Do you have adblock enabled?
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Daily Mail)   Mark the date: March 16, 2880, the day the Earth will cease to exist because a giant asteroid will collide with our planet at 38,000 miles per hour. Any yes, Bruce Willis will not save us because he will be long gone   ( dailymail.co.uk) divider line
    More: Unlikely, Earth, Bruce Willis  
•       •       •

8654 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Oct 2013 at 11:43 AM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



114 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2013-10-11 10:23:55 AM  
No biggie. Just put him in a depleted uranium coffin and fire him out of a space cannon to divert the asteroid so that it hits the Moon instead. The sooner the better. Get cracking and you can do it while he's still alive.

Bruce Willis: You baaaaaaaaaaastaaaaaards! God will get you for this!
 
2013-10-11 10:31:38 AM  
No biggie, just burn down the observatory so this never happens again.
 
2013-10-11 10:45:29 AM  

Slaxl: No biggie, just burn down the observatory so this never happens again.


Thus solving the problem once and for all.
 
2013-10-11 11:02:48 AM  
Thanks Obama!
 
2013-10-11 11:10:17 AM  
So maybe I ought to take that day off...
 
2013-10-11 11:14:34 AM  

Majick Thise: So maybe I ought to take that day off...


It's a Saturday
 
2013-10-11 11:16:43 AM  
Asteroid 1950 DA has a 0.3 per cent chance of hitting Earth in 867 years

Well, at least they gave me the important detail up front. Saved me all that time RTFA.
 
2013-10-11 11:30:14 AM  

BunkoSquad: Majick Thise: So maybe I ought to take that day off...

It's a Saturday


Dammit!  Always something to spoil the weekend.
 
2013-10-11 11:31:02 AM  
.....followed by meteor showers and tidal waves
 
2013-10-11 11:32:29 AM  
Damn, and I was hoping Liv Tyler would marry me before I was leaving on my jetplane, I don't know when I'll be back again, leaving, on a .....
 
2013-10-11 11:33:33 AM  

BunkoSquad: Majick Thise: So maybe I ought to take that day off...

It's a Saturday


I have to work every other Saturday (but not tomorrow!) you watch this will be on a Sat I have to work. I better put in for a vacation day now. I have a feeling that will be a popular day for people to take off, if I don't get my request in early I may not get it at all.
 
2013-10-11 11:35:56 AM  

Majick Thise: have to work every other Saturday (but not tomorrow!) you watch this will be on a Sat I have to work. I better put in for a vacation day now. I have a feeling that will be a popular day for people to take off, if I don't get my request in early I may not get it at all.


It would be nice if they would tell us WHAT GODDAMN TIME this thing will hit. Is it Saturday morning? Then I need to do all my party shopping Thursday and chop up the celery sticks and whatnot on Friday after work, but if it's gonna hit Saturday night I'll have time to make cupcakes and maybe even smoke some ribs. TELL US YOU BASTARD SCIENTISTS
 
2013-10-11 11:47:18 AM  
None of my calendars go up that far. How am I supposed to remember this date?!?
 
2013-10-11 11:48:41 AM  
Roll 3d10. Zero to twenty-nine is a crit.
 
2013-10-11 11:48:54 AM  
Oh my god shut up, you'll be dead stupids
 
2013-10-11 11:49:05 AM  
I dunno.  His career has shown some impressive stamina.
 
2013-10-11 11:51:55 AM  
any yes?

not a particular one, just whatever we have around?
 
2013-10-11 11:52:08 AM  

ManateeGag: Thanks Obama!

assets-auto.rbl.ms
 
2013-10-11 11:53:00 AM  
Hopefully by then some kind of planetary alliance would be formed. So we can move to a new solar system with dozens of planets and hundreds of  moons............


