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(Deadspin)   Thanks, Ditka   (deadspin.com) divider line 168
    More: Unlikely, Mike Ditka, Biggest Mistake  
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8022 clicks; posted to Politics » on 09 Oct 2013 at 6:38 PM (27 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-10-09 05:56:49 PM
Who would win a fight between a half-sized Ditka and a double-sized Trump?
 
2013-10-09 06:05:32 PM

shanrick: Who would win a fight between a half-sized Ditka and a double-sized Trump?


How big is Trump's hair?  This is important.
 
2013-10-09 06:12:05 PM
I always knew that Ditka was an asshole, but I did not know he was a dickhead as well.
 
2013-10-09 06:13:58 PM
Yeah, well if Jeri Ryan had been down hitting the sex club to be part of an all-girl lingerie pillowfight we'd...um...we'd...what was I saying, again?
 
2013-10-09 06:16:39 PM

Mr. Coffee Nerves: Yeah, well if Jeri Ryan had been down hitting the sex club to be part of an all-girl lingerie pillowfight we'd...um...we'd...what was I saying, again?


Or, you know, if Jack Ryan could have been satisfied with merely getting to bang Seven of Nine instead of wanting an audience to watch him bang Seven of Nine...
 
2013-10-09 06:24:40 PM

Marcus Aurelius: I always knew that Ditka was an asshole, but I did not know he was a dickhead as well.


He sounds like he might be getting senile, too.

He had "no idea" why he was there. "My secretary sets everything up."

"Not that I would have won, but I probably would have"
 
2013-10-09 06:40:21 PM
Oh, Ditka. You are so hilarious. And brain-damaged. It's not your fault.
 
2013-10-09 06:42:30 PM

aimtastic: Mr. Coffee Nerves: Yeah, well if Jeri Ryan had been down hitting the sex club to be part of an all-girl lingerie pillowfight we'd...um...we'd...what was I saying, again?

Or, you know, if Jack Ryan could have been satisfied with merely getting to bang Seven of Nine instead of wanting an audience to watch him bang Seven of Nine...


Would there have been any way I could have gotten in on the Seven of Nine banging?
 
2013-10-09 06:43:06 PM
Da Bullshiat!
 
2013-10-09 06:43:14 PM
What if the hurricane was named Ditka?
 
2013-10-09 06:44:44 PM
So Ditka wishes that Hillary Clinton were president today.  Got it.  I presume he'll be voting for her in 2016?
 
2013-10-09 06:44:59 PM
As noted by the Atlantic Wire, Ditka spoke at the opening of a North Dakota oil facility last week. (He had "no idea" why he was there. "My secretary sets everything up.") He said not stopping Obama's rise to power remains his greatest regret...

This guy just pisses class.
 
2013-10-09 06:45:11 PM
IF ONLY Ditka's father had only biatch-slapped Ditkas's mother, instead of raping her.
 
2013-10-09 06:48:01 PM
No , your biggest mistake is still giving up your entire draft to trade up for Ricky Williams


..... and believing that Danny Wuerffel was going to be a great NFL quarterback.
 
2013-10-09 06:49:30 PM
"Ultra-ultra-ultra conservative"?

Is he a Puritan schoolmarm in his off-time?
 
2013-10-09 06:51:03 PM
You better DAAA-blecheck your numbers, Ditka.
 
2013-10-09 06:52:46 PM
Careful Mr. Ditka. Derping to hard can give you a heart attack...ack...ack, you ought to know by now.
 
2013-10-09 06:54:33 PM

Serious Black: aimtastic: Mr. Coffee Nerves: Yeah, well if Jeri Ryan had been down hitting the sex club to be part of an all-girl lingerie pillowfight we'd...um...we'd...what was I saying, again?

Or, you know, if Jack Ryan could have been satisfied with merely getting to bang Seven of Nine instead of wanting an audience to watch him bang Seven of Nine...

Would there have been any way I could have gotten in on the Seven of Nine banging?


If you'd been going to underground sex clubs in the Chicago area in the late 1990's yeah.

Here's how I explained it once in an e-mail to a friend:

How Seven of Nine got Barack Obama elected President

Sounds wacky huh?

You know how in history there are little, seemingly small moments which can change the entire timeline, those seemingly minor moments that are fulcrums that the world turns?

Adding 7 of 9 to Voyager was one of those.

Sound strange?

