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(Washington Post)   The American League of Lobbyists, a lobbyist group for lobbyists that lobbies on behalf of lobbyist interests, is lobbying for you to stop calling them lobbyists, please   (washingtonpost.com) divider line 125
    More: Amusing, lobbying, strategic plan  
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2849 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Oct 2013 at 11:12 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



125 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-10-15 11:40:32 AM  
Well, what about "bag man", then?
 
2013-10-15 11:42:22 AM  
"Everybody has that misconception that lobbyists are walking around with a pocketful of cash and that's about it," said Monte Ward, the group's president.

They also offer hookers and blow
 
2013-10-15 11:42:35 AM  
If the bribery problem is kept under control - and with the current state of campaign finance, it is not - lobbyists can be a very useful and valuable part of the government. They can make very expensive expertise and consultation available to our government, which is tremendously valuable in helping our lawmakers not fark everything they touch up. BUT the bribery issue needs to be fixed, and there needs to be lobbyists on both sides to provide balance (which is why I kick folks like the EFF and NRDC a few bucks).
 
2013-10-15 11:42:57 AM  
How about we call them dog food for a little while and then call dog shiat later?
 
2013-10-15 11:44:18 AM  
Suspects?
 
2013-10-15 11:44:36 AM  
I like how they try to act like the negative connotation with lobbyists isn't really why they changed the name. It's cuz they also do stuff besides lobby, you guys. Srsly.
 
2013-10-15 11:45:06 AM  
I vote for Super Adventure Club.

I hope it's not taken.
 
2013-10-15 11:45:10 AM  

meat0918: I've come to realize the rich have unions, and they are called lobbyists (and professional organizations like the AMA).

//I realize the unions have their own lobbyists.


Don't forget the DEAD SCUMBAGS that left a farking foundation to perpetuate their chity agendas.
There are dead sociopaths reaching out from the grave that have more power in Congress than you do.
 
2013-10-15 11:46:00 AM  
We'll see how I feel after they take me out for a dinner and a few rounds of golf at my favorite resort in addition to a donation to my 'cause'.
 
2013-10-15 11:46:02 AM  

neversubmit: How about we call them dog food for a little while and then call dog shiat later?


My dog, being the conservationist that she was, didn't differentiate between the two.

//she had f*cking horrendous breath, as you can imagine
 
2013-10-15 11:46:57 AM  

Mega Steve: "Everybody has that misconception that lobbyists are walking around with a pocketful of cash and that's about it," said Monte Ward, the group's president.

They also offer hookers and blow


And one must really must wonder WHY?
The real cheese is reelection.
 
2013-10-15 11:47:41 AM  
Ass Kissers
Brown noser
Bribe transfer specialist
 
2013-10-15 11:48:21 AM  

grumpfuff: I like how they try to act like the negative connotation with lobbyists isn't really why they changed the name. It's cuz they also do stuff besides lobby, you guys. Srsly.


It seems to me that changing the name and explaining what else they do should lead to an update/expansion of the Lobbying Disclosure Act....but it likely won't.
 
2013-10-15 11:49:18 AM  

stuffy: Bribe transfer specialist


That's got a nice ring to it.
 
2013-10-15 11:49:41 AM  
I do prefer their designated lobbyist rule. I know the purists hate it but they'll get over it
 
2013-10-15 11:50:01 AM  
"Democracy Prevention Specialist"?

I'd say "whore", except I don't want to insult people who blow truckers for ten bucks.
 
2013-10-15 11:54:58 AM  

Surpheon: If the bribery problem is kept under control - and with the current state of campaign finance, it is not - lobbyists can be a very useful and valuable part of the government. They can make very expensive expertise and consultation available to our government, which is tremendously valuable in helping our lawmakers not fark everything they touch up. BUT the bribery issue needs to be fixed, and there needs to be lobbyists on both sides to provide balance (which is why I kick folks like the EFF and NRDC a few bucks).


Call me crazy but when elected officials are listening to anyone other than the people who elected them and are doing anything other than representing their voters, they're not doing their job.  An elected official having to pay attention to and be potentially swayed by a lobbyist or lobby group from another state is, in principle, a conflict of interest.  Washington lobbies are run by and in favor of big business, who have practically zero votes yet seem to win every election and every vote on a floor, until they're
a) battling with each other or
b) represent obvious losses, such as the tobacco lobby being in favor of cancer (though you can dispute the involvement of the insurance lobby).

