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(CBS News)   I spied 'er across the crowded lawn. She had eight of the hairiest, most beautiful legs I've ever seen. I had to get her back to my sperm web. Dabbing a little pheromones under my pedipalps, a approached her and used my best line: "Eat me," I said   (cbsnews.com) divider line 64
    More: Scary, SciTech High  
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10290 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Oct 2013 at 5:38 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



64 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-10-06 04:43:36 PM  
Go on...
 
2013-10-06 05:40:33 PM  
SPIDER THREAD.
 
2013-10-06 05:43:07 PM  
i.onfinite.com
 
2013-10-06 05:47:21 PM  

Felgraf: SPIDER THREAD.


thepwnzone.files.wordpress.com

www.dumpaday.com
 
2013-10-06 05:49:01 PM  
i190.photobucket.com
 
2013-10-06 05:50:42 PM  
What is B and C?
 
2013-10-06 05:54:45 PM  
geekologie.com

static.guim.co.uk
 
2013-10-06 05:55:52 PM  
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ENnAa7rqtBM

Only other time I have heard the word pedipalps...
 
2013-10-06 05:57:25 PM  
California type typing detected.

/keeping feet above ground or in boots
 
2013-10-06 06:01:58 PM  
That would make a cool meme.
Male spider looking at female with that quote bubble coming out of his mouth.
 
2013-10-06 06:02:13 PM  
There once was a cute little spider
Who looked for a mate so he could ride her
He tapped on her legs
To blow his load on her eggs
He got lucky and ended up inside'er
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2013-10-06 06:09:23 PM  
... I reached down and grabbed a wad of sperm in my hands. I mounted her left side, reached underneath, and jammed my fist in as far as it would go. It fit like a key in a lock. I mounted her right side, reached underneath, and jammed my fist in as far as it would go. It fit like a key in a lock.

And then I ran away because spiders are scary.
 
2013-10-06 06:11:23 PM  
25.media.tumblr.com

Spider thread! Spider thread!
This is sure to fill some with dread!
It's that time of the year
To have sex-with great fear!
Hey there......Here comes the spider thrrrread!
 
2013-10-06 06:22:32 PM  
one recent morning I was standing in line at the 7-11 when some movement on another customer's collar caught my attention. It took a second to process what I was seeing, but I realized that it was a huge black widow stoking the side of his neck with her forelegs, like she was tenderizing that shiat. I think the guy lived.

CSB
 
2013-10-06 06:31:20 PM  
Dnrtfa, but love subby's headline.

Also: ultraholland, where the fark do you live that has both 7-11s and black widow spiders?
 
2013-10-06 06:32:36 PM  
i2.kym-cdn.com
 
2013-10-06 06:35:06 PM  

Felgraf: SPIDER THREAD.


Oh?
media.urbandictionary.com
Is it that time again already?
 
2013-10-06 06:39:07 PM  
 
2013-10-06 06:39:37 PM  
That's California.

Meanwhile, in Texas
s10.postimg.org
Fortunately, just another Texas Tall Tale.

http://planetsave.com/2013/03/24/angolan-witch-spider-giant-spider-f ou nd-in-texas-is-a-hoax/
 
2013-10-06 06:41:00 PM  
img.fark.net

♫  Spider thread! Spider thread!
Creepy images in your head!
Now they can't... be unseen,
See you soon... in your dreams!
Sleep tight... thanks to the spider thread! ♫
 
2013-10-06 06:41:46 PM  
Not going to click link, not going to click link...
*clicks link*
DAMN IT!
 
2013-10-06 06:43:35 PM  
C'mon man. Anyone whose heard Alice Cooper's "Welcome To My Nightmare" would know this

/dnrtfa
//guessing its about black widows
*click link*
/whatevs
 
2013-10-06 06:47:30 PM  

brimed03: where the fark do you live that has both 7-11s and black widow spiders?


i live in southern California and have both
 
2013-10-06 07:03:24 PM  

Fizpez: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ENnAa7rqtBM

Only other time I have heard the word pedipalps...


I learned the word "pedipalp" from playing D&D.  Module D3 - Vault of the Drow.

/CSBarbarian
 
2013-10-06 07:05:40 PM  

Ryker's Peninsula: Not going to click link, not going to click link...
*clicks link*
DAMN IT!


Fancy a trip to the desert?
www.bizarbin.com
Relax.  They aren't technically spiders.
 
2013-10-06 07:09:17 PM  

Day_Old_Dutchie: That's California.

