If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(New York Magazine)   What the first day of the default might look like   (nymag.com) divider line 66
    More: Scary, Sen. Ted Cruz, Treasury Secretary Jack Lew, Bipartisan Policy Center, stock traders, equity trading, United States Department of the Treasury, Felix Salmon, software patch  
•       •       •

21777 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Oct 2013 at 5:35 PM (38 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2013-10-15 06:28:59 PM
9 votes:

orclover: House Speaker John Boehner wakes up in his bed, after a short and sleepless night.

Stopped reading there.


Really?  That's where it starts getting good.

       ". . . For a few heart pounding moments, he hoped it had all been a dream--but the pain in his rectum, not to mention the greasy, slippery feeling of lubricant all over his thighs and the paper cuts on his ass told their own story.  Yes, there it was, still where it had been thrown the night before while in the grip of a sexual frenzy--the United States Constitution, covered in santorum, sticking to the wall.  Meth, he through wildly, meth always does this to me--
      Terrified, John turned to the motionless lump next to him in bed, praying to God that it wasn't Ted Cruz, let it be anyone other than Ted Cruz, let it be the mummified remains of Reagan dug up yet again in a drug-fueled panic, anyone but Ted Cruz--
      When John pulled the covers back and saw, he screamed and screamed and screamed--
2013-10-15 06:00:19 PM
6 votes:
img.fark.net
2013-10-15 05:47:23 PM
6 votes:

The Stealth Hippopotamus: actually this:

[img541.imageshack.us image 640x480]

Is what my Thursday will look like. Goin Fishin


Fishing sideways? Is your boat sinking?
2013-10-15 05:41:42 PM
6 votes:
I'm beginning to think there will be no forced mating at all..
2013-10-15 05:36:17 PM
6 votes:

IamKaiserSoze!!!: And I haven't read about anyone from either party taking credit for this mess


And you admit to being willfully ignorant! You are a hilarious gift that keeps on giving!

Maybe you'll understand funny pictures?

i.imgur.com
2013-10-15 05:25:57 PM
6 votes:

Elegy: Proof that every single one of you should have bought gold and were wrong for mocking Glenn Beck all those years.


HA! While all you idiots have been busy buying gold, I've been quietly cornering the market on wheelbarrows, which you're gonna need to haul that 150lbs of gold down to the store to buy a pack of smokes.
2013-10-15 05:51:43 PM
5 votes:
blogging.la
www.stanwinstonschool.com

/ the skeleton is Ted Cruz
2013-10-15 04:50:26 PM
5 votes:

mediablitz: Bareefer Obonghit: But what's the last day look like? Why can't you use your time machine to tell us how it ends? What a waste of a perfectly good time machine.

You didn't read the article.


This is true. I wish there were someway I could go back and not write that...
2013-10-15 06:25:34 PM
4 votes:
baseballcrank.com
2013-10-15 06:01:35 PM
4 votes:
Best case scenario:
www.jonathanrosenbaum.com

Worst case scenario:

image.gamespotcdn.net
2013-10-15 05:47:23 PM
4 votes:

The Stealth Hippopotamus: actually this:

[img541.imageshack.us image 640x480]

Is what my Thursday will look like. Goin Fishin


That's weird, it was upright in the previews.

I blame the Republicans
2013-10-15 04:59:08 PM
4 votes:
Proof that every single one of you should have bought gold and were wrong for mocking Glenn Beck all those years.
2013-10-15 04:52:44 PM
4 votes:
img822.imageshack.us
2013-10-16 08:03:26 AM
3 votes:
Within hours:
2.bp.blogspot.com


Meanwhile at the reserve bank in DC
impruvism.com


Just raise the debt ceiling an we will let you walk away.
There has been enough pain
oneguyrambling.com
2013-10-15 09:41:17 PM
3 votes:
Only one man can save us now, and he's in prison:

img.photobucket.com
2013-10-15 06:28:38 PM
3 votes:
Day 1

1 AM: Massive power outages are reported
3 AM:  dehydration and hunger start to set in.
5 AM Hoardes of people can be seen standing outside grocery stores.
6 AM Mcdonalds announces McRib is back.
7 AM Reports of people eating flesh
2013-10-15 06:08:31 PM
3 votes:
Feb 23, 2014

Left the city behind, still fighting there.  Must be Republican holdouts.

