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(Washington Post)   The American League of Lobbyists, a lobbyist group for lobbyists that lobbies on behalf of lobbyist interests, is lobbying for you to stop calling them lobbyists, please   (washingtonpost.com ) divider line
    More: Amusing, lobbying, strategic plan  
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2875 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Oct 2013 at 11:12 AM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



123 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-10-15 11:13:26 AM  
When you pry my Crackberry from my cold, dead hands.
 
2013-10-15 11:14:51 AM  
2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-10-15 11:14:54 AM  
i1.kym-cdn.com
 
2013-10-15 11:14:59 AM  
I've been calling lobbyists "parasites" for years, so I don't see what the trouble is with these fellas.
 
2013-10-15 11:15:36 AM  
The American League of Bribery?
 
2013-10-15 11:15:43 AM  
Fine. The American League of Bribers. Happy now?
 
2013-10-15 11:15:46 AM  
That is a pretty smurfy headline.
 
2013-10-15 11:16:03 AM  
Hillbillies would prefer to be called "Sons of the Soil," too, but it just ain't gonna happen.
 
2013-10-15 11:16:03 AM  
i0.kym-cdn.com
 
2013-10-15 11:16:16 AM  
Foyerists.
 
2013-10-15 11:16:28 AM  
Are any of these acceptable alternatives?

Dickheads in Suits
Treasonous Bastards
Assholes
 
2013-10-15 11:16:53 AM  
The only surprising thing so far in this thread is that Xzibit wasn't the Weeners.

/at least he placed and showed
 
2013-10-15 11:18:51 AM  
Damn, that filter gets you coming and going, don't it.
 
2013-10-15 11:19:12 AM  
i58.photobucket.com
 
2013-10-15 11:19:14 AM  
Done in 2
 
2013-10-15 11:19:40 AM  
They're into grassroots organizing and public affairs, and other sorts of politics and advocacy.

I work with a lot of 501(c)(3) organizations, and in my world, we call that "lobbying."
 
2013-10-15 11:21:17 AM  
I know many lobbyists are also lawyers, but it's high time we repurpose every lawyer joke ever made for lobbyists.
 
2013-10-15 11:22:35 AM  

Princess Ryans Knickers: Fine. The American League of Bribers. Happy now?


Consummate summation of the situation amigo.
 
2013-10-15 11:22:37 AM  

FuturePastNow: The American League of Bribery?


Princess Ryans Knickers: Fine. The American League of Bribers. Happy now?


THESE.
 
2013-10-15 11:22:48 AM  
www.old-picture.com
Begs to differ
 
2013-10-15 11:23:27 AM  
Soulless corporate shills?
 
2013-10-15 11:23:27 AM  
I strongly suggest, in the most sincere vein, make them extinct.

Lobbyists are the root cause of why we cannot have a nice country.
 
2013-10-15 11:23:45 AM  
Here's another vote for Bribers or Bribists.  Bribe Artists, perhaps.
 
2013-10-15 11:24:33 AM  

coeyagi: I know many lobbyists are also lawyers, but it's high time we repurpose every lawyer joke ever made for lobbyists.


What do you call a plane load of lobbyists that crashes at sea?
 
2013-10-15 11:25:53 AM  

Benevolent Misanthrope: Here's another vote for Bribers or Bribists.  Bribe Artists, perhaps.


I'm lost... is this the new name for the Washington Redskins ??
 
2013-10-15 11:26:30 AM  

snocone: coeyagi: I know many lobbyists are also lawyers, but it's high time we repurpose every lawyer joke ever made for lobbyists.

What do you call a plane load of lobbyists that crashes at sea?


A success on the part of the aviation manufacturers' lobbyists to not have damn government regulations on aviation safety and maintenance!
 
2013-10-15 11:26:33 AM  
"whores" is not an option?
 
2013-10-15 11:26:50 AM  
2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-10-15 11:27:27 AM  
Freedom-based Special Interests.
 
2013-10-15 11:27:36 AM  
When the lobbyists get put against the wall, that wall needs to be made out of the bodies of these guys.
 
2013-10-15 11:27:45 AM  
Human deer ticks?
 
