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(Chicago Trib)   Absolut Vodka has somehow managed to bottle the taste of second-rate pizza, rampant shootings, mediocre sports teams and corrupt politicians   (chicagotribune.com) divider line 85
    More: Obvious, Chicago, taste, shootings, politicos  
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7419 clicks; posted to Main » on 16 Oct 2013 at 10:37 AM (45 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-10-16 09:00:51 AM
The second rate pizza made me snert, subbs.
 
2013-10-16 09:02:14 AM
Sorry subby, the Cubs don't define Chicago sports, and let's not make this a pizza thread (I can't argue too much the other points).

Back to the issue at hand though... stupid marketing gimmick... how do you make anything "taste" like a "city"... outside of just picking a signature dish and making it taste like that (and then, I doubt we want Italian Beef vodka).
 
2013-10-16 09:04:57 AM
I don't care for the dead voter aftertaste.
 
2013-10-16 09:18:33 AM
I'd like a shot of Akron?

Help me out here, I've eaten a lot of bad pizza.
 
2013-10-16 09:40:24 AM
Tastes like black on black violence!
 
2013-10-16 09:43:30 AM
Um, on second thought I'll have a beer.  Black on black, Klanny the Klown here apparently will have the Skrewdriver.
 
2013-10-16 09:59:14 AM

brap: Um, on second thought I'll have a beer.  Black on black, Klanny the Klown here apparently will have the Skrewdriver.


Make it a White Russian. It's the superior choice.
 
2013-10-16 10:40:42 AM
Replace the shootings with potholes and you have Montreal.
 
2013-10-16 10:41:15 AM
Oh, i thought this was going to be about Detroit
 
2013-10-16 10:41:43 AM

dletter: Sorry subby, the Cubs don't define Chicago sports


Cubs, White Sox, Bears... Three out of five major league teams suck wastewater
 
2013-10-16 10:42:19 AM

Elegy: brap: Um, on second thought I'll have a beer.  Black on black, Klanny the Klown here apparently will have the Skrewdriver.

Make it a White Russian. It's the superior choice.


i1.ytimg.comHow about a Black Russian?
 
2013-10-16 10:43:07 AM
fark you subby, Take this glass and mix me a drink with this vile crap so I can throw it at your face and then shoot you in the knee.

 c.shld.net
 
2013-10-16 10:44:13 AM
l2.yimg.com

At least they have a Cup to drink it from.
 
2013-10-16 10:46:03 AM
Absolut New York?
 
2013-10-16 10:46:38 AM
Flavoured "vodkas" are not vodka, they are mixed drinks.
 
2013-10-16 10:47:27 AM
Thank god the pizza thing isn't true or they'd be really screwed.
 
2013-10-16 10:48:17 AM

dletter: Sorry subby, the Cubs don't define Chicago sports, and let's not make this a pizza thread (I can't argue too much the other points).

Back to the issue at hand though... stupid marketing gimmick... how do you make anything "taste" like a "city"... outside of just picking a signature dish and making it taste like that (and then, I doubt we want Italian Beef vodka).


This is a brilliant marketing gimmick.  The point isn't what it tastes like at all.  The point is pandering.  People love being told that they are different and they will purchase products that celebrate their "uniqueness".

That this is a premium vodak is just icing on the cake.  Premium vodak is an undifferentiated spirit.  Anything you can do to make your vodak "different" is enough to sell it.

Chicago, being self-conscious of itself as America's third city, is the perfect market for this product.  Chicago loves to remind itself of its uniqueness.  Texas is similar to Chicago in this regard.  If I were Jim Beam I would be thinking of "Jim Beam Texas".

Jim Beam Texas - a bourbon as bold and different as the people of Texas!

Other possibilities:
Bacardi Miami
Southern Comfort New Orleans
Thunderbird Baltimore
 
2013-10-16 10:50:26 AM

Rapmaster2000: dletter: Sorry subby, the Cubs don't define Chicago sports, and let's not make this a pizza thread (I can't argue too much the other points).

Back to the issue at hand though... stupid marketing gimmick... how do you make anything "taste" like a "city"... outside of just picking a signature dish and making it taste like that (and then, I doubt we want Italian Beef vodka).

This is a brilliant marketing gimmick.  The point isn't what it tastes like at all.  The point is pandering.  People love being told that they are different and they will purchase products that celebrate their "uniqueness".

That this is a premium vodak is just icing on the cake.  Premium vodak is an undifferentiated spirit.  Anything you can do to make your vodak "different" is enough to sell it.

Chicago, being self-conscious of itself as America's third city, is the perfect market for this product.  Chicago loves to remind itself of its uniqueness.  Texas is similar to Chicago in this regard.  If I were Jim Beam I would be thinking of "Jim Beam Texas".

Jim Beam Texas - a bourbon as bold and different as the people of Texas!