Met a fellow traveler on the road.  Wanted to trade gold coins for foodstuffs.  Moron

Running low on proteins, have to go hunting, old Wal-Mart nearby.  Might be something left.

Heading east.
2013-10-15 05:49:25 PM
3 votes:

The Stealth Hippopotamus: actually this:

[img541.imageshack.us image 640x480]

Is what my Thursday will look like. Goin Fishin


Sooooooo from the look of that picture, you'll be drunk on the boat?
2013-10-15 10:13:22 PM
2 votes:
nreusch.files.wordpress.com
2013-10-15 09:04:11 PM
2 votes:
Well, I'll yet again retreat to my bunker, equipped with spam, refried beans, weed, booze, every episode of MST3K, the first 15 seasons of "The Simpsons", an Xbox, and lots of guns. Oh, and a crate full of duct tape. After the initial shiartstorm, regroup at the Washington monument and help get America 2.0 up and running. Stanford 2015, two deathcars in every garage and Nuka-cola in every fridge!
Oh, I advise to buy a crate full of duct tape. All those idiots buying gold will be begging to get them some of nature's miracle adhesive once the SHTF. How else are you going to attach things in a convenient manner? Vines? Where do you think you are, Gilligan's Island? With duct tape, you can fix holes in your clothes, make a sling for your Fat Man, or make some rope for a fire drill. Soon, I shall control all the duct tape. And then Richard C Stanford shall rule BarterTown.
2013-10-15 07:52:01 PM
2 votes:
At 8:00 am as they are exiting their respective residences, both Ted Cruz and Steve King are shot by at least half a dozen snipers. Immediately, the press is bombarded with messages from several organizations taking credit for the shooting with the message that the next Congress Member who votes against extending the Debt Ceiling and continuing the Govt shutdown will meet the same fate within the day.

Later investigations reveal that the snipers were actually acting independently: one hired by the Chinese Govt, one by the Koch Bros, and one by the US Chamber of Commerce.

At 8:35 Congress adjourns having unanimously passed a Debt Ceiling raise and resolution reopening the Govt.*

*This is of course a fictional narrative, along the lines the author of this article engaged (pure speculation) and is not intended in any way to suggest that this is a legitimate means of solving political differences.  Just one of the billions of possible scenarios which could lead to a deal being worked out.
2013-10-15 07:45:12 PM
2 votes:

Richard C Stanford: coylecn: Cyrus the Mediocre: Feb 23, 2014

Left the city behind, still fighting there.  Must be Republican holdouts.

Met a fellow traveler on the road.  Wanted to trade gold coins for foodstuffs.  Moron

Running low on proteins, have to go hunting, old Wal-Mart nearby.  Might be something left.

Heading east.

Mar. 17, 2014

Continued east.

Found a mule.

Met a farmer named Brown.  He has a crow for a pet.

Mar. 20, 2014.
Found a farm run by a talking pig named Napoleon. Gonna have some nice crispy bacon for breakfast.

Mar. 29, 2014.
A group of hover round riding teatards found me. Was walking trough a small town when they spotted me. After finishing all the processed foodstuffs in town, they had resorted to cannibalism within a matter of hours. They barreled down the street on their hoverrounds, decked out in football pads, punk hairdoos, and tricorn hats. I climbed up a fire escape and ran across the rooftops. One of them, clad in a hockey mask and a "Don't Tred on Me" t-shirt, attempted to peg me with an AR, but his diabetic shakes and kuru made his aim worthless and the only thing he managed to kill was a mailbox.
As I fled, they gained on me, their hoverrounds whirring closer and closer. And then their batteries died. Cursing, they stopped. A few jumped off and tried to chase me down, but only managed to stumble a few feet before collapsing of heart failure. I ran, not looking back.


