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(Salon)   Sexual deviancy is normal, claims sexual deviant   (salon.com) divider line 255
    More: Unlikely, paraphilias, forensic psychiatrist, tickle, objective truth  
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10100 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Oct 2013 at 8:59 PM (46 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-10-06 08:58:41 PM
If you were to tell me the first thing that comes to your mind when I say "S&M," there's a decent chance that it would be the "Fifty Shades" trilogy.

forum.sportsmogul.com
 
2013-10-06 09:00:37 PM

fusillade762: If you were to tell me the first thing that comes to your mind when I say "S&M," there's a decent chance that it would be the "Fifty Shades" trilogy.


And this^
 
2013-10-06 09:01:02 PM
Don't hate the player, hate the game
 
2013-10-06 09:02:35 PM

fusillade762: If you were to tell me the first thing that comes to your mind when I say "S&M," there's a decent chance that it would be the "Fifty Shades" trilogy.


Yeah obviously it's that Rhianna song that comes to mind.

/chains and whips excite me
 
2013-10-06 09:02:37 PM
What happened to Salon's fear of threesomes?
 
2013-10-06 09:02:54 PM
I now have a popcorn fetish. Send me pics.
 
2013-10-06 09:03:13 PM
I...I meant about the "stopped reading there."
 
2013-10-06 09:04:41 PM
Control+F "Furries"

Oh thank god. I was half expecting it to be "A defense of my desire to hump my stuffed animals because I have the spirit of a dog and that's what dogs do".

Every time I see one of these furries that talk like that to the media, I want to find them, slap them, then destroy them utterly.
 
2013-10-06 09:05:20 PM

megarian: fusillade762: If you were to tell me the first thing that comes to your mind when I say "S&M," there's a decent chance that it would be the "Fifty Shades" trilogy.

And this^


Indeed.

There is sexual deviancy and then there is Sexual Deviancy, well those that know have fun ; )
 
2013-10-06 09:06:34 PM

megarian: I...I meant about the "stopped reading there."


Suuuuure you did.

Admit it, Megs, you dance to the masochism tango.
 
2013-10-06 09:07:39 PM
I wish I had stopped read "there" like other Farkers.

The article just gets flat out disturbing.
 
2013-10-06 09:08:01 PM
So, is this about how, thanks to internet porn, the missionary position with the lights off is now 'abnormal'?
 
2013-10-06 09:08:21 PM
Stop greenlighting Salon ads.
 
2013-10-06 09:08:46 PM

js34603: fusillade762: If you were to tell me the first thing that comes to your mind when I say "S&M," there's a decent chance that it would be the "Fifty Shades" trilogy.

Yeah obviously it's that Rhianna song that comes to mind.

/chains and whips excite me


I get the "I'll let you whip me if I misbehave" part of SexyBack in my head.

It is both terrible and unfortunate.
 
2013-10-06 09:09:18 PM
You mean that dungeon scene I'm into is considered "deviant"?
 
2013-10-06 09:11:15 PM
Well this was said about gays as well.
 
2013-10-06 09:11:59 PM

the_celt: You mean that dungeon scene I'm into is considered "deviant"?


[rolls D20]

Yes
 
2013-10-06 09:12:07 PM

Summercat: Control+F "Furries"

Oh thank god. I was half expecting it to be "A defense of my desire to hump my stuffed animals because I have the spirit of a dog and that's what dogs do".

Every time I see one of these furries that talk like that to the media, I want to find them, slap them, then destroy them utterly.


Yeah! I hump my stuffed animals because you gotta take what you can get.

/Desprasexual
 
2013-10-06 09:12:36 PM
tldr
 
2013-10-06 09:14:03 PM
If you were to tell me the first thing that comes to your mind when I say "S&M," there's a decent chance that it would be the "Fifty Shades" trilogy. Or perhaps you'd describe some sensual scene lit by flickering candles: an ice cube to a perky nipple, wax dripping onto a shivering naked abdomen, a guillotine mask, a pony harness, a strangled scrotum, and a spring-loaded mouth gag . . .

I... Had to go lay in my bunk for a few moments after getting that far into the story... My imagination got going and couldn't stop.
 
2013-10-06 09:14:13 PM
Is "none" deviant?
 
2013-10-06 09:14:27 PM

GRCooper: the_celt: You mean that dungeon scene I'm into is considered "deviant"?

[rolls D20]

Yes


No, no, roll a d6.
 
2013-10-06 09:14:46 PM

GRCooper: So, is this about how, thanks to internet porn, the missionary position with the lights off is now 'abnormal'?


Yes.

And sex while staring at a screen or sex while taking selfies is the new norm.
 
2013-10-06 09:15:27 PM
These are the times I find out that I'm quite boring...
 
