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(KPTV Portland)   "Wait, you mean shaving cream isn't dispensed from your penis? I'VE BEEN DOING IT WRONG ALL THIS TIME?"   (kptv.com) divider line 36
    More: Dumbass, loves, Beaverton, KPTV  
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10844 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 Oct 2013 at 11:32 PM (27 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



36 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-10-07 09:08:03 PM
I got a book from the Beaverton library (through our inter-library loan system) yesterday, so I'm getting a kick, etc.
 
2013-10-07 10:54:36 PM
img.photobucket.com
 
2013-10-07 11:36:28 PM
I have a sad story to tell you,
It may hurt your feelings a bit.
Last night when I walked into my bathroom,
I stepped in a big pile of ... Shhhhhaving cream, be nice and clean,
shave every day and you'll always look keen.
A baby fell out of the window, You'ld think that her head would be split,
But good luck was with her that
morning, she fell in a barrel of... Shhhhhaving cream, be nice and clean
shave every day and you'll always look keen.
An old lady died in the bath tub.
She died from a terrible fit.
In order to fulfill her wishes,
She was buried in six feet of... Shhhhhaving cream, be nice and clean
Shave every day and you'll always look keen.
I went for a hike with Troop 196,
At lunch time I looked in my kit,
I thought I would find me a sandwich,
But the darned thing was loaded with... Shhhhhaving cream, be nice and clean br> Shave every day and you'll always look keen.
While watching a swell game of baseball,
One player got him a nice hit.
While on his way down to first base,
He stepped in a big pile of... Shhhhhaving cream, be nice and clean
Shave every day and you'll always look keen.
Our baby got into some peaches,
We thought he had swallowed a pit.
Next morning we looked in his diaper,
But the darned thing was loaded with... Shhhhhaving cream, be nice and clean
shave every day and you'll always look keen.
And now folks my story is ended,
I think it is time I should quit,
If any of you feel offended,
Stick your head in a bucket of... Shhhhhaving cream, be nice and clean
Shave every day and you'll always look keen.
 
2013-10-07 11:36:30 PM
He probably just got carried away.  After all a freshly shorn scrotum can be quite er-rot-tic.
 
2013-10-07 11:41:40 PM
"Once at the library, Leatherman said he had an erection and did not want to get out of his car while he was in that condition...."

Why not?? Helluva conversation starter!  "Hey.... you.. YES YOU!  Come here and check this out!"
 
2013-10-07 11:42:18 PM
Free Socialist library wifi and masturbation, go hand in pocket. Then a quick zip to release the beast before it makes a mess.

/At least he wasn't inside the library with its massive back catalog of Playboys
 
2013-10-07 11:43:51 PM
And now they'll all yell MASTURBATOR! MASTURBATOR!
i.imgur.com

i.imgur.com
Masturbator!
 
2013-10-07 11:48:12 PM
Wow. You think he could have gotten some play in Beaverton.

/unless it is KPTV
 
2013-10-07 11:49:46 PM

JasonOfOrillia: He probably just got carried away.  After all a freshly shorn scrotum can be quite er-rot-tic.


The hair tends to grow back a tad less-than-curly for a while afterwards, though.
 
2013-10-07 11:49:53 PM
On a related note, I am suspicious of the liquid soap in the dispensers at work.  A quick sniff of it hints of a certain... spunkiness...
 
2013-10-07 11:55:39 PM
Semen as an emergency shaving cream substitute? Hmm...

BRB; gotta try something
 
2013-10-08 12:01:24 AM
Did anyone else read this as police man masturbating?

kptv.images.worldnow.com
 I mean the guy's wearing a badge for Chrissakes.
 
2013-10-08 12:12:21 AM

Dahnkster: Did anyone else read this as police man masturbating?

[kptv.images.worldnow.com image 645x363]
 I mean the guy's wearing a badge for Chrissakes.


Yes. Totally misleading URL.

kptv.com/story/23630668/police-man-masturbating-in-car-at-library-cla i med-he-was-shaving
 
2013-10-08 12:18:49 AM

DanZero: [img.photobucket.com image 612x612]


static.giantbomb.com
 
2013-10-08 12:19:02 AM

Dahnkster: Did anyone else read this as police man masturbating?


 I mean the guy's wearing a badge for Chrissakes.


