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(Some Guy)   Mumsnet user poses the question everyone wants to know the answer to. Do you and your partner have a 'Penis Beaker' in your dedicated sex clean up area? In other news 'Penis Beakers' are a thing   (mumsnet.com) divider line 88
    More: Weird  
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8425 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 Oct 2013 at 12:16 PM (27 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



88 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-10-10 11:06:09 AM
Penis goes where?!?
oi36.tinypic.com
 
2013-10-10 11:12:04 AM
This was lame when in was posted to TFD and it's lame now.
 
2013-10-10 11:28:17 AM
Oh. I read "Breaker." Subby, if I had balls they would be bruised because of how fast my knees slammed shut.
 
2013-10-10 11:35:18 AM
I use rubber sheets and a garden hose, but then that's just me.
 
2013-10-10 12:00:21 PM
After RFTA: Oh, she explains it. It's a hold-over habit from sneaking around as teenagers.

My fiance and I have a few of these as the result of living in a house with a heroin/meth addict who would get a little...nasty...if you were in the bathroom and she wanted it.

/is starting to recognize the truth in the statement "It's not insanity. It's a sane reaction to insane circumstances."
 
2013-10-10 12:01:47 PM
A beaker? Amateurs. I use a separatory funnel.
 
2013-10-10 12:04:46 PM
Oh, this will be fun.

/And for the record, I just use the drapes to wipe off.
 
2013-10-10 12:13:35 PM

PainInTheASP: Oh, this will be fun.

/And for the record, I just use the drapes to wipe off.


You're supposed to wipe off?
 
2013-10-10 12:14:11 PM
Penis Beakers are just the thing for a thirsty penis!
 
2013-10-10 12:18:11 PM
That water's cold.

Deep too.
 
2013-10-10 12:18:52 PM
Isn't cleaning the cuckold's job?
 
2013-10-10 12:20:32 PM
I just use a blowtorch to sanitize the sheets and our private parts.
 
2013-10-10 12:23:17 PM
I just wipe off on the cat.
 
2013-10-10 12:23:41 PM
I hate feeling icky after sex, so I take a shower afterwards.

And beforehand too, usually. I don't like feeling self-conscious because I have a few hours of dust and crumbs on me.
 
2013-10-10 12:23:48 PM

UberDave: PainInTheASP: Oh, this will be fun.

/And for the record, I just use the drapes to wipe off.

You're supposed to wipe off?


Only if you...

i218.photobucket.com
 
2013-10-10 12:23:54 PM
i1.ytimg.com
 
2013-10-10 12:23:56 PM
We use a mini pressure washer. Gets the peen clean, and the dermabrasion make sex all the more stimulating.

On the down side, the skin removal does make my johnson resemble a dog's.
 
2013-10-10 12:25:42 PM
Fanjo? That's a new one...thanks Ireland!
 
2013-10-10 12:25:47 PM
We call them things "ex-wives" around these parts.
 
2013-10-10 12:25:50 PM

PainInTheASP: Oh, this will be fun.

/And for the record, I just use the drapes to wipe off.


I do the same. But only when we're at her house.
 
2013-10-10 12:27:47 PM

Peki: Oh. I read "Breaker." Subby, if I had balls they would be bruised because of how fast my knees slammed shut.


I too read it as "breaker" but I thought it referred to something like a "deal breaker", i.e., the guy does something insensitive and the woman says "No Sex For You Tonight!"
 
2013-10-10 12:27:47 PM
In the Summer when sticky with sweat
'tis not the time to get the dick wet
But when the frost is on the pumpkin
the time is right for Dicky Dunking
 
2013-10-10 12:28:02 PM
What? And waste what would otherwise be a perfectly good snack for when she gets back from the bathroom? Not likely.

/ a stupid post for a stupid thread
 
2013-10-10 12:28:31 PM
Oh BEAKER.

johngushue.typepad.com
 
2013-10-10 12:30:57 PM
A good slore would just suck it clean... especially the poop particles.
 
2013-10-10 12:32:03 PM
When I have a teenager I'm just going to tell him to install a towel rack over his bed.

...or hers, as the case may be.
 
2013-10-10 12:32:49 PM
Sex isn't dirty, if you feel dirty after sex then you're either an OCD germophobe or doing it with skanks.
I've been with women that felt the need to run to the shower straight after sex so they can pussy-fart out all the creamy bubbles and fish soup, I just assumed they were princesses. I've been with women that are skanks too, where I had to run and clorox the skin off my sledgehammer because the vaginitis explosion from their open sore of a vag was too worrying.
Somewhere between the two is about right, some funk on your junk keeps the healthy bacteria fed, and we are nothing if not bacterial.
 
2013-10-10 12:33:17 PM
World's best band name!  "Tonight at U.S. Airways Center it's Penis Beaker with special guest, Foghat.  Get your tickets now!"
 
2013-10-10 12:35:02 PM

RodneyToady: Penis goes where?!?


Read TFA and many of the added comments and this was not was I expected to see as the first Fark comment.