2013-10-06 09:16:28 PM

Mentalpatient87: These are the times I find out that I'm quite boring...


Odd.  I've known that for a long time now :-P
 
2013-10-06 09:16:40 PM

megarian: fusillade762: If you were to tell me the first thing that comes to your mind when I say "S&M," there's a decent chance that it would be the "Fifty Shades" trilogy.

And this^


For me it was this part,

If you were to tell me the first thing that comes to your mind when I say "S&M,"
 
2013-10-06 09:17:50 PM
I'm not looking. It's Salon and I'm a pro Domme and this is only going to piss me off.

s3-ec.buzzfed.com
 
2013-10-06 09:18:31 PM

Mentalpatient87: These are the times I find out that I'm quite boring...


Well, if you're really good at vanilla sex, that has value too.
 
2013-10-06 09:18:35 PM

GRCooper: So, is this about how, thanks to internet porn, the missionary position with the lights off is now 'abnormal'?


People stil do that? Huh. Freaks.
 
2013-10-06 09:19:51 PM

Thisbymaster: Well this was said about gays as well.


Gay sex is as deviant as 40 something mom and dad doing it missionary style in an attempt for a fifth child, compared to what some Germans find arousing.
 
2013-10-06 09:20:21 PM

js34603: fusillade762: If you were to tell me the first thing that comes to your mind when I say "S&M," there's a decent chance that it would be the "Fifty Shades" trilogy.

Yeah obviously it's that Rhianna song that comes to mind.

/chains and whips excite me


I thought this was an article about the Metallica album.
 
2013-10-06 09:20:29 PM
By definition, a deviancy is not normal. That's what "deviance" means.

Words: they mean things.
 
2013-10-06 09:21:23 PM
www.ladyevyl.com
 
2013-10-06 09:21:23 PM

fusillade762: If you were to tell me the first thing that comes to your mind when I say "S&M," there's a decent chance that it would be the "Fifty Shades" trilogy.

[forum.sportsmogul.com image 250x272]


First thing that comes to mind is Strangelove.  It's a bit older...
 
2013-10-06 09:22:01 PM
really depends, whos defining "deviant"
 
2013-10-06 09:22:08 PM

Uzzah: By definition, a deviancy is not normal. That's what "deviance" means.

Words: they mean things.


Maybe they are being used incorrectly!  Maybe the "norm" isn't really the norm!
 
2013-10-06 09:23:14 PM

DreamyAltarBoy: Mentalpatient87: These are the times I find out that I'm quite boring...

Well, if you're really good at vanilla sex, that has value too.


Yeah, at least I don't suck at it. Then it'd iust be over.
 
2013-10-06 09:23:23 PM
Sadomasochism - That's where you scratch my back and I scratch yours. Only really, really hard.
 
2013-10-06 09:24:40 PM

ciberido: GRCooper: the_celt: You mean that dungeon scene I'm into is considered "deviant"?

[rolls D20]

Yes

No, no, roll a d6.


I knew there was a reason I loved you.

/rolls 20
 
2013-10-06 09:24:43 PM
And the Kinsey Reports really came out 65 years ago
 
2013-10-06 09:25:08 PM
It is normal! It's within one standard deviation of sexual norms!
 
2013-10-06 09:25:42 PM
If the first thing that pops into your mind when you think of kinky sex is 50 shades of grey, there are more problems than your sex life is boring.

Seriously. 50 Shades is abuse wrapped up in the coat of kink.
 
2013-10-06 09:26:15 PM
All of you people posting that you're not reading the article because of 50 Shades of Whatever are missing the gross vore story where one dude eats another dude.

And apparently they both dined on the one dude's penis and it was chewy.
 
2013-10-06 09:26:29 PM
OK, here's the easy rubric to see if your particular kink is abnormal in a problematic way:

A: Does your kink involve any nonconsenting sentient being (adult, adult on drugs to the point where they are insensate or cannot effectively refuse consent, child under 18, animal)?  If "yes", then yes, your kink is abnormal in a problematic way.

B: Does your kink involve taking a consenting, but mentally ill person, and putting them into a situation where they are in danger of physical or mental injury, and are incapable of effectively refusing this behavior?  If "yes", then yes, your kink is abnormal in a problematic way.

C: Does your kink involve consenting, sane individuals, but situations which, if they go pear-shaped, might require rescue by others who may be put at risk by what you've gotten yourselves into?  If "yes" then yes, your kink is abnormal in a problematic way.

If your kink does not involve any of the above three situations, then let your freak flag fly.
 
2013-10-06 09:28:56 PM
In fairness, deviancy IS natural.

