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(Sun News Network)   If you're driving drunk, saying you were testing your theory about how Jesus healed the deaf isn't the most sound defense   ( divider line
    More: Dumbass, automotive lighting  
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1706 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Oct 2013 at 4:29 PM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

26 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
2013-10-11 04:32:10 PM  
So, its a soundless defense then? Because he is trying to defend the deaf?

/got nothing
2013-10-11 04:34:41 PM  
So what you're saying is that I can get drunk by pouring pint after pint in my ear, and in addition if I don't drink any I won't gain weight and breath tests won't bother me.

time to write my next naturalnews article.
2013-10-11 04:35:05 PM  
not bad subby

/should of how Jesus healed the blind
2013-10-11 04:37:22 PM  
Foremost, it is important to know that there are two major notations of spellings that are widely accepted today worldwide. These are the British and the English spellings. Back in the 18th century, the English spellings were not standardized which led to much confusion after several British-spelled words surfaced and were made public. To the common knowledge of most people, Webster has been the major proponent of the English system. In this regard, "defense" is the American spelling whereas "defence" is the British counterpart pertaining to the same term. Australian,
2013-10-11 04:37:49 PM  
Sounds like a Floridian transplant, eh?
2013-10-11 04:41:10 PM  
Maybe he should have asked Jesus to take the wheel.
2013-10-11 04:41:30 PM  
What's this world coming to, when the "because Jesus" defense won't automatically get a not guilty verdict?
2013-10-11 04:44:19 PM  
Jesus was GUILTY of healing the sick
2013-10-11 04:45:09 PM  
Are you saying your excuses would fall on deaf ears?
2013-10-11 04:47:23 PM  
2013-10-11 04:47:48 PM  
I would hit 'em with a bit of John 2:1-11.

On the third day a wedding took place at Cana in Galilee. Jesus' mother was there, and Jesus and his disciples had also been invited to the wedding. When the wine was gone, Jesus' mother said to him, "They have no more wine."

"Woman, why do you involve me?" Jesus replied. "My hour has not yet come."

His mother said to the servants, "Do whatever he tells you."

Nearby stood six stone water jars, the kind used by the Jews for ceremonial washing, each holding from twenty to thirty gallons.

Jesus said to the servants, "OK you helium heads, fill the jars with water"; so they filled them to the brim.

Then he told them, "Now draw some out and take it to the master of the banquet."

They did so, and the master of the banquet tasted the water that had been turned into wine. He did not realize where it had come from, though the servants who had drawn the water knew. Then he called the bridegroom aside 10 and said, "Everyone brings out the choice wine first and then the cheaper wine after the guests have had too much to drink; but you have saved the best till now."

What Jesus did here in Cana of Galilee was the first of the signs through which he revealed his glory; and his disciples believed in him.
2013-10-11 04:48:31 PM
2013-10-11 04:50:51 PM  

SeesWhatYouDidThere: Maybe he should have asked Jesus to take the wheel.

I was driving home early Sunday morning through Bakersfield listening to gospel music on the colored radio station. And the preacher said "You know, you aaalways have the Lord by your side." And I was so pleased to be informed of this that I ran 20 red lights in his honor.

Thank you Jesus. Thank you Lord.
2013-10-11 04:51:30 PM  
At some point I thought I had quoted SeesWhatYouDidThere, but... eh.
2013-10-11 04:51:46 PM  
I saw the Sun News tag and thought this happened in Las Cruces. You know, where it's actually sunny.
2013-10-11 04:52:14 PM
2013-10-11 04:55:11 PM  
I literally burst out laughing when I first heard this:

♫ She had a lot on her mind and she didn't pay attention
She was going way too fast
Before she knew it she was spinning on a thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn't even have time to cry
She was so scared
She threw her hands up in the air♫

♫ Jesus take the wheel!♫

And promptly crashed and died. WTG Jesus.
2013-10-11 05:20:27 PM  
Always carry a Q-Tip.
2013-10-11 05:20:32 PM  
Luckily the J-man won't have to heal the death this man could have caused!
2013-10-11 05:45:23 PM  
Robert D. Bourque, 55, of Sarnia, was convicted of a charge of driving while his blood-alcohol level exceeded the legal limit.

Yeah, he's pretty much Bourqued.
2013-10-11 05:49:32 PM  
It is, however, a perfect excuse for "driving while black".
2013-10-11 07:30:48 PM
2013-10-11 08:16:18 PM  
I've read a lot of interpretations of the Bible, but that's not one of the ways I've read of how Jesus healed the deaf.
2013-10-11 08:45:07 PM  
My home town.

I'm so proud.



2013-10-11 09:18:00 PM  

Loud_Mouth_Soup: My home town.

I'm so proud.




Me too. Haha somehow I knew it would make Fark one day.
2013-10-12 02:24:52 AM  

Justice R.G. Hunter said there was no expert evidence regarding the breath-test machine's accuracy and convicted Bourque.
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