2013-10-15 11:28:54 AM  
And why do they have to be such pussies with the Designated Briber rule? You don't see that kind of crap in the National League of Lobbyists!
 
2013-10-15 11:28:55 AM  
How about "No account scumbags"?  Does "No account scumbags" work for you?
 
2013-10-15 11:29:11 AM  
How about Political Corruption "Я" Us
 
2013-10-15 11:30:09 AM  
I've come to realize the rich have unions, and they are called lobbyists (and professional organizations like the AMA).

//I realize the unions have their own lobbyists.
 
2013-10-15 11:31:27 AM  
i293.photobucket.com

What one of their meetings might look like.
 
2013-10-15 11:31:37 AM  
You said Lobbyist twice.
s.mcstatic.com
 
2013-10-15 11:31:57 AM  
eh

i.imgur.com
 
2013-10-15 11:32:08 AM  
Association of Subhuman Scum(A.S.S.)?
 
2013-10-15 11:32:25 AM  
The ones with vaginas are ok actually.
/well, some anyway.
 
2013-10-15 11:32:33 AM  
Opinionated beggars?

Or beggars who can be choosers?
 
2013-10-15 11:33:03 AM  
Convicts?
 
2013-10-15 11:33:27 AM  
League of "Oh you need a bigger Yacht today? Lets talk" Banks.
 
2013-10-15 11:34:48 AM  

johnny_vegas: "whores" is not an option?


I think you have the wrong end of the transation.  They're more comparable to johns.
 
2013-10-15 11:35:07 AM  
Relations
Alliance of
Professional and
Institutional
Salespeople of
Trades and
Skills
 
2013-10-15 11:35:38 AM  
 
2013-10-15 11:35:49 AM  
Douchenozzles United?

Organ Donors?
 
2013-10-15 11:36:04 AM  
Hey guys, I found a use for all that ammunition we been stockpiling!
 
2013-10-15 11:36:24 AM  
Lobbyist is a bad name for what they do. Influence peddlers, bribers, conmen, or scum would do for most.

A few could be called activists.
 
2013-10-15 11:38:17 AM  

johnny_vegas: "whores" is not an option?


No, lobbyists are the ones buying. They're more like the johns. Congress is the whores.
 
2013-10-15 11:40:32 AM  
Well, what about "bag man", then?
 
2013-10-15 11:42:22 AM  
"Everybody has that misconception that lobbyists are walking around with a pocketful of cash and that's about it," said Monte Ward, the group's president.

They also offer hookers and blow
 
2013-10-15 11:42:35 AM  
If the bribery problem is kept under control - and with the current state of campaign finance, it is not - lobbyists can be a very useful and valuable part of the government. They can make very expensive expertise and consultation available to our government, which is tremendously valuable in helping our lawmakers not fark everything they touch up. BUT the bribery issue needs to be fixed, and there needs to be lobbyists on both sides to provide balance (which is why I kick folks like the EFF and NRDC a few bucks).
 
2013-10-15 11:42:57 AM  
How about we call them dog food for a little while and then call dog shiat later?
 
2013-10-15 11:44:18 AM  
Suspects?
 
2013-10-15 11:44:36 AM  
I like how they try to act like the negative connotation with lobbyists isn't really why they changed the name. It's cuz they also do stuff besides lobby, you guys. Srsly.
 
2013-10-15 11:45:06 AM  
I vote for Super Adventure Club.

I hope it's not taken.
 
2013-10-15 11:45:10 AM  

meat0918: I've come to realize the rich have unions, and they are called lobbyists (and professional organizations like the AMA).

//I realize the unions have their own lobbyists.


Don't forget the DEAD SCUMBAGS that left a farking foundation to perpetuate their chity agendas.
There are dead sociopaths reaching out from the grave that have more power in Congress than you do.
 
2013-10-15 11:46:00 AM  
We'll see how I feel after they take me out for a dinner and a few rounds of golf at my favorite resort in addition to a donation to my 'cause'.
 
2013-10-15 11:46:02 AM  

neversubmit: How about we call them dog food for a little while and then call dog shiat later?


My dog, being the conservationist that she was, didn't differentiate between the two.