April 3, 2014 Made it to the outskirts of another town after hearing gunshots all day. One of the locals in a foxhole on a rise was calmly potting the hoverround cannibals with a well-cared-for Remington 700, while they fired wildly back with cut-down AR-15s, AK knockoffs, SKSs and 9mm pistols. He'd wait until they lined up to cross the creek bridge, then take two or three out. We shared an MRE and discussed the merits of 180gr boattail rounds.
2013-10-15 07:44:25 PM
2 votes:
10:45 am - CNBC's Jim Cramer assures investors that a deal will get done.
12:05 pm - CNBC's Jim Cramer blasts a caller who suggests shorting the market.  "Everything is fine!"
3:00 pm - CNBC's Jim Cramer, undaunted by the 1000 point drop in the Dow, proclaims, "It's a buyer's market!" and slaps a giant red button that makes a fart noise.
4:15 PM - CNBC's Jim Cramer, responding to news of the complete collapse of the money market, states, "The smart money hasn't left yet!"
10:00 PM - The Daily Show's Jon Stewart anally rapes CNBC's Jim Cramer with a didgeridoo.
2013-10-15 07:34:55 PM
2 votes:

coylecn: Cyrus the Mediocre: Feb 23, 2014

Left the city behind, still fighting there.  Must be Republican holdouts.

Met a fellow traveler on the road.  Wanted to trade gold coins for foodstuffs.  Moron

Running low on proteins, have to go hunting, old Wal-Mart nearby.  Might be something left.

Heading east.

Mar. 17, 2014

Continued east.

Found a mule.

Met a farmer named Brown.  He has a crow for a pet.


Mar. 20, 2014.
Found a farm run by a talking pig named Napoleon. Gonna have some nice crispy bacon for breakfast.

Mar. 29, 2014.
A group of hover round riding teatards found me. Was walking trough a small town when they spotted me. After finishing all the processed foodstuffs in town, they had resorted to cannibalism within a matter of hours. They barreled down the street on their hoverrounds, decked out in football pads, punk hairdoos, and tricorn hats. I climbed up a fire escape and ran across the rooftops. One of them, clad in a hockey mask and a "Don't Tred on Me" t-shirt, attempted to peg me with an AR, but his diabetic shakes and kuru made his aim worthless and the only thing he managed to kill was a mailbox.
As I fled, they gained on me, their hoverrounds whirring closer and closer. And then their batteries died. Cursing, they stopped. A few jumped off and tried to chase me down, but only managed to stumble a few feet before collapsing of heart failure. I ran, not looking back.
2013-10-15 06:58:17 PM
2 votes:

cchris_39: In other news, the govenment will still be taking in $3.1 trillion and net interest payments are about $220 billion.

http://www.usgovernmentspending.com/us_budget_pie_chart">http://www. usgovernmentspending.com/us_budget_pie_chart


I hope you're trolling.  If not, I hope you're not in charge of anything important in the financial sector beyond the spare change in your Mom's couch...
2013-10-15 06:50:16 PM
2 votes:
www.dana-mad.ru

Thanks, Tea-tards!
2013-10-15 06:31:39 PM
2 votes:
davidtlamb.files.wordpress.com
2013-10-15 06:20:51 PM
2 votes:
October 31, 7:00 PM:   Hello, is this Jack Lew? This is Expert Global Solutions. We are attempting to collect a debt - CLICK

October 31, 7:05 PM:  Hello, is this Jack Lew? This is Expert Global Solutions. We are attempting to - CLICK

October 31, 7:12 PM:  Hello, is this Jack Lew? This is Expert Global Solutions. We are - CLICK

October 31, 7:21 PM:  Hello, is this Jack Lew? This is Expert Global Solutions. - CLICK

October 31, 7:34 PM:  Hello, is this Jack Lew? This is Expert  - CLICK

October 31, 7:43 PM:  Hello, is this Jack Lew? - CLICK
2013-10-15 06:20:21 PM
2 votes:
cloud1.baohe.org
2013-10-15 05:58:39 PM
2 votes:

Treygreen13: Interesting how Fark so be so skeptical about everything but read this and believe every word of it.


