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(Mother Nature Network)   Americans have a new fascination with the common hemorrhoid   (mnn.com) divider line 108
    More: Interesting, Americans, Google Trends, water balloon, Google Search  
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9160 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Oct 2013 at 6:40 PM (46 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



108 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-10-14 05:07:12 PM
He will be thrilled.

i1.ytimg.com
 
2013-10-14 05:12:49 PM
Leave Ted Cruz alone!!11
 
2013-10-14 05:58:38 PM
It's just viral marketing for the rollout of Preparation I
 
2013-10-14 06:16:46 PM

Tarkus: Leave Ted Cruz alone!!11


covered.
leaving
 
2013-10-14 06:29:44 PM
There has been a dramatic increase in butthurt since 2008.
 
2013-10-14 06:40:44 PM
Pop culture.
 
2013-10-14 06:41:38 PM
A pain in the butt, I tell yah.
 
2013-10-14 06:45:24 PM
I misspelled Boner as Boehner, and that's what came up.
 
2013-10-14 06:49:53 PM
But enough about the Teatards.
 
2013-10-14 06:51:35 PM
use a bidet
 
2013-10-14 06:52:57 PM
The minority can f the world. Why not.

//Founding fathers raise up from their graves
 
2013-10-14 06:53:05 PM
FIBER ONE BARS. Book it. Done. Ever since I started slamming down 2-3 of them a day, it's been smooth sailing with no bleeding ever. Shrinkage even. Those bars make really nice dessert snacks. I  love the caramel-coconut-fudge version. Stay away from the brownies. They're like wallpaper paste.

/listen up people, heed well my advice. Pull down your pants and slide on the ice
 
2013-10-14 06:55:26 PM
Ground flax seeds, psyllium husk, bran and plenty of water.

Broccoli and roughage is good.

Magnesium if you're still not going well. Add dosage slowly.
 
2013-10-14 06:55:27 PM
Why isn't this safely on the Politics tab?
 
2013-10-14 06:58:08 PM
img2.timeinc.net
 
2013-10-14 06:58:45 PM
If Cruz is a hemorrhoid, then Boener is the anal fissure.
 
2013-10-14 06:59:09 PM
My first thought was also, "why isn't this on the Politics tab"


I'd also love to look back and see when the first PPP poll with hemorrhoids vs. congress was released and see if there's any correlation between subsequent releases of polls with that question on and google searches.
 
2013-10-14 06:59:30 PM

Testiclaw: Ground flax seeds, psyllium husk, bran and plenty of water.

Broccoli and roughage is good.

Magnesium if you're still not going well. Add dosage slowly.


colon/mind blown
 
2013-10-14 06:59:30 PM
One of the absolute best over-the-counter products for treating open wounds and moderate skin tears on the market.

img.fark.net

/seriously
 
2013-10-14 07:02:17 PM
I've never heard Teatards referred to as such, but it seems appropriate.
 
2013-10-14 07:03:00 PM
But Bush can't be re-elected.
 
2013-10-14 07:03:00 PM
Does this track a rise in the mainstreaming of jamming it up her/his pooper?
 
2013-10-14 07:05:45 PM

revrendjim: There has been a dramatic increase in butthurt since 2008.


Aaaand, we're done.
 
2013-10-14 07:05:51 PM
I'll believe Americans really care when sales of the Japanese-style toilet seats go up.  $250 at the big Orange, for heated seat and heated water... not nearly as expensive as they were even a couple years ago.  Still gotta get a GFCI power outlet down near the toilet, so that can be a limiting factor.

Seriously, though... worth every stinking penny.
 
2013-10-14 07:06:56 PM
Should this be on the Politics tab?
 
2013-10-14 07:07:48 PM
That cheap 24 rolls of sandpaper is not helping.
 
IP
2013-10-14 07:09:30 PM

Tarkus: Leave Ted Cruz alone!!11

 
IP
2013-10-14 07:10:24 PM

revrendjim: There has been a dramatic increase in butthurt since 2008.