Meanwhile, in Texas
[s10.postimg.org image 500x343]
Fortunately, just another Texas Tall Tale.

http://planetsave.com/2013/03/24/angolan-witch-spider-giant-spider-f ou nd-in-texas-is-a-hoax/


These are real, but not spiders:
upload.wikimedia.org
They're coconut crabs, so called because they rip coconuts open with their claws and eat them.  But don't worry; there are no known cases of them mistaking human heads for coconuts, so far.
 
2013-10-06 07:17:50 PM  
www.camelspiders.net
 
2013-10-06 07:32:02 PM  

ZAZ: ... I reached down and grabbed a wad of sperm in my hands. I mounted her left side, reached underneath, and jammed my fist in as far as it would go. It fit like a key in a lock. I mounted her right side, reached underneath, and jammed my fist in as far as it would go. It fit like a key in a lock.

And then I ran away because spiders are scary.


WHAT THE FARK DID I JUST READ?

Ummm... Can we get an orbital strike on this thread?

/nuke it from orbit, it's the only way to be sure.
 
2013-10-06 07:40:27 PM  

ciberido: Day_Old_Dutchie: That's California.

Meanwhile, in Texas
[s10.postimg.org image 500x343]
Fortunately, just another Texas Tall Tale.

http://planetsave.com/2013/03/24/angolan-witch-spider-giant-spider-f ou nd-in-texas-is-a-hoax/

These are real, but not spiders:
[upload.wikimedia.org image 269x240]
They're coconut crabs, so called because they rip coconuts open with their claws and eat them.   But don't worry; there are no known cases of them mistaking human heads for coconuts, so far.


Ah, but they have caused human deaths.

The critters eat fruits containing substances toxic to humans, and when humans eat the coconut crabs they can be poisoned.

http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0041010109003456
 
2013-10-06 08:01:31 PM  

Parthenogenetic: ciberido: Day_Old_Dutchie: That's California.

Meanwhile, in Texas
[s10.postimg.org image 500x343]
Fortunately, just another Texas Tall Tale.

http://planetsave.com/2013/03/24/angolan-witch-spider-giant-spider-f ou nd-in-texas-is-a-hoax/

These are real, but not spiders:
[upload.wikimedia.org image 269x240]
They're coconut crabs, so called because they rip coconuts open with their claws and eat them.   But don't worry; there are no known cases of them mistaking human heads for coconuts, so far.

Ah, but they have caused human deaths.

The critters eat fruits containing substances toxic to humans, and when humans eat the coconut crabs they can be poisoned.

http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0041010109003456


At least these things are still edible:

upload.wikimedia.org  a57.foxnews.com
 
2013-10-06 08:21:00 PM  
It's odd, but tarantulas are the only spiders I am no afraid of being near.
 
2013-10-06 08:43:56 PM  

ultraholland: one recent morning I was standing in line at the 7-11 when some movement on another customer's collar caught my attention. It took a second to process what I was seeing, but I realized that it was a huge black widow stoking the side of his neck with her forelegs, like she was tenderizing that shiat. I think the guy lived.

CSB


It might be a CSB if you actually told a complete farking story.  What happened between you realizing what it was and the guy living?
 
2013-10-06 08:50:49 PM  

Apos: Spider thread! Spider thread!
This is sure to fill some with dread!
It's that time of the year
To have sex-with great fear!
Hey there......Here comes the spider thrrrread!


I totally read that in Joey Ramone's voice.
 
2013-10-06 08:57:05 PM  

a particular individual: [i190.photobucket.com image 500x325]


Yes, but
cf.sketchfu.com
not all spiders are.
 
2013-10-06 09:00:22 PM  

strangeluck: Ummm... Can we get an orbital strike on this thread?

/nuke it from orbit, it's the only way to be sure.


No :(
i.qkme.me
 
2013-10-06 09:06:53 PM  

ciberido: Day_Old_Dutchie: That's California.

Meanwhile, in Texas
[s10.postimg.org image 500x343]
Fortunately, just another Texas Tall Tale.

http://planetsave.com/2013/03/24/angolan-witch-spider-giant-spider-f ou nd-in-texas-is-a-hoax/

These are real, but not spiders:
[upload.wikimedia.org image 269x240]
They're coconut crabs, so called because they rip coconuts open with their claws and eat them.  But don't worry; there are no known cases of them mistaking human heads for coconuts, so far.


