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(Onion AV Club)   Cinemax announces plans to improve men's health by eliminating painful chafing and mild dehydration   (avclub.com) divider line 54
    More: Fail, Cinemax, Banshees  
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4750 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 11 Oct 2013 at 1:00 PM (49 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-10-11 11:39:26 AM
It makes sense, though; I mean, who needs to subscribe to Skinemax when you can get about all the twisted, nasty hardcore shiat you want for free on the various tube sites. It's a tough time to be trying to make money off selling porn now.

I will always look back with fondness at the days of analog cable boxes, when you could tune in to one of these channels and hear everything, though it would be scrambled. I became an expert at picking out boobs from that scrambled mess.
 
2013-10-11 12:10:20 PM

jake_lex: It makes sense, though; I mean, who needs to subscribe to Skinemax when you can get about all the twisted, nasty hardcore shiat you want for free on the various tube sites. It's a tough time to be trying to make money off selling porn now.

I will always look back with fondness at the days of analog cable boxes, when you could tune in to one of these channels and hear everything, though it would be scrambled. I became an expert at picking out boobs from that scrambled mess.


Oh hell yes, and once in a while the picture would shift and EVERYTHING WAS VISIBLE.  True, the people that were in the scene all looked like purplish jello wiibbling around, but I could definitely see bush.
 
2013-10-11 12:14:09 PM
Ah, I did love me some softcore movie channel porn growing up. Some of my favorites were the 70s pornos they'd cut down from their hardcore versions and air late at night. Sure they required a little imagination, but it was well worth it.
 
2013-10-11 12:31:36 PM

jake_lex: I will always look back with fondness at the days of analog cable boxes, when you could tune in to one of these channels and hear everything, though it would be scrambled. I became an expert at picking out boobs from that scrambled mess.


I still feel it move a bit every time I see a green and purple distorted tit.
 
2013-10-11 01:06:18 PM
I thought the only reason people subscribed to skinemax was for the soft core porn at night.  They could profess innocence to knowing it was on by saying they were after the movies that come on during the day.
 
2013-10-11 01:08:42 PM
Skinemax was ruined when I found out there was no penetration.

/But I hear that the oral is real when the scenes have actual porn stars in them.
 
2013-10-11 01:10:41 PM

jake_lex: It makes sense, though; I mean, who needs to subscribe to Skinemax when you can get about all the twisted, nasty hardcore shiat you want for free on the various tube sites. It's a tough time to be trying to make money off selling porn now.

I will always look back with fondness at the days of analog cable boxes, when you could tune in to one of these channels and hear everything, though it would be scrambled. I became an expert at picking out boobs from that scrambled mess.


Years ago when I was a kid there was a huge storm that knocked out power for a week. When it came back on everyone in the neighborhood had EVERY cable channel. It was great for months until one neighbor called the cable company about it and ruinied it for everyone.
 
2013-10-11 01:11:27 PM
I just watched the first season of Banshee without realizing it was a Cinemax original. It's not a "good" show, but I love it and it's ridiculously entertaining. Unrealistic concept, cartoonish violence, cheesy characters, and gratuitous nudity. Can't wait for season two.
 
2013-10-11 01:12:12 PM

LegacyDL: Skinemax was ruined when I found out there was no penetration.

/But I hear that the oral is real when the scenes have actual porn stars in them.


My understanding is quite a few of those Skinemax softcore porns were from the same shoot that a hardcore video came from, they just used different angles that didn't show the actual penetratin.
 
2013-10-11 01:12:58 PM

LegacyDL: Skinemax was ruined when I found out there was no penetration.

/But I hear that the oral is real when the scenes have actual porn stars in them.


I have heard many scenes are filmed from the "full view" and used in non-restricted films
 
2013-10-11 01:14:20 PM

groppet: jake_lex: It makes sense, though; I mean, who needs to subscribe to Skinemax when you can get about all the twisted, nasty hardcore shiat you want for free on the various tube sites. It's a tough time to be trying to make money off selling porn now.

I will always look back with fondness at the days of analog cable boxes, when you could tune in to one of these channels and hear everything, though it would be scrambled. I became an expert at picking out boobs from that scrambled mess.

Years ago when I was a kid there was a huge storm that knocked out power for a week. When it came back on everyone in the neighborhood had EVERY cable channel. It was great for months until one neighbor called the cable company about it and ruinied it for everyone.


Hopefully that neighbor's house was constantly covered in TP and eggs.
 
