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(Telegraph)   If you self-diagnose all your illnesses using WebMD, experts have a name for you: Cyberchondriac   (telegraph.co.uk) divider line 59
    More: Strange, WebMD  
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1045 clicks; posted to Main » on 09 Oct 2013 at 1:05 PM (27 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



59 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-10-09 12:12:01 PM
I'd better check to make sure I don't have that.
 
2013-10-09 12:18:25 PM
I'm not a huge fan of the constant stream of new portmanteaux, but this one I like.
 
GBB
2013-10-09 01:06:36 PM
WebMD: Cyberchondriac.   OMG, I'M GOING TO DIE!!!
 
2013-10-09 01:06:38 PM
Hasn't this term been used since.. Well, at least 1998?

/Ask a Dr on usenet was hilarious
 
2013-10-09 01:08:17 PM
My prescription for anyone using the word cyberchondriac is a swift punch in the 'nads.

/Cyberchondriac
//OW!
 
2013-10-09 01:08:36 PM
The thing is... if you're sick, the body will generate the same general litany of physical manifestations.    It could be bowel cancer or the flu.... no way for a layperson to figure it out.
 
2013-10-09 01:08:39 PM
*search WebMD* "Stomach hurt"

*30 minutes later*

HOLY shiat I HAVE CANCER AND A SWOLLEN TESTICLE BLOCKAGE PUS LEAK!!!!
 
2013-10-09 01:09:17 PM
Instead go to your doctor and watch him open WebMd right in front of you to make a diagnosis.
 
2013-10-09 01:09:59 PM
I used a Gray's Anatomy (not the show, you idiot!) text to diagnose my hernia.
But I'm clever that way.
 
2013-10-09 01:10:32 PM
According to WebMd, I either have cancer or lupus.

I'm pretty sure it's allergies.

/it's never lupus.
 
2013-10-09 01:11:40 PM
People make fun of hypochondriacs, but the way I suffer it, I have actual, physical symptoms. I look them up, and there are all sorts of dire illnesses that could cause them. It turns out they're always just caused by stress or other brain chemistry malfunction, but it's not like I'm imagining them. I actually have the symptoms; they're just not significant. Stupid brain.
 
2013-10-09 01:11:54 PM

styckx: *search WebMD* "Stomach hurt"

*30 minutes later*

HOLY shiat I HAVE CANCER AND A SWOLLEN TESTICLE BLOCKAGE PUS LEAK!!!!


Me too!!  And I had no idea that women had testicles!
 
2013-10-09 01:12:33 PM
I correctly self-diagnosed my appendicitis last year using WebMD. I had to check to see if my pain was in the correct location.
 
SH
2013-10-09 01:14:23 PM
I have a better name: Person without health insurance.
 
2013-10-09 01:16:04 PM
Is there a WebMD page for that condition yet?
 
2013-10-09 01:16:19 PM

styckx: *search WebMD* "Stomach hurt"

*30 minutes later*

HOLY shiat I HAVE CANCER AND A SWOLLEN TESTICLE BLOCKAGE PUS LEAK!!!!


Better dig a dying hole. Cheaper for your family that way.
 
2013-10-09 01:17:00 PM
My ex- was an allergy specialist who dealt with a lot of kids.  It was always entertaining to get her on the topic of WebMD and the parents who pre-diagnosed their kids before showing up at the office.

"No... I am certain your child doesn't having the African Whooping Cough which has been diagnosed 7 times in human history.  Give him some Benadryl"
 
2013-10-09 01:17:46 PM

QueenMamaBee: According to WebMd, I either have cancer or lupus.

I'm pretty sure it's allergies.

/it's never lupus.


The cure for lupus...

static.tvfanatic.com
 
2013-10-09 01:20:08 PM
If you come up with terms like cybercondriach, skrame has a name for you: idiot.
 
2013-10-09 01:20:20 PM
Maybe it's cyber lupus.
 
2013-10-09 01:23:08 PM
Honestly, after talking to some of the pan-tri-trans-bi-cis abled on Fark, I think most people use tumblr instead of webmd anymore
 
2013-10-09 01:24:15 PM
It's not the mid-90's anymore. Let's stop applying "cyber-" as a prefix unless there's some actual form of cybernetics going on.

It's worse than Megaman from "Captain N."
 
2013-10-09 01:24:39 PM
balki1867: My ex- was an allergy specialist who dealt with a lot of kids.  It was always entertaining to get her on the topic of WebMD and the parents who pre-diagnosed their kids before showing up at the office.

