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(14 News Evansville)   Band director sends 350 texts to his 15 year old student in 9 days including "love you sweetheart" but it's okay because it was a growing father-daughter relationship not anything sexual   (14news.com) divider line 61
    More: Sick, child murder, Owensboro, Kenton County, alumni, teacher sent, executive directors  
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7652 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Oct 2013 at 2:46 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-10-15 02:24:56 PM  

H31N0US: Alonjar: saw how much she was messaging him

Here's the thing: do not give your personal info to Students. No phone numbers, no nothing. If a student starts calling you inappropriately, put a block on the number / user id or whatever.

I don't see how this can be so hard.


Here's the thing. Do not assist or aid any child, hell, not even any adult, not your own, not anyone else's, since the perception could be that there is an insidious relationship from providing too much affection or support.

If anybody speaks to you, place your fingers in your ears and scream "la-la-la" until you are outside listening or hearing range.

If you must deal with anybody, stand behind six inches of reinforced glass using only tablets to write your message. Have your message reviewed, approved, and certified by several attorneys and account representatives as well as the public stenographer.

I don't see how this can be so hard.

/snark
//What the hell ever happened to common sense and sensibility?
 
2013-10-15 02:42:21 PM  
So lets compare the reactions in this thread to the one a few threads down where the genders are reversed
 
2013-10-15 03:07:17 PM  

Cookbook's Anarchist: Here's the thing. Do not assist or aid any child, hell, not even any adult, not your own, not anyone else's, since the perception could be that there is an insidious relationship from providing too much affection or support.


You could have ended your post right here for a heavier impact. Instead, you blew it out of proportion and made it look silly.

Cookbook's Anarchist: What the hell ever happened to common sense and sensibility?


I don't think it has much to do with that. The guy in the article didn't have any of that. I think it has more to do with reducing the possibility of victimization. Even young kids should be wary of how not to become victims of abuse. It's just that we aren't very good at teaching them this. It's a very kind of taboo topic often involving incest or whatever and I guess rather than teaching our kids to be mindful of family members it's easier to push the "stranger danger" crap. That's how you get good people afraid to help others.

We don't want to get into those icky details about recognizing possible grooming techniques or what have you with our kids. We don't want to think it could happen in our families, so we tell them not to get into "free candy" vans and think we can protect them on the homefront and spare them from even having to think about the world they live in.

Anyone with daughters, I hope you are doing your best to build their confidence in their abilities and intellect and not just for being cute princesses. Teach them their bodies are theirs, teach them it's ok to disagree and to say so and to be comfortable with the word "no". A confident, capable child who will speak up is the best kind of pedo deterrent.

Having said that, this guy should have known he was being inappropriate. He should not have been texting her. She's a teenager and teenagers are always right and know everything so she's going to do what she wants despite the adults knowing better. That's why we also must hold adults accountable for their actions, of course, and it's the reason this guy is losing his job.
 
2013-10-15 03:09:22 PM  

Warlordtrooper: So lets compare the reactions in this thread to the one a few threads down where the genders are reversed


In this thread, he is receiving a mixture of sympathy/condemnation. In the other thread, she is getting insulted for her appearance.
 
2013-10-15 03:52:37 PM  

Fafai: Cookbook's Anarchist: Here's the thing. Do not assist or aid any child, hell, not even any adult, not your own, not anyone else's, since the perception could be that there is an insidious relationship from providing too much affection or support.

You could have ended your post right here for a heavier impact. Instead, you blew it out of proportion and made it look silly.


I meant to make it look silly not based on the article but all of the responses lumping this experience in with say a scout leader or coach that even dares to treat a child as someone important and perhaps in need of true guidance and help,though I do appreciate your notion that my statement could have some impact if not reduced to absurdity.

In my own experience, I never found a teacher's interest in my schooling or a coach's influence on my ability to be untoward. Granted, I had parents that constantly warned me of the dangers and cared for me with discipline and structure, which unfortunately is not what many people get these days.

While I do acknowledge there are numerous situations where people have taken advantage of child and adult alike, I do not feel that we should judge each small action as if it can only end in uncivil consequence.

Cookbook's Anarchist: What the hell ever happened to common sense and sensibility?

I don't think it has much to do with that. The guy in the article didn't have any of that. I think it has more to do with reducing the possibility of victimization. Even young kids should be wary of how not to become victims of abuse. It's just that we aren't very good at teaching them this. It's a very kind of taboo topic often involving incest or whatever and I guess rather than teaching our kids to be mindful of family members it's easier to push the "stranger danger" crap. That's how you get good people afraid to help others.

We don't want to get into those icky details about recognizing possible grooming techniques or what have you with our kids. We don't want to think it could happen in our families, so we tell them not to get into "free candy" vans and think we can protect them on the homefront and spare them from even having to think about the world they live in.

Anyone with daughters, I hope you are doing your best to build their confidence in their abilities and intellect and not just for being cute princesses. Teach them their bodies are theirs, teach them it's ok to disagree and to say so and to be comfortable with the word "no". A confident, capable child who will speak up is the best kind of pedo deterrent.

