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(Newser)   Dane Cook returns to not being funny   (newser.com) divider line 49
    More: Dumbass, Dane Cook, stand-up comic, comedy  
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4526 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 14 Oct 2013 at 1:11 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



49 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-10-14 11:13:08 AM  
So, Hah, I was with this girl last night, you know the type that's always on her cellphone and I just ripped it out of her hand and smashed it and told her to shut the fark up and get me a sandwich, HAH, YEAHHH YOU IN THE CROWD, YOU'RE A LADY, AREN'T YOU.

So, Hah, I was with this girl and she was lke "why did you smash my phone" and I'm like HAH! CALL COLLECT AND FIND OUT! IT'S SOOOOO CRAZY, I'M SO CRAAZYY, I'M DANE COOK
 
2013-10-14 11:21:55 AM  
He looks like shiat. Like Patrick Warburton and Christian Bale had an ugly love-child.
 
2013-10-14 11:51:36 AM  

marius2: So, Hah, I was with this girl last night, you know the type that's always on her cellphone and I just ripped it out of her hand and smashed it and told her to shut the fark up and get me a sandwich, HAH, YEAHHH YOU IN THE CROWD, YOU'RE A LADY, AREN'T YOU.

So, Hah, I was with this girl and she was lke "why did you smash my phone" and I'm like HAH! CALL COLLECT AND FIND OUT! IT'S SOOOOO CRAZY, I'M SO CRAAZYY, I'M DANE COOK


For some reason, I read that whole thing in Seth MacFarlane's voice.
 
2013-10-14 01:16:15 PM  
"Returns"?
 
2013-10-14 01:19:06 PM  

axeeugene: "Returns"?



Maybe he slipped on a banana peel and was accidentally funny or something.
 
2013-10-14 01:20:50 PM  

axeeugene: "Returns"?

Came to say this.

I would add that it seems as though Dane's brother is less of a scumbag than he is.
 
2013-10-14 01:21:02 PM  
Dane Cook was ever funny?
 
2013-10-14 01:22:38 PM  
static.giantbomb.com
 
2013-10-14 01:23:29 PM  
I liked his cashew bit, that's about it.
 
2013-10-14 01:24:44 PM  
He's not funny. Especially that bit about needing therapy because his parents died.
 
2013-10-14 01:26:39 PM  
So does anyone know if he's the comedian rapist that Jim Jeffries had a bit about?
 
2013-10-14 01:30:26 PM  

axeeugene: "Returns"?

 
2013-10-14 01:30:51 PM  
I like Dane Cook.  There, I said it.
 
2013-10-14 01:33:20 PM  
That movie he made with Jessica Alba gave me cancer, it was so unfunny.
 
2013-10-14 01:35:55 PM  

NutWrench: marius2: So, Hah, I was with this girl last night, you know the type that's always on her cellphone and I just ripped it out of her hand and smashed it and told her to shut the fark up and get me a sandwich, HAH, YEAHHH YOU IN THE CROWD, YOU'RE A LADY, AREN'T YOU.

So, Hah, I was with this girl and she was lke "why did you smash my phone" and I'm like HAH! CALL COLLECT AND FIND OUT! IT'S SOOOOO CRAZY, I'M SO CRAAZYY, I'M DANE COOK

For some reason, I read that whole thing in Seth MacFarlane's voice.


Which one?
 
2013-10-14 01:35:58 PM  

axeeugene: "Returns"?

 
2013-10-14 01:36:49 PM  

theorellior: That movie he made with Jessica Alba gave me cancer, it was so unfunny.


i1247.photobucket.com

+1
 
2013-10-14 01:42:31 PM  
 
2013-10-14 01:46:16 PM  

AeAe: I like Dane Cook.  There, I said it.



assets.diylol.com
 
2013-10-14 01:48:25 PM  
He has that stupid "this wacky angular hair is what the kids half my age do right?" haircut.  He needs to be put out of business.
 
2013-10-14 01:50:54 PM  
So I take it Dane Cook isn't funny.
 
2013-10-14 02:08:08 PM  

browneye: So I take it Dane Cook isn't funny.


Dane Cook is to unfunny what Michele Bachman is to unsmart
 
2013-10-14 02:17:44 PM  

HotWingConspiracy: So does anyone know if he's the comedian rapist that Jim Jeffries had a bit about?


Doubtful, but it's a brilliant bit nonetheless:

http://www.youtube.com/w atch?v=hM3O0T_KUHI
 
2013-10-14 02:19:17 PM  
I don't care for the mans schtick, but with his parents dying and his farking brother ripping him off (for ALL of it, I guess), I'll give him a pass.
 
2013-10-14 02:27:48 PM  

usttsdw: I liked his cashew bit, that's about it.


what, did he choke on a cashew and then some bastard gave him the heimlich?
 
2013-10-14 02:29:25 PM  

angrymonday: He's not funny. Especially that bit about needing therapy because his parents died.


I hear you bro.  I personally enjoy the topical comedic stylings of Dennis Leary.  I can never get enough of his bit about about the F150's eco-boost.  LOL. And don't get me started about torque.  Where does he come with that stuff?  Pure gold.
 