"No... I am certain your child doesn't having the African Whooping Cough which has been diagnosed 7 times in human history.  Give him some Benadryl"


My cousin is a doctor and she farking hates WebMD for this very reason.  All kinds of people coming in convinced they have cancer or AIDS or bird swine ebola flu and then get angry at her when she won't prescribe the medication/treatment for the illness they're imagining they have.

Makes me glad I don't have to deal with that.
 
2013-10-09 01:26:19 PM
"Hi, I'm Mitch Taylor's Bro, and I'm a cyberchondriac."

In my defense, after I'm sure I have some rare disease caused by the bite of an extinct insect that lived in a country I've never been to, I go to the doctor and listen to what she has to say. Sometimes it's something. Sometimes it's nothing. But I probably go on one of these phantom "OMG, I'm gonna die, rite?" visits every three years or so. And that's in addition to annual checkups.
 
2013-10-09 01:26:49 PM
I'm just happy there's a resource to help me understand the complications from having centipedes in my vagina.

/it's more likely than I thought
 
2013-10-09 01:30:10 PM
I suffer from indexia since I type with one finger.
 
2013-10-09 01:32:41 PM
I live in NM, and one time. I asked my doc about people that use WebMD before they come in. That got him on a tear biatching about those people.Many of them "I looked it up on the Internet, so it must be true" bunch.
 
2013-10-09 01:33:08 PM

miss diminutive: I'm just happy there's a resource to help me understand the complications from having centipedes in my vagina.

/it's more likely than I thought


Judas priest, I love you.
 
2013-10-09 01:34:40 PM
I just attended a lecture on what's new in the DSM-V, and they aren't calling it "hypochondria" any more.  The new term is "Illness Anxiety."  I think it's more descriptive and less perjorative, myself.
 
2013-10-09 01:38:14 PM
I've been to the doctor twice in the last ten years (not counting routine physicals and acute injuries).

Here's how the first time went:

SEMIOTIX: Doctor, I think I have acute hyperlaryngial subquadriceptal oedemapathy.
DOCTOR: Oh yeah? What makes you so goddamn sure you have just that exact specific disease?
SEMIOTIX: Uh, internet.

DOCTOR: Yeah, everyone thinks they're Albert Farking Schweitzer now that they can just Google it. I don't even know why you're bothering asking my opinion, since you're such a goddamn expert.
SEMIOTIX: So what  do I have?
DOCTOR: Acute hyperlaryngial subquadriceptal oedemapathy.

Here's how the second time went.

SEMIOTIX: Doctor, my tummy hurts.
DOCTOR: Have you ruled out appendicitis?
SEMIOTIX: Uh, no.
DOCTOR: FINE, I'll do it. Does it hurt when I do this?
SEMIOTIX: No.
DOCTOR: You'll be fine. You know, five minutes on WebMD could have saved you a lot of money and both of us a lot of time.
SEMIOTIX: I'm... sorry?
DOCTOR: Also, I don't think semiotix is your real name. Are you that asshole from Fark?


tl;dr: farkin' doctors, man.
 
2013-10-09 01:38:26 PM
Is there an exception for people who are right?

Me:  'Ouch - my wrist hurts.  I wonder what it is?  I know, I'll research it.....'
(Two days later....)
Me:  Yeah, huh, it really sounds like I have X.  I bet it is X, and I hope I'm wrong, but it sounds like I'll need surgery.  I better go to the doctor.
Doc:  You think you have X?  Well, where did you go to med school?  You didn't?  Best leave this stuff to the experts then!  Now let me have a look (my doctor was a dick)
Doc:  Well, let's do an x-ray.
Doc:  Okay, nothing is broken.  Ummm, I want you to not do this or that with your wrist for two weeks....and if it hurts still, come back.

Me:  Ummm, no thanks.  I'm going to go to a specialist, because you are a dick.

Specialist:  This looks like a clear case of X.  We should do an MRI to make sure it isn't Y or Z, but that'd be rare.  In your case, it looks like we'll need to operate.
 
2013-10-09 01:41:41 PM
OTOH, I self-diagnosed whooping cough when I was in Iraq (docs thought it was "adjustment disorder" to the local dust), and danged if the four-month course of my illness didn't EXACTLY track the symptoms of whooping cough (and was nothing like allergy symptoms, which I'm familiar with). Doctors hate WebMD to some extent because they don't like informed patients, who want to second-guess their (sometimes misguided) treatment. That's why they call it the "practice" of medicine; they're mostly making an informed guess on what treatment will work. See all the people who suffer for years with some kind of pain/fatigue disorder before being properly diagnosed with Lyme disease or whatever.
 
