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(Slate)   Does giving your child candy mean that you are enabling a future life of drug addiction? And, further, would that make you a bad parent?   (slate.com) divider line 49
    More: Stupid, jelly beans, popsicles, parents  
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2697 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Oct 2013 at 1:58 PM (48 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2013-10-15 12:54:20 PM
4 votes:
When I was 8, I had salt water taffy for the first time. It was glorious.

The next day, I was shooting speedballs on skid row with hobos.

True story.
2013-10-15 02:09:56 PM
3 votes:

GreenAdder: A lot of these people specifically follow a book that forbids them from bearing false witness against their neighbors, then turn around and imply  one of your neighbors might want to poison your kid for no reason.


I dunno, maybe if you met these kids, there's a reason.
2013-10-15 02:05:01 PM
3 votes:

miss diminutive: Rev.K: When I was 8, I had salt water taffy for the first time. It was glorious.

The next day, I was shooting speedballs on skid row with hobos.

True story.

I started with taffy as well. Soon I was blowing boys behind the basketball court during recess for Reese's Pieces.

True Story.


Woah, they'll give me something for that????
2013-10-15 01:10:16 PM
3 votes:

Rev.K: When I was 8, I had salt water taffy for the first time. It was glorious.

The next day, I was shooting speedballs on skid row with hobos.

True story.


I started with taffy as well. Soon I was blowing boys behind the basketball court during recess for Reese's Pieces.

True Story.
2013-10-15 02:52:19 PM
2 votes:
If there's one thing that reading about parenting (especially on the internet) has taught me, it is that EVERYTHING supposedly makes you a "bad parent". As a kid I ran around playing with realistic toy guns and eating powdered sugar out of a plastic tube, and I grew up to be a guy who reads reasonably good books, rescues spiders from the bathtub, and donates to charity. The only things I seem to be "addicted to" are procrastination and my wife's ass.

miss diminutive:
I started with taffy as well. Soon I was blowing boys behind the basketball court during recess for Reese's Pieces.

True Story.


Let's be honest, that wasn't about the Reese's Pieces, was it?
2013-10-15 02:49:06 PM
2 votes:
I'm handing out little gun shaped candies. Hopefully some of the kids will take it to school and get suspended. I'm going to try to beat my record of four suspensions from two years ago.
2013-10-15 02:30:19 PM
2 votes:

GreenAdder: Everyone makes a big stink about the "War on Christmas," but I never hear anything about the war on Halloween. People spread half-truths, conjecture and outright lies every year around this time. "Don't take your kid trick-or-treating, because [candy addiction / poison / razor blades / terrorist attack  / devil worship / kidnapping / other terrible thing] might happen." A lot of these people specifically follow a book that forbids them from bearing false witness against their neighbors, then turn around and imply  one of your neighbors might want to poison your kid for no reason.

For fark's sake, when the members of the Anti-Fun League gets their little pea-brains focused on something, they're like a dog with an old sock. They won't stop tearing away at it until it's just a mess of slobbery shreds.


the War on Halloween in my area began 15 years ago, give or take. hypocrite adult church going types who LOVED trick-or-treating as children were swayed en masse to suddenly view harmless masquerade and candy begging as a direct pipeline to hellfire and damnation.
in short time Hall-o-ween was destroyed in our country, replaced by 'Fall Harvest' and ten other names for dragging your spawn to a house of worship for highly supervised treats exchange and some good ol fashioned givin' it up for the Lord.
retailers went the same route, with department stores carrying little pumpkin time merchandise. most of what they carried was more cutesy and happy smiley instead of spooky and ghoulish.
we all know the urban myths of bad candy have been debunked. yet these pinheads are at it more now than ever.
all the fun equipment is gone from playgrounds.
kids sports is ruined by adults beating snot out of each other in heated arguments.
if the toys you buy your tots aren't Educational you're a horrible parent.
children don't even play outside anymore.
halloween has been reduced to Ultra AW Day for legal age drinkers.
Thanks a lot, Obama.
2013-10-15 02:28:14 PM
2 votes:

DROxINxTHExWIND: Sin_City_Superhero: OK...so don't give kids candy this Halloween. Got it. Blowjobs are still cool though, right?


