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(Huffington Post)   Dear Americans: Your country is shutting down, your leaders are about to crash your economy and turn America into Mad Max times. Here are 16 reasons to move to Europe. What are you waiting for?   (huffingtonpost.com) divider line 347
    More: Cool, Mad Max, Europeans, Americans, World Health Organization, Eurovision Song Contest, San Marino, American Love, united states ranked  
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12402 clicks; posted to Main » on 09 Oct 2013 at 7:50 PM (48 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-10-10 02:06:23 AM

DrunkenBob: Europe's more crowded.  I'd be ushered into Yankee slums and have to knife fight Muslims and Africans for a box of Mac 'n Cheese.


And your apartment would be the size of a box of Mac 'n Cheese.
 
2013-10-10 02:23:34 AM
'Nother rant--you vill learn Cherman und you vill like it!

All languages seem to have their sucky parts--English isn't very phonetic and furriners have a hell of a time learning how to pronounce it in spite of YouTube videos.  The German reputation for being efficient certainly doesn't apply to the German language.  Hell, the German word for efficiency is "Leistungsfähigkeit" or something like that.

There's absolutely no rhyme or reason to German nouns.  There's three genders and they're literary genders that have no relationship to 'real' genders (das Weib, anybody?)  There's a few general rules to German noun genders, but as a whole, they make absolutely no sense.  And, of course, the plural forms of nouns are hopelessly irregular as well.  Verbs can be irregular in several different ways; there's four cases (nominative, accusative, genitive, dative) and it's damned confusing trying to figure out the proper case with prepositions.

Then there's the Sharp 'S'--this silly thing: ß  It's just a pointless typographical symbol from the 18th and 19th century that stood for a double-S when printers still used the Latin long 'S' for no particular reason other than they're anal-retentive obscurantists.  English during the period did this as well; that's why the original version of the Constitution has the word "Congreſs".  They started using the 'ß' when German was written in the indecipherable Gothic Fraktur script and it carried over when the Krauts switched to the Latin alphabet.  Bizarrely, it's not a simple matter of using 'ß' every time there's a 'ss'--there's a whole bunch of silly rules dictating when you use a 'ß' and when you use a 'ss'.  Worse yet, there's different rules for 'ß' depending on whether you're in Germany or Austria.  So much for the Germans being logical, efficient rationalists...
 
2013-10-10 02:36:29 AM
Well, anyways, I'm hoping to quit wasting my time on Fark for the last time.  Unfortunately, posting on Fark is a stupid habit like smoking cigarettes or whacking off to midget scuba porn.  I have an epic time-travel book to finish--I'm currently hung up on 400 pages--and I should post my random rants exclusively on my Facebook fan page where I actually get feedback.

So...

good bye
Auf Wiedersehen
au revoir
До Свиданя
farewell
 
2013-10-10 02:41:49 AM

Secret Master of All Flatulence: Kit Fister: I am a stubborn gun owner. No thanks.

Right there with you:

[i135.photobucket.com image 800x600]

[i135.photobucket.com image 358x295]

[i135.photobucket.com image 600x800]


There are an overabundance of pinks in your basket. Didn't your parents teach you that you must separate your whites from your reds?!

img.fark.net

You will not have a decent place in the post-Apocalyptic world if you can't keep your white undershirts the proper color.
 
2013-10-10 03:22:01 AM

Monkeyfark Ridiculous: Australia for me. If Mad Max times are coming, I'm going to do them properly.


The cut of your jib,
 
2013-10-10 03:41:18 AM
Sounds like subby/author has never been to the US. Or just sucks at life in the US
 
2013-10-10 03:42:22 AM
Also, what's youth unemployment at in Europe? 50% in some places? Ya, I'll be right there guys
 
2013-10-10 03:57:57 AM

Kit Fister: I am a stubborn gun owner. No thanks.


Thanks! That's a benefit of living in Europe they left out, much less of the gun madness that makes Europe a much safer place.
 