Can we get that in English?
2013-10-15 05:44:35 PM
2 votes:
img.fark.net
2013-10-15 04:39:16 PM
2 votes:
But what's the last day look like? Why can't you use your time machine to tell us how it ends? What a waste of a perfectly good time machine.
2013-10-15 11:21:31 PM
1 votes:

cchris_39: jeffmw: Can someone explain why we can't pay our interest payments with the money coming in and "default" on other budget items?

We can and will do exactly that if it comes to it. The fear mongering and hand wringing is part of the liberal temper tantrum.


Our soldiers don't need their paychecks. They volunteered!
2013-10-15 08:36:14 PM
1 votes:

Pick: In the end, it's plain and simple. This is all Obama's fault. If he had not rammed this train wreck called "The Affordable Health Care Act", down our throats, none of this would be happening. You see, in the end, it's not going to be affordable at all. And it's going to cost this country dearly.


scontent-b-mia.xx.fbcdn.net
2013-10-15 08:25:12 PM
1 votes:
When did libs become the piss-in-your-pants scared of everything party?
2013-10-15 08:06:24 PM
1 votes:

HAMMERTOE: "With slight tremors in his voice..."

Oh, the feels. Bring the dramas. Bring them!

The tremors are actually fears that a majority of Americans will realize the the government has it's probiscus more deeply embedded in the bloodstream of the American economy than it's worth. Suddenly, "You didn't build that," is going to be exposed for the huge lie that it really is. Sure, it will be uncomfortable, especially for those who have hitched their wagons to federal largesse. And also for those the government has chosen to regulate to the point of dependency on "permits" and "waivers", (artificial conditions enacted by the government in the effort to inexorably extend its reach and power.) The government doesn't create the economy, it rides it like a huge wave. It might, *might*, create conditions favorable to the economy, then leach off of it, but it certainly doesn't create it. It certainly can also create conditions toxic to it as well, as recent events have proven. People like you and I create the economy, by risking our savings, and investing our time, effort and money. *But*, only if the return is worth the risk of the investment, something that seems to always escape those who wish to leech, and those who wish to curry favor with the former.


Just finish Atlas Shrugged?
2013-10-15 07:56:10 PM
1 votes:

lawboy87: At 8:00 am as they are exiting their respective residences, both Ted Cruz and Steve King are shot by at least half a dozen snipers. Immediately, the press is bombarded with messages from several organizations taking credit for the shooting with the message that the next Congress Member who votes against extending the Debt Ceiling and continuing the Govt shutdown will meet the same fate within the day.

Later investigations reveal that the snipers were actually acting independently: one hired by the Chinese Govt, one by the Koch Bros, and one by the US Chamber of Commerce.

At 8:35 Congress adjourns having unanimously passed a Debt Ceiling raise and resolution reopening the Govt.*

*This is of course a fictional narrative, along the lines the author of this article engaged (pure speculation) and is not intended in any way to suggest that this is a legitimate means of solving political differences.  Just one of the billions of possible scenarios which could lead to a deal being worked out.


The Onion was there first, did it better. Sorry!

2.bp.blogspot.com
2013-10-15 07:54:54 PM
1 votes:
I must remind myself, never get home from work after travel at 2am, and watch World War Z just to wind down. Lucid dreams and Fark politics threads DO NOT work well together.

/and do it all again tomorrow.
2013-10-15 07:52:57 PM
1 votes:
Let's face it, it will be almost as bad as the Y2K crisis.