You give blowjobs to kids?




OK, smart guy...If I don't give out candy, what other option is there?
2013-10-15 02:22:34 PM
2 votes:
If you have reproduced, you are already a bad parent. There really isn't much you can do about it, just keep 'em out of jail and die before them for your 100% mission completion trophy.
2013-10-15 02:12:39 PM
2 votes:
candy, a gateway food....

scm-l3.technorati.com

/oblig
2013-10-15 02:10:29 PM
2 votes:
Again, when the headline is a question, the answer is always


img.fark.net
2013-10-15 02:06:51 PM
2 votes:

Combustion: miss diminutive: Rev.K: When I was 8, I had salt water taffy for the first time. It was glorious.

The next day, I was shooting speedballs on skid row with hobos.

True story.

I started with taffy as well. Soon I was blowing boys behind the basketball court during recess for Reese's Pieces.

True Story.

Woah, they'll give me something for that????


Not now. You've already given it away for free.
2013-10-15 04:29:06 PM
1 votes:

BeesNuts: No Such Agency: I grew up to be a guy who reads reasonably good books, rescues spiders from the bathtub, and donates to charity. The only things I seem to be "addicted to" are procrastination and my wife's ass.

Give this man a god damned medal.


Not until we see a picture of his wifes ass!
2013-10-15 03:57:40 PM
1 votes:
When I was a child my parents gave me a cap gun that transformed into a robot. So naturally I became a video gamer when the internet became fast enough to handle it, and refuse to own a gun or have a license to own one.
2013-10-15 03:51:42 PM
1 votes:
ts2.mm.bing.net

This is your brain on sugar. It really is. Sugar destroys kids brains and makes them taste great with bacon.
2013-10-15 03:25:25 PM
1 votes:

astro716: radarlove:
Hi, my name is Radar, and I too am addicted to No Such Agency's wife's ass.

We have a support group, we meet on Thursdays.


I just wish the government would finally step in and do something about this epidemic of abuse of Mrs. NSA's ass.

Won't somebody PLEASE think of the children?!?!?!
2013-10-15 03:19:03 PM
1 votes:

No Such Agency: I grew up to be a guy who reads reasonably good books, rescues spiders from the bathtub, and donates to charity. The only things I seem to be "addicted to" are procrastination and my wife's ass.


Give this man a god damned medal.
2013-10-15 03:15:14 PM
1 votes:

Mose: UtileDysfunktion: Sin_City_Superhero: 
OK, smart guy...If I don't give out candy, what other option is there?

I'm giving away the little bottles of mouthwash, tiny tubes of toothpaste, and small packets of dental floss I get for free from the dentist's office.

The flouride mouthwash or the alcohol mouthwash?
Just warning you that parents might have a problem with the latter.
/also, don't give out nips of barton's vodka, that doesn't fly either


It would be kinda' fun to hand out those little airline bottles of liquor one year.

/not so fun waiting to make bail
2013-10-15 03:11:58 PM
1 votes:

radarlove: Mose: No Such Agency: If there's one thing that reading about parenting (especially on the internet) has taught me, it is that EVERYTHING supposedly makes you a "bad parent". As a kid I ran around playing with realistic toy guns and eating powdered sugar out of a plastic tube, and I grew up to be a guy who reads reasonably good books, rescues spiders from the bathtub, and donates to charity. The only things I seem to be "addicted to" are procrastination and my wife's ass.

My brother from another mother.  This sums my life up very well.

That took a lot of balls to admit, but you've inspired me.

Hi, my name is Radar, and I too am addicted to No Such Agency's wife's ass.


We have a support group, we meet on Thursdays.
2013-10-15 03:08:32 PM
1 votes:
I only give candy to other people's kids.
2013-10-15 03:06:29 PM
1 votes:

miss diminutive: Rev.K: When I was 8, I had salt water taffy for the first time. It was glorious.

The next day, I was shooting speedballs on skid row with hobos.

True story.

I started with taffy as well. Soon I was blowing boys behind the basketball court during recess for Reese's Pieces.

True Story.


