Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Tampa Bay Online)   Mom serves rum and Coke to her kids in an effort to be cool, and I thought my mom was cool by giving me Stroh's beer and Pall Mall cigarettes   (tbo.com) divider line 34
    More: Florida, Tarpon Springs, Bacardi, Pinellas County Jail, cigarettes, mom  
•       •       •

3726 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Oct 2013 at 3:23 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



34 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-10-16 08:08:21 PM  
Well, she wasn't a teacher, so at least she wasn't trying to f*ck them.
 
2013-10-16 09:30:45 PM  
Giving kids rum and coke is definitely child abuse

/especially that nasty-ass Bacardi crap
//spring for something decent, mom
 
2013-10-16 09:31:54 PM  
All I ever got from Mom was white zinn mixed with 7-Up for Christmas dinner.
 
2013-10-16 09:53:37 PM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: Giving kids rum and coke is definitely child abuse


No kidding. You get serious hangovers from that shiat. Straight vodka is the way to go.
 
2013-10-16 10:11:10 PM  
My parents decided that after raising my five older siblings, I could pretty much do whatever I wanted to as long as I didn't get arrested for it or screwed my girlfriend "under their roof" when they were home.

They handed me my first beer when I was 12 or 13 (though I awarded the first drink of any beer I fetched for them when I was a preschooler), and by the time I was 16 I was basically just hanging around the house for free rent, food and laundry, set my own hours, worked 40 hours a week, and had unlimited use of of a car as long as I put gas in it.

Partied like crazy, paid my own traffic tickets, managed to not knock up any one of several women ranging from 15 to 35, and graduated in the top 5% of my class even though I quit caring about high school after I racked up all the points needed to graduate in my sophomore year.

You what really freaks out the parents of a 17 year old?  Having a woman in her 30's show up to take him out for the night in the middle of the week.  My dad never did figure out how the hell I managed to pull that off, my mom thought it was "cute."

Still don't think they would have served any of my friends anything stronger than a Coke until they turned 18.
 
2013-10-16 11:27:51 PM  
Five minutes into having friends over and my mom always showed up with Rice Krispies squares and Tang.
 
2013-10-16 11:51:58 PM  

LordZorch: My parents decided that after raising my five older siblings blah blah blah


And after reading your profile, I can guarantee you are full of shiat.
 
2013-10-17 02:39:55 AM  

miss diminutive: Five minutes into having friends over and my mom always showed up with Rice Krispies squares and Tang.


i.imgur.com
 
2013-10-17 03:27:22 AM  

miss diminutive: Five minutes into having friends over and my mom always showed up with Rice Krispies squares and Tang.


Marge's sweet sweet tang.
 
2013-10-17 03:29:23 AM  
What kind of lightweights get alcohol poisoning from a bottle of rum?
 
2013-10-17 03:31:31 AM  
spooool.com
Smoke up Johnny.
 
2013-10-17 03:31:32 AM  
Stroh's, subby?
Was that before or after they closed the red brick brewery and started producing yeasty nastiness instead of a fairly decent lager?
 
2013-10-17 03:33:06 AM  
www.thegermanbakery.co.uk

There ya go, the little schmucks will be happy and no one gets hurt.
 
2013-10-17 03:56:49 AM  
How old were these "minors"? Closer to 18 or closer to 6? I wouldn't blame her if a teenager gets puke drunk off a rum and coke.
 
2013-10-17 04:14:01 AM  
Doesn't this lady know how to serve kids alcohol?

It's really easy.

First, choose a clear liquor, like rum or vodak. She got that much right.

Second, you want to mix yourself one. Take a big ol' hit and show 'em it's got some punch.

Third, very obviously mix up something for them. Pour it out from the bottle right there where they can see it.

Finally take the bottle with you for some "adult time" in the other other room.

Get a video camera and come watch the kids be drunk.