2013-10-10 04:13:55 AM
Money.
 
2013-10-10 04:46:55 AM
How many hogsheads per furlong?
 
2013-10-10 05:01:57 AM
Working on moving back home to the U.S. from UK next year, hopefully there will still be openings with the gangs!
www.madmaxmovies.com
 
2013-10-10 05:06:09 AM
I would love to return to Germany. I would go back in a heartbeat and take a crash course to re-learn the language (getting a bit of a head start with Rammstein lyrics).

Unfortunately, they have no reason to let me in :(
 
2013-10-10 05:17:39 AM
It the shiat hit the fan, my wife has UK citizenship and I already have indefinite leave to remain there. So I'm waiting for the shiat to hit the fan so badly that I'd have to make the move
 
2013-10-10 05:22:07 AM
Also, I do love England, not leaving because it's horrible, I just miss my home more...but:

1. TV license. Everyone has to have one, they come knock on your door with this little device that shows you have a tv/computer capable of watching tv online and you get fined if you dont have one. Its 10 £ a month.
2. basic medical visits are "free" but you pay for prescriptions, and dental work is NOT free. You pay one of 3 rates, and they wont really do anything for you until your teeth are hurting. You can get private dental insurance, but it's costly like in the U.S.
3. Forget privacy, I have gotten used to hearing my neighbors soap operas on both sides (and I live in a brick house) I miss having a home where my walls aren't touching anyone elses walls! Also sometimes when out in a public place, you get to share a table with strangers if it's busy, not a big deal, but again goodbye private conversation!
4. You pretty much pay to park anywhere and everywhere. We have to pay to have a permit to park in the street in front of our own house.
5. Everyone in the Eu seems to be spilling into this area (London) so hard to find work, hospitals are overcrowded, as are schools. Seems to be only getting worse.

That being said, one place isn't better or worse than the other, just what one prefers I guess.  I miss open spaces and quiet. Also if the world is going to Mad Max, I want to be in a country with guns.
/ also marrying a foreigner is NOT an automatic in...I've been dealing with immigration here the last 5 years, so much headache/ money!!
 
2013-10-10 05:29:58 AM

Jim_Callahan: Um... what kind of moron doesn't know that "American" cheese is just processed cheddar, ....


I assume that would be the kind of moron who understands that modern American cheese might violate laws if it was labeled as cheese and must be labeled as "processed cheese", "cheese product", or similar-e.g., "cheese food". Whereas you seem to be the kind of moron that thinks American cheese still contains anything that would otherwise be identified as cheese.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_cheese
 
2013-10-10 05:34:27 AM
Heh...to paraphrase P.J.O'Rourke:

"Europe?  Europe isn't big enough to park all our cars, let alone live there."
 
2013-10-10 05:39:43 AM

RightToWork: Miniature-sized consumer products, restaurants that charge for seating, bread, and water, lack of drinking fountains, pay bathrooms, tiny expensive living spaces, beggars and pickpockets, crazy taxes, graffiti everywhere, rude people - you have a blast with Europe, Subby, I'll somehow manage here in the U.S. with my multiple cars, comfortable house, friendly servers, and huge portions.


And 24-hour Wal-Marts, and things open on Sundays, and shooting ranges, and airports everywhere, and Cessnas, and Diamonds, and cheap big Honda bikes, and, and and. Merkins, just pretty please learn to make bread that actually tastes like bread and isn't a soggy piece of plasterboard (c'mon, you already learned beer) and we're good. I live in Germany, having a great time here, the only place I would swap it for at a moment's notice is big ol' Texas. Oh, and btw, good luck with 3-week waiting times for your already-paid-for health care - you pay it out of your own payroll, it ain't subsidized any more, not here in Düütschland, nein mein Herr!
 
2013-10-10 06:00:25 AM

illannoyin: Really? Cheese? Ok you asked for it.

Behold, the cheese aisle at Woodman's...

Three refrigerator cases. First, the small one on the left.