Well played.
 
2013-10-14 07:13:16 PM

thisisyourbrainonFark:


His going rate's a little higher these days. Plus now he's probably using it, not hawking it.
 
2013-10-14 07:14:09 PM
Maybe we can get Elon Musk to design the non hemorrhoid toilet. Then we can buy more carbon credits. It's a win all around.
 
2013-10-14 07:14:55 PM
It's more likely that there's more and more older people getting on the internet.
 
2013-10-14 07:16:59 PM
I had several internal hemorrhoids treated a few years ago. The doctor said some were the size of golf balls. I have no clue how all of this can fit up my ass but since I cant look up inside there, I have to take his word for it. When he tried to stick the lazer thing up my asshole I almost screamed it hurt so bad. After some investigation he told me that I had an anal fissure. Apparently all the pressure of trying to get poop past enormous hemorrhoids had ripped my bunghole. So he proceeds to tell me that we might can treat this with some sort of cream instead of surgery but this fissure must heal before the lazer treatments can take place.

So i get the ass cream from the pharmacy and smear it on. I also inject it up inside my ass as I was instructed. At first it felt better because it was sorta soothing on my torn butthole. Later it hurt bad, really, really bad. Even worse was the horrible itching. I began to fear that I had a reaction to the stuff that Id been shoving up my asshole. I went back to the doctor and found out that indeed I was allergic and it was the first time they had seen this happen. I dont know how they kept from laughing but I admire them for it. Anyway, he managed to figure out an alternative med and that actually helped. After my butt healed he lazered my ass. Now im fine but I eat plenty of fruits, veggies and whole grains now. And thats all I have to say about that.
 
2013-10-14 07:18:53 PM
But it's the Polacks who managed to perform the first hemorrhoid transplant.
 
2013-10-14 07:20:56 PM

Tarkus: Leave Ted Cruz alone!!11


I see I am no longer needed here.
 
2013-10-14 07:21:09 PM

leevis: But it's the Polacks who managed to perform the first hemorrhoid transplant.


fark you racist shiatbag. Go crawl back to your mongrel home.
 
2013-10-14 07:21:40 PM

liverleef: I had several internal hemorrhoids treated a few years ago. The doctor said some were the size of golf balls. I have no clue how all of this can fit up my ass but since I cant look up inside there, I have to take his word for it. When he tried to stick the lazer thing up my asshole I almost screamed it hurt so bad. After some investigation he told me that I had an anal fissure. Apparently all the pressure of trying to get poop past enormous hemorrhoids had ripped my bunghole. So he proceeds to tell me that we might can treat this with some sort of cream instead of surgery but this fissure must heal before the lazer treatments can take place.

So i get the ass cream from the pharmacy and smear it on. I also inject it up inside my ass as I was instructed. At first it felt better because it was sorta soothing on my torn butthole. Later it hurt bad, really, really bad. Even worse was the horrible itching. I began to fear that I had a reaction to the stuff that Id been shoving up my asshole. I went back to the doctor and found out that indeed I was allergic and it was the first time they had seen this happen. I dont know how they kept from laughing but I admire them for it. Anyway, he managed to figure out an alternative med and that actually helped. After my butt healed he lazered my ass. Now im fine but I eat plenty of fruits, veggies and whole grains now. And thats all I have to say about that.


Did they say anything about the gerbil that's lodged in there?
 
2013-10-14 07:23:43 PM
What the hell is this thread supposed to be about?!?
 
2013-10-14 07:23:56 PM
Increased fascination with working out + long hours of sitting = chances increase
 
2013-10-14 07:25:54 PM

liverleef: I had several internal hemorrhoids treated a few years ago. The doctor said some were the size of golf balls. I have no clue how all of this can fit up my ass but since I cant look up inside there, I have to take his word for it. When he tried to stick the lazer thing up my asshole I almost screamed it hurt so bad. After some investigation he told me that I had an anal fissure. Apparently all the pressure of trying to get poop past enormous hemorrhoids had ripped my bunghole. So he proceeds to tell me that we might can treat this with some sort of cream instead of surgery but this fissure must heal before the lazer treatments can take place.

