If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Lehigh Valley Live)   Whomever took the strawberry jello out of the break room fridge, the police would like a word with you   (lehighvalleylive.com) divider line 29
    More: Stupid, gelatins, Photo of the Day  
•       •       •

8681 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Oct 2013 at 12:57 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2013-10-11 01:59:55 PM  
4 votes:

uncleacid: He should have called Bill Cosby.


In mexico, ed mcmahon is the jell-o spokesman, and it's pronounced "Hey-O"
2013-10-11 01:49:01 PM  
3 votes:
www.nytmare.org
2013-10-11 01:22:41 PM  
3 votes:
Well I'm starving here in Allentown,
Because my Jello was stolen by a douche bag clown,
And I hope that lunchroom thief dies todayyyyyyyyyyayyayaayayayayayayayyayayyayayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

And I'm starving here in Allentown.
2013-10-11 01:08:58 PM  
3 votes:
It wasn't strawberry jello.

It was an agar solution in a petri dish.

You've contaminated the sample, but more importantly, the sample has contaminated you.  You should seek medical assistance immediately.
2013-10-11 01:00:46 PM  
3 votes:
Do you have any idea how long it takes me to produce enough semen to make Jello with?
2013-10-11 06:13:17 PM  
2 votes:

skinink: Goldstien Sachs: I had a bowl of mini Reeses peanut butter cups on my desk for anyone to take, within reason.  I showed up this morning and the 15+ that I had in the bowl when I left yesterday were gone, leaving a completely empty bowl.  Damn vultures.

At my job when there's catering for an afternoon client meeting, there's usually enough food left over for whoever is working in the office to share. And people know there will be food left over, but I was always surprised at how often people would walk past the meeting rooms waiting for the clients to leave so that the food can be grabbed. And once word did get out the food was available, it was like watching a riot at a food kitchen. And this is at a financial company, not like people couldn't afford to buy their own meals every day.

If the luncheon had any type of chicken strips (usually for salads) some lady would bring a Tupperware container with her and scoop up most of the chicken. Other people would nibble on a sandwich and if they didn't like it would leave the uneaten portion with the other sandwiches.


Free food has no calories!
2013-10-11 04:46:55 PM  
2 votes:
Once saw a note on the breakroom fridge chastising a thief for stealing a jar of breast milk to use as creamer.
2013-10-11 03:56:00 PM  
2 votes:

skinink: Goldstien Sachs: I had a bowl of mini Reeses peanut butter cups on my desk for anyone to take, within reason.  I showed up this morning and the 15+ that I had in the bowl when I left yesterday were gone, leaving a completely empty bowl.  Damn vultures.

At my job when there's catering for an afternoon client meeting, there's usually enough food left over for whoever is working in the office to share. And people know there will be food left over, but I was always surprised at how often people would walk past the meeting rooms waiting for the clients to leave so that the food can be grabbed. And once word did get out the food was available, it was like watching a riot at a food kitchen. And this is at a financial company, not like people couldn't afford to buy their own meals every day.

If the luncheon had any type of chicken strips (usually for salads) some lady would bring a Tupperware container with her and scoop up most of the chicken. Other people would nibble on a sandwich and if they didn't like it would leave the uneaten portion with the other sandwiches.


This reminded me of a CSB.  4 or 5 times a year I give seminars to small groups of legal assistants and usually a few attorneys on an arcane and boring facet of finance law.  At one firm, there were over 30 people there and they all payed attention.  This is 4 times the normal turnout of 7 or 8 half of which are typically buried in a smart phone throughout the entire 45 minute presentation.  It turned out that they were all there for the catered sandwiches and salads and further, that the firm had a rule about using electronic devices in meetings.

Never before or since have I had such a turnout of seemingly interested people.

It validated me.
2013-10-11 02:30:13 PM  
2 votes:
At Ye Olde Ambulance Company we had a guy who would take something from your lunch, but then eat it right in front of you, staring at you the whole time. Because balls.
2013-10-11 01:43:19 PM  
2 votes:
Hello, sir. I am investigating the case of who took the strawberry Jello. Yes sir. But it's a crime and I gotta chase down every lead. My brother in law said "You know? Some day they are gonna send you out on the most ridiculous case and your gonna regret becoming a police inspector." Well, what do you know, that stupid brother in law was right for once.

Now this strawberry jello, here. Did you see it before it was stolen? You know. Can you verify it was there. You can? Good. That makes this a little easier with the corroboration. Makes it harder too. Can't just go back to the guy and say "We think you just imagined bringing the jello in to work, buddy. Maybe you forgot it at home and it's sitting on a counter all melted." But you say it was there. That's corroboration. Now we gotta investigate.