2013-10-11 01:16:37 PM

jake_lex: It makes sense, though; I mean, who needs to subscribe to Skinemax when you can get about all the twisted, nasty hardcore shiat you want for free on the various tube sites. It's a tough time to be trying to make money off selling porn now.

I will always look back with fondness at the days of analog cable boxes, when you could tune in to one of these channels and hear everything, though it would be scrambled. I became an expert at picking out boobs from that scrambled mess.


1) you can often get it packaged with HBO, and 2) "Strike Back" is awesome (which is the kind of thing they're trying to move to, I guess).
 
2013-10-11 01:23:37 PM

johnnyq: jake_lex: It makes sense, though; I mean, who needs to subscribe to Skinemax when you can get about all the twisted, nasty hardcore shiat you want for free on the various tube sites. It's a tough time to be trying to make money off selling porn now.

I will always look back with fondness at the days of analog cable boxes, when you could tune in to one of these channels and hear everything, though it would be scrambled. I became an expert at picking out boobs from that scrambled mess.

1) you can often get it packaged with HBO, and 2) "Strike Back" is awesome (which is the kind of thing they're trying to move to, I guess).


And yet they still produce a show called 'Girls Guide to Depravity' which is all about women banging as many dudes as possible.  Not that I mind since the lead actress is kind of cute, and has no problem getting naked, and they appear to get some acctresses with really big 'talent' for the bit parts.

But let's not fool ourself here...the channel can try all they want but short of renaming, it will always be called Skinemax.
 
2013-10-11 01:29:28 PM
Does Cinemax actually do anything else? I thought it was just the free porn that came bundled with HBO.
 
2013-10-11 01:35:57 PM
Big Bad Mama II

i.imgur.com i.imgur.com
 
2013-10-11 01:36:35 PM
i.imgur.com
 
2013-10-11 01:39:38 PM
Even without the softcore back in the day, I always thought Cinemax simply had a better movie selection than HBO (though I think they are owned by them.) They would play a lot of independent films and obscurities of quality.

I have no idea if that is still the case.
 
2013-10-11 01:41:15 PM

groppet: Years ago when I was a kid there was a huge storm that knocked out power for a week. When it came back on everyone in the neighborhood had EVERY cable channel. It was great for months until one neighbor called the cable company about it and ruinied it for everyone.


We had a similar thing happen, only it was a lightning strike within maybe 100 feet of our house.  After it hit every channel was unscrambled/blocked/etc.  At the time we subscribed to most movie channels so it didn't matter much on that front, but the cable company had Pay Per View channels.  Suddenly all those channels up in the 90+ area were broadcasting in the clear.  Sadly, nothing on at the time was really worth watching, and by the same time the next day it was fixed.  Still, I always thought that was neat.  Would have been neater if the cable company had added Spice channel (i.e. real smut) by then.

Crudbucket: I just watched the first season of Banshee without realizing it was a Cinemax original. It's not a "good" show, but I love it and it's ridiculously entertaining. Unrealistic concept, cartoonish violence, cheesy characters, and gratuitous nudity. Can't wait for season two.


I really like Banshee.  The concept doesn't seem very gripping when you hear it, but the show itself is pretty damn good.  Fairly unique characters even if they are sometimes cartoonish, decent plots with semi-unexpected twists and complications, great performances by most of the cast, and a creative and memorable setting too (love the whole thing going down in Amish country).  The only part I really dislike is how they have to shoehorn in a sex scene every single episode.  Don't get me wrong, I love tits, but these sex scenes are almost always mediocre even on the scale of normal Skinimax fare.  They can keep the one-nude-scene-per-ep rule if they must, but if they just lost the extended sex scene portion I would be much happier.  Proper tits are good enough that you don't need awkward half-hearted sweaty grunting to justify them.

johnnyq: 1) you can often get it packaged with HBO, and 2) "Strike Back" is awesome (which is the kind of thing they're trying to move to, I guess).


Yep, that's the only reason we've ever had it.  There was a time, briefly, when Cinemax's extra channels were of interest (Max Action or whatever) but mostly it comes packaged with HBO a lot.  We're talking deals like "order HBO and spend $5/mo more for 3 channels of Cinemax," which if you have a need for movie channels in the first place is a hell of a deal.

The only time I have ever seen Cinemax purchased when HBO wasn't occurred at a decent-but-cheap motel I dimly recall staying at.  It was the only time I'd seen those little movie channel booklets for advertising upcoming movies that covered Cinemax without it being on the last three pages after everything HBO had.
 