2013-10-14 02:30:25 PM  

Madbassist1: I don't care for the mans schtick, but with his parents dying and his farking brother ripping him off (for ALL of it, I guess), I'll give him a pass.


uploads.neatorama.com

My god, is there any part of his life that Dane Cook hasn't stolen from another comic?
 
2013-10-14 02:30:55 PM  
img.fark.net

Thanks Occam's Chainsaw
 
2013-10-14 02:36:44 PM  

Dead for Tax Reasons: usttsdw: I liked his cashew bit, that's about it.

what, did he choke on a cashew and then some bastard gave him the heimlich?


He put the cashew on his erect penis and used his penis as a spring board to launch the cashew into his mouth.
 
2013-10-14 02:46:43 PM  

axeeugene: "Returns"?


This.

lyndsayj: Dane Cook was ever funny?


That.

Madbassist1: I don't care for the mans schtick, but with his parents dying and his farking brother ripping him off (for ALL of it, I guess), I'll give him a pass.


Well, since you put it that way...

Shadow Blasko: [img.fark.net image 591x95]

Thanks Occam's Chainsaw


Pretty much the other.
 
2013-10-14 03:00:32 PM  
weknowmemes.com
 
2013-10-14 03:01:57 PM  
I was listening to old O&A a while back. They had a few comics in studio, and they were all killing it. Patrice, Burr (i think), an another guy. The other guy was killing it. Naturally funny, easy to listen to, and a great addition to that show.

Turns out the 3rd guy was Dane Cook. I was blown away. It wasn't the god awful hack we have come to know and hate, but very much one of the guys, able to hold his own with f*cking Patrice Oneal. If that guy could do more comedy, Dane would be seen much differently than the way we see him now.
 
2013-10-14 03:03:08 PM  
Spicy Dub-Whops!!!
 
2013-10-14 03:32:34 PM  
His original comedy Central special was pretty good. Then it was all downhill
 
2013-10-14 04:29:39 PM  

angrymonday: He's not funny. Especially that bit about needing therapy because his parents died.


Really? I thought it was the funniest thing I heard from him in years.
 
2013-10-14 05:13:20 PM  

HotWingConspiracy: So does anyone know if he's the comedian rapist that Jim Jeffries had a bit about?


He's not. If you google around on it, the internet rumor mill has it as Tim Allen.

I've no idea if that's true or not.
 
2013-10-14 06:18:50 PM  

hervatski: His original comedy Central special was pretty good. Then it was all downhill


yep. comedy central presents, from 2000. it was amazing.
Harmful If Swallowedwas good too but then .... meh
 
2013-10-14 06:34:14 PM  
I laughed pretty hard at the scene in Mr. Brooks where Kevin Costner beats him to death with a shovel.

/No spoiler alert 'cause none of you should bother to watch that movie anyway. You've been warned.
 
2013-10-14 08:09:49 PM  
Mad TV had a hilarious skit that totally nailed Cook's stand-up routine

Link
 
2013-10-14 08:48:44 PM  
Dane Cook is one of the 10 best comedians working today
 
ecl
2013-10-14 09:04:54 PM  

angrymonday: He's not funny. Especially that bit about needing therapy because his parents died.


Even when he pretended to cry?
 
2013-10-14 10:11:20 PM  
BATMANATEE * * Smartest * Funniest 2013-10-14 06:34:14 PM I laughed pretty hard at the scene in Mr. Brooks where Kevin Costner beats him to death with a shovel. /No spoiler alert 'cause none of you should bother to watch that movie anyway. You've been warned.
========================================================

A) That movie is friggin awesome. I'm very sad they never did the planned trilogy. Costner's guy is AWESOME.

B) Since you gave away the ending, he did not beat him to death with a shovel, he sliced his jugular with it. He smacked him over the head too, but that was just icing on the cake.
 
ecl
2013-10-14 11:00:20 PM  

jake3988: BATMANATEE * * Smartest * Funniest 2013-10-14 06:34:14 PM I laughed pretty hard at the scene in Mr. Brooks where Kevin Costner beats him to death with a shovel. /No spoiler alert 'cause none of you should bother to watch that movie anyway. You've been warned.
========================================================

A) That movie is friggin awesome. I'm very sad they never did the planned trilogy. Costner's guy is AWESOME.

B) Since you gave away the ending, he did not beat him to death with a shovel, he sliced his jugular with it. He smacked him over the head too, but that was just icing on the cake.


i3.kym-cdn.com
 
2013-10-14 11:03:05 PM  

hervatski: His original comedy Central special was pretty good. Then it was all downhill


His schtick grows old quick.
 
2013-10-15 12:06:47 AM  
Jesus.  Losing both parents within the year and finding out your brother peeled 12 million dollars of you would be pretty shiatty.  No matter how unfunny his stand-up is that pretty much sucks.

/still think he's a douche
 
2013-10-15 12:30:44 AM  

AeAe: I like Dane Cook.  There, I said it.


i63.photobucket.com
 
2013-10-15 08:35:10 AM  

FuryOfFirestorm: Mad TV had a hilarious skit that totally nailed Cook's stand-up routine

Link


yeah they nailed it. It wasnt the least bit funny either.
 
2013-10-15 09:08:38 AM  
Kevin Costner should hit him in the head with a shovel again.
 
2013-10-15 12:01:47 PM  
Mr. Annoying. The women in the audience seem to love him.
 
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