Mike Patton, nooooooo!
 
2013-10-08 12:21:24 AM
I usually shave myself but a barbershop nearby employs some nice looking women barbers...
 
2013-10-08 12:23:19 AM
I dunno subby, my dispenser works great for your wife's legs (and mustache).
 
2013-10-08 12:23:50 AM
once, as a child, we had a bad winter. this was 1983 and damn it was a booger. so me and my best friend are just wandering around the deserted, frigid downtown spitting loogies on the walls and watching them freeze. someone kept laying on the horn of a car backed in in front of the library and it was some chick giving guy head at 11 in the morning in front of the library downtown.

We stood and watched and gave him the thumbs up

meanwhile, she kept accidentally laying on the horn a block away from the cop shop

good times, kids, good times
 
2013-10-08 12:27:50 AM
Bonus: The guy's name is Leatherman
 
2013-10-08 12:39:04 AM

Weatherkiss: Bonus: The guy's name is Leatherman


He was using his Leatherman tool.
 
2013-10-08 12:57:13 AM

Dahnkster: Did anyone else read this as police man masturbating?

[kptv.images.worldnow.com image 645x363]
 I mean the guy's wearing a badge for Chrissakes.


He looks like "what if Brian Peppers wasn't deformed?".
 
2013-10-08 01:02:34 AM
i.imgur.com
 
2013-10-08 01:07:40 AM
He lies and says he's shaving himself, can't arrest a Leatherman,
He dreams of razors and shaving cream, can't arrest a Leatherman!

Now 'scuse me while I kiss this guy.
 
2013-10-08 01:14:24 AM
Is this an article about something weird that gay guys do with each other that shouldn't/needn't be discussed in public amogst decent folk?
 
2013-10-08 01:21:00 AM

DownDaRiver: Is this an article about something weird that gay guys do with each other that shouldn't/needn't be discussed in public amogst decent folk?


There's nothing indecent about being gay.
 
2013-10-08 01:24:51 AM

talkertopc: I usually shave myself but a barbershop nearby employs some nice looking women barbers...


I had a barber in SF offer to shave my balls for me once. I politely declined.
 
2013-10-08 01:27:21 AM
FTFApolice said Leatherman admitted to loading up pornography on his cell phone and inappropriately touched himself.

I find the accusation of "inappropriate" touching to be completely implausible.

You don't get to age 26 without learning exactly what kind of touching is appropriate for getting the desired result.
 
2013-10-08 01:38:24 AM

HotWingAgenda: DownDaRiver: Is this an article about something weird that gay guys do with each other that shouldn't/needn't be discussed in public amogst decent folk?

There's nothing indecent about being gay.


...................
 
2013-10-08 02:02:24 AM
Fart_Machine:

Thanks for that - I had almost forgotten my youth.

Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta take a wicked shaving cream.
 
2013-10-08 02:17:13 AM

Dahnkster: Did anyone else read this as police man masturbating?

[kptv.images.worldnow.com image 645x363]
 I mean the guy's wearing a badge for Chrissakes.


I sure did... didn't realize different till I say your comment actually. D'oh! :C)

Story wasn't what I expected though, i thought they were going to push the rejuvenation value of shaving with sperm for lubricant! hehehe...
 
2013-10-08 02:37:56 AM
He was just going for that creamy complexion.
 
2013-10-08 03:05:59 AM
Semen contains essential amino acids, natural mild buffers, and... emulsifiers.
 
2013-10-08 03:07:29 AM

Dahnkster: Did anyone else read this as police man masturbating?

[kptv.images.worldnow.com image 645x363]
 I mean the guy's wearing a badge for Chrissakes.


He's a member of the Library Police. Your book ith laith.
 
2013-10-08 05:43:27 AM
i.imgur.com
 
2013-10-08 09:54:05 AM
I wonder what the police laughed harder at:

"Once at the library, Leatherman said he had an erection and did not want to get out of his car while he was in that condition," Beaverton police said.

or

Leatherman assured officers it was the first time he had done something like this and promised it would never happen again.
 
2013-10-08 11:47:03 AM
First it was public parks, then restaurants and now fer chrissake public libraries! Isn't there any place left for a guy to pleasure himself in public anymore? What the hell is happening to this country?
 
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