2013-10-11 01:41:20 PM

PainInTheASP: True, the people that were in the scene all looked like purplish jello wiibbling around, but I could definitely see bush.


I guess it is too much to ask for vanillas like you to understand us purple wiibbling jello fetishist.  You think you know the life style but it is so much more than portrayed in the media
 
2013-10-11 01:42:33 PM

Cheron: PainInTheASP: True, the people that were in the scene all looked like purplish jello wiibbling around, but I could definitely see bush.

I guess it is too much to ask for vanillas like you to understand us purple wiibbling jello fetishist.  You think you know the life style but it is so much more than portrayed in the media


It's still a better lifestyle choice than 'Bronies'.
 
2013-10-11 01:45:29 PM

Mateorocks: Even without the softcore back in the day, I always thought Cinemax simply had a better movie selection than HBO (though I think they are owned by them.) They would play a lot of independent films and obscurities of quality.

I have no idea if that is still the case.


HBO generally goes for the huge blockbusters, while Cinemax picks up the things that maybe weren't mainstream hits, with the occasional well-recognized movie peppered in.  They also aren't shy about replaying movies that were on HBO last year but now aren't, since yes they are owned by the same company.  The last one is a rather underrated boon: "sure, I watched Live Free or Die Hard when it was new on HBO last year, but it's 1pm, there's fark-all else on, and the movie was dumb enough that my brain retained very little of it.  Why not watch again?"
 
2013-10-11 01:52:05 PM
Banshee and Strike back have farking in every episode
/Even two dudes farking
 
2013-10-11 01:55:55 PM

Wellon Dowd: Big Bad Mama II

[i.imgur.com image 312x462] [i.imgur.com image 305x480]


oh, i remember that one...
 
2013-10-11 02:03:39 PM

drjekel_mrhyde: Banshee and Strike back have farking in every episode
/Even two dudes farking


An article I read about Banshee suggested that the reason they kept wedging in a sex scene at least once an episode was to gently transition viewers from the daytime regular movies into the late night skin flicks. Works for me.
 
2013-10-11 02:15:16 PM

bluenote13: johnnyq: jake_lex: It makes sense, though; I mean, who needs to subscribe to Skinemax when you can get about all the twisted, nasty hardcore shiat you want for free on the various tube sites. It's a tough time to be trying to make money off selling porn now.

I will always look back with fondness at the days of analog cable boxes, when you could tune in to one of these channels and hear everything, though it would be scrambled. I became an expert at picking out boobs from that scrambled mess.

1) you can often get it packaged with HBO, and 2) "Strike Back" is awesome (which is the kind of thing they're trying to move to, I guess).

And yet they still produce a show called 'Girls Guide to Depravity' which is all about women banging as many dudes as possible.  Not that I mind since the lead actress is kind of cute, and has no problem getting naked, and they appear to get some acctresses with really big 'talent' for the bit parts.

But let's not fool ourself here...the channel can try all they want but short of renaming, it will always be called Skinemax.


It'd be nice if they embraced some of the stuff like XArt or Joymii.

And yes, Strike Back is awesome.

/though it seems slightly disjointed this season
 
kab
2013-10-11 02:17:47 PM
For your next step into whogivesafarkville, maybe you should adapt IFC's playbook, and start showing commercials.
 
2013-10-11 02:17:51 PM
Do they still air those weird scifi/fantasy/comedy/softcores, mostly starring Misty Mundae?  What a farked up genre.

cdn.iofferphoto.com
 
2013-10-11 02:20:36 PM
Cinemax still exists?
 
2013-10-11 02:21:48 PM

kab: For your next step into whogivesafarkville, maybe you should adapt IFC's playbook, and start showing commercials.


They didn't!  Really!?  Commercials?

Fark me, and here I used to love IFC.  When we started paring down the movie channels we got we kept IFC because it had generally good, if weird, movies.  If it's started showing commercials now then why the f%$# bother?  Why should I pay premium price just to have my movies interrupted partway through by advertising?

...I mean not that I pay for movie channels anymore anyway.  Netflix/etc. seems to do the job.
 
2013-10-11 02:23:25 PM
No more sticky sofa in the living-room?
 
2013-10-11 02:51:59 PM

Mateorocks: Even without the softcore back in the day, I always thought Cinemax simply had a better movie selection than HBO (though I think they are owned by them.) They would play a lot of independent films and obscurities of quality.

I have no idea if that is still the case.