Well, when Jeri Ryan was cast as 7 of 9, she didn't live in or anywhere near Hollywood.  She lived in Chicago with her husband.  Her husband was a local politician and investment banker named Jack Ryan (insert Tom Clancy reference here).  He didn't want to move to Hollywood, because he had a very lucrative banking career (when Goldman Sachs went public in 2000, he suddenly became worth well over $100,000,000) and he had political ambitions.  She commuted back and forth from Chicago to Hollywood regularly to film Voyager.

This put massive strain on their marriage.  In 1999 they got a divorce.  They agreed to keep the records of the divorce sealed, saying it was for the best interest of their son.

Well, fast forward to 2004.  Jack Ryan is finally running as the Republican nominee for Senate in Illinois.  He's set up a huge juggernaut of funding and political machinery.  He looks certain to be elected to the US Senate from Illinois.  One problem.  The Chicago Tribune started doing a routine investigation of Mr. Ryan (like they would for any Senate candidate) and found that all the divorce records were sealed.  Rather suspicious, they thought.  They eventually got a judge to unseal the records.

What was in those records?  Well, this senate candidate had decided to try to save his marriage to Jeri by taking her to exotic sex clubs.  Partner swapping, group sex, fairly intense BDSM, that sort of thing.  She hated it, couldn't stand it, and didn't want to participate, but was apparently forced to watch and frequently asked/pressured to join in.   He thought it would bring excitement to their marriage.  Well, it was the last straw and she filed for divorce.  This was all discussed in court, but sealed.  (This was all happening while she was on Voyager, makes me wonder if any patrons at these clubs recognized her)

Well, his political career in the Republican Party was toast after it came out that he forced his wife to go to underground sex clubs in New York, New Orleans and Paris, and tried to force her to participate in group sex, hardcore bondage and partner swapping.  That would be bad for any politician, but for a Republican circa 2004?  Toast.

He withdrew from the race in disgrace, his nascent political career destroyed.  The Republicans nominated a replacement, but he had little in the way of political machinery, connections or money.  Jack Ryan's almost certain election was destroyed, and his otherwise unknown challenger who had been way behind in the polls won in a landslide.

That challenger was Barack Obama.  We all know that his win in that election is what put him into the national political spotlight and make the connections and fundraising means to start running for President several years later.

Jeri Ryan being cast of 7 of 9 was the historic key event that lead to Obama being elected President.
 
2013-10-09 06:55:20 PM

Mr. Coffee Nerves: Yeah, well if Jeri Ryan had been down hitting the sex club to be part of an all-girl lingerie pillowfight we'd...um...we'd...what was I saying, again?


Well that only came out after certain people made sure sealed court records were unsealed.
 
2013-10-09 06:55:52 PM
When Bill Clinton was first running for President, Ditka said something along the lines of "Electing Bill Clinton would be one of the biggest steps backward this country has ever taken", followed by the greatest economic expansion in the country's history.

So yeah... he's cool and all, but isn't exactly a "political Kreskin".
 
2013-10-09 06:58:10 PM

nekom: shanrick: Who would win a fight between a half-sized Ditka and a double-sized Trump?

How big is Trump's hair?  This is important.


I didn't think we could find someone with more delusions of grandeur than Trump, but there it is.
 
2013-10-09 06:58:37 PM
Mike Ditka's "Biggest Mistake" Was Letting Obama Become President

More like drafting Ricky Williams.
 
2013-10-09 06:59:00 PM

Mrbogey: Mr. Coffee Nerves: Yeah, well if Jeri Ryan had been down hitting the sex club to be part of an all-girl lingerie pillowfight we'd...um...we'd...what was I saying, again?

Well that only came out after certain people made sure sealed court records were unsealed.


Do tell who these certain people were. Should be good for a laugh.
 
2013-10-09 06:59:04 PM
And that ditka was running like 17 points down to Obama prior to his DNC speech totally backs up his completely real belief he could have easily won.
 
2013-10-09 07:00:06 PM

InmanRoshi: No , your biggest mistake is still giving up your entire draft to trade up for Ricky Williams


..... and believing that Danny Wuerffel was going to be a great NFL quarterback.


Oh, sorry. I see that's been covered. My bad.
 
2013-10-09 07:01:13 PM

Halli: Mrbogey: Mr. Coffee Nerves: Yeah, well if Jeri Ryan had been down hitting the sex club to be part of an all-girl lingerie pillowfight we'd...um...we'd...what was I saying, again?

Well that only came out after certain people made sure sealed court records were unsealed.

Do tell who these certain people were. Should be good for a laugh.


The reliably Republican Chicago Tribune, actually.
 