Better start hoarding the canned beans and bullets.
2013-10-15 07:49:44 PM
1 votes:

Metalupis: Nadie_AZ: Oh. So Fallout. Cool, cool. Anyone got a spare pipboy I can use?

Sure, but first I need you to take this coin to someone in Vegas for me


Better than trying to take that coin from the person bringing it to Vegas.

/heard that guy's one tough dude
2013-10-15 07:35:00 PM
1 votes:
In the end, it's plain and simple. This is all Obama's fault. If he had not rammed this train wreck called "The Affordable Health Care Act", down our throats, none of this would be happening. You see, in the end, it's not going to be affordable at all. And it's going to cost this country dearly.
2013-10-15 07:15:10 PM
1 votes:
Elephans and asses, screwing the masses....
2013-10-15 07:05:35 PM
1 votes:
Get your serrated spoons ready!

i1.ytimg.com
2013-10-15 06:58:08 PM
1 votes:

The Stealth Hippopotamus: actually this:

[img541.imageshack.us image 640x480]

Is what my Thursday will look like. Goin Fishin


You are Sidney Lopsides and I claim my five pounds.
2013-10-15 06:49:28 PM
1 votes:

Cyrus the Mediocre: Feb 23, 2014

Left the city behind, still fighting there.  Must be Republican holdouts.

Met a fellow traveler on the road.  Wanted to trade gold coins for foodstuffs.  Moron

Running low on proteins, have to go hunting, old Wal-Mart nearby.  Might be something left.

Heading east.


Mar. 17, 2014

Continued east.

Found a mule.

Met a farmer named Brown.  He has a crow for a pet.
2013-10-15 06:47:55 PM
1 votes:
so when nothing happens, like every other time, can we say that democrats are just playing politics and inventing crisis?  Or do we do this all over again next time until it ends up being nothing too?
2013-10-15 06:45:48 PM
1 votes:
What it should look like.

www.aprayertoourfather.com
www.culturewars.com
2013-10-15 06:32:07 PM
1 votes:

Maul555: It seems that everybody is missing the fact that all of these "continuing resolutions" and continuing debt ceiling crises are a direct result of this President and the democrats not signing off on a real budget since Obama took office.  That's right, this country has not had a budget in almost 6 years now.  The same budget that is mandated to be passed every farking year...   We don't need a farking CR, we don't need any farking debt cieling negotiations... Cut to the point and pass 1 damned budget in 2 farking terms in office!


Yeah, how come the President hasn't signed off on the real budget that the Republican House hasn't passed? WTF Obama? And these democrats with their Senate budget already full of compromises, trying to conference about it, blah blah blah? Compromise is for weaklings! Does the GOP look like a bunch of weaklings to you? If they were weak would they be threatening suicide if they don't get everything they want? Just sign off on the budget without all these excuses about it not being on your desk. Enough is enough.
2013-10-15 06:31:18 PM
1 votes:

toraque: orclover: House Speaker John Boehner wakes up in his bed, after a short and sleepless night.

Stopped reading there.

Really?  That's where it starts getting good.

       ". . . For a few heart pounding moments, he hoped it had all been a dream--but the pain in his rectum, not to mention the greasy, slippery feeling of lubricant all over his thighs and the paper cuts on his ass told their own story.  Yes, there it was, still where it had been thrown the night before while in the grip of a sexual frenzy--the United States Constitution, covered in santorum, sticking to the wall.  Meth, he through wildly, meth always does this to me--
      Terrified, John turned to the motionless lump next to him in bed, praying to God that it wasn't Ted Cruz, let it be anyone other than Ted Cruz, let it be the mummified remains of Reagan dug up yet again in a drug-fueled panic, anyone but Ted Cruz--
      When John pulled the covers back and saw, he screamed and screamed and screamed--