Yeah, they played like, art-house type stuff at night: "Tie Me Up! Tie Me Down!," "Clockwork Orange" and tons more. Taught a teenager to appreciate cool movies.
 
2013-10-11 03:03:13 PM
I've been griping about it for awhile. With the internet around there is absolutely no place for boring fake looking sex set to the tune of annoying stock soft jazz music. And if you can't show penetration there is no reason to have dudes in those films at all. And why is it that these movies filled with nudity always have to be so tame and cornball in every other aspect? Just give me a decent movie to watch instead.
 
2013-10-11 03:09:00 PM

Clutch2013: And yes, Strike Back is awesome.

/though it seems slightly disjointed this season


Maybe, but it's always slightly disjointed. The show usually operates on two (or so) episode arcs within the overall season arc, and the contents of the smaller arcs are largely forgotten when they're done. Overall, that's not a bad thing, it just may be a little more loosely connected this year. So let's see, so far this season we've had Colombia, Beirut, the Irish, and now Russia. The more disjointed feeling may also be that, unlike previous seasons, we haven't really seen the big villain at all, just a couple of video clips. Anyway, I like the team they've whittled Section 20 down to and hope they're all back next season, if there is a next season, but given the show's previous history it seems unlikely that someone else won't die by the end.
 
2013-10-11 03:41:29 PM

browntimmy: I've been griping about it for awhile. With the internet around there is absolutely no place for boring fake looking sex set to the tune of annoying stock soft jazz music. And if you can't show penetration there is no reason to have dudes in those films at all. And why is it that these movies filled with nudity always have to be so tame and cornball in every other aspect? Just give me a decent movie to watch instead.


I just assume what we are seeing are the 'alternate' shot porno's at least for the movies.  There are two scenes shot for everyone of those movies.  One for Cinemax and overseas where they cannot show peentration and then a second scene where the typical porno shots are done.  There is no other reason to do the sex scenes in the movies and no reasable excuse for the acting to be that bad.
 
2013-10-11 03:45:13 PM

jake_lex: It makes sense, though; I mean, who needs to subscribe to Skinemax when you can get about all the twisted, nasty hardcore shiat you want for free on the various tube sites. It's a tough time to be trying to make money off selling porn now.

I will always look back with fondness at the days of analog cable boxes, when you could tune in to one of these channels and hear everything, though it would be scrambled. I became an expert at picking out boobs from that scrambled mess.


Another example of how kids these days have it so easy.
 
2013-10-11 04:06:57 PM

johnnyq: Clutch2013: And yes, Strike Back is awesome.

/though it seems slightly disjointed this season

Maybe, but it's always slightly disjointed. The show usually operates on two (or so) episode arcs within the overall season arc, and the contents of the smaller arcs are largely forgotten when they're done. Overall, that's not a bad thing, it just may be a little more loosely connected this year. So let's see, so far this season we've had Colombia, Beirut, the Irish, and now Russia. The more disjointed feeling may also be that, unlike previous seasons, we haven't really seen the big villain at all, just a couple of video clips. Anyway, I like the team they've whittled Section 20 down to and hope they're all back next season, if there is a next season, but given the show's previous history it seems unlikely that someone else won't die by the end.


Yeah, that's what I was getting at. I actually like the format they use. But it seems like they had a few good ideas and either didn't take them far enough (Leatherby, and what happened with Scott's first Russian squeeze) or they ran out of steam with them (Dalton, Kamali). And the lack of a real Big Bad seems to hurt - again, Leatherby really could have pinned this down.

Still, like most episodes of 24, even the bad ones are still miles ahead of most other TV shows.
 
2013-10-11 04:18:44 PM

bluenote13: browntimmy: I've been griping about it for awhile. With the internet around there is absolutely no place for boring fake looking sex set to the tune of annoying stock soft jazz music. And if you can't show penetration there is no reason to have dudes in those films at all. And why is it that these movies filled with nudity always have to be so tame and cornball in every other aspect? Just give me a decent movie to watch instead.

I just assume what we are seeing are the 'alternate' shot porno's at least for the movies.  There are two scenes shot for everyone of those movies.  One for Cinemax and overseas where they cannot show peentration and then a second scene where the typical porno shots are done.  There is no other reason to do the sex scenes in the movies and no reasable excuse for the acting to be that bad.


I saw one like that (actually on Showtime) a couple months ago but most of them seem pretty simulated to me. They'll get in weird positions that don't even happen in real porn so that it hides their junk. Like that bizarro reverse cowgirl where the dude's legs are spread and the chick's are closed. And then you always see ones where it looks like the guy would have to be penetrating a hole 6 inches above where her cooch really is.
 