2013-10-09 07:01:57 PM

SenorBenedict: And that ditka was running like 17 points down to Obama prior to his DNC speech totally backs up his completely real belief he could have easily won.


Somebody actually polled that?
 
2013-10-09 07:02:13 PM

Doktor_Zhivago: What if the hurricane was named Ditka?


www.chicitysports.com
 
2013-10-09 07:02:43 PM

shanrick: Who would win a fight between a half-sized Ditka and a double-sized Trump?


Bill Brasky.
 
2013-10-09 07:03:41 PM

Silverstaff: He looks certain to be elected to the US Senate from Illinois.


I'm gonna stop your email here. This is a commonly believed myth. Obama was already leading the polls before the scandal even started. Why does everyone think Ryan would've won?

http://archpundit.com/blog/page/2/?s=obama+ryan+poll

http://www.highbeam.com/doc/1P1-95073532.html

Please stop perpetuating that lie.
 
2013-10-09 07:04:18 PM
Another concussion protocol failed
 
2013-10-09 07:06:06 PM
"Not that I would have won, but I probably would have"

www.geekation.com
 
2013-10-09 07:07:57 PM
It shows just how desperate the state GOP was if they'd consider Ditka as a candidate. 

Halli: Mrbogey: Mr. Coffee Nerves: Yeah, well if Jeri Ryan had been down hitting the sex club to be part of an all-girl lingerie pillowfight we'd...um...we'd...what was I saying, again?

Well that only came out after certain people made sure sealed court records were unsealed.

Do tell who these certain people were. Should be good for a laugh.


Kenyan Sekret Police.  They altered his birth certificate in Hawaii too.
 
2013-10-09 07:11:02 PM
http://www.surveyusa.com/2004_Elections/IL040715ObamaGOP.pdf

I had the number wrong it was 7 points and not 17, but yes Obama prior to his DNC keynote was polling ahead of Ditka. And its Illinois, not exactly a bastion of right wingers state wide.
 
2013-10-09 07:11:43 PM

Silverstaff: Serious Black: aimtastic: Mr. Coffee Nerves: Yeah, well if Jeri Ryan had been down hitting the sex club to be part of an all-girl lingerie pillowfight we'd...um...we'd...what was I saying, again?

Or, you know, if Jack Ryan could have been satisfied with merely getting to bang Seven of Nine instead of wanting an audience to watch him bang Seven of Nine...

Would there have been any way I could have gotten in on the Seven of Nine banging?

If you'd been going to underground sex clubs in the Chicago area in the late 1990's yeah.

Here's how I explained it once in an e-mail to a friend:

How Seven of Nine got Barack Obama elected President

Sounds wacky huh?

You know how in history there are little, seemingly small moments which can change the entire timeline, those seemingly minor moments that are fulcrums that the world turns?

Adding 7 of 9 to Voyager was one of those.

Sound strange?

Well, when Jeri Ryan was cast as 7 of 9, she didn't live in or anywhere near Hollywood.  She lived in Chicago with her husband.  Her husband was a local politician and investment banker named Jack Ryan (insert Tom Clancy reference here).  He didn't want to move to Hollywood, because he had a very lucrative banking career (when Goldman Sachs went public in 2000, he suddenly became worth well over $100,000,000) and he had political ambitions.  She commuted back and forth from Chicago to Hollywood regularly to film Voyager.

This put massive strain on their marriage.  In 1999 they got a divorce.  They agreed to keep the records of the divorce sealed, saying it was for the best interest of their son.

Well, fast forward to 2004.  Jack Ryan is finally running as the Republican nominee for Senate in Illinois.  He's set up a huge juggernaut of funding and political machinery.  He looks certain to be elected to the US Senate from Illinois.  One problem.  The Chicago Tribune started doing a routine investigation of Mr. Ryan (like they would for any Senate candidate) and found that all the div ...


I did not know that. One of the highlights of my childhood is even more important!
 
2013-10-09 07:15:19 PM
sports.espn.go.com

Fark you "Limp" Ditka
 
2013-10-09 07:19:37 PM

SenorBenedict: http://www.surveyusa.com/2004_Elections/IL040715ObamaGOP.pdf

I had the number wrong it was 7 points and not 17, but yes Obama prior to his DNC keynote was polling ahead of Ditka. And its Illinois, not exactly a bastion of right wingers state wide.


Pfft. Chicago-style politics runs the state. You libufartos should realize that much.
 
2013-10-09 07:19:49 PM

Lando Lincoln: Oh, Ditka. You are so hilarious. And brain-damaged. It's not your fault.