Then, two more on the right. The cheese section ends at the second refrigerator case where the people are standing. The second case on the left is butter.



/Yes, they have Lurpak and Kerry Gold butter in addition to every conceivable variety of cheese
//What now biatches?


I work in the dairy department of a Kroger in Indiana that has 24 feet of butter shelf and we have Kerry Gold butter in 8 oz bars. It isn't a hot seller.
 
2013-10-10 06:08:07 AM
My dad lived and worked in Europe from 1942 to 1945. They only want us when they need us.
He said the women would just throw themselves at him and his buddies.
 
2013-10-10 06:14:07 AM

OgreMagi: The point about cheese used to be true, but now even our local supermarkets are carrying a wide selection of cheeses and will soon catch up with Europe and there are plenty of smaller shops that indulge in my cheese needs.

Soccer/football?  Who farking cares?  Both versions are boring.  Maybe I should point out how your soccer hooligans are a much bigger problem than our football thugs.

Public transporation?  I bet it's great only in the denser cities, just like here in the USA.  I'll concede that the public transportation in Budapest beat the hell out of San Francisco.

Chocolate?  I can get quality chocolate here, too.  Not all Americans think Hershey's makes chocolate.



1. So the most popular and widespread sport in the world is intrinsically boring then?

2. You'd be wrong there too. You try to get from any 2 random places in the US via public transport and you'll die of exposure/starvation/old age before it happens. Try that in europe and you'll get to where you want to go 9 times out of 10 with no problems.

3. Doesn't even make sense. Hershey's does taste like puke, and I'm assuming you meant not all Americans think the only chocolate is Hershey's. But seriously, the good chocolate comes from europe even when you include non-Hershey US brands.
 
2013-10-10 06:19:37 AM
Americans are really arrogant enough to think we'd have them? LOL!
 
2013-10-10 06:35:39 AM
mekki
P.S. We do have castles here. Just not ancient ones.


What a nice list of country houses!
 
2013-10-10 06:57:34 AM

Gdalescrboz: Also, what's youth unemployment at in Europe? 50% in some places? Ya, I'll be right there guys


In some places (read: Greece). Unemployment here (Norway) is about 2.5% last I checked. It's the job-killing socialism what does it.
 
2013-10-10 07:03:37 AM
illannoyin

Really? Cheese? Ok you asked for it.

Behold, the cheese aisle at Woodman's...


It's hard to tell from the pictures, but it doesn't look like there's any fresh cheese. :(
I don't like the taste of that sealed stuff with a best before date a couple of months in the future and that feels so rubber/plastic-like that it squeaks between your teeth.
I prefer something like this:
www.edeka-matzen.de
 
2013-10-10 07:12:16 AM

littlemissmeowlissa: 1. TV license. Everyone has to have one, they come knock on your door with this little device that shows you have a tv/computer capable of watching tv online and you get fined if you dont have one. Its 10 £ a month.


They don't have any such device and if you don't watch live TV there is no requirement on you to have a TV licence. That being said, it really is an odd and fairly costly system.

2. basic medical visits are "free" but you pay for prescriptions, and dental work is NOT free. You pay one of 3 rates, and they wont really do anything for you until your teeth are hurting. You can get private dental insurance, but it's costly like in the U.S.

You have a terrible dentist, get a new one! My private dental insurance is £23 per month. Also, no copay, prescriptions are about $11, OTC drugs are a tiny fraction of the price and have actual drugs in them. My wife had two full surface fills, privately, for £210. Good luck getting that work done with change from a grand in the States (she had already been to see the dentist there and had decided to hold off until she was here).

3. Forget privacy, I have gotten used to hearing my neighbors soap operas on both sides (and I live in a brick house) I miss having a home where my walls aren't touching anyone elses walls! Also sometimes when out in a public place, you get to share a table with strangers if it's busy, not a big deal, but again goodbye private conversation!