2013-10-09 01:45:24 PM

Ex-Texan: I live in NM, and one time. I asked my doc about people that use WebMD before they come in. That got him on a tear biatching about those people.Many of them "I looked it up on the Internet, so it must be true" bunch.


So... What does living in New Mexco have to do with anything?
 
2013-10-09 01:45:49 PM
Mrs. Coffee Nerves goes there on practically a daily basis, which isn't the biggest issue. The biggest issue is that after she puts in her symptoms and is presented with a list of possibilities like:

1) Minor Cold
2) Mild Allergies
3) Spinal Explosion with Lupus-Infected Fire Ants in Brain, presenting as Hyperfatal Projective Ebola Cancers

Which one do you think she thinks she has?
 
2013-10-09 01:48:13 PM
Mr. Coffee Nerves: Spinal Explosion with Lupus-Infected Fire Ants in Brain, presenting as Hyperfatal Projective Ebola Cancers

Crap, now I'm going to die.
 
2013-10-09 01:49:52 PM

Fark_Guy_Rob: Doc: Okay, nothing is broken. Ummm, I want you to not do this or that with your wrist for two weeks....and if it hurts still, come back.


General practioner+orthopaedics=fail
 
2013-10-09 01:50:15 PM

mbillips: OTOH, I self-diagnosed whooping cough when I was in Iraq (docs thought it was "adjustment disorder" to the local dust), and danged if the four-month course of my illness didn't EXACTLY track the symptoms of whooping cough (and was nothing like allergy symptoms, which I'm familiar with). Doctors hate WebMD to some extent because they don't like informed patients, who want to second-guess their (sometimes misguided) treatment. That's why they call it the "practice" of medicine; they're mostly making an informed guess on what treatment will work. See all the people who suffer for years with some kind of pain/fatigue disorder before being properly diagnosed with Lyme disease or whatever.


As much as I laughed at my ex'es stories (posted above), I definitely like to be an informed patient.  So I tend to ask a decent number of questions.  I keep a curious tone to it, so I typically don't have issues with my doctors, but I can definitely think of examples where the guy assumed I was second-guessing his every move.
 
2013-10-09 01:51:41 PM

Mr. Coffee Nerves: 3) Spinal Explosion with Lupus-Infected Fire Ants in Brain, presenting as Hyperfatal Projective Ebola Cancers


I'm not sure why, but as I read that, I completely lost my shiat at the word 'hyperfatal'  That was too good.
 
2013-10-09 01:52:49 PM

Mr. Coffee Nerves: 3) Spinal Explosion with Lupus-Infected Fire Ants in Brain, presenting as Hyperfatal Projective Ebola Cancers


Simply exquisite.
 
2013-10-09 01:59:01 PM
I found this out when, as a 30 year-old male, I went to the doctor only to be told that I wasn't in fact menstruating.


Then again.  What does he know?
 
2013-10-09 02:00:46 PM
Yet another way Star Trek predicted the future.

tng.trekcore.com

"Computer... access Starfleet Medical Data Base. Tell me about... describe the disorder known as... Transporter Psychosis."

"Transporter Psychosis was diagnosed in the year twenty-two-oh-nine by researchers on Delinia Two --"

tng.trekcore.com

No, no... stop. All I need is the... what causes it?

"It is caused by a breakdown of neuro-chemical molecules during transport, affecting the body's motor functions, autonomic systems, and the brain's higher reasoning centers."

"What are the symptoms?"

tng.trekcore.com

"Victims suffer from paranoid delusions... multi-infarct dementia... hallucinations..."

"Hallucinations? What kind of hallucinations?"

tng.trekcore.com

"Victims experience somatic, tactile and visual hallucinations, accompanied by psychogenic hysteria."

tng.trekcore.com

"Peripheral symptoms include sleeplessness... accelerated heart-rate..."

tng.trekcore.com

"Diminished eyesight, leading to acute myopia... painful spasms in the extremities..."

tng.trekcore.com

"And in most cases, dehydration."

tng.trekcore.com

"Computer... what is the treatment for Transporter Psychosis?"

"There is no known treatment."

tng.trekcore.com
 
2013-10-09 02:03:45 PM

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: So... What does living in New Mexco have to do with anything?