Yah, I guess the NFL concussion problem goes way back.
 
2013-10-09 07:20:56 PM

Mrbogey: ell that only came out after certain people made sure sealed court records were unsealed.


It was the Democrats, right?  Amirite?  Right?  What did I win?
 
2013-10-09 07:24:58 PM

nekom: shanrick: Who would win a fight between a half-sized Ditka and a double-sized Trump?

How big is Trump's hair?  This is important.


The winner is post-heart attack mini-Ditka 17, giant Trump 14.  He just *barely* gets by.  Last minute field goal, pretty exciting, ya know?

Now... Ditka augmented with Dick Cheney's cybernetic heart, versus Obama's Magical Time Machine?
 
2013-10-09 07:27:43 PM

InmanRoshi: No , your biggest mistake is still giving up your entire draft to trade up for Ricky Williams

..... and believing that Danny Wuerffel was going to be a great NFL quarterback.


Doesn't even hold a candle to that massively, massively talented Bears squad only winning (hell, only getting to) one Super Bowl.

/Not to mention the 'give the goal line carry to the Refrigerator instead of Walter Payton at the goal line in that one SB'
 
2013-10-09 07:27:46 PM
lol because regret matters.
 
2013-10-09 07:32:37 PM
Let's watch as Ditka's brain finishes turning into concussed mush.
 
2013-10-09 07:33:01 PM
FTA: "Ditka considered it, but eventually declined, citing his busy schedule. It still eats away at him to this day. "

Personal Responsibility strikes again!

/Mike Ditka, who you crappin'
//too obscure?
 
2013-10-09 07:34:47 PM

aimtastic: Mr. Coffee Nerves: Yeah, well if Jeri Ryan had been down hitting the sex club to be part of an all-girl lingerie pillowfight we'd...um...we'd...what was I saying, again?

Or, you know, if Jack Ryan could have been satisfied with merely getting to bang Seven of Nine instead of wanting an audience to watch him bang Seven of Nine...


In the wake of Tom Clancy passing, this puts an interesting picture in my mind.
 
2013-10-09 07:35:40 PM
Thanks Ooooh I see what you did there.
 
2013-10-09 07:37:15 PM
Ditka acting like an arrogant douchebag? Did I fall into a time portal to 1992?
 
2013-10-09 07:37:26 PM
If Ditka attacks Obama, who does Chicago side with?
 
IP
2013-10-09 07:40:41 PM

Silverstaff: Serious Black: aimtastic: Mr. Coffee Nerves: Yeah, well if Jeri Ryan had been down hitting the sex club to be part of an all-girl lingerie pillowfight we'd...um...we'd...what was I saying, again?

Or, you know, if Jack Ryan could have been satisfied with merely getting to bang Seven of Nine instead of wanting an audience to watch him bang Seven of Nine...

Would there have been any way I could have gotten in on the Seven of Nine banging?

If you'd been going to underground sex clubs in the Chicago area in the late 1990's yeah.

Here's how I explained it once in an e-mail to a friend:

How Seven of Nine got Barack Obama elected President

Sounds wacky huh?

You know how in history there are little, seemingly small moments which can change the entire timeline, those seemingly minor moments that are fulcrums that the world turns?

Adding 7 of 9 to Voyager was one of those.

Sound strange?

Well, when Jeri Ryan was cast as 7 of 9, she didn't live in or anywhere near Hollywood.  She lived in Chicago with her husband.  Her husband was a local politician and investment banker named Jack Ryan (insert Tom Clancy reference here).  He didn't want to move to Hollywood, because he had a very lucrative banking career (when Goldman Sachs went public in 2000, he suddenly became worth well over $100,000,000) and he had political ambitions.  She commuted back and forth from Chicago to Hollywood regularly to film Voyager.

This put massive strain on their marriage.  In 1999 they got a divorce.  They agreed to keep the records of the divorce sealed, saying it was for the best interest of their son.

Well, fast forward to 2004.  Jack Ryan is finally running as the Republican nominee for Senate in Illinois.  He's set up a huge juggernaut of funding and political machinery.  He looks certain to be elected to the US Senate from Illinois.  One problem.  The Chicago Tribune started doing a routine investigation of Mr. Ryan (like they would for any Senate candidate) and found that all the div ...


Cool story bro...
 
2013-10-09 07:40:56 PM

Lost Thought 00: If Ditka attacks Obama, who does Chicago side with?


Since it's Chicago, we have to let the dead vote towards this.
 
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