If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(SlashFilm)   Paramount upset because apparently Darren Aronofsky didn't exactly stick to the Bible story for his upcoming Russell Crowe movie "Noah"   (slashfilm.com) divider line 89
    More: Obvious, Russell Crowe, Darren Aronofsky, Bibles, 2013 and beyond in film, Rob Moore, New Regency, epic film, Sunday School  
•       •       •

2485 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 17 Oct 2013 at 5:59 AM (38 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



89 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all
 
2013-10-17 10:17:45 AM

baufan2005: Noah was the alcoholic who got drunk and passed out naked. Then he flew off the handle and chastised his sons for seeing his nakedness. But of course he was morally upright so that's why God spared only he and his family.


Confabulat: mhd: baufan2005: Then he flew off the handle and chastised his sons for seeing his nakedness.

One of them, the other didn't go "Haha", but walked into his tent backwards and covered him.
And not just chastise, but cursed. Which lead to the awesome name of the "Curse of Ham".

/and don't even start with the theological and linguistic interpretations of what "saw him naked" really meant

I always wonder about that too. It's pretty clear in the Bible that Noah was farking his sons. Seems odd no religious folk like to talk about that.


Yeah, and the Ancient Aliens guys are the crazy ones.
 
2013-10-17 10:34:06 AM
There better be some evil ducks in this movie.
 
2013-10-17 10:39:29 AM
Seeing it's Russell Crowe, I'd bet that his Noah raped one of his kids rather than one of the kids raping Noah.
 
2013-10-17 10:42:16 AM

gnosis301: You Are All Sheep: how long did it take Noah to build the ark in the bible?

45 cubit-days.


And 45 cubit-nights.
 
2013-10-17 10:55:52 AM

GungFu: gnosis301: You Are All Sheep: how long did it take Noah to build the ark in the bible?

45 cubit-days.

And 45 cubit-nights.


so after some googlebings it sounds like 20-40 years, but noah was 500 years old.

It really makes me question someones intelligence when they tell me that they're religious.
 
2013-10-17 10:59:08 AM

You Are All Sheep: GungFu: gnosis301: You Are All Sheep: how long did it take Noah to build the ark in the bible?

45 cubit-days.

And 45 cubit-nights.

so after some googlebings it sounds like 20-40 years, but noah was 500 years old.

It really makes me question someones intelligence when they tell me that they're religious.


My father was an atheist and didn't push us to church, which was fine with me. He WOULD push us to go cut firewood for hours on Sundays though, I never really dug that.

But I've dated enough people to know that many human beings are taught about God when they are very young, and even when they grow up and should know better, they are unable to grow out of that nonsense. It becomes a source of comfort to them.
 
2013-10-17 12:12:09 PM

Confabulat: But I've dated enough people to know that many human beings are taught about God when they are very young, and even when they grow up and should know better, they are unable to grow out of that nonsense. It becomes a source of comfort to them.


Does that mean you chop firewood for comfort?
 
2013-10-17 12:29:27 PM
Ah, the Brazil problem: director has final cut, studio hates the movie and wants to "fix" it.
 
2013-10-17 12:36:08 PM

MrBallou: One version of a made-up story is as good as another, so I don't get the problem. Disney did it with Cinderella and Snow White because the Brothers Grimm versions were too dark, so why shouldn't Paramount?


actually, most scientists agree there was a massive flood around that era in time, and the Noah story is generally consider among the more plausible of the stories in the bible.   Just because you ain't religious, doesn't mean some of what people wrote about in the bible never happened.
 
2013-10-17 12:37:12 PM

Tyrone Slothrop: It's been done:
[imgs.xkcd.com image 553x395]


xkcd is french for aids

Also, I was thinking more like

i.imgur.com
 
2013-10-17 12:37:16 PM

born_yesterday: baufan2005: Noah was the alcoholic who got drunk and passed out naked. Then he flew off the handle and chastised his sons for seeing his nakedness. But of course he was morally upright so that's why God spared only he and his family.