Step Zero, which you must do first, is to drink all the booze yourself and replace it with water a day or two in advance. Make the kids think they're drunk and they'll get all crazy dizzy and might even throw up. Make sure to get it all on video. Then right as they're ready to swear they're drunk as any man has ever been and lived, bust out the bottle and show them it's water. Then show them the video. Their faces will be so red for so long you'll get discounts in casinos when they're older by reminding them.
 
2013-10-17 04:25:41 AM  

demaL-demaL-yeH: Stroh's, subby?
Was that before or after they closed the red brick brewery and started producing yeasty nastiness instead of a fairly decent lager?

"From one beer lover to another"
 
2013-10-17 04:31:33 AM  

bixpchiphead: demaL-demaL-yeH: Stroh's, subby?
Was that before or after they closed the red brick brewery and started producing yeasty nastiness instead of a fairly decent lager?
"From one beer lover to another"


Kräusening and copper kettles.
*sigh*
 
2013-10-17 04:50:45 AM  
In the days of the OLD, yummy, full bodied Stroh's beer, I was helping my father paint while he was on vacation. We had one of the BIG historical homes, so it was a real chore to climb up 3 stories to paint trimwork.
He'd bring out a nice, ice cold Stroh's beer, take a drink or two, then head up the ladder while I held my feet against the bottom (I was like 12/13 and the bottom of the ladder was on a porch floor made of tile).  As soon as he got up and started in painting, down went the beer to about 1 good swallow left, and set it back where it was.
He would finish, come down, move ladder and go for the beer... take the last drink or so, look questioningly, then head in for another.
After this happens, verbatim, about 6 times... I am about half lit and when he goes for the beer the last time, "You ornery little shiat!!! Now I know damned well I only took ONE little drink that time and it sure as hell didn't evaporate in 4 minutes!!!!" I just grinned my half lit grin and let out the loudest burps he'd ever heard me make.

Didn't get in trouble, but I wasn't able to sneak anymore drinks LMAO

/my father was one cool dad
//CSB time is now at an end... pay as you leave.
 
2013-10-17 05:38:30 AM  

AverageAmericanGuy: What kind of lightweights get alcohol poisoning from a bottle of rum?


Alcohol poisoning is a vague condition.  If you've ever had too much to drink and gotten 'confused' or vomited, or passed out - you've had alcohol poisoning.  It's just you probably weren't 'treated' for it.
 
2013-10-17 05:58:58 AM  

Fark_Guy_Rob: AverageAmericanGuy: What kind of lightweights get alcohol poisoning from a bottle of rum?

Alcohol poisoning is a vague condition.  If you've ever had too much to drink and gotten 'confused' or vomited, or passed out - you've had alcohol poisoning.  It's just you probably weren't 'treated' for it.


I worked as an RA in college for a year, that was the big call that we always got "I think so and so has alcohol poisoning"  and for liability reasons if we heard that we had to call an ambulance.  They made plenty of money off the freshmen dorms
 
2013-10-17 06:31:58 AM  
And just how old were these precious, little, flower petal angeks? The lack of detail in TFA has me thinking they were teens. And really? They took them the farking hospital? You let them nlow chunks, you give 'em a 7UP and they walk it off. We have turned into a bunch of pussies.
 
2013-10-17 07:19:22 AM  
I read the name of the place as "Tampon Springs"...
 
2013-10-17 07:31:55 AM  
Stroh's! Yay old school. Go Hudepohl!
 
2013-10-17 07:39:59 AM  
Farking lightweight kids.  Was the bottle of Rum she bought like a 50 gallon drum?
 
2013-10-17 07:40:59 AM  

LordZorch: My parents decided that after raising my five older siblings, I could pretty much do whatever I wanted to as long as I didn't get arrested for it or screwed my girlfriend "under their roof" when they were home.

They handed me my first beer when I was 12 or 13 (though I awarded the first drink of any beer I fetched for them when I was a preschooler), and by the time I was 16 I was basically just hanging around the house for free rent, food and laundry, set my own hours, worked 40 hours a week, and had unlimited use of of a car as long as I put gas in it.

