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(Lehigh Valley Live)   Whomever took the strawberry jello out of the break room fridge, the police would like a word with you   (lehighvalleylive.com) divider line 31
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8675 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Oct 2013 at 12:57 PM (41 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2013-10-11 01:00:27 PM
8 votes:
"Whoever", you illiterate git.
2013-10-11 01:06:12 PM
4 votes:
www.screeninsults.com

Oblig
2013-10-11 01:40:45 PM
3 votes:
We had a food thief at work. One with a sweet tooth.  So an individual who was tired of having their shiat stolen made a chocolate cake just laced with laxatives.

Found out real damned fast it was some chick in our marketing that was doing it. She was a complete and utter biatch too.


/got fired about a week later for being at least a full two minutes late. Poor Baby.
2013-10-11 01:45:09 PM
2 votes:

DROxINxTHExWIND: Goldstien Sachs: I had a bowl of mini Reeses peanut butter cups on my desk for anyone to take, within reason.  I showed up this morning and the 15+ that I had in the bowl when I left yesterday were gone, leaving a completely empty bowl.  Damn vultures.

I have a candy bowl on my desk. You should see the clowns who go to great lengths to grab more than one. And everybody's got a story to tell.

"I should have eaten breakfast this morning." *fake laughter*
"These things are so good. They're irresistable"  *fake laughter*
"I'm always over here in your candy dish. I'm going to bring a bag of candy to re-fill it.  *she says for the third time in four weeks*


Look, its farking free candy. I don't eat the stuff, so you're not hurting me when you at it. It's just less for the next guy. But, do you have to be such a greedy little bastard?  Its there for everybody to enjoy.


once again, I don't get it.  if you leave free candy out, EXPECT people to take it.

if you don't want people taking FREE CANDY then don't provide it.
2013-10-11 01:42:16 PM
2 votes:

Goldstien Sachs: I had a bowl of mini Reeses peanut butter cups on my desk for anyone to take


well, there's your problem.  Don't leave free candy out and then get pissed when people take the free candy.
2013-10-11 01:26:13 PM
2 votes:
Not only did this warrant a call to police, it warranted a news story, which was then posted to Fark.

Our reign has gone on long enough. Summon the meteors.
tctechcrunch2011.files.wordpress.com
2013-10-12 01:01:20 AM
1 votes:
You know what bro? It expired in January and I was tired of looking at it. Your Jello is in the dumpster.

Sorry.
2013-10-11 08:28:24 PM
1 votes:
I can't imagine wanting to eat someone else's lunch. They have cooties and probably use miracle whip. Eww.
2013-10-11 06:34:56 PM
1 votes:

KidneyStone: I used to run physical security at a company of about 400 people.  The inane shiat that would get reported never failed to amaze me.  Shiat I couldn't care less about if I tried, and that cookie dough story, not to mention the jackass in TFA, are textbook examples.  Then again, a twunt that worked in our NOC had someone bump into her car in the parking lot.  So the next day she points a parking lot pan and tilt at her car and leaves it zoomed in all day.  Which happened to be the day someone found an awl stabbed into their car tire and we would likely have had it on camera but NoOOooOOOoOOoo.


You realize she either figured out who bumped her car or thought she did, made sure the camera was pointed away from that car, and stabbed the awl through the tire, knowing it wouldn't be on camera, right?
2013-10-11 05:00:56 PM
1 votes:

garlicmonkey: Once saw a note on the breakroom fridge chastising a thief for stealing a jar of breast milk to use as creamer.


i once saw a made up story on fark...
2013-10-11 04:46:55 PM
1 votes:
Once saw a note on the breakroom fridge chastising a thief for stealing a jar of breast milk to use as creamer.
2013-10-11 03:56:00 PM
1 votes:

skinink: Goldstien Sachs: I had a bowl of mini Reeses peanut butter cups on my desk for anyone to take, within reason.  I showed up this morning and the 15+ that I had in the bowl when I left yesterday were gone, leaving a completely empty bowl.  Damn vultures.

At my job when there's catering for an afternoon client meeting, there's usually enough food left over for whoever is working in the office to share. And people know there will be food left over, but I was always surprised at how often people would walk past the meeting rooms waiting for the clients to leave so that the food can be grabbed. And once word did get out the food was available, it was like watching a riot at a food kitchen. And this is at a financial company, not like people couldn't afford to buy their own meals every day.

If the luncheon had any type of chicken strips (usually for salads) some lady would bring a Tupperware container with her and scoop up most of the chicken. Other people would nibble on a sandwich and if they didn't like it would leave the uneaten portion with the other sandwiches.