So i get the ass cream from the pharmacy and smear it on. I also inject it up inside my ass as I was instructed. At first it felt better because it was sorta soothing on my torn butthole. Later it hurt bad, really, really bad. Even worse was the horrible itching. I began to fear that I had a reaction to the stuff that Id been shoving up my asshole. I went back to the doctor and found out that indeed I was allergic and it was the first time they had seen this happen. I dont know how they kept from laughing but I admire them for it. Anyway, he managed to figure out an alternative med and that actually helped. After my butt healed he lazered my ass. Now im fine but I eat plenty of fruits, veggies and whole grains now. And thats all I have to say about that.


I have never thought about my own asshole in the entirety of my life combined as much as I have while reading this post. I now want to sprinkle some baby powder on it and thank God the it's always worked pretty much as intended.
 
2013-10-14 07:26:06 PM
I'm starting to get a funny feeling in my no-no parts after reading this thread.
 
2013-10-14 07:29:56 PM

Gyrfalcon: What the hell is this thread supposed to be about?!?


shiatting.
 
2013-10-14 07:32:52 PM

IRQ12: It's more likely that there's more and more older people getting on the internet.


Or just more people in general.

xkcdwheretheyshowheatmapsthatareessentiallypopulationmaps.jpg
 
2013-10-14 07:32:54 PM
24.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-10-14 07:33:17 PM

Lawnchair: I'll believe Americans really care when sales of the Japanese-style toilet seats go up.  $250 at the big Orange, for heated seat and heated water... not nearly as expensive as they were even a couple years ago.  Still gotta get a GFCI power outlet down near the toilet, so that can be a limiting factor.

Seriously, though... worth every stinking penny.


Your link is busted, but I imagine you're talking about something along the lines of the Toto Washlet. Got one at work (plumbing shop) but can't put the power supply in my apartment. Wish I could. There's nothing like a clean butthole.
 
2013-10-14 07:34:37 PM

mark12A: FIBER ONE BARS. Book it. Done. Ever since I started slamming down 2-3 of them a day, it's been smooth sailing with no bleeding ever. Shrinkage even. Those bars make really nice dessert snacks. I  love the caramel-coconut-fudge version. Stay away from the brownies. They're like wallpaper paste.

/listen up people, heed well my advice. Pull down your pants and slide on the ice


I know way too much about you. We're going to have to get married now.

/hope your hemmorhoids can handle catching
 
2013-10-14 07:34:41 PM
"Data gathered from Google searches show that interest in the term "hemorrhoids" more than doubled between 2008 and 2013..."

www.guzer.com

I blame the "Preppers"
 
2013-10-14 07:37:59 PM

liverleef: And thats all I have to say about that.


Jesus.

I think that's all there is to say about that.
 
2013-10-14 07:39:06 PM
The more arseholes we elect the more hemorrhoids we get?

OR

The lower our house prices go the more hemorrhoids we get?

OR

The more we talk about teh gayz the more hemorrhoids we get?

OR

With Obamacare coming we can report preexisting conditions now, the more hemorrhoids we get?

OR

The more we cram our fat butts into little fuel efficient cars to save money, the more hemorrhoids we get?

OR

The older the baby boomers get, the more their arses are messed up from being tightwads for so long?
 
2013-10-14 07:44:26 PM
Will he use a shoe to go in there, like boot me in the ass or something?


THEY'RE TEARING THE ASS OUTTA ME
 
2013-10-14 07:45:23 PM
Ok, imma gomna go ahead and say that I DNRTFA, so I have no idea what this thread is about. I am, however, laughing my ass off. Thank you, fark!
 
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