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(14 News Evansville)   Band director sends 350 texts to his 15 year old student in 9 days including "love you sweetheart" but it's okay because it was a growing father-daughter relationship not anything sexual   (14news.com) divider line 13
    More: Sick, child murder, Owensboro, Kenton County, alumni, teacher sent, executive directors  
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7644 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Oct 2013 at 2:46 AM (40 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-10-15 03:28:23 AM
3 votes:

Quantum Apostrophe: This band director, is it a man? Then hang him in acid on the Moon.


Yeah. I'm not usually one for this kind of outrage yet I couldn't help but notice that this guy gets the "sick" tag for exchanging nonsexual texts, while a woman who rapes a 14 year old, forcibly detains him, cuts his arms and chokes him gets the less heinous "dumbass" tag.
2013-10-15 01:23:26 AM
3 votes:
It's Kentucky.  Father-daughter relationships are sexual.

bud-dum-tssshhh

/low hanging fruit
2013-10-15 05:16:30 AM
2 votes:

ZurkisPhreek: I don't know if you know this, but there ARE teachers out there who become so important and influential in the lives of their students, mostly because such students are often almost criminally neglected.
Such teachers who dare to love a student as if it were their own child, can be the saving grace for what could otherwise become a tragic tale of life.


Unfortunately true.  My long time good friend and room mate (at the time) was a teacher and a basketball coach, and I saw first hand how the kids would end up seeking guidance from him and he would practically be a third (more attentive) parent in their life.   He was forced to resign because a female student developed a crush on him (this actually happens  all the time, its inevitable), and apparently talked too much to him via text message and/or facebook.  Some other girls on the team caught wind of the crush, checked her text history, saw how much she was messaging him and told a parent.   He never acted inappropriately, or said anything inappropriate.. didnt matter.  He was a man talking to a teenage girl.  and since he was her coach, he had authority over the kids on away games etc and they felt that compromised him somehow.

So.. a random parent made a complaint, and he got the choice... willfully resign for personal reasons and go teach somewhere else, or they'll black ball him and make some kind of formal misconduct paperwork follow him around haunting him for the rest of his life.  The girls parents actually showed up at the school and tried to plead for the coach, as the whole family had developed a strong rapport, but it didnt matter.  Once a "problem" came across admins desk, not taking action would open them up to future liability problems.

Just really sucks, truly awesome guy.  He really fell apart over the accusations, there was no way to defend himself.
2013-10-15 01:27:39 AM
2 votes:
Over a nine day period, there were more than 690 text message between the two. About 350 of them were from Murray to the student; 340 from the student to Murray.

Takes two to tango. Unless all 340 of those texts were "Stop texting me".
2013-10-15 02:24:56 PM
1 votes:

H31N0US: Alonjar: saw how much she was messaging him

Here's the thing: do not give your personal info to Students. No phone numbers, no nothing. If a student starts calling you inappropriately, put a block on the number / user id or whatever.

I don't see how this can be so hard.


Here's the thing. Do not assist or aid any child, hell, not even any adult, not your own, not anyone else's, since the perception could be that there is an insidious relationship from providing too much affection or support.

If anybody speaks to you, place your fingers in your ears and scream "la-la-la" until you are outside listening or hearing range.

If you must deal with anybody, stand behind six inches of reinforced glass using only tablets to write your message. Have your message reviewed, approved, and certified by several attorneys and account representatives as well as the public stenographer.

I don't see how this can be so hard.

/snark
//What the hell ever happened to common sense and sensibility?
2013-10-15 09:33:30 AM
1 votes:
I'm sorry but he crossed the line with the "love you sweetheart" lines.  You can argue that he cared for her and was helping her but as soon as he added that line it makes the situation extremely hard for the school district to look past.  Had he not sent those lines he would have been giving a few days off with pay and had it noted in his file.

If you work with young kids and become their mentors that is fine and is a great thing.  Do not cross the line and send them stuff that could be taken as sexual or as you have feelings for them other than mentor/mentee.
2013-10-15 08:56:23 AM
1 votes:

Alonjar: ZurkisPhreek: I don't know if you know this, but there ARE teachers out there who become so important and influential in the lives of their students, mostly because such students are often almost criminally neglected.
Such teachers who dare to love a student as if it were their own child, can be the saving grace for what could otherwise become a tragic tale of life.

Unfortunately true.  My long time good friend and room mate (at the time) was a teacher and a basketball coach, and I saw first hand how the kids would end up seeking guidance from him and he would practically be a third (more attentive) parent in their life.   He was forced to resign because a female student developed a crush on him (this actually happens  all the time, its inevitable), and apparently talked too much to him via text message and/or facebook.  Some other girls on the team caught wind of the crush, checked her text history, saw how much she was messaging him and told a parent.   He never acted inappropriately, or said anything inappropriate.. didnt matter.  He was a man talking to a teenage girl.  and since he was her coach, he had authority over the kids on away games etc and they felt that compromised him somehow.

