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(The Hollywood Reporter)   Stretch Armstrong movie falls apart into little tiny smelly pieces of plastic   (hollywoodreporter.com) divider line 47
    More: Fail, Stretch Armstrong, Relativity Media, Taylor Lautner, Hasbro  
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2036 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 13 Oct 2013 at 5:55 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



47 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-10-12 11:58:39 PM  
"Stretch Armstrong is an incredible character who will make an amazing movie,"

cdn.meme.li
Stretch Armstrong was a stupid toy. He wasn't a "character." The movie would have been terrible.
 
2013-10-13 12:13:20 AM  

Lando Lincoln: "Stretch Armstrong is an incredible character who will make an amazing movie,"

[cdn.meme.li image 333x235]
Stretch Armstrong was a stupid toy. He wasn't a "character." The movie would have been terrible.


Aw c'mon, with such a charismatic actor as Taylor Lautner in the lead, how could it fail???
 
2013-10-13 12:36:00 AM  
The only way this movie would have been good was if it starred Dean Cain.
 
2013-10-13 01:24:29 AM  
I'm still holding out hopes for Pet Rock: The Movie.
 
2013-10-13 02:57:02 AM  
Maybe they should have made him into a member of the cast of Toy Story
 
2013-10-13 03:40:24 AM  
GOOD!
 
2013-10-13 05:32:32 AM  
What about a dinosaur stretch armstrong movie? Where's the love for dino stretch?

/only episode of pawn stars I ever saw
 
2013-10-13 05:58:38 AM  
Done in one.

I had one of those toys.  Eventually, one tries to see if it's stretchy enough to handle a hole in it, and the jelly inside leaks out.
 
2013-10-13 06:04:56 AM  

Alphax: Done in one.

I had one of those toys.  Eventually, one tries to see if it's stretchy enough to handle a hole in it, and the jelly inside leaks out.


Gay.
 
2013-10-13 06:25:41 AM  
It was a gimmick toy that was never popular to begin with. The ones that did sell would be played with it for about 5 minutes before the kid decided to see how quickly he could destroy it.

Anyone who thought this would be a good idea for a movie should not be in the movie business.
 
2013-10-13 06:33:18 AM  

robohobo: Alphax: Done in one.

I had one of those toys.  Eventually, one tries to see if it's stretchy enough to handle a hole in it, and the jelly inside leaks out.

Gay.


Only if it's KY.
 
2013-10-13 07:19:38 AM  

Lando Lincoln: "Stretch Armstrong is an incredible character who will make an amazing movie,"


Stretch Armstrong was a stupid toy. He wasn't a "character." The movie would have been terrible.


Sounds like you don't know what 'amazing' means anymore.
 
2013-10-13 07:29:09 AM  
Their attempt at a revival in the 90s (presumably; it could have been a ripoff character) included a big red villain. Unlike Stretch, he was filled with thousands of tiny little styrofoam grains, roughly the grade of sand. You sucked out the air with a little pump or something and he became posable. My cousin tore his guy open though, and holy goddamn those little styrofoam balls got everywhere. I was still finding them in my clothes and hair a month later.

/csb
 
2013-10-13 07:32:54 AM  

Bonanza Jellybean: Their attempt at a revival in the 90s (presumably; it could have been a ripoff character) included a big red villain. Unlike Stretch, he was filled with thousands of tiny little styrofoam grains, roughly the grade of sand. You sucked out the air with a little pump or something and he became posable. My cousin tore his guy open though, and holy goddamn those little styrofoam balls got everywhere. I was still finding them in my clothes and hair a month later.

/csb


Looks like it was this guy, "Vac-Man"

3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-10-13 07:59:52 AM  

Lando Lincoln: Stretch Armstrong was a stupid toy. He wasn't a "character." The movie would have been terrible.


Not even if he was 60 feet and just smashed whole cities with a 250 million dollar budget in 3D???
 
2013-10-13 08:04:52 AM  
Umm

Isn't this a repeat?

I could swear this same headline went green yesterday
 
2013-10-13 08:25:26 AM  
Even WITH Taylor Lautner attached!?

I find that difficult to believe. Everything that guy touches turns to gold.
 
2013-10-13 08:40:09 AM  
I'm not sure how that world work out as a movie.  They would first have make a cartoon to see if they can even attract kids.  Doesn't even seem they have a clear plan for attracting an audience.
 
2013-10-13 08:43:02 AM  
My recollection of a cold January day in 1978 is that Stretch Armstrong was filled with a viscous goo that worked well on waffles.
 
2013-10-13 08:55:37 AM  

hardinparamedic: The only way this movie would have been good was if it starred Dean Cain.


Patrick Warburton, and it has to be an R rated  comedy.
 
2013-10-13 09:12:08 AM  

Great_Milenko: hardinparamedic: The only way this movie would have been good was if it starred Dean Cain.

Patrick Warburton, and it has to be an R rated  comedy.


www.thetick.ws
 
2013-10-13 09:50:46 AM  

Bonanza Jellybean: Bonanza Jellybean: Their attempt at a revival in the 90s (presumably; it could have been a ripoff character) included a big red villain. Unlike Stretch, he was filled with thousands of tiny little styrofoam grains, roughly the grade of sand. You sucked out the air with a little pump or something and he became posable. My cousin tore his guy open though, and holy goddamn those little styrofoam balls got everywhere. I was still finding them in my clothes and hair a month later.