//she had f*cking horrendous breath, as you can imagine
 
2013-10-15 11:46:57 AM  

Mega Steve: "Everybody has that misconception that lobbyists are walking around with a pocketful of cash and that's about it," said Monte Ward, the group's president.

They also offer hookers and blow


And one must really must wonder WHY?
The real cheese is reelection.
 
2013-10-15 11:47:41 AM  
Ass Kissers
Brown noser
Bribe transfer specialist
 
2013-10-15 11:48:21 AM  

grumpfuff: I like how they try to act like the negative connotation with lobbyists isn't really why they changed the name. It's cuz they also do stuff besides lobby, you guys. Srsly.


It seems to me that changing the name and explaining what else they do should lead to an update/expansion of the Lobbying Disclosure Act....but it likely won't.
 
2013-10-15 11:49:18 AM  

stuffy: Bribe transfer specialist


That's got a nice ring to it.
 
2013-10-15 11:49:41 AM  
I do prefer their designated lobbyist rule. I know the purists hate it but they'll get over it
 
2013-10-15 11:50:01 AM  
"Democracy Prevention Specialist"?

I'd say "whore", except I don't want to insult people who blow truckers for ten bucks.
 
2013-10-15 11:54:58 AM  

Surpheon: If the bribery problem is kept under control - and with the current state of campaign finance, it is not - lobbyists can be a very useful and valuable part of the government. They can make very expensive expertise and consultation available to our government, which is tremendously valuable in helping our lawmakers not fark everything they touch up. BUT the bribery issue needs to be fixed, and there needs to be lobbyists on both sides to provide balance (which is why I kick folks like the EFF and NRDC a few bucks).


Call me crazy but when elected officials are listening to anyone other than the people who elected them and are doing anything other than representing their voters, they're not doing their job.  An elected official having to pay attention to and be potentially swayed by a lobbyist or lobby group from another state is, in principle, a conflict of interest.  Washington lobbies are run by and in favor of big business, who have practically zero votes yet seem to win every election and every vote on a floor, until they're
a) battling with each other or
b) represent obvious losses, such as the tobacco lobby being in favor of cancer (though you can dispute the involvement of the insurance lobby).

No?
 
2013-10-15 11:55:08 AM  

Peter von Nostrand: I do prefer their designated lobbyist rule. I know the purists hate it but they'll get over it


Oh, it's you, one of those. I guess you're fine with lobbyists having to wear helmets, too? Let me tell you, the lobbyists who bought Warren Harding NEVER would have lowered themselves to the kind of pansy-ass safeguards they make a lobbyist go through today!
 
2013-10-15 11:55:14 AM  

coeyagi: neversubmit: How about we call them dog food for a little while and then call dog shiat later?

My dog, being the conservationist that she was, didn't differentiate between the two.

//she had f*cking horrendous breath, as you can imagine


GROSS! Please stop sharing. Thank you.
 
2013-10-15 11:56:44 AM  
The American Society of Shills?
 
2013-10-15 11:58:36 AM  
I have a suggestion for the new name:

League of Influence Peddlers
 
2013-10-15 12:00:26 PM  

EyeballKid: Peter von Nostrand: I do prefer their designated lobbyist rule. I know the purists hate it but they'll get over it

Oh, it's you, one of those. I guess you're fine with lobbyists having to wear helmets, too? Let me tell you, the lobbyists who bought Warren Harding NEVER would have lowered themselves to the kind of pansy-ass safeguards they make a lobbyist go through today!


I do have a problem with that. I preferred it when lobbyists did their job powered by booze and hot dogs
 
2013-10-15 12:02:18 PM  

snocone: coeyagi: I know many lobbyists are also lawyers, but it's high time we repurpose every lawyer joke ever made for lobbyists.

What do you call a plane load of lobbyists that crashes at sea?


A good start.
 
2013-10-15 12:02:27 PM  

EyeballKid: Peter von Nostrand: I do prefer their designated lobbyist rule. I know the purists hate it but they'll get over it

Oh, it's you, one of those. I guess you're fine with lobbyists having to wear helmets, too? Let me tell you, the lobbyists who bought Warren Harding NEVER would have lowered themselves to the kind of pansy-ass safeguards they make a lobbyist go through today!