That's certainly true if you live in a terraced house, but let's not forget that there are detached houses in England, too, and that were you to live in New York, for example, you'd be unlikely to own all your walls. Where do you go where you have to share tables? Wagamama?

4. You pretty much pay to park anywhere and everywhere. We have to pay to have a permit to park in the street in front of our own house.


Definitely.

5. Everyone in the Eu seems to be spilling into this area (London) so hard to find work, hospitals are overcrowded, as are schools. Seems to be only getting worse.

Everyone wants to live in London, including 150,000 Americans. Which says something for London, I think!
 
2013-10-10 07:23:33 AM

ZeroPly: Felgraf: 2) I am one year from finishing a Physics PhD. A Physics PhD would be highly valuable. "Being a year away from having a physics PhD" is not.

Uhh... unless you just invented an antigravity device, a physics PhD is about as useful as an A+ certification these days. Whatever you do, don't become an adjunct professor. A data entry clerk working through a temp agency gets treated better.


Well, my physics research is in nanophysics/nanotech, and we're working on a method to allow optically-driven, controlled self-assembly of nanoparticles. Which would, in theory, open up a new branch of photochemistry. (If I can get the farkING THING TO WORK ARRRGGGGHHHH)
 
2013-10-10 07:42:25 AM

fusillade762: 2. CHEESE

Hey now, I have access to plenty of extremely tasty cheese that comes from about a 40 minute drive away.

[shop.tillamook.com image 800x904]


perigee: Reason 1: Europe won't take you.

Two rules:
- Can't go without a job offer.
- Job can't be offered unless Nobody in the EU can fill it better than you.

So, unpack.

That and most countries require that you speak the language. So that only leaves the UK for most Americans.


I don't think most yanks speak UK pommy. We would never be able to find a boozer, food store, or anything else unless we had a mucca translate for us.
 
2013-10-10 07:42:55 AM
safetycap:
There are an overabundance of pinks in your basket. Didn't your parents teach you that you must separate your whites from your reds?!

[img.fark.net image 467x377]

You will not have a decent place in the post-Apocalyptic world if you can't keep your white undershirts the proper color.


I have [s]indigenous ammo bearers[/s] kids, which accounts for some of the colors.  Also, I've yet to meet the person IRL who critiised my clothing choices when faced with the muzzle of a real, live loaded GPMG.
 
2013-10-10 07:53:59 AM
Germany was great, I loved it there. Sure I'd go back but not to run away from the US.
 
2013-10-10 07:54:01 AM

Secret Master of All Flatulence: safetycap:
There are an overabundance of pinks in your basket. Didn't your parents teach you that you must separate your whites from your reds?!

[img.fark.net image 467x377]

You will not have a decent place in the post-Apocalyptic world if you can't keep your white undershirts the proper color.

I have [s]indigenous ammo bearers[/s] kids, which accounts for some of the colors.  Also, I've yet to meet the person IRL who critiised my clothing choices when faced with the muzzle of a real, live loaded GPMG.


How many people exactly have you pointed a loaded weapon at? You're only supposed to do that if you are just about to kill them.
 
2013-10-10 08:12:50 AM
Last time my family was in Europe, they were murdered. The one relative who survived was exiled to Siberia, spent ten years there, was sentenced to death, escaped, and stowed away on the first ship he found.

Yay! Go Europe!
 
2013-10-10 08:31:19 AM
i do plan on leaving after I've bilked the gubmint out of every last cent I can.
I just don't want to stay in a place I used to love
 and watch it get kicked to death by idiot voters and their smiling politicians
everyone seems so proud of the failures
 
2013-10-10 08:36:53 AM
Healthcare, life expectancy, paid vacation, cheese, Republicans - these are the reasons I wouldn't move to the US.
 
2013-10-10 08:43:59 AM

Goodpancakes: Because its hard to get a visa that allows you to work there. I am trying though!


I feel your pain, been trying to move to france for a 6 to 12 month contract job for my company. Been doing all the paperwork for the past 6 months, now waiting on a letter saying I can make an appointment at the consulate to appear in person to get my long term work visa.
 