What kinda freaky stuff will you do for a pound of chewy spree?
2013-10-15 03:05:27 PM
1 votes:

Mighty_Joe: Pitabred: It's because they can't make it into some religious persecution complex thing. As soon as someone attaches Halloween to some saint, you'll see the tide changing.

Halloween == All Hallows' Eve == the night before All Saint's Day.  It's already attached to ALL the saints.


Not so many folks remember that nowadays, though.

Probably best to keep it on the down-low, though. You don't want them thinking this is what people want to do to Christmas.
2013-10-15 03:00:48 PM
1 votes:

Mose: No Such Agency: If there's one thing that reading about parenting (especially on the internet) has taught me, it is that EVERYTHING supposedly makes you a "bad parent". As a kid I ran around playing with realistic toy guns and eating powdered sugar out of a plastic tube, and I grew up to be a guy who reads reasonably good books, rescues spiders from the bathtub, and donates to charity. The only things I seem to be "addicted to" are procrastination and my wife's ass.

My brother from another mother.  This sums my life up very well.


That took a lot of balls to admit, but you've inspired me.

Hi, my name is Radar, and I too am addicted to No Such Agency's wife's ass.
2013-10-15 02:55:04 PM
1 votes:
I suppose if you're teaching your kids to use candy as a means of avoiding or coping with stress or other forms of inner turmoil, or if you're giving them a candy that is highly addictive and not providing the support and stability necessary for helping them maintain an addiction-free life, then OK.

Also, if providing a sketchy financial means for supporting his or her candy habit, such as being the getaway driver while they go into a gas station to knock off the register and maybe pop 2 rounds into the clerk while screaming "Take that, Kumar!"...

then taking the score directly to a local candy store and binging that sh*t down in a nearby alley, then yes, you may be enabling the lifestyle of a future drug addict.
2013-10-15 02:52:17 PM
1 votes:

UtileDysfunktion: Sin_City_Superhero: 
OK, smart guy...If I don't give out candy, what other option is there?

I'm giving away the little bottles of mouthwash, tiny tubes of toothpaste, and small packets of dental floss I get for free from the dentist's office.

/ keeping the toothbrushes
// I actually use those


The flouride mouthwash or the alcohol mouthwash?

Just warning you that parents might have a problem with the latter.

/also, don't give out nips of barton's vodka, that doesn't fly either
2013-10-15 02:45:34 PM
1 votes:
Sin_City_Superhero: 
OK, smart guy...If I don't give out candy, what other option is there?

I'm giving away the little bottles of mouthwash, tiny tubes of toothpaste, and small packets of dental floss I get for free from the dentist's office.

/ keeping the toothbrushes
// I actually use those
2013-10-15 02:39:59 PM
1 votes:

Rev.K: miss diminutive: I started with taffy as well. Soon I was blowing boys behind the basketball court during recess for Reese's Pieces.

True Story.

Truly we are the Afflicted Generation.



I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by Jolly Ranchers.
2013-10-15 02:35:17 PM
1 votes:

Sin_City_Superhero: DROxINxTHExWIND: Sin_City_Superhero: OK...so don't give kids candy this Halloween. Got it. Blowjobs are still cool though, right?


You give blowjobs to kids?

OK, smart guy...If I don't give out candy, what other option is there?


i mean, I don't want to tell you how to be a a good neighbor because I hate HOAs, too. I'm just saying, maybe Spongebob toothebrushes would be better.
2013-10-15 02:29:37 PM
1 votes:

Snapper Carr: No and no.

Teach your child about moderation and he'll thank you for it later.


That would logically make sense but the problem with people like the one guy in the article who seemed to be on the verge of calling CPS on the writer of the article is that with regard to candy or any other sugared food there's no such thing as moderation.  One jelly bean is one too many.  There like 19th century prohibitionists who preached that one glass of beer would be enough to destroy your liver, turn you into an unemployable wife-beating, child-neglecting drunkard, and condemn your soul to hell.
2013-10-15 02:27:53 PM
1 votes:

Arkanaut: Yes and yes.  Face it, your child is doomed.  DOOOOOOOOMMMMED


Oh my God, I'm going to die... of something!!!
2013-10-15 02:27:12 PM
1 votes:

ToastTheRabbit: Curse you Kit-Kat bar... I always suspected you were a gateway drug! *shakes fist*



Give me a break!
2013-10-15 02:24:17 PM
1 votes:

Sin_City_Superhero: OK...so don't give kids candy this Halloween. Got it. Blowjobs are still cool though, right?