This reminded me of a CSB.  4 or 5 times a year I give seminars to small groups of legal assistants and usually a few attorneys on an arcane and boring facet of finance law.  At one firm, there were over 30 people there and they all payed attention.  This is 4 times the normal turnout of 7 or 8 half of which are typically buried in a smart phone throughout the entire 45 minute presentation.  It turned out that they were all there for the catered sandwiches and salads and further, that the firm had a rule about using electronic devices in meetings.

Never before or since have I had such a turnout of seemingly interested people.

It validated me.
2013-10-11 03:18:26 PM
1 votes:
I think this crime is perfect for today's society.

On one side we have a person who feels so slighted that someone STOLE their jello (how dare they do this to ME?!?!) they called the cops.

And on the other side someone so petty and self absorbed that they would steal Jello.
2013-10-11 03:15:15 PM
1 votes:
I never steal someone else's lunch from the fridge.  That's just wrong.

But on days where there are meetings here, there is always food leftover.  I am deffinitely guilty of being the guy to go back for seconds, if the opportunity is there.  I always give ample time between trips to give someone else a chance.  But damn if I'm gonna let those tasty sammiches go to waste.
2013-10-11 02:09:49 PM
1 votes:

Literally Addicted: ArcadianRefugee: It's not "poisoning people" if people do it to themselves.

/it wasn't her food he put laxatives in

I suspect a jury of his peers might disagree with that PoV


Since when are laxatives a poison?  Maybe the person who made the cake was constipated.
2013-10-11 02:04:05 PM
1 votes:

frepnog: IronOcelot: So an individual who was tired of having their shiat stolen made a chocolate cake just laced with laxatives.

poisoning people is a great way to go to prison.


It's not "poisoning people" if people do it to themselves.

/it wasn't her food he put laxatives in
2013-10-11 01:59:49 PM
1 votes:

frepnog: DROxINxTHExWIND: Goldstien Sachs: I had a bowl of mini Reeses peanut butter cups on my desk for anyone to take, within reason.  I showed up this morning and the 15+ that I had in the bowl when I left yesterday were gone, leaving a completely empty bowl.  Damn vultures.

I have a candy bowl on my desk. You should see the clowns who go to great lengths to grab more than one. And everybody's got a story to tell.

"I should have eaten breakfast this morning." *fake laughter*
"These things are so good. They're irresistable"  *fake laughter*
"I'm always over here in your candy dish. I'm going to bring a bag of candy to re-fill it.  *she says for the third time in four weeks*


Look, its farking free candy. I don't eat the stuff, so you're not hurting me when you at it. It's just less for the next guy. But, do you have to be such a greedy little bastard?  Its there for everybody to enjoy.

once again, I don't get it.  if you leave free candy out, EXPECT people to take it.

if you don't want people taking FREE CANDY then don't provide it.


Yeah, as its been stated, its not that they tke the free candy. It's that they take ALL of the free candy without regard for thir fellow co-workers.


/You sound like the kind of guy who would wait until I go to a meeting so you could come to my office and rummage through the bowl, picking out all of the red jolly ranchers and the mini-Snickers.  :-)
2013-10-11 01:52:45 PM
1 votes:

frepnog: Goldstien Sachs: I had a bowl of mini Reeses peanut butter cups on my desk for anyone to take

well, there's your problem.  Don't leave free candy out and then get pissed when people take the free candy.


Oh I get that, my major gripe is that I am almost sure it is one person who has been coming by and grabbing handfuls out of the bowl.  The free candy is there to be eaten, just show some damn respect for everyone else.
2013-10-11 01:49:30 PM
1 votes:

Goldstien Sachs: I had a bowl of mini Reeses peanut butter cups on my desk for anyone to take, within reason.  I showed up this morning and the 15+ that I had in the bowl when I left yesterday were gone, leaving a completely empty bowl.  Damn vultures.


I confess.  I used to be the first one at work just so I could go through every candy bowl in the business and scoop up a few.  Never take too many and if the bowl was low, I'd move on.  Dump 'em in the drawer for future use.

Once in a while, I would loudly complain to some in the cube farm "I bet those cleaning people are eating all the candy.  I left a Clark bar on my desk yesterday and this morning, it's gone.  It wasn't near the trash and it didn't look trash like.  I bet they took it and ate it."  That was enough rant to keep the candy providers guessing as to who was pilfering their stuff.
2013-10-11 01:49:01 PM
1 votes:
www.nytmare.org
2013-10-11 01:45:54 PM
1 votes:

Harry Freakstorm: Hello, sir. I am investigating the case of who took the strawberry Jello. Yes sir. But it's a crime and I gotta chase down every lead. My brother in law said "You know? Some day they are gonna send you out on the most ridiculous case and your gonna regret becoming a police inspector." Well, what do you know, that stupid brother in law was right for once.