Confabulat: mhd: baufan2005: Then he flew off the handle and chastised his sons for seeing his nakedness.

One of them, the other didn't go "Haha", but walked into his tent backwards and covered him.
And not just chastise, but cursed. Which lead to the awesome name of the "Curse of Ham".

/and don't even start with the theological and linguistic interpretations of what "saw him naked" really meant

I always wonder about that too. It's pretty clear in the Bible that Noah was farking his sons. Seems odd no religious folk like to talk about that.

Yeah, and the Ancient Aliens guys are the crazy ones.


Dammit, beat me to it.
 
2013-10-17 12:38:47 PM

T.rex: MrBallou: One version of a made-up story is as good as another, so I don't get the problem. Disney did it with Cinderella and Snow White because the Brothers Grimm versions were too dark, so why shouldn't Paramount?

actually, most scientists agree there was a massive flood around that era in time, and the Noah story is generally consider among the more plausible of the stories in the bible.   Just because you ain't religious, doesn't mean some of what people wrote about in the bible never happened.


But I'm the smallest billy goat gruff. Wait for my brother.
 
2013-10-17 12:48:59 PM

Spanky_McFarksalot: from a purely marketing stand point, this will do nothing but piss off the kind of people who will go to a movie theater to watch a bible story.

those people really aren't interested in one of them thar liebral hollywood director deciding he needs  to improve on the source material.

Not being christian I don't have a horse in the race, but I've been on fark long enough to know what the follow up will be.


Society will be better off when companies stop pandering to those mouth breathing tards.
 
2013-10-17 01:03:04 PM

grumpfuff: born_yesterday: baufan2005: Noah was the alcoholic who got drunk and passed out naked. Then he flew off the handle and chastised his sons for seeing his nakedness. But of course he was morally upright so that's why God spared only he and his family.

Confabulat: mhd: baufan2005: Then he flew off the handle and chastised his sons for seeing his nakedness.

One of them, the other didn't go "Haha", but walked into his tent backwards and covered him.
And not just chastise, but cursed. Which lead to the awesome name of the "Curse of Ham".

/and don't even start with the theological and linguistic interpretations of what "saw him naked" really meant

I always wonder about that too. It's pretty clear in the Bible that Noah was farking his sons. Seems odd no religious folk like to talk about that.

Yeah, and the Ancient Aliens guys are the crazy ones.

Dammit, beat me to it.


And before I get attacked for defending the Bible, let me explain. There is no Biblical basis for the idea that Noah raped his kids.

You can make a case that Noah(or possible his wife) was raped by his kids, and you can make a case that Noah was castrated by his kids, but even then you have to reeeaaaaalllly stretch it.

The general consensus is that they disrespected their father in some way(but no one is quite sure how  - people suspect part of the story has been trimmed), which is a major no-no in Jewish belief of the time, and so were punished for it.
 
2013-10-17 01:12:13 PM

Saiga410: Tyrone Slothrop: Confabulat: What's interesting about the story of Noah is how child-like and simplistic it is. There is no way that story could possibly occur given the physical and natural laws that we have ever encountered. Yet to this day, people believe it is real.

That says a lot about our species, I think.

It fails on a moral level too. Your god destroys all of humanity except for a couple of families, and you still think he's a loving god worth worshipping?

You have to take the book as a total.  A young god starts creating stuff and gets into all types of trouble.  Having to reboot and rework his plans as he continues to screw up.  One day he finds out in a drunk'n debouched night he sired a son.... and after that everything changed.  It is a story on how having kids really mellows you out, no matter how much you want to kill them.


I like the cut of your jib!
 
2013-10-17 01:41:37 PM
They're finally making a movie out of Not Wanted On the Voyage? Brava!
 
2013-10-17 01:44:06 PM

Confabulat: What's interesting about the story of Noah is how child-like and simplistic it is. There is no way that story could possibly occur given the physical and natural laws that we have ever encountered. Yet to this day, people believe it is real.