Just curious. Do you think there's real strawberry in strawberry jello? I'm just wonderin' cause you can get strawberry jello any time but you can only get fresh strawberries a coupla months a year, you know? The wife likes 'em. She likes 'em in a pie. I dunno. Chocolate pie. That's fer me, you know sir? I can get that pretty much anywhere. Even at the corner store. They have them all folded up in crust neat like.

Oh yeah. The strawberry jello. When do you think it was last seen? You say you saw it at 10 am? That's interestin' sir. If you don't mind me asking, what were you doing in the fridge at 10 am? Oh you store sodas in there? That makes sense. If I bring my lunch to work, you know? I toss it in there at 7 am and don't give it a second thought until 11 or 12. I don't really have to worry. It's usually liverwurst and a pear. No one's gonna take that. The pear's usually a little soft. Don't tell the wife but I just toss it. The pear, sir. Not the sandwich. I like liverwurst. What can you say? They gotta make that stuff for someone.

So you say you went to the fridge and you got yourself a soda, right? That's odd cause I didn't see any sodas in the fridge, you know? Leftovers mostly. There's some stuff that in the back. Doesn't look like it's been touched since Desert Storm. You guys should clean out your fridge. At the police station, we have a chore chart. Every Friday, everything gets tossed and Monday it all starts over, sir. Maybe you should try that here.

So where was I? Oh year. You got a soda but there wasn't any more soda in the fridge. You say that it was you last can, sir? Of course. I should have thought of that. Strange that you'd run out of soda in the middle of the week but I'm sure you'll bring more in tomorrow, right? Of course. Well, I should get going. Got to talk to the ladies in Accounting.

Just one more thing sir. Do you recycle? I only ask that because the wife is on me to recycle everything. Can't throw an empty beer can in the trash. Coming from her, you'd imagine it would destroy the planet. One can, right? You do recycle? You use that one outside your office? Of course you do. Drink the soda and pitch it right outside the office. No reason to go down the hall just to save the planet, right sir?

Only thing is, they empty those things out first thing in the morning sir. And the one outside your office was empty, so you couldn't have gone to the fridge at ten am and gotten a soda, right sir? You went and you got the strawberry jello. Didn't you sir. Yeah. I thought so. I figured it out the moment I saw the empty jello container in your trash can. Also, I saw you get the jello out of the fridge on the closed circuit camera the have hidden in the breakroom.

Please come with me sir. I gotta take you downtown. But actually, I plan on shooting you when you try to escape. Naw. Naw. I just like shooting people. that's why I became a cop.
2013-10-11 01:42:24 PM  
2 votes:

Goldstien Sachs: I had a bowl of mini Reeses peanut butter cups on my desk for anyone to take, within reason.  I showed up this morning and the 15+ that I had in the bowl when I left yesterday were gone, leaving a completely empty bowl.  Damn vultures.


I have a candy bowl on my desk. You should see the clowns who go to great lengths to grab more than one. And everybody's got a story to tell.

"I should have eaten breakfast this morning." *fake laughter*
"These things are so good. They're irresistable"  *fake laughter*
"I'm always over here in your candy dish. I'm going to bring a bag of candy to re-fill it.  *she says for the third time in four weeks*


Look, its farking free candy. I don't eat the stuff, so you're not hurting me when you at it. It's just less for the next guy. But, do you have to be such a greedy little bastard?  Its there for everybody to enjoy.
2013-10-11 01:40:45 PM  
2 votes:
We had a food thief at work. One with a sweet tooth.  So an individual who was tired of having their shiat stolen made a chocolate cake just laced with laxatives.

Found out real damned fast it was some chick in our marketing that was doing it. She was a complete and utter biatch too.


/got fired about a week later for being at least a full two minutes late. Poor Baby.
2013-10-11 01:27:18 PM  
2 votes:
It was stolen out of a refrigerator at a company that runs supermarkets. THEY COULDN'T FIND FOOD ELSEWHERE?
2013-10-12 01:01:20 AM  
1 votes:
You know what bro? It expired in January and I was tired of looking at it. Your Jello is in the dumpster.

Sorry.
2013-10-11 11:01:23 PM  
1 votes:

dustygrimp: What kind of skid-mark do you have to be to older co-workers lunches?


Yeah, wait, what?
2013-10-11 06:55:54 PM  
1 votes:
maybe it was the office mascot that did it... the dirty bird!
the Emu did it

/bread gets stolen @ 3 min mark
//who brings just ingredients to a picnic?
2013-10-11 05:00:56 PM  
1 votes:

garlicmonkey: Once saw a note on the breakroom fridge chastising a thief for stealing a jar of breast milk to use as creamer.


i once saw a made up story on fark...
2013-10-11 03:18:26 PM  
1 votes:
I think this crime is perfect for today's society.