Now this strawberry jello, here. Did you see it before it was stolen? You know. Can you verify it was there. You can? Good. That makes this a little easier with the corroboration. Makes it harder too. Can't just go back to the guy and say "We think you just imagined bringing the jello in to work, buddy. Maybe you forgot it at home and it's sitting on a counter all melted." But you say it was there. That's corroboration. Now we gotta investigate.

Just curious. Do you think there's real strawberry in strawberry jello? I'm just wonderin' cause you can get strawberry jello any time but you can only get fresh strawberries a coupla months a year, you know? The wife likes 'em. She likes 'em in a pie. I dunno. Chocolate pie. That's fer me, you know sir? I can get that pretty much anywhere. Even at the corner store. They have them all folded up in crust neat like.

Oh yeah. The strawberry jello. When do you think it was last seen? You say you saw it at 10 am? That's interestin' sir. If you don't mind me asking, what were you doing in the fridge at 10 am? Oh you store sodas in there? That makes sense. If I bring my lunch to work, you know? I toss it in there at 7 am and don't give it a second thought until 11 or 12. I don't really have to worry. It's usually liverwurst and a pear. No one's gonna take that. The pear's usually a little soft. Don't tell the wife but I just toss it. The pear, sir. Not the sandwich. I like liverwurst. What can you say? They gotta make that stuff for someone.

So you say you went to the fridge and you got yourself a soda, right? That's odd cause I didn ...


TL, DR
2013-10-11 01:43:00 PM
1 votes:

IronOcelot: So an individual who was tired of having their shiat stolen made a chocolate cake just laced with laxatives.


poisoning people is a great way to go to prison.
2013-10-11 01:35:44 PM
1 votes:

boyvoyeur: chewy7097: White people problems...

Fat people problems


Definitely not fat people problems.  I'm a fat people and I NEVER leave food laying around unguarded. Besides that, everybody knows not to fark with a fat person's food - it never ends well.
2013-10-11 01:29:20 PM
1 votes:

DROxINxTHExWIND: This is serious business. About a year ago, co-worker bought a tub of cookie dough from me that I was selling for my son's football team fundraiser. She stored it in one of the company fridges and forgot to take it home that night. The next day she says that she remembered to get the cookie dough from the fridge before she left because she was having company and she wanted to bake them. Got home, opened the tub and discovered that someone had stolen a giant scoop of cookie dough before closing the tub and re-tying the bag it was in. Cookie dough. She told security about it the next day and they were supposed to be taking a look at the cameras to discover the culprit but eventually apathy ruled the day and no action was taken. I was a little upset about it because I wanted to see the footage.


a couple years ago, I had a brand new package of bologna in our fridge at work.  I went back to the break room, opened the package and made myself a sandwich.

About 10 minutes later I decided that one sandwich was not cutting it and went back to make another.  In the 10 minutes it took me to eat that sandwich and return to make another, some jackwad had stolen over half the package of bologna and just put it back in the fridge.

bastard.
2013-10-11 01:22:41 PM
1 votes:
Well I'm starving here in Allentown,
Because my Jello was stolen by a douche bag clown,
And I hope that lunchroom thief dies todayyyyyyyyyyayyayaayayayayayayayyayayyayayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

And I'm starving here in Allentown.
2013-10-11 01:21:41 PM
1 votes:
White people problems...
2013-10-11 01:16:49 PM
1 votes:
This is serious business. About a year ago, co-worker bought a tub of cookie dough from me that I was selling for my son's football team fundraiser. She stored it in one of the company fridges and forgot to take it home that night. The next day she says that she remembered to get the cookie dough from the fridge before she left because she was having company and she wanted to bake them. Got home, opened the tub and discovered that someone had stolen a giant scoop of cookie dough before closing the tub and re-tying the bag it was in. Cookie dough. She told security about it the next day and they were supposed to be taking a look at the cameras to discover the culprit but eventually apathy ruled the day and no action was taken. I was a little upset about it because I wanted to see the footage.
2013-10-11 01:13:52 PM
1 votes:
i.qkme.me

Someone actually called police over this?
2013-10-11 01:08:58 PM
1 votes:
It wasn't strawberry jello.

It was an agar solution in a petri dish.

You've contaminated the sample, but more importantly, the sample has contaminated you.  You should seek medical assistance immediately.
2013-10-11 01:01:57 PM
1 votes:
www.mmanews.pl
2013-10-11 01:00:46 PM
1 votes:
Do you have any idea how long it takes me to produce enough semen to make Jello with?
 
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