No?
 
2013-10-15 11:55:08 AM  

Peter von Nostrand: I do prefer their designated lobbyist rule. I know the purists hate it but they'll get over it


Oh, it's you, one of those. I guess you're fine with lobbyists having to wear helmets, too? Let me tell you, the lobbyists who bought Warren Harding NEVER would have lowered themselves to the kind of pansy-ass safeguards they make a lobbyist go through today!
 
2013-10-15 11:55:14 AM  

coeyagi: neversubmit: How about we call them dog food for a little while and then call dog shiat later?

My dog, being the conservationist that she was, didn't differentiate between the two.

//she had f*cking horrendous breath, as you can imagine


GROSS! Please stop sharing. Thank you.
 
2013-10-15 11:56:44 AM  
The American Society of Shills?
 
2013-10-15 11:58:36 AM  
I have a suggestion for the new name:

League of Influence Peddlers
 
2013-10-15 12:00:26 PM  

EyeballKid: Peter von Nostrand: I do prefer their designated lobbyist rule. I know the purists hate it but they'll get over it

Oh, it's you, one of those. I guess you're fine with lobbyists having to wear helmets, too? Let me tell you, the lobbyists who bought Warren Harding NEVER would have lowered themselves to the kind of pansy-ass safeguards they make a lobbyist go through today!


I do have a problem with that. I preferred it when lobbyists did their job powered by booze and hot dogs
 
2013-10-15 12:02:18 PM  

snocone: coeyagi: I know many lobbyists are also lawyers, but it's high time we repurpose every lawyer joke ever made for lobbyists.

What do you call a plane load of lobbyists that crashes at sea?


A good start.
 
2013-10-15 12:02:27 PM  

EyeballKid: Peter von Nostrand: I do prefer their designated lobbyist rule. I know the purists hate it but they'll get over it

Oh, it's you, one of those. I guess you're fine with lobbyists having to wear helmets, too? Let me tell you, the lobbyists who bought Warren Harding NEVER would have lowered themselves to the kind of pansy-ass safeguards they make a lobbyist go through today!


Why in my day if we wanted to get dirt in a congressman we had to follow him* around the clock, big his office and home phones, bribe his friends and family, and occasionally resort to larceny.

Now you damn whippersnappers just follow them on twitter and wait. Lazy buncha soandsos.

*Him. There may have been women in congress I don't remember. In my day they were just useful for getting coffee and voting along with the men.
 
2013-10-15 12:06:12 PM  
Is Citizens United already taken?
 
2013-10-15 12:09:05 PM  
The American League of Bribery , is an old institution who sucks Koch on occasion and gleefully bribes many a politician to thwart the peoples will.

/Still a crime to bribe, but who ya gonna call?
 
2013-10-15 12:10:20 PM  

snocone: coeyagi: I know many lobbyists are also lawyers, but it's high time we repurpose every lawyer joke ever made for lobbyists.

What do you call a plane load of lobbyists that crashes at sea?


A waste of a good plane.
 
2013-10-15 12:15:11 PM  
To be fair, there's nothing inherently wrong with groups of people banding together to make their voices heard to politicians based on common beliefs and concerns. There are lots of lobbyists out there pushing for perfectly sensible things.

They just don't have much money so nobody pays any attention to them.
 
2013-10-15 12:16:04 PM  
Future Prison biatch
 
2013-10-15 12:19:49 PM  
That's like saying that the Super Friends are neither super, nor friends (well, except for Batman cause he just a normal guy that hates everyone there).
 
2013-10-15 12:20:51 PM  
No Merchants of Death references or pics? Come on Fark! It was good and relevant movie.

/thought chocolate was the best ice cream flavor
//now know it is vanilla
///yay America!
 
2013-10-15 12:29:04 PM  
i.imgur.com
 
2013-10-15 12:29:16 PM  

McGrits: No Merchants of Death references or pics? Come on Fark! It was good and relevant movie.