Why in my day if we wanted to get dirt in a congressman we had to follow him* around the clock, big his office and home phones, bribe his friends and family, and occasionally resort to larceny.

Now you damn whippersnappers just follow them on twitter and wait. Lazy buncha soandsos.

*Him. There may have been women in congress I don't remember. In my day they were just useful for getting coffee and voting along with the men.
 
2013-10-15 12:06:12 PM  
Is Citizens United already taken?
 
2013-10-15 12:09:05 PM  
The American League of Bribery , is an old institution who sucks Koch on occasion and gleefully bribes many a politician to thwart the peoples will.

/Still a crime to bribe, but who ya gonna call?
 
2013-10-15 12:10:20 PM  

snocone: coeyagi: I know many lobbyists are also lawyers, but it's high time we repurpose every lawyer joke ever made for lobbyists.

What do you call a plane load of lobbyists that crashes at sea?


A waste of a good plane.
 
2013-10-15 12:15:11 PM  
To be fair, there's nothing inherently wrong with groups of people banding together to make their voices heard to politicians based on common beliefs and concerns. There are lots of lobbyists out there pushing for perfectly sensible things.

They just don't have much money so nobody pays any attention to them.
 
2013-10-15 12:16:04 PM  
Future Prison biatch
 
2013-10-15 12:19:49 PM  
That's like saying that the Super Friends are neither super, nor friends (well, except for Batman cause he just a normal guy that hates everyone there).
 
2013-10-15 12:20:51 PM  
No Merchants of Death references or pics? Come on Fark! It was good and relevant movie.

/thought chocolate was the best ice cream flavor
//now know it is vanilla
///yay America!
 
2013-10-15 12:29:04 PM  
i.imgur.com
 
2013-10-15 12:29:16 PM  

McGrits: No Merchants of Death references or pics? Come on Fark! It was good and relevant movie.

/thought chocolate was the best ice cream flavor
//now know it is vanilla
///yay America!


First five minutes of that movie were among the best openings of any film I've ever seen. It wandered a little bit later on, but damn...

Nick Naylor: I earn a living fronting an organization that kills 1,200 human beings a day. 1,200 people! We're talking two jumbo jet plane loads of men, women and children. I mean, there's Attila, Genghis and me, Nick Naylor, the face of cigarettes, the Colonel Sanders of nicotine.
 
2013-10-15 12:35:03 PM  
is "Scumbag, Inc." taken ?
 
ows
2013-10-15 12:35:20 PM  
how about a lobbyist hunt club?
 
2013-10-15 12:39:11 PM  

Foundling: snocone: coeyagi: I know many lobbyists are also lawyers, but it's high time we repurpose every lawyer joke ever made for lobbyists.

What do you call a plane load of lobbyists that crashes at sea?

A good start.


Waste of a perfectly good plane.
 
2013-10-15 12:39:23 PM  
images.popmatters.com

"That's too meta, even for me."
 
2013-10-15 12:40:12 PM  

that one guy with the face: snocone: coeyagi: I know many lobbyists are also lawyers, but it's high time we repurpose every lawyer joke ever made for lobbyists.

What do you call a plane load of lobbyists that crashes at sea?

A waste of a good plane.


Damn. I should have refreshed.

/great minds...
 
2013-10-15 12:42:48 PM  

LemSkroob: is "Scumbag, Inc." taken ?


No but Scumbag College is.

24.media.tumblr.com

/Up Scumbag. Up Scumbag
/This is obscure but I knew your father, so Footlights lead by 25 points.
 
2013-10-15 12:45:45 PM  
Redskins?
 
2013-10-15 12:45:53 PM  
National Coalition of Miserable Cocksuckers?
 
2013-10-15 12:49:47 PM  
I've got a friend the buys politicians, you mind if I have him come in and take a look at it?

/Wait, wrong meme.
 
2013-10-15 12:49:58 PM  
FTFA:  "Everybody has that misconception that lobbyists are walking around with a pocketful of cash and that's about it," said Monte Ward, the group's president.

Yeah, that's because if you don't have a pocket full of cash and you're wandering the halls of Congress trying to change things you're called an ACTIVIST.
 
2013-10-15 12:52:09 PM  
ms-brown.wikispaces.com

How about "former lobbyists"?
 