Other possibilities:
Bacardi Miami
Southern Comfort New Orleans
Thunderbird Baltimore


Lumping Chicago in with Texas makes you sound like a condescending prick.
 
2013-10-16 10:52:20 AM
What a second-rate sports Franchise may look like:

s3.amazonaws.comfarm1.staticflickr.com
 
2013-10-16 10:53:55 AM
Olive and Rosemary infused vodka would make a kick ass martini
 
2013-10-16 10:55:50 AM

Rapmaster2000: dletter: Sorry subby, the Cubs don't define Chicago sports, and let's not make this a pizza thread (I can't argue too much the other points).

Back to the issue at hand though... stupid marketing gimmick... how do you make anything "taste" like a "city"... outside of just picking a signature dish and making it taste like that (and then, I doubt we want Italian Beef vodka).

This is a brilliant marketing gimmick.  The point isn't what it tastes like at all.  The point is pandering.  People love being told that they are different and they will purchase products that celebrate their "uniqueness".

That this is a premium vodak is just icing on the cake.  Premium vodak is an undifferentiated spirit.  Anything you can do to make your vodak "different" is enough to sell it.

Chicago, being self-conscious of itself as America's third city, is the perfect market for this product.  Chicago loves to remind itself of its uniqueness.  Texas is similar to Chicago in this regard.  If I were Jim Beam I would be thinking of "Jim Beam Texas".

Jim Beam Texas - a bourbon as bold and different as the people of Texas!

Other possibilities:
Bacardi Miami
Southern Comfort New Orleans
Thunderbird Baltimore


A bourbon that thinks Rick Perry is a great governor?  I guess it gets you really snockered, fast and permanantly!
 
2013-10-16 10:56:17 AM
SlagginOff:

Lumping Chicago in with Texas makes you sound like a condescending prick.

You're right.  Chicago is so unique.  It's not like other places... except for New York of which it is much better than.
 
2013-10-16 10:57:11 AM
The New Orleans was good for Bloody Marys. Pepper and Mango.
 
2013-10-16 10:58:46 AM
I am holding out for Absolut New Jersey. I wonder how they will get the flavors of toxic waste and spray tan into a bottle though.
 
2013-10-16 10:59:06 AM
It's got to be better than the Jeppson's Malort the hipsters are now peddling
 
2013-10-16 10:59:10 AM
Absolut Juliette Lewis' mouth?
 
2013-10-16 11:00:41 AM
So... it's pretty much a hangover without the getting drunk first part.  Pass.
 
2013-10-16 11:01:41 AM
I'm here for the ASBO sluts!  I was told there would be ASBO sluts!
 
2013-10-16 11:05:24 AM
second-rate pizza

So, Chicago pizza then?
 
2013-10-16 11:05:46 AM
The whole "allegedly premium vodka at a super-premium price" thing--one born every minute.
 
2013-10-16 11:11:06 AM
They should do Portland. All they would need to do is put their regular vodka in their leftover bottles from the 90s.
 
2013-10-16 11:11:50 AM
If I wanted a salad with my vodka I would order it.
 
2013-10-16 11:13:43 AM

Rapmaster2000: SlagginOff:

Lumping Chicago in with Texas makes you sound like a condescending prick.

You're right.  Chicago is so unique.  It's not like other places... except for New York of which it is much better than.


I like both cities...I'm just going to assume you don't travel often. Which is fine.
 
2013-10-16 11:15:17 AM
Looking forward to the Houston flavored bottle with essence of sweat musk, taco trucks, and Benzine.
 
2013-10-16 11:15:33 AM

SlagginOff: Rapmaster2000: SlagginOff:

Lumping Chicago in with Texas makes you sound like a condescending prick.

You're right.  Chicago is so unique.  It's not like other places... except for New York of which it is much better than.

I like both cities...I'm just going to assume you don't travel often. Which is fine.


I think we've found GLaDOS's Fark login.
 
2013-10-16 11:17:22 AM
Corrupt politicians, so they're calling it Obama booze? Or Rahm rum?
 
2013-10-16 11:18:52 AM

SlagginOff: Rapmaster2000: SlagginOff:

Lumping Chicago in with Texas makes you sound like a condescending prick.

You're right.  Chicago is so unique.  It's not like other places... except for New York of which it is much better than.

I like both cities...I'm just going to assume you don't travel often. Which is fine.


Ha.  I lived in Chicago for 18 years.

You don't have to be offended when someone pokes fun at where you live.  It doesn't define who you are.
 
2013-10-16 11:21:36 AM

Rapmaster2000: SlagginOff: Rapmaster2000: SlagginOff:

Lumping Chicago in with Texas makes you sound like a condescending prick.

You're right.  Chicago is so unique.  It's not like other places... except for New York of which it is much better than.

I like both cities...I'm just going to assume you don't travel often. Which is fine.