Partied like crazy, paid my own traffic tickets, managed to not knock up any one of several women ranging from 15 to 35, and graduated in the top 5% of my class even though I quit caring about high school after I racked up all the points needed to graduate in my sophomore year.

You what really freaks out the parents of a 17 year old?  Having a woman in her 30's show up to take him out for the night in the middle of the week.  My dad never did figure out how the hell I managed to pull that off, my mom thought it was "cute."

Still don't think they would have served any of my friends anything stronger than a Coke until they turned 18.


I love it.

Three of our four kids have grown up and moved out but are still early 20's and two of them turn up once a week to spend time hanging out and drink my beer and smoke my weed. It makes their mother happy which makes me happy and I wouldn't have it any other way.

The youngest is still 17 and at home and he's just not into beer or weed and seems to like school, which is cool too. And like your story I suspect he might be banging one of my wife's friends, which is hilarious whether or not it's true.

So my point is tell your parents that an Australian has briefly heard about them and instantly decided they are excellent. They'd fit right in around here.
 
2013-10-17 07:44:41 AM  

AverageAmericanGuy: What kind of lightweights get alcohol poisoning from a bottle of rum?


Ain't alcohol poisoning if they're still puking. Alc poisoning would be them practically in a coma. Trust me, it takes ALOT to get alcohol poisoning. Never had it, and I've drank legendary amounts over the years.
 
2013-10-17 07:49:38 AM  
She really went over the line when she took them down to Point Koomahnah.
 
2013-10-17 08:04:14 AM  
Should have the obvious tag.  Look coke has enough sugar and caffeine to wire the young ones and drive you crazy.  A little rum just helps to even things out.
 
2013-10-17 09:00:29 AM  

Pokey.Clyde: LordZorch: My parents decided that after raising my five older siblings blah blah blah

And after reading your profile, I can guarantee you are full of shiat.


Children, these days - so stupid and full of themselves.  Go home and get you nose wiped...
 
2013-10-17 09:06:29 AM  
Stroh's?  Did that come out in your murder trial subby?  Cause if it had, you totally would've walked.
 
2013-10-17 09:37:12 AM  
Ugh... How come this country is more paranoid about alcohol now than 30 years ago?  It's almost prohibition all over again.

Back in my youth, I grew up in a smaller (<200,000) town.   The rule about alcohol for kids generally was you couldn't buy it at a liquor store, but restaurants and bars would gladly serve you a drink if you weren't acting stupid. Forget ordering multiple drinks or getting blitzed when you're 14 and ordering, but at least they'd serve you one.

In my own house, the liquor cabinet was open 24/7.  We even had a real restaurant keg system going, usually with Coors or Löwenbräu.  I had my first sip of a Manhattan when I was 4, had my first beer when I was 6.  Because those taste like shiat to a child's tastebuds, I've never really acquired a taste for alcohol.  I'll do wine with dinner, the occasional drink with friends (1x a week at most), but that's it.  I can't say I've ever been drunk either.
 
2013-10-17 10:18:48 AM  
RedPhoenix122:

Well, she wasn't a teacher, so at least she wasn't trying to f*ck them.

What is there about not being a teacher (or a priest) that prevents one from being a PEDOPHILE?
 
2013-10-17 11:29:27 AM  

Bslim: And just how old were these precious, little, flower petal angeks? The lack of detail in TFA has me thinking they were teens. And really? They took them the farking hospital? You let them nlow chunks, you give 'em a 7UP and they walk it off. We have turned into a bunch of pussies.


7UP?!? Ginger Ale to calm the stomach I could see, but the real answer is Gatorade (preferably G2 for the lack of sugar) to keep the hangover away, of course you might omit this step if you're trying to teach them not to overdo it.
 
2013-10-17 12:28:28 PM  
Your Mom made me feel special
 
Displayed 34 of 34 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
Advertisement
On Twitter





In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report