I ran across my first coconut crab at night during one of my deployments to Diego Garcia.  I heard something moving very close nearby and when I glanced over toward the sound, just enough light from my fire lit up the crab just enough for my brain to scream, "HOLY SHIAT BIG MOTHER farkING SPIDER!!!!!111!"  I jumped and almost screamed like a biatch.  Ugly sons of biatches those crabs are.
 
2013-10-06 09:11:24 PM  
These words he speaks are true
We're all humanary stew if
We don't pledge allegiance to
The Black Widow
 
2013-10-06 09:20:15 PM  
Sometimes spiders are happy, sometimes they are sad
farm4.staticflickr.com
And sometimes they get angry.  But you wouldn't like them when they're angry.
 
2013-10-06 09:21:35 PM  

Veteran of the Cola Wars: There once was a cute little spider
Who looked for a mate so he could ride her
He tapped on her legs
To blow his load on her eggs
He got lucky and ended up inside'er


fc05.deviantart.net
Spider love can be romantic, too!
 
2013-10-06 09:48:16 PM  
it is that time of the year here in Oklahoma too.  We have the Rose Hair variety.  They will literally crowd the rural roads trying to get to their destination, just like the turtles with their breeding frenzy earlier in the year.
 
2013-10-06 09:51:34 PM  
As soon as I started reading VH's 'Everbody Wants Some' was playing in my head with DLR's voice!
 
2013-10-06 10:24:08 PM  
Admit it.
25.media.tumblr.com
Babies are cute.  Even baby spiders.
 
2013-10-06 10:24:29 PM  

johnny_vegas: brimed03: where the fark do you live that has both 7-11s and black widow spiders?

i live in southern California and have both


So does northern CA.
 
2013-10-06 10:28:31 PM  
storage.wildobs.com

I've got this.
 
2013-10-06 10:29:22 PM  

ciberido: Day_Old_Dutchie: That's California.

Meanwhile, in Texas
[s10.postimg.org image 500x343]
Fortunately, just another Texas Tall Tale.

http://planetsave.com/2013/03/24/angolan-witch-spider-giant-spider-f ou nd-in-texas-is-a-hoax/

These are real, but not spiders:
[upload.wikimedia.org image 269x240]
They're coconut crabs, so called because they rip coconuts open with their claws and eat them.  But don't worry; there are no known cases of them mistaking human heads for coconuts, so far.


Just don't walk under the trees. They chop them of the tree and let them drop.
 
2013-10-06 10:34:55 PM  
I like Tarantulas, I don't really consider them to be spiders for some reason. Maybe because I've been around them my whole life and have always played with them.

Now Black Widows are gleefully murdered with all malice! When my son was three he was bitten on the tongue by a Black Widow, ended up in the hospital for a week and almost died, so, yeah I murder them, torture them too. Catch them with forceps, burn their legs off then roast their arse until it pops like a zit!

You don't fark with my kidcritters, I'll kill you then track down all your family and kill them! Do you know that when a Tarantula walks up your arm it tickles like hell?
 
2013-10-06 10:43:59 PM  

OK So Amuse Me: I like Tarantulas, I don't really consider them to be spiders for some reason. Maybe because I've been around them my whole life and have always played with them.

Now Black Widows are gleefully murdered with all malice! When my son was three he was bitten on the tongue by a Black Widow, ended up in the hospital for a week and almost died, so, yeah I murder them, torture them too. Catch them with forceps, burn their legs off then roast their arse until it pops like a zit!

You don't fark with my kidcritters, I'll kill you then track down all your family and kill them! Do you know that when a Tarantula walks up your arm it tickles like hell?


Congratulations. You somehow made this thread even creepier.
 
2013-10-06 10:44:58 PM  

studebaker hoch: [storage.wildobs.com image 448x323]

I've got this.


Here in New Mexico we call those Cowboy Wasps, I've seen some up to five inches long. We call them Cowboy Wasps because they 'Bulldog' the Tarantula in it's burrow, sting it, thereby paralyzing it then laying eggs in the body. The Tarantula won't die but is totally paralyzed as it becomes a living incubator and lastly a living buffet. Momma Nature can be cruel and cool as hell at the same time!
 
2013-10-06 10:53:48 PM  

Veteran of the Cola Wars: There once was a cute little spider
Who looked for a mate so he could ride her
He tapped on her legs
To blow his load on her eggs
He got lucky and ended up inside'er


I haven't seen you in forever. Sorry about your troubles, as if you needed any more. It just ain't right.
 
2013-10-06 11:06:09 PM  
Sex or death
Sex or death
Sex or death
Sex AND death
It is bad to be the spider.
images2.static-bluray.com
 
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