Ha.  I lived in Chicago for 18 years.

You don't have to be offended when someone pokes fun at where you live.  It doesn't define who you are.


I'm fine with making fun of Chicago, it was the know-it-all condescension that was obnoxious.
 
2013-10-16 11:23:30 AM
I'm not a vodka expert, or even much of a drinker, but I took a tour of Great Lakes Distillery here in Milwaukee and bought the tasting flight of the stuff they make, and I was very impressed with their Citrus and Honey vodka. They're proud that it "doesn't taste like lemon candy, like the big distillers' citrus  flavored vodkas do".

The stuff's delicious. Clean, natural, fresh, not the least biatchemical. I'm sending a bottle out for the Fark Halloween candy exchange.
 
2013-10-16 11:26:13 AM
SlagginOff:

I'm fine with making fun of Chicago, it was the know-it-all condescension that was obnoxious.

It's not meant to be condescending.  Chicagoans will talk you up and down and how awesome Chicago is.  They're a lot like Texans in that regard.  Sorry, that's just the perception from outsiders and I didn't see it until I became an outsider.  Someone from Chicago (actually Schaumburg but he said he lived in Chicago) recently told me that "Chicago is the most international city in the world" - whatever that means.

For comparison, you never hear anyone talk about how awesome Salt Lake City is.
 
2013-10-16 11:28:10 AM
vodka
Flavoured "vodkas" are not vodka, they are mixed drinks.


The taste of vodak or any other alcoholic product has nothing to do with the reason I drink it.
The end result is the reason.

/practicing alcoholic.
 
2013-10-16 11:30:40 AM

Rapmaster2000: SlagginOff:

I'm fine with making fun of Chicago, it was the know-it-all condescension that was obnoxious.

It's not meant to be condescending.  Chicagoans will talk you up and down and how awesome Chicago is.  They're a lot like Texans in that regard.  Sorry, that's just the perception from outsiders and I didn't see it until I became an outsider.  Someone from Chicago (actually Schaumburg but he said he lived in Chicago) recently told me that "Chicago is the most international city in the world" - whatever that means.

For comparison, you never hear anyone talk about how awesome Salt Lake City is.


I think I missed some sarcasm, as I'm hungover. And yes, Chicagoans can be a deluded crowd; maybe it was just the Texas comment that rubbed me the wrong way, because screw that place. I think there are probably some more appropriate comparisons within the States, although I think almost every region has a better perception of themselves than outsiders would.
 
2013-10-16 11:30:57 AM

Rapmaster2000: For comparison, you never hear anyone talk about how awesome Salt Lake City is.


Flying there right now for work.  Not happy about it.  Now if there was skiing right now, that would be a different story.
 
2013-10-16 11:32:47 AM
I bet it tastes like sadness.
 
2013-10-16 11:35:21 AM
Absolut Vodka has somehow managed to bottle the taste of second-rate pizza, rampant shootings, mediocre sports teams and corrupt politician

1) Second rate pizza is subjective - and personlly I hate the cracker thin shiat that is NY pizza - subby, we do have more than deep dish here too - our thin crust in Chicago (Papa Giorgio's in Lincoln Square) is some of the best because unlike NY, it has flavor

2) Rampant shootings - per capita we are better than a lot of cities, so you are incorrect here - but as someone who probably slurps down on Fox News I forgive you

3) Do you even watch Hockey? Also, the Bulls 6 rings since 91 are at the top in basketball in that time frame - The White Sox won less than 10 years ago - how many other teams have gone that (less than a third of the league) - The Bears were in the Super bowl in the last decade (Cleveland would take that I'm sure)

4) You win
 
2013-10-16 11:35:38 AM

nucal: Rapmaster2000: For comparison, you never hear anyone talk about how awesome Salt Lake City is.

Flying there right now for work.  Not happy about it.  Now if there was skiing right now, that would be a different story.


It's pretty, but boring.  I saw a lot of BBQ places for some reason.  Don't be fooled.  It's a trap.
 
2013-10-16 11:35:46 AM

tripleseven: I bet it tastes like sadness.


Actually that would be the Gary IN, Vodka.
 
2013-10-16 11:37:31 AM

Rapmaster2000: nucal: Rapmaster2000: For comparison, you never hear anyone talk about how awesome Salt Lake City is.

Flying there right now for work.  Not happy about it.  Now if there was skiing right now, that would be a different story.

It's pretty, but boring.  I saw a lot of BBQ places for some reason.  Don't be fooled.  It's a trap.


Much appreciated!
 
2013-10-16 11:37:47 AM
Absolute: The Coors light of Vodka.
 
2013-10-16 11:44:41 AM
Somebody should have looked up the origins of the Cities name.

The name Chicago is derived from the local Indian word chicagoua for the native garlic plant (not onion) Allium tricoccum.
 
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