That says a lot about our species, I think.


Specifically, what is impossible about it?   Would it be challenging to corral a couple lions? Sure.  Impossible? No.
 
2013-10-17 01:48:11 PM

T.rex: Confabulat: What's interesting about the story of Noah is how child-like and simplistic it is. There is no way that story could possibly occur given the physical and natural laws that we have ever encountered. Yet to this day, people believe it is real.

That says a lot about our species, I think.

Specifically, what is impossible about it?   Would it be challenging to corral a couple lions? Sure.  Impossible? No.


He was probably referring to the amount of animals you'd have to fit on the ark. Even not counting the insects, that stretches the imagination a bit too far.
 
2013-10-17 01:58:20 PM

T.rex: MrBallou: One version of a made-up story is as good as another, so I don't get the problem. Disney did it with Cinderella and Snow White because the Brothers Grimm versions were too dark, so why shouldn't Paramount?

actually, most scientists agree there was a massive flood around that era in time, and the Noah story is generally consider among the more plausible of the stories in the bible.   Just because you ain't religious, doesn't mean some of what people wrote about in the bible never happened.


You watch a lot of the History Channel, don't you? FYI: The Alien, Ghost, Mermaid, and Biblical shows present a lot of speculation but are laughably non-critical of the evidence.

Just a few points I'd like to comment on:

1) Most scientists agree that there have been lots and lots of floods in just about any place you care to look, one time or another. This is not evidence.

2) The Noah story is not at all plausible, for many, many reasons that any 10 year old can explain to you.

3) You make me feel bad about myself by baiting me into feeding the trolls. Please don't do that.
 
2013-10-17 02:04:25 PM

T.rex: Confabulat: What's interesting about the story of Noah is how child-like and simplistic it is. There is no way that story could possibly occur given the physical and natural laws that we have ever encountered. Yet to this day, people believe it is real.

That says a lot about our species, I think.

Specifically, what is impossible about it?   Would it be challenging to corral a couple lions? Sure.  Impossible? No.


A couple lions? No.

4 million beetles? A bit problematical.
 
2013-10-17 02:09:33 PM

grumpfuff: He was probably referring to the amount of animals you'd have to fit on the ark. Even not counting the insects, that stretches the imagination a bit too far.


the fishtanks noah would have needed to build
 
2013-10-17 02:13:17 PM

sprawl15: grumpfuff: He was probably referring to the amount of animals you'd have to fit on the ark. Even not counting the insects, that stretches the imagination a bit too far.

the fishtanks noah would have needed to build


And cages.

"Dammit, lion, I told you NOT to eat the zebra! And now the snakes are eating the mice!"
 
2013-10-17 02:18:41 PM

T.rex: Confabulat: What's interesting about the story of Noah is how child-like and simplistic it is. There is no way that story could possibly occur given the physical and natural laws that we have ever encountered. Yet to this day, people believe it is real.

That says a lot about our species, I think.

Specifically, what is impossible about it?   Would it be challenging to corral a couple lions? Sure.  Impossible? No.


Hey it would take me 2 years to corral two lions and that's assuming some were nearby and I wasn't busy building a giant boat.

And that's just the lions.
 
2013-10-17 02:19:43 PM
The Noah story is like one of those ancient Greek God stories about how Zeus turns into a butterfly and rapes some local girl.

Sure, why not? Sounds plausible to me!
 
2013-10-17 02:20:42 PM

Confabulat: The Noah story is like one of those ancient Greek God stories about how Zeus turns into a butterfly and rapes some local girl.

Sure, why not? Sounds plausible to me!


that is actually the origin of the butterfly tattoo over the cooter
 
2013-10-17 02:21:17 PM
However, any grown adult who believes the Noah story is real, is no one I'd trust to drive a car, much less vote. What the hell went wrong with you?
 
mhd
2013-10-17 02:25:44 PM
Do people still believe that the Noah weener episode is the reason why we've got dem colored people?
 