2013-10-10 08:44:26 AM
Damn that was stupid.
 
2013-10-10 09:11:52 AM

fusillade762: 2. CHEESE

Hey now, I have access to plenty of extremely tasty cheese that comes from about a 40 minute drive away.

[shop.tillamook.com image 800x904]



same here!

www.bloggang.com

http://www.heinis.com/

Just a note, if you ever do go there, do not sample every single cheese (and yes, you can do that) unless you have a powerful laxative on hand...I speak from experience

/who needs Europe when you have the Amish?
 
2013-10-10 09:19:08 AM
We emigrated from England to the US because we believed we could have a better life here.

This is not going in a 'Oh but we were so screwed' direction.

Everything's a tradeoff. It genuinely is. Yes, I'm disgusted that after having to fight for Citizenship here (and achieving it), that the Government is essentially devouring itself. As someone from Europe, I'm happy to point out that the US is the last holdout to not have Healthcare for its Citizens.

My family saw (and continue to see) America as a place where you can do pretty much what you want, when you want to. Europe has greatly improved in this since the fall of Communism, but to put it bluntly, you don't really get true European equivalents to say, Steve McQueen or Paul Neumann. It was seen as the Land of the Free, which makes the next thing I have to type even harder.

Nobody fights for the right to be ignorant harder than people I've seen here. This is universal across the globe to a certain degree. This whole thread has been filled with a *lot* of wharrrgarble How dare you criticize my Country USA USA USA.

One of the best qualities I found here as well was when something goes wrong, own it. Fix it. Here's your second chance. Your fifth. Your eightieth. I can't believe I'm seeing huge arguments about cheese. Jeremy Clarkson, when visiting the States said, 'Why are they all fixated on cheese with everything?'

America is still seen as the place where you can do it, and do it freely. It sucks that a lot of really sociopathic people have taken this to heart, and now we're fighting one hell of an uphill battle with companies who are getting insane breaks furthered by Politicians who put power ahead of kids dying of Cancer. Instead of having Roosevelt and Eisenhower champion and expand the middle class, we've got drones and surveillance on top of temper-tantrum derp in the House. What really concerns me is that the House seems quite OK to try to shift the balance of power by ignoring Due Process. If there's anything that's Unamerican, that's it, right there.

As an American, I own my problems. I see the chance for greatness, and I do my best to try and make life the best it possibly can be. I'm aware that Ignorance Loves Company, and do my best not to fall into the echo chamber. A strong, healthy populous tends to make for a strong, healthy country. Everyone else gets this, which is the rest of the world has nationalized healthcare and invests in education.

Instead of getting your panties in a bunch when someone points something out that might actually hit home, you should be adult enough to divorce yourself from taking things personally. I expected to come in here and see great examples of what we can bring to the table. Instead it's all been a lot of hurr-durr exceptionalism. Great walls of Cheese.

If I didn't believe in it, I could leave. Dual Citizenship, all that, etc. etc. I think that this place can be the best place on Earth. What you've decided to do for the past 20 years with Education, Government, Wars, and now the brutal retardation from the House has been incredibly disappointing because we can be so much better.

And we have. I believe we will, again. Trying to drive with the handbrake on and yelling at the furiners while you're a victim of your own creation just makes you look silly.
 
2013-10-10 09:25:46 AM

qualtrough: Kit Fister: I am a stubborn gun owner. No thanks.

Thanks! That's a benefit of living in Europe they left out, much less of the gun madness that makes Europe a much safer place.


Exactly. One of the biggest draws of Europe is getting away from the stubborn gun owners.
 
2013-10-10 09:29:10 AM
Ahh Europe, beacon of stability.  How many of those governments are more than 100 years old?

Then again, they've had no (major) wars in the last 60-70 years, so I guess there's that.
 
2013-10-10 09:32:28 AM

Fromageball: qualtrough: Kit Fister: I am a stubborn gun owner. No thanks.

