petty thefts in the big city?
 
2013-10-17 02:45:02 PM

Quantum Apostrophe: [www.slate.com image 590x421]

Bud, you're old, fat, bald, middle-aged. Give up the ponytail.


How should the rest of us dress and cut our hair?
 
2013-10-17 02:46:12 PM
I begged to be furloughed but alas it wasn't to be......


/IT guy at the VA
 
2013-10-17 02:51:35 PM

Giltric: IamAwake: Giltric: Is he actually an employee of the NSA or should the authorities be visiting him for impersonating a federal agent?

did you rtfa?  no?  he's a 95lbs she.


This is Fark, I'm only here for the headlines.


Headlines? I'm here for the gang bang.
 
2013-10-17 03:08:36 PM

Vitamin Pb: Giltric: IamAwake: Giltric: Is he actually an employee of the NSA or should the authorities be visiting him for impersonating a federal agent?

did you rtfa?  no?  he's a 95lbs she.


This is Fark, I'm only here for the headlines.

Headlines? I'm here for the gang bang.


I am here for the free alcohol and under 30 over 22, 95lb females.
 
2013-10-17 03:38:25 PM
Well, I know it was slightly mentioned but I feel I should say this anyways.. but honestly... you JUST bluffed your way out of a robbery by lying to the mugger who happened to know about what was going on... now.. think.. what IF he saw this news and just happened to see you another time..  my guess is that not only will he rob you without caring, but COULD possibly kill you for lying to him to begin with..

my advice.. never go public with this kind of story.. not all muggers are morons that can't read..
 
2013-10-17 03:51:40 PM

Kazahmish: Well, I know it was slightly mentioned but I feel I should say this anyways.. but honestly... you JUST bluffed your way out of a robbery by lying to the mugger who happened to know about what was going on... now.. think.. what IF he saw this news and just happened to see you another time..  my guess is that

from this point on not only will he rob you and everyone else without caring, but COULD possibly will try and kill all of his victims from now on ..

my advice.. never go public with this kind of story.. not all muggers are morons that can't read..

Changed a few words, came to say close to the same thing.....
 
2013-10-17 03:58:50 PM
Quantum Apostrophe:
img.fark.net
[www.slate.com image 590x421]

Bud, you're old, fat, bald, middle-aged. Give up the ponytail.


I think his neck is shaitting down his back. Better have neversubmit check it for pearls.
 
2013-10-17 04:54:09 PM

Pangea: ikanreed: Lying to someone pointing a gun at you might not be the smartest of moves.  Especially if they just have to get your wallet to find out you're lying.

I'm pretty sure nothing in an NSA employee's wallet mentions "Super Sekrit Government Employee"

I work nowhere special and my employee badge says nothing about the company for security purposes.


No, she said she had no money.  That's the lie.
 
2013-10-17 06:55:43 PM

ikanreed: Pangea: ikanreed: Lying to someone pointing a gun at you might not be the smartest of moves.  Especially if they just have to get your wallet to find out you're lying.

I'm pretty sure nothing in an NSA employee's wallet mentions "Super Sekrit Government Employee"

I work nowhere special and my employee badge says nothing about the company for security purposes.

No, she said she had no money.  That's the lie.


Ok, that lie would be easy to discover. Although I rarely carry more than $20 at any time.
 
2013-10-17 06:59:24 PM

dittybopper: I'm trying to figure out why someone would steal a phone like that anyway.  The metadata from the cell companies is available to the police pretty much for the asking, so the ability to see where the phone went is there, at least roughly.

Or is it just that the police don't care that much about petty thefts in the big city?


Someone took my debit card and bought $300 worth of cigarettes in Pittsburgh. Store had them on security tapes. Cops couldn't even be bothered to view the tapes or do more than take a report.
 
2013-10-17 07:10:06 PM

Krusty's Wench: Kazahmish: Well, I know it was slightly mentioned but I feel I should say this anyways.. but honestly... you JUST bluffed your way out of a robbery by lying to the mugger who happened to know about what was going on... now.. think.. what IF he saw this news and just happened to see you another time..  my guess is that from this point on not only will he rob you and everyone else without caring, but COULD possibly will try and kill all of his victims from now on ..

my advice.. never go public with this kind of story.. not all muggers are morons that can't read..

Changed a few words, came to say close to the same thing.....


Actually after I posted this I was talking to my brother and we both said almost the exact thing you added. LOL..  thanks for clarifying this :)
 
2013-10-17 07:41:00 PM

Pangea: dittybopper: I'm trying to figure out why someone would steal a phone like that anyway.  The metadata from the cell companies is available to the police pretty much for the asking, so the ability to see where the phone went is there, at least roughly.

Or is it just that the police don't care that much about petty thefts in the big city?

Someone took my debit card and bought $300 worth of cigarettes in Pittsburgh. Store had them on security tapes. Cops couldn't even be bothered to view the tapes or do more than take a report.


Figures.
 
VTZ
2013-10-18 02:46:08 PM

GBB: Mugger: Vell, I ham nut rubber. I ham Ruusian spy.  Come vit me.

/horrible russian accent.


LOL that sounds french
 
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