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(Salon)   I was a big-city girl too, until I took a Vespa to the knee   (salon.com ) divider line
    More: Dumbass, Vespa, East Village, Montclair  
•       •       •

9963 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Oct 2013 at 4:43 PM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



88 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2013-10-12 04:47:48 PM  
www.theproducersperspective.com

Some cheese to go with the article's white whine.
 
2013-10-12 04:47:59 PM  
 Just like an old cliché, Skyrim guards show up again. You know what else was cliché...
img.fark.net
 
2013-10-12 04:49:19 PM  
Oh a salon article, allow me to just not click the link.
 
2013-10-12 04:49:23 PM  
I once took a mini to the arse. My arse was okbut the car was fubar.
 
2013-10-12 04:49:46 PM  
Read about 1 or two paragraphs before becoming completely bored.

I dropped a Vespa on my leg, shattering my knee quite dramatically. The weight of the machine broke my Tibial Plateau, tibia and fibula. It was one of those injuries that caused the admitting nurse to exclaim and the X-ray guys to congratulate me for having broken myself so thoroughly.

I only cares about the scientific part of the story (IE, the physics involved in destroying a leg with a vespa), could care less about the whiny "human" element.

My house in Montclair is a large Victorian. Within two blocks there are fourteen restaurants, a theater, and a concert hall. I find myself in the Victorian monstrosity by necessity: it has enough rooms for myself and my children, as well as a painting studio, and a boarder. It is a continuation of my life, and my children's life, if somewhat cobbled together. But with all its charms it wasn't my ideal. So I came to Pine Hill to get away from all the people who know me and away from a life dictated by compromise.

weknowmemes.com
 
2013-10-12 04:51:36 PM  
There's an image at the bottom of the article that goes perfectly...

media.salon.com
 
2013-10-12 04:51:40 PM  
What the hell kinda Vespa was it?  Was she riding it?  I've pinned myself under my 375 lb bike numerous times.  It just doesn't make sense.
 
2013-10-12 04:52:01 PM  
Isn't "Life's Landscape" and "Landscape of my Life" the same thing?
 
2013-10-12 04:54:01 PM  
This is what happens when some women have midlife crises.

They stare at their bellybutton and then have to tell everybody about the experience.
 
2013-10-12 04:54:16 PM  

Headso: There's an image at the bottom of the article that goes perfectly...

[media.salon.com image 186x124]


Came here for this.
 
2013-10-12 04:54:48 PM  

super_grass: [www.theproducersperspective.com image 850x566]

Some cheese to go with the article's white whine.


she can keep the whine, but gimme that cheese, and a tube of crackers, please!
 
2013-10-12 04:55:04 PM  
the physics involved in destroying a leg with a vespa

I mean, Isn't a vespa about 250-300 pounds?

I know that can do a lot of damage if dropped freefall onto a knee. Was she taking it out of the back of a UHall with no ramp? Was she lifting the entire 250+ pounds of the vespa up?

In which case, how do you drop it right onto your knee? Her leg was under the vespa?

OR, did the vespa tilt over onto her? Would that build up enough momentum to destroy a knee?

... is she ... fat?
 
2013-10-12 04:56:05 PM  

AgentPothead: Oh a salon article, allow me to just not click the link.


Pastebin'd for your convenience:http://pastebin.com/76LECwLr

/we need a bot for certain publications
 
2013-10-12 04:56:22 PM  

lordargent: Read about 1 or two paragraphs before becoming completely bored.

I dropped a Vespa on my leg, shattering my knee quite dramatically. The weight of the machine broke my Tibial Plateau, tibia and fibula. It was one of those injuries that caused the admitting nurse to exclaim and the X-ray guys to congratulate me for having broken myself so thoroughly.

I only cares about the scientific part of the story (IE, the physics involved in destroying a leg with a vespa), could care less about the whiny "human" element.

My house in Montclair is a large Victorian. Within two blocks there are fourteen restaurants, a theater, and a concert hall. I find myself in the Victorian monstrosity by necessity: it has enough rooms for myself and my children, as well as a painting studio, and a boarder. It is a continuation of my life, and my children's life, if somewhat cobbled together. But with all its charms it wasn't my ideal. So I came to Pine Hill to get away from all the people who know me and away from a life dictated by compromise.

[weknowmemes.com image 400x312]


Stopped reading there too.

Fark.com: a community of like minded individuals linked in their scorn of all others.
 
2013-10-12 04:57:31 PM  
What at aging hipster who can't manager a vespa looks like.

api.ning.com

www.artrise.com
photos2.meetupstatic.com
 
2013-10-12 04:58:26 PM  

super_grass: AgentPothead: Oh a salon article, allow me to just not click the link.