/=)
 
2013-10-11 11:53:20 AM  
FTA:

Scientists predict giant asteroid will collide with our planet at 38,000 miles per hour

Asteroid 1950 DA has a 0.3 per cent chance of hitting Earth in 867 years


Apparently 0.3% == 100% in daily maildom
 
2013-10-11 11:53:42 AM  

SpdrJay: None of my calendars go up that far. How am I supposed to remember this date?!?


Use the June 2048 impact of 2007VK184 as a reminder to buy a better calendar.
 
2013-10-11 11:53:53 AM  
I hope my boss doesn't make me work that day.
 
2013-10-11 11:54:58 AM  

inner ted: any yes?

not a particular one, just whatever we have around?


What the headline writer intended to convey was that any use of the word "yes" would cause Bruce Willis to die.
 
2013-10-11 11:56:37 AM  
The Space Death Asteroid is nigh! Brothers, buy a 3D printer and help the species survive!
 
2013-10-11 11:56:39 AM  

Honest Bender: Asteroid 1950 DA has a 0.3 per cent chance of hitting Earth in 867 years

Well, at least they gave me the important detail up front. Saved me all that time RTFA.


Thought experiment time... what if we knew for true-fact that it was a 100% probability. What would we (that is, human civilization) do right now to prepare for this eventuality? What would be the goals, what would be the plan, and what would be the timetable?
 
2013-10-11 11:56:41 AM  
Nope, sorry, this just will not fit into my schedule.
 
2013-10-11 11:57:56 AM  
The end is near! (on a geologic timescale)
 
2013-10-11 11:57:57 AM  
Is it me, or does the meteor in the picture look bigger than 2/3 mile in diameter?
 
2013-10-11 11:58:25 AM  
FTA : If it were to hit, it would do so with an force of 44,800 megatonnes of TNT

That figure is well in excess of my comfort zone of no more than 31,200 megatonnes of TNT.
 
2013-10-11 11:58:42 AM  
Great, so we've got 866 years to not do anything about it and then a year to argue about funding.
 
2013-10-11 11:59:40 AM  
FTFA: The asteroid, named 1950 DA, is a rock two-thirds of a mile in diameter. [...]
Meh. The asteroid that formed the Chicxulub crater was at least 6 miles in diameter. You know: Dino-extinction and shiat...

0.3%
C'mon, dudes. That's a 99.7% miss. Who likes to place a bet?

/I'll be 919 years old then, and no farking asteroid will step on my farking lawn
 
2013-10-11 12:00:10 PM  

Evil Mackerel: Hopefully by then some kind of planetary alliance would be formed. So we can move to a new solar system with dozens of planets and hundreds of  moons............


/=)


It still makes me farking angry it was cancelled.

/shake tiny fist
 
2013-10-11 12:00:31 PM  

Quantum Apostrophe: The Space Death Asteroid is nigh! Brothers, buy a 3D printer and help the species survive!


Do you ever spend a day without being a prick?
 
2013-10-11 12:01:04 PM  
Cryogenically frozen Ashton Kutcher will be there to pick up Bruce Willis' slack. Again.
 
2013-10-11 12:02:33 PM  

Mr_Fabulous: Honest Bender: Asteroid 1950 DA has a 0.3 per cent chance of hitting Earth in 867 years

Well, at least they gave me the important detail up front. Saved me all that time RTFA.

Thought experiment time... what if we knew for true-fact that it was a 100% probability. What would we (that is, human civilization) do right now to prepare for this eventuality? What would be the goals, what would be the plan, and what would be the timetable?


Step one: Declare that God will never allow the destruction of Earth in any manner confirmable by science.
Step two: Earth destroyed.
Step three: Profit.
 
2013-10-11 12:03:12 PM  
The Daily Mail, single-handedly keeping the "Questions To Which The Answer Is No" blog going.
 
2013-10-11 12:03:29 PM  

Mr_Fabulous: Thought experiment time... what if we knew for true-fact that it was a 100% probability. What would we (that is, human civilization) do right now to prepare for this eventuality? What would be the goals, what would be the plan, and what would be the timetable?