2013-10-17 02:38:00 PM

mhd: Do people still believe that the Noah weener episode is the reason why we've got dem colored people?


Islam used it to justify slavery(I don't know if they still do or not)

Medieval Europe used it to justify serfdom, it wasn't really about race with them.

Europeans used it to justify slavery, but by the 17th, 18th century, it fell out of favor.

Mormons are the only group I know of that actively hold that belief to this day.
 
2013-10-17 04:50:37 PM
Ah the curse of Ham. Which is exactly what I call a bowel movement on Christmas.
 
mhd
2013-10-17 05:04:35 PM

grumpfuff: Mormons are the only group I know of that actively hold that belief to this day.


Well, the Irish believe that Ham is the ancestor of the leprechauns, so there.

/not making that up
 
2013-10-17 05:04:42 PM

grumpfuff: sprawl15: grumpfuff: He was probably referring to the amount of animals you'd have to fit on the ark. Even not counting the insects, that stretches the imagination a bit too far.

the fishtanks noah would have needed to build

And cages.

"Dammit, lion, I told you NOT to eat the zebra! And now the snakes are eating the mice!"


wp.patheos.com.s3.amazonaws.com
 
jvl
2013-10-17 09:02:17 PM

sprawl15: Do it about the Mediterranean overflowing through the Bosphorus, destroying the small village where Noah lives.


How about one set in the Red Sea when it flooded written by Orson Scott Card?
http://www.hatrack.com/osc/stories/atlantis.shtml
 
2013-10-18 09:06:58 AM
40 cubits


Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.......


.....What's a cubit?


/Bill Cosby got the story right
 
2013-10-18 09:19:23 AM

sprawl15: grumpfuff: He was probably referring to the amount of animals you'd have to fit on the ark. Even not counting the insects, that stretches the imagination a bit too far.

the fishtanks noah would have needed to build


Are you suggesting Noah needed to save fish from drowning in a flood?
 
2013-10-18 09:24:46 AM

SuperChuck: sprawl15: grumpfuff: He was probably referring to the amount of animals you'd have to fit on the ark. Even not counting the insects, that stretches the imagination a bit too far.

the fishtanks noah would have needed to build

Are you suggesting Noah needed to save fish from drowning in a flood?


hnnnnggggggggggg

and lo the saltwater and the freshwater fish did play in the same pond

and it was good
 
2013-10-18 10:39:56 AM

AtlanticCoast63: 40 cubits


Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.......


.....What's a cubit?


/Bill Cosby got the story right


It's about a foot and a half, or a little less than half a meter. The traditional definition is the distance from the tip of your (outstretched) middle finger to the tip of your elbow, but people have been getting taller.
 
rpm
2013-10-18 10:54:34 AM

SuperChuck: Are you suggesting Noah needed to save fish from drowning in a flood?


Yes.

Salt water fish will die in fresh water and fresh water fish die in salt water. You're going to get mixing in a flood like that, there will be huge fish kills.
 
2013-10-18 11:48:04 AM

rpm: SuperChuck: Are you suggesting Noah needed to save fish from drowning in a flood?

Yes.

Salt water fish will die in fresh water and fresh water fish die in salt water. You're going to get mixing in a flood like that, there will be huge fish kills.


Eh, it'll probably end up about 50/50 fresh/salt. That should be good enough for both types
 
2013-10-18 04:08:51 PM

SuperChuck: rpm: SuperChuck: Are you suggesting Noah needed to save fish from drowning in a flood?

Yes.

Salt water fish will die in fresh water and fresh water fish die in salt water. You're going to get mixing in a flood like that, there will be huge fish kills.

Eh, it'll probably end up about 50/50 fresh/salt. That should be good enough for both types


yeah the fish just has to hope it's the back half and not the front half that dies
 
Displayed 39 of 89 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report