They don't even have the internet in New Mexico yet, which shows you just how crazy the WebMD-obsessed crowd there is.
 
2013-10-09 02:16:21 PM

semiotix: hyperlaryngial subquadriceptal oedemapathy


My version:

Patient: I think the drugs you've been prescribing me for my migraines are causing cognitive problems.  I've read several articles on the internet regarding the issue, and last week I couldn't recall my assistant's name even though I hired her ten years ago and have worked with her ever since.

Doctor:  The internet is just a bunch of unscientific group-think.  In science we use double blind studies to determine potential side effects of medications, not anecdotal postings on some internet forum.  [pulls the Physicians Desk Reference off the shelf]  According to this about 20% of folks taking the drug I prescribed you experience cognitive problems, so maybe we should adjust your medication.

Patient:  [gets a new neurologist the same day]
 
2013-10-09 02:17:54 PM
I think I am a good old fashioned hypochondriac. I have all the symptoms.
 
2013-10-09 02:18:07 PM
General Practitioners are insecure and stubborn in general.

Me: "I keep getting these ear clogs. I irrigated my ears with OTC stuff and some foul yeasty thing came out. Same thing a few days later"

Doc: "Let's see... It looks like you have some paper in there. Did you put paper in your ears?"

Me: Um, I'm 32. Why would I stuff paper in my ear?

Doc: It looks like wet paper. Wet paper. Anyway. It looks like swimmers ear so take these drops.

------

Specialist: Let me look at this gross thing under the microscope. (2 minutes later) it looks like a fungus. Heres a sample of a bactrum type prescrition.

Problem solved
 
2013-10-09 02:20:22 PM
No my name is too lazy to go to the doctor. I don't trust them anyway. Every doctor I ever met looked and acted like a serial killer. My last family doctor had the personalily and charm of hitler.
 
2013-10-09 02:48:58 PM
I have no problem with a doctor using WebMD. I also don't have a problem with an engineer using Wikipedia to look up a math formula.
 
2013-10-09 03:05:54 PM

Agnes Gonxha's Confidant: General Practitioners are insecure and stubborn in general.

Me: "I keep getting these ear clogs. I irrigated my ears with OTC stuff and some foul yeasty thing came out. Same thing a few days later"

Doc: "Let's see... It looks like you have some paper in there. Did you put paper in your ears?"

Me: Um, I'm 32. Why would I stuff paper in my ear?

Doc: It looks like wet paper. Wet paper. Anyway. It looks like swimmers ear so take these drops.

------

Specialist: Let me look at this gross thing under the microscope. (2 minutes later) it looks like a fungus. Heres a sample of a bactrum type prescrition.

Problem solved


I hate to say it - but I've found general practitioners to be pretty unhelpful in any situation that isn't a routine checkup or antibiotics for an obvious cause.  Beyond that, it's just, 'Do something stupid for a few weeks, come back.  Still a problem?  Try something else stupid for a few weeks...come back.  Still a problem?  Okay, I'll refer you to a specialist.'

Back when I was in the US I had insurance that allowed me to go straight to a specialist and it was great.  I haven't been back in 2+ years and I've been hearing about all sorts of changes.  In the EU, where I live, I *can't* see a specialist without first going through 2-3 rounds of B.S....even though I still pay for private insurance (as much as I paid in the US).  Each visit to a GP costs me 60 euro (~$80 USD) - so before I get to a specialist I'm already out $240 + the cost of the specialist - which is another $200 easy.

Now, if I have cancer - it's great.  No additional cost to me (although, it'll take months to get treatment.  Assuming I don't die...no additional cost to me).

I suspect the US system will shortly be quite similar, if it isn't already.
 
2013-10-09 03:11:16 PM
I used the internet to diagnose my gall stones about 18 years ago.  The dr said I wasn't really sick, I told him I think I have gall stones.  Finally after 9 months of that crap I told him that if I die and they find gall stones my folks to go after him and his practice.  He did an exploratory surgery and what do you know, found some gall stones.

/Hate me some doctors
 
2013-10-09 03:24:59 PM
You're only a cyber-chondriac if your maladies are virtual. If they are real you are taking responsibility for your health care.

It's all a matter of dosage. It's OK to read up. On the other hand, you should not present your Doctor with a binder that's too long for him or her to read in the time available to them. (Give your Doctor an executive summary, less than one page, bullet points including your recommendations.)
 
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