1. Shut down NASA
2. ???
3. Profit?

Oh wait... that's our current plan.

In all seriousness, there's nothing in our history as a species that would lead me to believe that the plan would be anything other than:

1. Argue about what to do for the next 5 years.
2. Since nothing can be agreed upon, shelve it for 861 years.
3. Everybody Panic.
 
2013-10-11 12:03:44 PM  

Mr_Fabulous: Honest Bender: Asteroid 1950 DA has a 0.3 per cent chance of hitting Earth in 867 years

Well, at least they gave me the important detail up front. Saved me all that time RTFA.

Thought experiment time... what if we knew for true-fact that it was a 100% probability. What would we (that is, human civilization) do right now to prepare for this eventuality? What would be the goals, what would be the plan, and what would be the timetable?


Without a doubt, we would launch nukes at it, of this I'm sure.
 
2013-10-11 12:04:46 PM  

Sarien: Quantum Apostrophe: The Space Death Asteroid is nigh! Brothers, buy a 3D printer and help the species survive!

Do you ever spend a day without being a prick?


Luddite! The SPECIES is in danger and you are wasting time on petty personal bickering!?? CAST THE LUDDITE OUT!
 
2013-10-11 12:05:32 PM  

SevenizGud: inner ted: any yes?

not a particular one, just whatever we have around?

What the headline writer intended to convey was that any use of the word "yes" would cause Bruce Willis to die.


oh
well that clears it right up then
 
2013-10-11 12:06:39 PM  

Mr_Fabulous: Honest Bender: Asteroid 1950 DA has a 0.3 per cent chance of hitting Earth in 867 years

Well, at least they gave me the important detail up front. Saved me all that time RTFA.

Thought experiment time... what if we knew for true-fact that it was a 100% probability. What would we (that is, human civilization) do right now to prepare for this eventuality? What would be the goals, what would be the plan, and what would be the timetable?



At the distances involved, it wouldn't take a huge nudge to throw it off course enough to miss.  Plant an engine of sorts on it and give it a push.
 
2013-10-11 12:08:19 PM  
Wait until the last minute, then blast it into pieces that deliver about a thousand much more efficient 50-megaton impacts. That makes a better movie.
 
2013-10-11 12:08:40 PM  
I hope I have some PTO saved up to get the day off.
 
2013-10-11 12:08:41 PM  
Just send out a butterfly now
 
2013-10-11 12:08:51 PM  

Mr_Fabulous: Thought experiment time... what if we knew for true-fact that it was a 100% probability. What would we (that is, human civilization) do right now to prepare for this eventuality? What would be the goals, what would be the plan, and what would be the timetable?


867 years is plenty of time to develop underground civilization.  Of course, it would turn out that the location of the development would exactly coincide with the impact location.  Everyone dies.
 
2013-10-11 12:09:38 PM  

TheDirtyNacho: Apparently 0.3% == 100% in daily maildom


Why do people do this? = is the assignment operator. == is the test operator.
 
2013-10-11 12:10:00 PM  
Ion thruster early on should nudge it away. Preferably toward Jupiter. I hate those guys.
 
2013-10-11 12:10:21 PM  

inner ted: SevenizGud: inner ted: any yes?

not a particular one, just whatever we have around?

What the headline writer intended to convey was that any use of the word "yes" would cause Bruce Willis to die.

oh
well that clears it right up then


www.classicmoviehub.com
 
2013-10-11 12:10:53 PM  
i970.photobucket.com
 
2013-10-11 12:12:58 PM  
3 out of 1000 is kind of high for something like that. I know I wouldn't like to be part of a lottery where the chance are that high that me and my family would die or suffer.
 
Displayed 50 of 114 comments


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Newest | Show all


View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter





Top Commented
Javascript is required to view headlines in widget.

In Other Media
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report