Pastebin'd for your convenience:http://pastebin.com/76LECwLr

/we need a bot for certain publications


Oh I appreciate the effort, but I don't click salon links because of the content. I always end up like poor Pooh Bear.
i0.kym-cdn.com
 
2013-10-12 04:58:34 PM  
Ah yes the middle-age screed-o-reflection.  Usually written with a wine box and potpourri dish close by. In fact, I can almost smell coconut air freshener in the range rover.
 
2013-10-12 05:01:22 PM  
Was it driven by an old Italian priest? Those guys are wild men. They drive like God is their co-pilot.

You know what they say about Vespas driven by Old Italian priests:

When in Rome,
Say all your prayers
Or Vespas may
Take you unawares.

Look both ways
To cross the street
Or a Vespa
You may meet.

Matins, lauds and vespas
Are warnings
To Catholic girls
Who trespass.
 
2013-10-12 05:01:37 PM  
How the hell did she do that?  How much does a Vespa weigh and how can you hurt yourself with a scooter unless you crash it?

Pathetic.
 
2013-10-12 05:03:03 PM  
Dropped an 1100 vstar in a parking lot once, managed to throw myself away from it. A vespa at 1/4 of the weight should be easy to clear.
 
2013-10-12 05:04:19 PM  

lordargent: Read about 1 or two paragraphs before becoming completely bored.

I dropped a Vespa on my leg, shattering my knee quite dramatically. The weight of the machine broke my Tibial Plateau, tibia and fibula. It was one of those injuries that caused the admitting nurse to exclaim and the X-ray guys to congratulate me for having broken myself so thoroughly.

I only cares about the scientific part of the story (IE, the physics involved in destroying a leg with a vespa), could care less about the whiny "human" element.

My house in Montclair is a large Victorian. Within two blocks there are fourteen restaurants, a theater, and a concert hall. I find myself in the Victorian monstrosity by necessity: it has enough rooms for myself and my children, as well as a painting studio, and a boarder. It is a continuation of my life, and my children's life, if somewhat cobbled together. But with all its charms it wasn't my ideal. So I came to Pine Hill to get away from all the people who know me and away from a life dictated by compromise.

[weknowmemes.com image 400x312]


OMG! How does your Trust Fund survive the indignity?
 
2013-10-12 05:04:47 PM  

theflatline: What at aging hipster who can't manager a vespa looks like.

[api.ning.com image 184x184]

[www.artrise.com image 200x200]
[photos2.meetupstatic.com image 200x150]




She's not bad looking but I bet she's a nag. Would have to keep a ball gag in her mouth at all times
 
2013-10-12 05:05:05 PM  

Phelon Hardtimes: How the hell did she do that?  How much does a Vespa weigh and how can you hurt yourself with a scooter unless you crash it?

Pathetic.


You know, shiat happens. Clearly she wasn't trying to get her leg farked up with a Vespa. If it was just an article about how she had survived the months of recuperation with help from her friends and a little bit less navelgazing I might've actually read it and enjoyed it.
 
2013-10-12 05:06:04 PM  
I got hit on this at a redlight.

Bike fell on top of me.  I just got a cut on the knee and was sore.

I was 5'5 120 lbs at the time.

www.motorcycleclassics.com
 
2013-10-12 05:07:34 PM  

Mid_mo_mad_man: theflatline: What at aging hipster who can't manager a vespa looks like.

[api.ning.com image 184x184]

[www.artrise.com image 200x200]
[photos2.meetupstatic.com image 200x150]

She's not bad looking but I bet she's a nag. Would have to keep a ball gag in her mouth at all times


She resembles a gal I used to date that would nag, biatch and moan about life the universe and everything, and then wonder why I was not farking her at night after she had put in a 12 hour shift of whining at me.
 
2013-10-12 05:10:00 PM  
What about the boarder? How does he feel about 14 restaurants? Or the "concert hall"? Won't anyone think about the boarder?
 
2013-10-12 05:10:31 PM  
Damn dyslexia; I originally read the headline as "Big Titty Girl"; am disappointed.
 
2013-10-12 05:11:20 PM  
"Have you noticed that the nearby village is distinctly unfashionable and has an aura of decay?"

movieactors.com
 
2013-10-12 05:11:22 PM  

White_Scarf_Syndrome: What the hell kinda Vespa was it?  Was she riding it?  I've pinned myself under my 375 lb bike numerous times.  It just doesn't make sense.


I suspect the runningboard of the Vespa hit her knee. The side of the runningboard is only, what half an inch wide at most so that would focus the weight onto a much smaller area than a large slab sided bike.

/Still an impressive way of injuring yourself
 
2013-10-12 05:11:30 PM  

theflatline: Mid_mo_mad_man: theflatline: What at aging hipster who can't manager a vespa looks like.