/thought chocolate was the best ice cream flavor
//now know it is vanilla
///yay America!


First five minutes of that movie were among the best openings of any film I've ever seen. It wandered a little bit later on, but damn...

Nick Naylor: I earn a living fronting an organization that kills 1,200 human beings a day. 1,200 people! We're talking two jumbo jet plane loads of men, women and children. I mean, there's Attila, Genghis and me, Nick Naylor, the face of cigarettes, the Colonel Sanders of nicotine.
 
2013-10-15 12:35:03 PM  
is "Scumbag, Inc." taken ?
 
ows
2013-10-15 12:35:20 PM  
how about a lobbyist hunt club?
 
2013-10-15 12:39:11 PM  

Foundling: snocone: coeyagi: I know many lobbyists are also lawyers, but it's high time we repurpose every lawyer joke ever made for lobbyists.

What do you call a plane load of lobbyists that crashes at sea?

A good start.


Waste of a perfectly good plane.
 
2013-10-15 12:39:23 PM  
images.popmatters.com

"That's too meta, even for me."
 
2013-10-15 12:40:12 PM  

that one guy with the face: snocone: coeyagi: I know many lobbyists are also lawyers, but it's high time we repurpose every lawyer joke ever made for lobbyists.

What do you call a plane load of lobbyists that crashes at sea?

A waste of a good plane.


Damn. I should have refreshed.

/great minds...
 
2013-10-15 12:42:48 PM  

LemSkroob: is "Scumbag, Inc." taken ?


No but Scumbag College is.

24.media.tumblr.com

/Up Scumbag. Up Scumbag
/This is obscure but I knew your father, so Footlights lead by 25 points.
 
2013-10-15 12:45:45 PM  
Redskins?
 
2013-10-15 12:45:53 PM  
National Coalition of Miserable Cocksuckers?
 
2013-10-15 12:49:47 PM  
I've got a friend the buys politicians, you mind if I have him come in and take a look at it?

/Wait, wrong meme.
 
2013-10-15 12:49:58 PM  
FTFA:  "Everybody has that misconception that lobbyists are walking around with a pocketful of cash and that's about it," said Monte Ward, the group's president.

Yeah, that's because if you don't have a pocket full of cash and you're wandering the halls of Congress trying to change things you're called an ACTIVIST.
 
2013-10-15 12:50:52 PM  

coeyagi: I know many lobbyists are also lawyers, but it's high time we repurpose every lawyer joke ever made for lobbyists.


yes, but only after we kill all the lawyers first of course.
 
2013-10-15 12:52:09 PM  
ms-brown.wikispaces.com

How about "former lobbyists"?
 
2013-10-15 12:55:22 PM  

snocone: I strongly suggest, in the most sincere vein, make them extinct.

Lobbyists are the root cause of why we cannot have a nice country.


To be fair, lobbying is a good thing sometimes. We need people who go to the capitol and point out that, hey, minorities have rights, or hey, poor people need Medicare. We just need to make sure they're not bribing people to do that.
 
2013-10-15 12:57:21 PM  

PsiChick: snocone: I strongly suggest, in the most sincere vein, make them extinct.

Lobbyists are the root cause of why we cannot have a nice country.

To be fair, lobbying is a good thing sometimes. We need people who go to the capitol and point out that, hey, minorities have rights, or hey, poor people need Medicare. We just need to make sure they're not bribing people to do that.


Those people are called voters.
 
2013-10-15 01:02:48 PM  

mizchief: PsiChick: snocone: I strongly suggest, in the most sincere vein, make them extinct.

Lobbyists are the root cause of why we cannot have a nice country.

To be fair, lobbying is a good thing sometimes. We need people who go to the capitol and point out that, hey, minorities have rights, or hey, poor people need Medicare. We just need to make sure they're not bribing people to do that.

Those people are called voters.


And if a sociopath or asshole accidentally gets elected in, voters aren't always enough.
 
2013-10-15 01:08:52 PM  
Lawmakers
 
2013-10-15 01:09:09 PM  

SuperChuck: johnny_vegas: "whores" is not an option?

No, lobbyists are the ones buying. They're more like the johns. Congress is the whores.


Who's A.L.L. in?
 
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