Having said that, this guy should have known he was being inappropriate. He should not have been texting her. She's a teenager and teenagers are always right and know everything so she's going to do what she wants despite the adults knowing better. That's why we also must hold adults accountable ...


Agreed. Too long have we focused that any and all actions from unknown adults must mean they are the monsters hiding under the bed, but not enough education and practicality is taught to people to enable them to make proper decisions even in light of the potential perceptions of others. It's all too black and white because there are never nuances that should be considered to be the true balance between inaction and perversity. Also agreed, that no child should be afraid to come to their parents, then again, if the parents are the threat, a teacher should not be reluctant to step in on their behalf as an advocate.

Discouraging everyone from ever assisting anyone based on perception just creates an atmosphere of apathy and depraved indifference...a world without empathy, without compassion.

Having said that, people should always tread carefully when dealing with others. I would just hope not to the detriment of helping those that need it or those that genuinely ask.
 
2013-10-15 07:31:40 PM  
I'll just leave this here. This guy went WAY the fark over the line. It's not like he is 25 and she is 17. This shiat is just creepy.
http://www.wcpo.com/news/local-news/kenton-county/covington/former-h ol mes-high-school-band-director-sent-inappropriate-texts-to-student-reco rds-show
 
2013-10-15 07:53:02 PM  

WTFDYW: I'll just leave this here. This guy went WAY the fark over the line. It's not like he is 25 and she is 17. This shiat is just creepy.
http://www.wcpo.com/news/local-news/kenton-county/covington/former-h ol mes-high-school-band-director-sent-inappropriate-texts-to-student-reco rds-show


Yup he totally just wanted to be a mentor and not sex.

"These are the days I want to take you home and give you the love you deserve"

So all you people defending him what do you say now?
 
2013-10-15 07:59:00 PM  

TNel: WTFDYW: I'll just leave this here. This guy went WAY the fark over the line. It's not like he is 25 and she is 17. This shiat is just creepy.
http://www.wcpo.com/news/local-news/kenton-county/covington/former-h ol mes-high-school-band-director-sent-inappropriate-texts-to-student-reco rds-show

Yup he totally just wanted to be a mentor and not sex.

"These are the days I want to take you home and give you the love you deserve"

So all you people defending him what do you say now?


He also rallied his supporters to attack the girl, her home was vandalized, and she has had to transfer to a different school. It is a clear case of an inappropriate relationship. Educators know from the moment they accept the position that there is no such thing as a "friendship" outside the classroom and all indications that a student may believe one exists are supposed to be reported to a school counselor.

There is no situation under the law which supports the notion he expressed that he only wanted her to come to his home if she had trouble at her own home. He knew for a fact that any indication she was an at risk teen was to be reported to CPS immediately.  Instead he began grooming her for something that he never quite achieved.
 
2013-10-15 08:02:11 PM  

archichris: TNel: WTFDYW: I'll just leave this here. This guy went WAY the fark over the line. It's not like he is 25 and she is 17. This shiat is just creepy.
http://www.wcpo.com/news/local-news/kenton-county/covington/former-h ol mes-high-school-band-director-sent-inappropriate-texts-to-student-reco rds-show

Yup he totally just wanted to be a mentor and not sex.

"These are the days I want to take you home and give you the love you deserve"

So all you people defending him what do you say now?

He also rallied his supporters to attack the girl, her home was vandalized, and she has had to transfer to a different school. It is a clear case of an inappropriate relationship. Educators know from the moment they accept the position that there is no such thing as a "friendship" outside the classroom and all indications that a student may believe one exists are supposed to be reported to a school counselor.

There is no situation under the law which supports the notion he expressed that he only wanted her to come to his home if she had trouble at her own home. He knew for a fact that any indication she was an at risk teen was to be reported to CPS immediately.  Instead he began grooming her for something that he never quite achieved.



The River City News reports that at 12:14 p.m., during school hours, Murray texted, "If I was twenty years younger maybe". At 3:22 p.m., "You look nice today".
On August 29, at 7:09 a.m., Murray texted the girl to say, "Morning, good lookin'". At 7:32 a.m.: "So when you moving in?" At 7:40 a.m.: "We would have tons of the fun".
 
2013-10-15 11:22:54 PM  

TNel: The One True TheDavid: Lady J:

he should be directing her to sources of help and guidance that can't be misconstrued.

Please tell us which "sources of help and guidance" those might be.

Parents, aunt, uncle, grandparent, same gender counselor.


What is it about parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents and same gender counselors that renders them utterly incapable of molestation?
 
2013-10-16 08:47:19 AM  

The One True TheDavid: What is it about parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents and same gender counselors that renders them utterly incapable of molestation?

misconstrued

 doesn't mean molest.  It means the releationship between the two can't be thought as being sexual.  Most people don't assume parents/aunts/unlces/grandparents when they send "I love you" means "I want in your pants".  When someone talks to a same gender counselor usually doesn't get taken as they tried to come on to me.

I think you posted with poor language and this is why we are at this discussion.
 
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