2013-10-11 04:24:42 PM
browntimmy:  And then you always see ones where it looks like the guy would have to be penetrating a hole 6 inches above where her cooch really is.

Colostomy? EWWWW.

/rule 34
 
2013-10-11 04:26:42 PM

jake_lex: It makes sense, though; I mean, who needs to subscribe to Skinemax when you can get about all the twisted, nasty hardcore shiat you want for free on the various tube sites. It's a tough time to be trying to make money off selling porn now.

I will always look back with fondness at the days of analog cable boxes, when you could tune in to one of these channels and hear everything, though it would be scrambled. I became an expert at picking out boobs from that scrambled mess.


My younger brother parlayed those skills into a career as a Russian linguist and intelligence analyst, picking out radio converaations from the static picked up by the huge antennas at Elmendorf AFB.
 
2013-10-11 04:34:04 PM
Skinemax was in its prime right when I was going through puberty, and my father unknowingly bought Cinemax just to watch movies on occasionally. I'll always have fond memories of Hotel Erotica, Thrills, and Erotic Confessions. RIP, skinemax.
 
2013-10-11 04:54:46 PM

ProdigalSigh: Do they still air those weird scifi/fantasy/comedy/softcores, mostly starring Misty Mundae?  What a farked up genre.

[cdn.iofferphoto.com image 250x250]


Years ago one of my best friends had gotten a part in (what he told all of us) was a crappy sci-fi straight to cable movie.  He would occasionally talk about it, but not in too much detail.  Fast forward a year or so, I'm surfing the guide on TV and I see "Femalien II: The Search For Kara" come up on Cinemax.  To this day I give him endless crap about being in it.  Although, to be truthful, I'm rather jealous because he was banging Bethany Lorraine in real life the entire time they were filming...
 
2013-10-11 04:56:32 PM

rcf1105: Skinemax was in its prime right when I was going through puberty, and my father unknowingly bought Cinemax just to watch movies on occasionally. I'll always have fond memories of Hotel Erotica, Thrills, and Erotic Confessions. RIP, skinemax.


Don't forget the multiple "Emmanuel" movies....
 
2013-10-11 05:12:20 PM
What the fark is soft-core porn?!??!?!!??!
 
2013-10-11 05:26:31 PM

bluenote13: Don't forget the multiple "Emmanuel" movies....


Yep, those too. And all the the other movies on that channel. I swear every single one had the same director, who would just constantly rotate the camera around the actors/actresses in a circle for the duration of the scene. I'm surprised I didn't enter adulthood with a vertigo fetish.
 
2013-10-11 05:39:10 PM

FilmBELOH20: ProdigalSigh: Do they still air those weird scifi/fantasy/comedy/softcores, mostly starring Misty Mundae?  What a farked up genre.

[cdn.iofferphoto.com image 250x250]

Years ago one of my best friends had gotten a part in (what he told all of us) was a crappy sci-fi straight to cable movie.  He would occasionally talk about it, but not in too much detail.  Fast forward a year or so, I'm surfing the guide on TV and I see "Femalien II: The Search For Kara" come up on Cinemax.  To this day I give him endless crap about being in it.  Although, to be truthful, I'm rather jealous because he was banging Bethany Lorraine in real life the entire time they were filming...


heh. never saw it. but i do remember seeing a bit of the original "femalien." well maybe 15 minutes of it...
 
2013-10-11 05:58:59 PM
I have two words for you.
Shannon
Tweed
 
2013-10-11 07:22:21 PM

LegacyDL: Skinemax was ruined when I found out there was no penetration.

/But I hear that the oral is real when the scenes have actual porn stars in them.


see, I don't mind that, for me, its like me and the guy are experiencing the same thing: not actually getting to nail the naked girl we are staring at.
 
2013-10-11 07:22:53 PM

Tyrone Slothrop: Cinemax still exists?


Yes. And Verizon insists I need it in my lineup. It's the only copy-protected crap I get and any movie channel content I can't transfer from my TiVo to my tablet for viewing at 35k feet is useless to me.
 
2013-10-11 08:49:59 PM
I would totally watch Beverly Lynne in "Bikini Career Placement Office"...
 
2013-10-11 10:47:01 PM

FrancoFile: I have two words for you.
Shannon
Tweed


And I have two words for you:
Gene.
Simmons.
 
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