2013-10-15 12:55:22 PM  

snocone: I strongly suggest, in the most sincere vein, make them extinct.

Lobbyists are the root cause of why we cannot have a nice country.


To be fair, lobbying is a good thing sometimes. We need people who go to the capitol and point out that, hey, minorities have rights, or hey, poor people need Medicare. We just need to make sure they're not bribing people to do that.
 
2013-10-15 01:02:48 PM  

mizchief: PsiChick: snocone: I strongly suggest, in the most sincere vein, make them extinct.

Lobbyists are the root cause of why we cannot have a nice country.

To be fair, lobbying is a good thing sometimes. We need people who go to the capitol and point out that, hey, minorities have rights, or hey, poor people need Medicare. We just need to make sure they're not bribing people to do that.

Those people are called voters.


And if a sociopath or asshole accidentally gets elected in, voters aren't always enough.
 
2013-10-15 01:08:52 PM  
Lawmakers
 
2013-10-15 01:09:09 PM  

SuperChuck: johnny_vegas: "whores" is not an option?

No, lobbyists are the ones buying. They're more like the johns. Congress is the whores.


Who's A.L.L. in?
 
2013-10-15 01:27:24 PM  
"What's in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet;"

-- Romeo and Juliet, Act II, Scene II, Shakespeare

• The gambling industry has tried to change its name to the "gaming" industry.
• Prostitutes want to be called "sex workers."
• Lobbyists want to be called something that doesn't elicit images of political corruption and cronyism.

A rose by any other name.
 
2013-10-15 01:29:43 PM  
i.imgur.com
 
2013-10-15 01:35:49 PM  

Nana's Vibrator: Surpheon: If the bribery problem is kept under control - and with the current state of campaign finance, it is not - lobbyists can be a very useful and valuable part of the government. They can make very expensive expertise and consultation available to our government, which is tremendously valuable in helping our lawmakers not fark everything they touch up. BUT the bribery issue needs to be fixed, and there needs to be lobbyists on both sides to provide balance (which is why I kick folks like the EFF and NRDC a few bucks).

Call me crazy but when elected officials are listening to anyone other than the people who elected them and are doing anything other than representing their voters, they're not doing their job.  An elected official having to pay attention to and be potentially swayed by a lobbyist or lobby group from another state is, in principle, a conflict of interest.  Washington lobbies are run by and in favor of big business, who have practically zero votes yet seem to win every election and every vote on a floor, until they're
a) battling with each other or
b) represent obvious losses, such as the tobacco lobby being in favor of cancer (though you can dispute the involvement of the insurance lobby).

No?


No. The EFF is a lobbying organization. The ACLU is a lobbying organization. The Sierra Club is a lobbying organization.

Personally, if an elected official from Bumfark Okalahoma is being called upon to vote on internet neutrality regulation, I sure as hell hope they are listening to someone other than just the people who voted for them. It makes perfect sense for government officials to listen to experts in the field that their laws impact. Those experts typically are lobbyists. Where it is not OK is when those experts are telling them "I'll get you $100k for your next election fund" instead of "No, it's not like a bunch of tubes - let me explain the implications of that you..."

Big business is not inherently evil, just amoral. Properly regulated, it is a tremendous force for good. Lobbyists can be the exact same thing - properly regulated, they can be an incredible wellspring of expert advice to encourage more intelligent laws.
 
2013-10-15 01:40:49 PM  
American Society of Shills, Hawkers, Organizers, Lawyers, Entreprenuers and Sanguisugents
 
2013-10-15 01:44:01 PM  

johnny_vegas: "whores" is not an option?


Heavens, No.

It makes sense when you think about it.
Whores can be arrested for soliciting.
However, solictors are never arrested for whoring.

/ba-dum-ching
 
2013-10-15 01:46:14 PM  
We already have an alternate, more concise, label for them: criminals.
 
2013-10-15 01:47:56 PM  
That's the modern way. Once your assholery has made your very title despised by the public, 'rebrand' yourself with a new name. Repeat as necessary. Like 'Trial Lawyers' became 'Consumer Attorneys'.
 