You give blowjobs to kids?


/have a seat over there
2013-10-15 02:22:25 PM
1 votes:

Sin_City_Superhero: OK...so don't give kids candy this Halloween. Got it. Blowjobs are still cool though, right?


Depends on who's giving and who's getting. Steaks are always an appropriate gift as well. Especially if you're dealing with a militant vegan.
2013-10-15 02:20:42 PM
1 votes:
OK...so don't give kids candy this Halloween. Got it. Blowjobs are still cool though, right?
2013-10-15 02:19:15 PM
1 votes:
All drug usage- whether it be sugar, alcohol, cannabis, nicotine, or whatever- is a coping mechanism.  You use it when you're feeling down and, just for a bit, the world seems like a less shiatty place, and the guy you were considering punching a minute ago becomes less of a big deal.

The collective we do not like some of the ways that people choose to cope, and so we remove those things or otherwise make them much harder tho access.

And do you know what happens when you remove a person's coping mechanisms?

They can't cope.

And then they go nuts and wreck the place.
2013-10-15 02:17:00 PM
1 votes:
Curse you Kit-Kat bar... I always suspected you were a gateway drug! *shakes fist*
2013-10-15 02:15:50 PM
1 votes:
Yes and yes.  Face it, your child is doomed.  DOOOOOOOOMMMMED
2013-10-15 02:11:33 PM
1 votes:
Sugar is a gate way drug!!
2013-10-15 02:11:14 PM
1 votes:

Girl Sailor: Combustion: miss diminutive: Rev.K: When I was 8, I had salt water taffy for the first time. It was glorious.

The next day, I was shooting speedballs on skid row with hobos.

True story.

I started with taffy as well. Soon I was blowing boys behind the basketball court during recess for Reese's Pieces.

True Story.

Woah, they'll give me something for that????

Not now. You've already given it away for free.


Good thing, too. If they pay you for it, you're a whore. If you give it away, you're just a slut.
2013-10-15 02:10:06 PM
1 votes:
Oh, please, I bought candy with my spare quarters when I was a kid and I turned out OK. Most people do. What is wrong with parents these days!?


/My parents were not great parents, but not because they gave me candy.
2013-10-15 02:07:50 PM
1 votes:
I have absolutely no desire to eat candy. As soon as I reached adulthood my sweet tooth disappeared. It's something I really notice about fat people though - they crave candy like a three-year-old.
2013-10-15 02:06:03 PM
1 votes:
No, and no.

/Thanks for playing.
2013-10-15 02:04:08 PM
1 votes:
See, that's why my folks just skipped and gave me drugs.
2013-10-15 02:02:22 PM
1 votes:
I hate most candy...but I farking LOVE marujuana.


/Theory debunked
//Go back to what you were doing
2013-10-15 01:15:24 PM
1 votes:
Everything is a little bit better when you sneak it.
2013-10-15 12:53:37 PM
1 votes:
OMG we're doomed as a society if this is how parents think now.


In other non-news, Breaking Bad Candy is the new candy cigarette.
thecandylady.com
2013-10-15 12:52:25 PM
1 votes:
Gary sounds like a dick.
2013-10-15 12:49:47 PM
1 votes:
Everyone knows that Pop Rocks lead to heroin.
2013-10-15 12:25:14 PM
1 votes:
I had already promised my daughter she could have some candy-and to be honest, I like jelly beans, too-so we snuck out to the patio to enjoy our illicit treat. As we ate, though, I couldn't help but think, What if I'm wrong? Candy is certainly not a "healthy" snack. But there I was, letting my 3-year-old eat the jelly beans, encouraging her, even. My own mother wouldn't have let me have them, that's for sure-my childhood home was a no-candy zone. Maybe I was a bad mother.

Jesus Christ, get some perspective.
 
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