So.. a random parent made a complaint, and he got the choice... willfully resign for personal reasons and go teach somewhere else, or they'll black ball him and make some kind of formal misconduct paperwork follow him around haunting him for the rest of his life.  The girls parents actually showed up at the school and tried to plead for the coach, as the whole family had developed a strong rapport, but it didnt matter.  Once a "problem" came across admins desk, not taking action would open them up to future liability problems.

Just really sucks, truly awesome guy.  He really fell apart over the accusations, there was no way to defend himself.


Why is teacher exchanging cell phone #s with students?
2013-10-15 07:25:50 AM
1 votes:
I managed a retail store in my mid and late 20s, and I had good relationships with my high school-aged employees. I chatted with some of them via text or phone several times a week -- often griping about work, talking about mutual interests or things of the sort. I was a mentor to many of them, and they didn't feel ashamed to ask me for advice since I was 10 years older. And, at the same time, there was never any confusion that this was a "we're friends and co-workers" thing with no hint of a sexual relationship.

So, yeah, I get what the guy is saying. He may be perfectly innocent, and in 2013, this is a lot more normal than these kids' parents might realize.

But I'm going to guess that his school district has a "zero tolerance" policy on fraternizing with students, and that he crossed a line of appropriateness, however innocent it may have been. That wasn't criminal, but it cost him his job and his reputation as a teacher. He used poor judgment, and the hyper-vigilance about protecting children from teachers who prey upon them snared him, much like someone who spots a mouse trap and who says, "hey, free cheese!"  without thinking about the consequences.
2013-10-15 05:49:11 AM
1 votes:

profplump: Lady J: a male teacher should not develop close friendships with underage female students

You're conflating gender and sexual orientation.

And bear in mind that "underage female students" may not have a well-developed sense of their own sexual identity, let alone be willing to disclose their orientation in a manner that would allow their teachers to make reasonable decisions about which students must be kept at arm's length.


all students have to be kept at arms length. anything more than that is not a teacher's job, regardless of how innocent and noble the motivation
2013-10-15 05:27:22 AM
1 votes:
Alonjar:

Unfortunately true.  My long time good friend and room mate (at the time) was a teacher and a basketball coach, and I saw first hand how the kids would end up seeking guidance from him and he would practically be a third (more attentive) parent in their life.   He was forced to resign because a female student developed a crush on him (this actually happens  all the time, its inevitable), and apparently talked too much to him via text message and/or facebook.  Some other girls on the team caught wind of the crush, checked her text history, saw how much she was messaging him and told a parent.   He never acted inappropriately, or said anything inappropriate.. didnt matter.  He was a man talking to a teenage girl.  and since he was her coach, he had authority over the kids on away games etc and they felt that compromised him somehow.

So.. a random parent made a complaint, and he got the choice... willfully resign for personal reasons and go teach somewhere else, or they'll black ball him and make some kind of formal misconduct paperwork follow him around haunting him for the rest of his life.  The girls parents actually showed up at the school and tried to plead for the coach, as the whole family had developed a strong rapport, but it didnt matter.  Once a "problem" came across admins desk, not taking action would open them up to future liability problems.

Just really sucks, truly awesome guy.  He really fell apart over the accusations, there was no way to defend himself.


Yup, that's more or less the crux of the problem. Since it CAN be misunderstood, everyone decides to "play it safe" and just go kill the whole thing.
It's pretty sad how many people think that if a grown man is communicating with a teenaged girl, he is definetely tryinig to get into her pants... I'd say that sort of view says more about the viewer than who's being viewed.
And yes, I do understand that that inappropriate things DO happen, but if we're always too afraid of the minuscule percentile of things going bad, how about the major percentile of things that go right? Too afraid of losing a dime to earn a dollar.
2013-10-15 04:55:09 AM
1 votes:
I don't know if you know this, but there ARE teachers out there who become so important and influential in the lives of their students, mostly because such students are often almost criminally neglected.
Such teachers who dare to love a student as if it were their own child, can be the saving grace for what could otherwise become a tragic tale of life.

I sincerely hope they're speaking the truth and that this student has finally found a loving role model who can help her become something else than a case for Child Services.
2013-10-15 03:15:50 AM
1 votes:
They didn't say it was OK. They said it was "not criminal". Which may actually be the case if the text messages were not overtly sexual, and didn't include the sending/receiving of inappropriate photos. Apparently, nothing physical ever occurred between the two.

Creepy? Yes. Disturbing? Yes. Worthy of losing his job? Yes--which has apparently already happened. But if he hasn't actually broken any laws, then he shouldn't be prosecuted.
2013-10-15 02:50:46 AM
1 votes:
How does her actual father feel about this supposed father-daughter relationship?
 
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