On one side we have a person who feels so slighted that someone STOLE their jello (how dare they do this to ME?!?!) they called the cops.

And on the other side someone so petty and self absorbed that they would steal Jello.
2013-10-11 02:09:49 PM  
1 votes:

Literally Addicted: ArcadianRefugee: It's not "poisoning people" if people do it to themselves.

/it wasn't her food he put laxatives in

I suspect a jury of his peers might disagree with that PoV


Since when are laxatives a poison?  Maybe the person who made the cake was constipated.
2013-10-11 02:06:09 PM  
1 votes:

Goldstien Sachs: I had a bowl of mini Reeses peanut butter cups on my desk for anyone to take, within reason.  I showed up this morning and the 15+ that I had in the bowl when I left yesterday were gone, leaving a completely empty bowl.  Damn vultures.


At my job when there's catering for an afternoon client meeting, there's usually enough food left over for whoever is working in the office to share. And people know there will be food left over, but I was always surprised at how often people would walk past the meeting rooms waiting for the clients to leave so that the food can be grabbed. And once word did get out the food was available, it was like watching a riot at a food kitchen. And this is at a financial company, not like people couldn't afford to buy their own meals every day.

If the luncheon had any type of chicken strips (usually for salads) some lady would bring a Tupperware container with her and scoop up most of the chicken. Other people would nibble on a sandwich and if they didn't like it would leave the uneaten portion with the other sandwiches.
2013-10-11 01:59:49 PM  
1 votes:

frepnog: DROxINxTHExWIND: Goldstien Sachs: I had a bowl of mini Reeses peanut butter cups on my desk for anyone to take, within reason.  I showed up this morning and the 15+ that I had in the bowl when I left yesterday were gone, leaving a completely empty bowl.  Damn vultures.

I have a candy bowl on my desk. You should see the clowns who go to great lengths to grab more than one. And everybody's got a story to tell.

"I should have eaten breakfast this morning." *fake laughter*
"These things are so good. They're irresistable"  *fake laughter*
"I'm always over here in your candy dish. I'm going to bring a bag of candy to re-fill it.  *she says for the third time in four weeks*


Look, its farking free candy. I don't eat the stuff, so you're not hurting me when you at it. It's just less for the next guy. But, do you have to be such a greedy little bastard?  Its there for everybody to enjoy.

once again, I don't get it.  if you leave free candy out, EXPECT people to take it.

if you don't want people taking FREE CANDY then don't provide it.


Yeah, as its been stated, its not that they tke the free candy. It's that they take ALL of the free candy without regard for thir fellow co-workers.


/You sound like the kind of guy who would wait until I go to a meeting so you could come to my office and rummage through the bowl, picking out all of the red jolly ranchers and the mini-Snickers.  :-)
2013-10-11 01:59:11 PM  
1 votes:
Here's what you do.  Bring in some food, let someone steal it, make sure it's in a very recognizable package.  The day after that, on the refrigerator you leave pictures of horrible things (use your imagination) being done to the food during its preparation.
2013-10-11 01:35:44 PM  
1 votes:

boyvoyeur: chewy7097: White people problems...

Fat people problems


Definitely not fat people problems.  I'm a fat people and I NEVER leave food laying around unguarded. Besides that, everybody knows not to fark with a fat person's food - it never ends well.
2013-10-11 01:26:13 PM  
1 votes:
Not only did this warrant a call to police, it warranted a news story, which was then posted to Fark.

Our reign has gone on long enough. Summon the meteors.
tctechcrunch2011.files.wordpress.com
2013-10-11 01:16:49 PM  
1 votes:
This is serious business. About a year ago, co-worker bought a tub of cookie dough from me that I was selling for my son's football team fundraiser. She stored it in one of the company fridges and forgot to take it home that night. The next day she says that she remembered to get the cookie dough from the fridge before she left because she was having company and she wanted to bake them. Got home, opened the tub and discovered that someone had stolen a giant scoop of cookie dough before closing the tub and re-tying the bag it was in. Cookie dough. She told security about it the next day and they were supposed to be taking a look at the cameras to discover the culprit but eventually apathy ruled the day and no action was taken. I was a little upset about it because I wanted to see the footage.
2013-10-11 01:13:52 PM  
1 votes:
i.qkme.me

Someone actually called police over this?
2013-10-11 01:06:12 PM  
1 votes:
www.screeninsults.com

Oblig
2013-10-11 01:01:57 PM  
1 votes:
www.mmanews.pl
2013-10-11 01:00:27 PM  
1 votes:
"Whoever", you illiterate git.
 
Displayed 29 of 29 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter





In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report