I am still laughing! Thanks!!!!!
 
2013-10-10 12:36:01 PM

LeroyB: Peki: Oh. I read "Breaker." Subby, if I had balls they would be bruised because of how fast my knees slammed shut.

I too read it as "breaker" but I thought it referred to something like a "deal breaker", i.e., the guy does something insensitive and the woman says "No Sex For You Tonight!"


I have too much kink in me to settle for that explanation. I was imagining dungeon equipment.
 
2013-10-10 12:37:03 PM

YoOjo: I've been with women that are skanks too, where I had to run and clorox the skin off my sledgehammer because the vaginitis explosion from their open sore of a vag was too worrying.


STDs don't work that way!
 
2013-10-10 12:37:03 PM
Master Bedrooms frequently have attached bathrooms.  These bathrooms frequently have sinks.

I don't see the need.  But, then again I'm tall enough to just hang it down into the sink when necessary.
 
2013-10-10 12:38:07 PM
WTFAIR.jpg
 
2013-10-10 12:42:46 PM
I don't have a penis beaker but I do have a naduated cylinder.
 
2013-10-10 12:43:31 PM
thumbs1.ebaystatic.com
 
2013-10-10 12:46:22 PM
Penis gourd? Yes.

Penis beaker? No.
 
2013-10-10 12:49:07 PM

Cletus C.: [thumbs1.ebaystatic.com image 225x208]


img.fark.net

Another thing that fits perfectly into the hominid hand, or,

More Proof for Creationism

 
2013-10-10 12:49:54 PM
Penis beakers? Oh, please. For true phallus cleanliness and fashion both in and out of the bedroom, nothing beats an old-fashioned penis gourd.
 
2013-10-10 12:51:18 PM

alizeran: Penis gourd? Yes.

Penis beaker? No.


Damnit. I'd have beaten you if I wasn't typing on my phone.
 
2013-10-10 12:55:37 PM

brantgoose: Cletus C.: [thumbs1.ebaystatic.com image 225x208]

[img.fark.net image 225x208]Another thing that fits perfectly into the hominid hand, or,More Proof for Creationism


I thought God didn't want you playing with yourself?
 
2013-10-10 12:57:43 PM
Archaeologists tell us that the Penis Beaker culture briefly flourished in Western Europe about 2500 BC.

upload.wikimedia.org


Map from Wikipedia of Penis Beaker Culture Movements


Penis beakers seem to have been used in conjunction with alcohol, but are not exclusively drinking vessels.

This proves that archaeologists are full of beans.
 
2013-10-10 12:59:53 PM

Flint Ironstag: brantgoose: Cletus C.: [thumbs1.ebaystatic.com image 225x208]

[img.fark.net image 225x208]Another thing that fits perfectly into the hominid hand, or,More Proof for Creationism

I thought God didn't want you playing with yourself?


Well, the scientific evidence suggests otherwise, doesn't it? Reality and religion just have to agree to disagree.
 
2013-10-10 01:02:54 PM
I just wash it in the sink. A European, I am blessed with a foreskin, and I like to keep it tidy underneath.
 
2013-10-10 01:02:54 PM
We have a vagina colander, a breast rolling pin, and a butt bunson burner.
 
2013-10-10 01:04:56 PM
Your forum sucks
 
2013-10-10 01:10:07 PM
Eh just keep a jizz rag and some baby wipes by the bed
 
2013-10-10 01:10:08 PM
You dunk your genitals in a beaker? I imagine a shower, or a sink and a soapy wash cloth, or some wet wipes if that's all you have on hand would work far better. I mean what do you do... swish them around in the beaker with a swizzle stick? Not much cleaning is getting done, you're just sticking them in water.

I dunno, humans are strange.
 
2013-10-10 01:13:25 PM

YoOjo: Sex isn't dirty, if you feel dirty after sex then you're either an OCD germophobe or doing it with skanks.
I've been with women that felt the need to run to the shower straight after sex so they can pussy-fart out all the creamy bubbles and fish soup, I just assumed they were princesses. I've been with women that are skanks too, where I had to run and clorox the skin off my sledgehammer because the vaginitis explosion from their open sore of a vag was too worrying.
Somewhere between the two is about right, some funk on your junk keeps the healthy bacteria fed, and we are nothing if not bacterial.


I actually yelled "Oh Come On!" while reading this at work, which prompted coworkers to enter my office to ask what the deal was.  I then had to make up a story, as relaying your post would have made for a hostile workplace.
Thanks for the uncomfortable moment, arseface.
 
2013-10-10 01:16:26 PM
I just rinse off in the sink. And then, only when necessary like when a lot of lube is involved. I don't like dried lube in my short and curlies in the morning.

Most of the time I'm too exhausted (or perhaps more accurately lazy) from the activities and just pass out, shower in the morning.

/understand the idea of rinsing but a beaker on the night stand seems a bit odd
 
2013-10-10 01:17:29 PM
Towel. Half wet, half dry.
 
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