/csb

Looks like it was this guy, "Vac-Man"

[3.bp.blogspot.com image 400x307]


I still have my Vac-Man in a cabinet somewhere.  I was a little old for toys, but he was not only posable, he was moldable. It was like clay you could reset.  Muscles, emaciated, etc.  Novelty wore off quick, but in concept it was neat.

/always been into crafts and tinkering
//want to custom design a PC case from scratch currently
 
2013-10-13 09:57:12 AM  
When I was growing up, I had the Millennium Falcon, the Attack Carrier, Erector sets, chemistry sets, and those wooden electronic project kits that you could wire up different circuits in, yet my parents never bought me Stretch Armstrong.

They obviously didn't love me.
 
2013-10-13 10:21:10 AM  
The Stretch Armstrong Movie failed to gel?
 
2013-10-13 10:42:47 AM  
The script was probably all cheap filler.
 
2013-10-13 11:17:07 AM  
Stretch Armstrong died in the first battle of the "Good Guys" vs the Star Wars/Battlestar Galactica villains in 1979. Somehow, the Cylon warriors got a hold of a bunch of my dad's old shotgun shells, cut them open, covered Stretch with the resulting powder, and set him on fire. He was still alive when the Imperial Storm Troopers attacked him with their giant "Imperial Magnifying Glass" and focused the rays of the sun onto various parts of his anatomy. Steve Austin arrived, but was not able to save him.
 
2013-10-13 11:31:13 AM  
You didn't even have to really play with them much, the rubber rotted just as fast in your closet...

Then the goo starts leaking out from under the door.
 
2013-10-13 11:41:10 AM  
Might have worked if the movie ended with Stretch Monster tearing Armstrong's head off in the backyard, just like he did sometime in the late 70s.
 
2013-10-13 11:41:24 AM  
I had the orginal stretch armstrong and stretch monster.  Stretch armstrong came with little band aids you could put on his cuts.  You could fix him with a bicycle tire patch.

I froze mine and hit a bully over the head with it in school and got seem home for the day.
 
2013-10-13 12:11:51 PM  

baconbeard: Stretch Armstrong died in the first battle of the "Good Guys" vs the Star Wars/Battlestar Galactica villains in 1979. Somehow, the Cylon warriors got a hold of a bunch of my dad's old shotgun shells, cut them open, covered Stretch with the resulting powder, and set him on fire. He was still alive when the Imperial Storm Troopers attacked him with their giant "Imperial Magnifying Glass" and focused the rays of the sun onto various parts of his anatomy. Steve Austin arrived, but was not able to save him.


25.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-10-13 12:40:34 PM  
4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-10-13 01:21:14 PM  
"Let's make a movie about a character that is a lame rip-off of the lamest character in the lamest superhero team in the Marvel universe."
 
2013-10-13 02:06:02 PM  
I wish I could get paid to come up with terrible ideas like this.
 
2013-10-13 02:41:28 PM  
Stretch Armstrong movie cancelled? What a twist!
 
2013-10-13 04:42:18 PM  
I saw my friends dad whack him over the head with a Stretch Armstrong.  Actually I think it was Stretch Monster, but not much difference when you're beating your kid with it.
 
2013-10-13 04:42:20 PM  
It'll work if you put him up against Cloverfield...maybe even Godzilla.

/I'll direct it! Cool?
 
2013-10-13 04:54:49 PM  
One of the most profound lessons I learned as a kid in the 70's was "NEVER try to gut-punch a Stretch Armstrong".

I got a direct lesson on the laws of viscosity that day.
 
2013-10-13 05:13:17 PM  

baka-san: You didn't even have to really play with them much, the rubber rotted just as fast in your closet...

Then the goo starts leaking out from under the door.


I never realized Stretch Armstrong was an educational toy. "Old rubber won't hold goo" is an important lesson best learned early!
 
2013-10-13 05:34:41 PM  

erikike: I saw my friends dad whack him over the head with a Stretch Armstrong.  Actually I think it was Stretch Monster, but not much difference when you're beating your kid with it.


I laughed way harder at this than I should have.  I feel horrible now.
 
2013-10-13 08:54:54 PM  
My Stretch Armstrong lasted about 10 minutes before I successfully stretched him to the point of no return. It involved being drawn and quartered with bicycles. I felt like it was faulty advertising.
 
2013-10-13 10:01:31 PM  
So what?  I don't expect a Dawn Dolls movie, either.
 
2013-10-14 02:23:32 AM  
home.comcast.net

GOOD
 
2013-10-14 02:49:41 AM  
I'll just leave this here.
ifanboy.com
 
2013-10-14 05:48:19 AM  
theflatline I froze mine and hit a bully over the head with it in school and got sent home for the day

Now why can't I see THIS movie?
 
2013-10-14 09:00:02 AM  

FlyingJ: theflatline I froze mine and hit a bully over the head with it in school and got sent home for the day

Now why can't I see THIS movie?


Would freezing it make it harder than it was thawed?  I mean, they were frikkin' lethal.  Every kid who was hit in the head with it got a fractured skull.  Damned things were hard as steel.
 
2013-10-14 09:57:41 AM  
That is what happens when you juice up with your brother Lance
 
2013-10-14 03:03:18 PM  

Shadowtag: I'll just leave this here.
[ifanboy.com image 453x604]


That's Plastic Man, not Stretch. The shades give it away.
 
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