For every behavior we have mores for, there are folks whose behaviors lie outside those parameters. "Normal" is relative. We have outliers on all those behaviors. Be they positive behaviors, or negative. Folks will probably be cheated upon some time in their lives. By definition, that is normal. Is it desired? Maybe not so much. So, considering that the norm is to cheat, mebbee a little, when you find that someone who doesn't, or you don't yourself, your behavior is rewarded. Then there are the folks who figure that constancy is for chumps, and cheat at every damn opportunity. For the record, that was my Dad. He cheated on every woman he was ever with besides my mother, and that was perhaps only because he was a bare 20 when they met, he had been deployed in Vietnam for two tours, and not exactly a lot of chances to find anything like a stable relationship, so when they met, they whirlwinded their romance, and I was conceived somewhere in the bustling romance portion of the show, there wasn't a lot of time to find another smart native girl to take up with. I tend to think that maybe my mother broke him a bit, but that's just a theory. My Dad...he has issues.

Deviant behavior, both positive and negative--and yes, there are folks who deviate from normative behaviors on the side of behaviors that are seen as positive like donating time and money to charities and soup kitchens, inviting the homeless to take shelter in their houses, and certainly others--are very much normal. That is part of our socialization. It is an intrinsic part of our behavior as troop based primates. We reinforce what behaviors are accepted, which behaviors promote troop cohesion, and sometimes folks take those norms, and go above and beyond on the positive or negative side of things. That IS normal.

In terms of sexual behavior...well, Mama Nature's one hard and fast rule is that there will be diversity. What "most" folks find attractive, some folks, consider not so a great a shakes. Be that body type, skin tone, hair color, age, whatnot. Humans are amazingly diverse in their tastes for mates and bunk ups. Often what folks look for in a bunk up is ENTIRELY different than what they look for in a mate. Part of that is the socialization aspect. What we consider "normal" sexual behavior is old hat to some folks. Diversity is King and Queen in the bedroom, and whenever you consider norms in such things, there are a LOT of folks who lie outside those norms. From folks who want to be tied up, splashed with various liquids of a hot or messy nature, or a bit of slap and tickle, to those folks who want man on top, only after marriage, missionary only, on Sundays and through the magic sheet. Both are deviant to the norm. They are also natural, as sex isn't just in the glands but a lot of it is in our heads, so what it takes to make us happy in the bedroom is often more than just the right amount of friction and lube.

That folks judge one another by knowing what others do in the bedroom, well, we are curious troop primates, who are Lookey Lous, and damned if we don't poke our noses into others' business fair regular. Likewise, normal. We look to reinforce behaviors that will cohese the troop, and if it is out our experience, folks snap to judgment fair fast. We are apes with appetites. We are also apes with some odd ways to reinforce those mores, and we find all sorts of ways to enforce the will of the troop. But "normal" is still relative, and relative to behaviors that we either approve or disapprove of, and the only way to get "normal" behaviors, is to have a bunch of behaviors that fall outside of those standards. That is natural.

Seriously. A ten minute course on the sociology of deviance could have saved us a fairly vanilla article on BD/SM and been spiced up with some more pics of corsets, riding crops...
 
2013-10-06 09:29:16 PM

Arkanaut: It is normal! It's within one standard deviation of sexual norms!


Nice.
 
2013-10-06 09:29:27 PM

dahmers love zombie: OK, here's the easy rubric to see if your particular kink is abnormal in a problematic way:

A: Does your kink involve any nonconsenting sentient being (adult, adult on drugs to the point where they are insensate or cannot effectively refuse consent, child under 18, animal)?  If "yes", then yes, your kink is abnormal in a problematic way.

B: Does your kink involve taking a consenting, but mentally ill person, and putting them into a situation where they are in danger of physical or mental injury, and are incapable of effectively refusing this behavior?  If "yes", then yes, your kink is abnormal in a problematic way.

C: Does your kink involve consenting, sane individuals, but situations which, if they go pear-shaped, might require rescue by others who may be put at risk by what you've gotten yourselves into?  If "yes" then yes, your kink is abnormal in a problematic way.

If your kink does not involve any of the above three situations, then let your freak flag fly.


So, does that mean you're cool with me running around wearing ears, a husky tail, furry doggy paws and a sled harness?
 
2013-10-06 09:30:12 PM
Just check out kink.com for the really weird stuff.
 
2013-10-06 09:30:24 PM

Notabunny: GRCooper: So, is this about how, thanks to internet porn, the missionary position with the lights off is now 'abnormal'?

People stil do that? Huh. Freaks.


The missionary position is to cleanse the palate between the kinky stuff, you know, like those slices of pickled ginger at Japanese restaurants.
 
2013-10-06 09:32:03 PM
This is the part of Fark where I learn my once every year and a half sex at home is extremely dull and boring compared to the rest of you. Thanks.
 
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