Go on...
2013-10-15 06:27:04 PM
1 votes:
Small scale, localized riots are certainly possible, and I wouldn't be surprised if some politicians' families get seriously harmed in the medium term because of it.
2013-10-15 06:20:34 PM
1 votes:
It seems that everybody is missing the fact that all of these "continuing resolutions" and continuing debt ceiling crises are a direct result of this President and the democrats not signing off on a real budget since Obama took office.  That's right, this country has not had a budget in almost 6 years now.  The same budget that is mandated to be passed every farking year...   We don't need a farking CR, we don't need any farking debt cieling negotiations... Cut to the point and pass 1 damned budget in 2 farking terms in office!
2013-10-15 06:15:56 PM
1 votes:
Whatever. I say we get all the worlds navies and militaries to point their weapons at the US and demand a clean bill or else.
2013-10-15 06:06:06 PM
1 votes:

Nadie_AZ: Oh. So Fallout. Cool, cool. Anyone got a spare pipboy I can use?


Sure, but first I need you to take this coin to someone in Vegas for me
2013-10-15 06:05:31 PM
1 votes:

gnosis301: Didn't read. Was it the capital wasteland from Fallout 3?


It was creative writing media fearmongering with a dash of ooga-booga and a side of pearl-clutching.
2013-10-15 06:04:04 PM
1 votes:
Didn't read. Was it the capital wasteland from Fallout 3?
2013-10-15 06:00:10 PM
1 votes:

Grand_Moff_Joseph: "Until recently, asking what would happen if the U.S. defaulted on its debt was like asking what unicorns like to eat for breakfast"

Silly reporter, that's easy -- Oats with honey, a side of toast, and some juice.  Coffee if a certain purple unicorn is at the table.


Sweetie Belle : Cooking :: John Boehner : Governing
2013-10-15 05:59:55 PM
1 votes:

mediablitz: Treygreen13: Interesting how Fark so be so skeptical about everything but read this and believe every word of it.

Can we get that in English?


No. I prefer my comments to be nearly un-readable.
2013-10-15 05:56:26 PM
1 votes:
It's OK, we have 3D printers in space to rain manna down on us now.
Luddites.
2013-10-15 05:50:54 PM
1 votes:

olddinosaur: Hogwash as usual.

The world didn't end the last 17 times this happened, and it won't end now.


Government runs everything now.  I haven't even left the basement in the last half-month since the sky was closed due to shutdown.
2013-10-15 05:49:48 PM
1 votes:

HotIgneous Intruder: It's not "republicans" doing this.
It's religious fundamentalists who have infiltrated the congress via the GOP.


So republicans amirite XD
2013-10-15 05:49:04 PM
1 votes:
Oh. So Fallout. Cool, cool. Anyone got a spare pipboy I can use?
2013-10-15 05:46:20 PM
1 votes:
actually this:

img541.imageshack.us

Is what my Thursday will look like. Goin Fishin
2013-10-15 05:45:45 PM
1 votes:
"Until recently, asking what would happen if the U.S. defaulted on its debt was like asking what unicorns like to eat for breakfast"

Silly reporter, that's easy -- Oats with honey, a side of toast, and some juice.  Coffee if a certain purple unicorn is at the table.
2013-10-15 05:45:14 PM
1 votes:
By Day 30;

0.tqn.com
2013-10-15 05:39:23 PM
1 votes:
The senator insists that the risks of default are wildly overstated, as do some members of Boehner's caucus

"Give us what we want or we shoot the hostage! Though he'll probably be just fine if we do"
2013-10-15 05:17:57 PM
1 votes:
3:00 p.m. - Politico reports that Secretary Jack Lew has entered a closed-door meeting of House Republicans, and is imploring them to pass a bill extending the debt limit. "Stop the carnage," Lew is heard to say, by a reporter in the hallway outside.

Huh, the Repubs did this last week and Obama turned it down. Why does Obama want to kill the economy?

also, Jack Lew's a dick, but then that describes most of Obama's cabinet
 
Displayed 66 of 66 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report