2013-10-15 02:07:45 PM  
I hope the tag is being ironic.  There's nothing amusing about these scumbags.
 
2013-10-15 02:14:43 PM  
But "Scum-Sucking Anti-Democracy Weasel" or "Republican Ball-Licker" is harder to fit onto a business card.
 
2013-10-15 02:20:55 PM  

Surpheon: No. The EFF is a lobbying organization. The ACLU is a lobbying organization. The Sierra Club is a lobbying organization.

Personally, if an elected official from Bumfark Okalahoma is being called upon to vote on internet neutrality regulation, I sure as hell hope they are listening to someone other than just the people who voted for them. It makes perfect sense for government officials to listen to experts in the field that their laws impact. Those experts typically are lobbyists. Where it is not OK is when those experts are telling them "I'll get you $100k for your next election fund" instead of "No, it's not like a bunch of tubes - let me explain the implications of that you..."

Big business is not inherently evil, just amoral. Proper ...


Big business is inherently driven financially despite harming the populations they serve - often their own customers - and won't stop basing their decisions on finance until laws are made.  That's as close to inherently evil as it gets until we get some comic book level evil leaders and CEO's.

And while I agree that representatives listening to well-intentioned / well-informed lobbyists on issues and improving society in spite of itself is probably a good thing, it conflicts with the ideals of democracy and highlights its flaws.

I guess, at the core, what I'm saying is democracy and capitalism have their flaws.  Ground breaking, I know.
 
2013-10-15 02:46:18 PM  

jjorsett: That's the modern way. Once your assholery has made your very title despised by the public, 'rebrand' yourself with a new name. Repeat as necessary. Like 'Trial Lawyers' became 'Consumer Attorneys'.


GOP became Tea Party.

And now that they've sh*t-stained their way into being despised, I guess they need a new name.

My vote: Motorized-Americans for Freedom (MAFF)

www.neoshoforums.com
 
2013-10-15 03:06:04 PM  
TWATS

/Not an acronym
 
2013-10-15 03:10:12 PM  

guestguy: TWATS

/Not an acronym


Why not?

Terrible White Assholes Troll-f*cking Society
 
2013-10-15 03:12:27 PM  

coeyagi: guestguy: TWATS

/Not an acronym

Why not?

Terrible White Assholes Troll-f*cking Society



Because there is no point in pretense...they are twats and that's what we should refer to them as.
 
2013-10-15 03:13:24 PM  

coeyagi: guestguy: TWATS

/Not an acronym

Why not?

Terrible White Assholes Troll-f*cking Society



Though I do like it :)
 
2013-10-15 03:49:44 PM  
None of this naming nonsense should matter.
Obama promised that there would be no lobbyists in Washington if he was elected.

/Oh, you mean there are more lobbyists since his election?
//And he even gave appointments to some of them, too?
///Impossible!
 
2013-10-15 03:49:56 PM  
So, they want to go with National Association of Government Relations Professionals?
NAGR,Ps?
 
2013-10-15 04:06:23 PM  
4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-10-15 04:08:14 PM  
3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-10-15 04:38:14 PM  
I think public opinion might be higher if they got rid of the DH.
 
2013-10-15 06:35:07 PM  

GlenninSac: [4.bp.blogspot.com image 425x292]


If voters wanted, they could form their own lobby group and influence Congress.  A lobby group with 1 million people an $10 each has more influence then lobby group with $10 million chas and 1 guy.


Who's really standing outside that window?  Not voters.  The 40% of American who doesn't vote then biatches about their government.
 
2013-10-15 07:27:20 PM  
Can we start by lobbing them into Lake Michigan in a couple of months?
 
2013-10-15 07:29:13 PM  

EyeballKid: And why do they have to be such pussies with the Designated Briber rule? You don't see that kind of crap in the National League of Lobbyists!


No kidding... takes all the strategy out of lobbying!
 
2013-10-15 08:01:14 PM  

lycanth: I think public opinion might be higher if they got rid of the DH.


We're trying to have a nice conversation deriding lobbyists and you have to go and bring this up.  No, we are not getting rid of the DH, no one wants to watch pitchers try to hit.
 
2013-10-16 01:25:27 AM  
www.yodawgiherdyou.com
 
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