[api.ning.com image 184x184]

[www.artrise.com image 200x200]
[photos2.meetupstatic.com image 200x150]

She's not bad looking but I bet she's a nag. Would have to keep a ball gag in her mouth at all times

She resembles a gal I used to date that would nag, biatch and moan about life the universe and everything, and then wonder why I was not farking her at night after she had put in a 12 hour shift of whining at me.


southparkstudios.mtvnimages.com
 
2013-10-12 05:13:05 PM  
Do you know who else came from (Upper) Montclair?
 
2013-10-12 05:13:10 PM  
i.imgur.com
 
2013-10-12 05:14:40 PM  

AgentPothead: Oh a salon article, allow me to just not click the link.


ya, everytime I go to that site, the page goes batshiat insane.
 
2013-10-12 05:18:15 PM  
games.chruker.dk
 
2013-10-12 05:25:59 PM  

Pribar: super_grass: [www.theproducersperspective.com image 850x566]

Some cheese to go with the article's white whine.

she can keep the whine, but gimme that cheese, and a tube of crackers, please!


i105.photobucket.com
What a tube of crackers might look like.
 
2013-10-12 05:27:17 PM  
Friend of mine had a rock roll over her foot. It was an impressive injury and her foot was sort of bent in half sideways. The docs inserted lots of pins and metal to make it foot shaped again. All of the medical folks looking at the xray were, "Wow. Hey (to colleague), you've got to see this." shiat happens.

Also, the article wasn't very interesting.
 
2013-10-12 05:27:19 PM  
I was knocked off my motorcycle on the freeway.  Then a car going 50 mph ran over me.
Stop your whining.
 
2013-10-12 05:28:24 PM  
I think Sid Snot's girlfriend was called Deirdre. Whenever I hear the name Deirdre I think of Sid Snot so I hope I'm right.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_2dyAJ50Ik

Phelon Hardtimes: How the hell did she do that?  How much does a Vespa weigh and how can you hurt yourself with a scooter unless you crash it?

Pathetic.

~
~
She might have Osteoporosis. Ageing women are prone to getting Osteoporosis, did you know that? [Although it's most common in the spine hips and wrists].

Check out the nawwsty crack this chick takes to her right hip, all thanks to a stupid moped. From Fark Videos a few days ago. http://www.fark.com/comments/7971251/Moped-loses-50-of-its-value-afte r -1st-ride
 
2013-10-12 05:29:43 PM  

Big Ramifications: She might have Osteoporosis. Ageing women are prone to getting Osteoporosis....

~
~
Not sure why I capitalized that.
 
2013-10-12 05:30:04 PM  
A bottle of Massengill is less douche-y then that article
 
2013-10-12 05:32:03 PM  
I have no idea of what I just tried to read...

but the bit about  the wild tangled mess of a garden made me think that she never bothered to mow her lawn and thought it was artsy or something..

geez... what a prat


no wonder her husband left her.
 
2013-10-12 05:33:25 PM  
So somebody tell us how it ends. Did she "Eat, Pray, Love," "Get Her Groove Back," go "Under the Tuscan Sun," or spend some "Nights in Rodanthe?"
 
2013-10-12 05:39:20 PM  

OscarTamerz: So somebody tell us how it ends. Did she "Eat, Pray, Love," "Get Her Groove Back," go "Under the Tuscan Sun," or spend some "Nights in Rodanthe?"


She was actually a sled.
 
2013-10-12 05:39:58 PM  
My story? I've had it much better than most people ever will, and continue to do so.

Go screw yourself, lady.

And a big screw you to that dump site for the abandoned rural shack pic. Dooshbags.
 
2013-10-12 05:43:27 PM  
lordargent:  could care less

Grrr...
 
2013-10-12 05:44:15 PM  
I grew up in a big city.
I now live in a very, very small town.
I prefer the small town.

I really hope I'm not so boring in talking about it as this woman is.

/tl;drtwt.
 
2013-10-12 05:50:14 PM  

White_Scarf_Syndrome: What the hell kinda Vespa was it?  Was she riding it?  I've pinned myself under my 375 lb bike numerous times.  It just doesn't make sense.




www.dundjinni.com
 
2013-10-12 06:02:53 PM  
As a scooterist, I'm guessing she was on an MP3?
www.quadrophenia.net
"YOU'VE KILLED THE SCOOTAH! FARK OFF, MISTER POSTIE BASTURD!"
 
ecl
2013-10-12 06:02:53 PM  
Does she have big tits?
 
2013-10-12 06:03:17 PM  

Sass-O-Rev: I grew up in a big city.
I now live in a very, very small town.
I prefer the small town.

I really hope I'm not so boring in talking about it as this woman is.

/tl;drtwt.



She took the midnight train goin' anyyyyywhere!
 
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