Thanks! That's a benefit of living in Europe they left out, much less of the gun madness that makes Europe a much safer place.

Exactly. One of the biggest draws of Europe is getting away from the stubborn gun owners.


You do realize that there are stubborn gun owners in Europe, too, right?
 
2013-10-10 09:33:04 AM
What are you waiting for?

Assurance that I'll be allowed to stay longer than 6 months.
 
2013-10-10 09:35:07 AM

jshine: How many of those governments are more than 100 years old?


Lots of them and let's not forget that the American Civil War was only 150 years ago.
 
2013-10-10 09:36:06 AM
Well this settles it, I'm staying if most of Fark is leaving.
 
2013-10-10 09:38:16 AM
/The Eurovision song contest is NOT a reason to emigrate to "Europe", unless you have some mad passion for cheesy kitsch and semi corrupt voting patterns.

Also "Europe" is not one place, it's lots of places, judge each one on it's own merits. OK yes, there are some similarities - higher taxes etc and I get the impression some parts of northern Europe are ahead on education but we've plenty of ignorant 'tards here too and I've met, and worked with, pathetically ineducated people from southern Spain and Portugal.
Anyway "we" are no way a homogenous whole, rather a collection of diverse countries with a few things in common: the EU flag on things including our common format driving licences and passports*, the metric system** and many fewer big petrol V8s.

The HuffPost rivals the Daily Fail for simple minded stupidity.

/*Standards vary massively - they just all look the same.
//**Mostly
 
2013-10-10 09:45:36 AM

ethics-gradient: The HuffPost rivals the Daily Fail for simple minded stupidity.


Hence its innumerable greenlights on Fark :(
 
2013-10-10 09:46:30 AM

Mister Peejay: FunkOut:
Try Finland. It's like the British Columbia of Europe only even more drunk and containing more reindeer/caribou.

Finland has the world's highest number of metal bands per capita, by a very large margin.

Finland also has the world's highest number of crazy rally drivers.

Coincidence?  No.

/to finish first you must first be Finnish


iat's all about the sisu.

/lived in helsinki as a kid
 
2013-10-10 09:50:34 AM

FarkinNortherner: jshine: How many of those governments are more than 100 years old?

Lots of them and let's not forget that the American Civil War was only 150 years ago.


England comes to mind as a "definite", and France, maybe -- depending on how you count (it was a German vassal state for a little while).  Spain, Italy & Germany's governments are certainly are very young, nor is anything to the East of Germany more than a few decades old.  I guess I don't know much about Scandinavia.

Except in the Confederate states, the American government is actually relatively old (224 years under the current Constitution).
 
2013-10-10 10:00:03 AM
I'd be sorry to see Ringshadow go. Other than that?

theelephantgun.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-10-10 10:09:41 AM

FunkOut: I heard they were going to build a fence along the Canadian border consisting of metal pillars placed just far enough apart that only skinny people can get through. The catch is that the skinny Americans who get through will freeze to death due to lack of body fat.


Bonus: wait a few million years and there'll be a neat line of fossil fuels along the fence area.
 
2013-10-10 10:11:25 AM

jshine: FarkinNortherner: jshine: How many of those governments are more than 100 years old?

Lots of them and let's not forget that the American Civil War was only 150 years ago.

England comes to mind as a "definite", and France, maybe -- depending on how you count (it was a German vassal state for a little while).  Spain, Italy & Germany's governments are certainly are very young, nor is anything to the East of Germany more than a few decades old.  I guess I don't know much about Scandinavia.

Except in the Confederate states, the American government is actually relatively old (224 years under the current Constitution).


Depends on how you count it - the current state of Norway goes back either to 1905 or 1814 (got its constitution in 1814, but became fully independent in 1905) but the Norwegian kingdom has existed since, oh, 875 or so. Sweden is about the same age, and Denmark goes back to Gorm the Old, and before him, right straight back to the god Heimdall, so...
 
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