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(Cleveland Plain Dealer)   If you leave your purse behind at a Foot Locker and it's got your cocaine inside, just let it go. And if you can't let it go, don't park your car in a fire lane with your boyfriend passed out inside when you come back to get it   (cleveland.com) divider line 26
    More: Obvious, Foot Locker, fire lane, air guns, Cleveland Heights, commercial buildings, cocaine, bowling balls  
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2928 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Oct 2013 at 10:41 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



26 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-10-06 10:20:36 AM  
img.fark.net
 
2013-10-06 10:45:17 AM  
Gotta go for the blow ..
 
2013-10-06 10:51:19 AM  
Yeah Whitney's old shoes...
 
2013-10-06 10:53:42 AM  
Don't go to Nark Locker, is the moral of the story, I guess.
 
2013-10-06 10:57:42 AM  
Just light your farking money on fire. It'll last longer.
 
2013-10-06 10:58:59 AM  
Um, would this be the same purse she carries her ID in? Not so sure she was wrong to try and retrieve it, although I'll grant a little more effort at doing so unobtrusively might have been wiser.
 
2013-10-06 11:05:38 AM  
The employee is retarded.

Step 1: look for ID
Step 2: find cocaine
Step 3: take cocaine
Step 4: "What cocaine?"
Step 5: profit.

/mostly joking
//mostly
 
2013-10-06 11:08:02 AM  
So someone left their purse. They are probably gonna return for it. WHY DA FARK do you have to riffle through their belongings and then rat them out for something that isn't affecting you in no way whatsoever? Kill the asshole as brutally as possible, I say.
 
2013-10-06 11:09:53 AM  
Well, I guess with the hard core cocaine lifestyle.....the choices you make really determine your fate. And derp is as derp sure does!

/ i don't think that their brains were operating at normal speed.....stuck in neutral most likely
 
2013-10-06 11:21:37 AM  
Why was this person going through someone else's purse in the first place...get the ID, find the person and be done with it.

Bslim: So someone left their purse. They are probably gonna return for it. WHY DA FARK do you have to riffle through their belongings and then rat them out for something that isn't affecting you in no way whatsoever? Kill the asshole as brutally as possible, I say.


"I'M DOING A GOOD DEED FOR SOCIETY! SEE HOW MUCH GOOD I'M DOING?!"
 
2013-10-06 11:26:09 AM  
Epic Bag-O-Douche.
 
2013-10-06 11:31:52 AM  
I read the report about items being stolen from an unlocked car, and all I could imagine was the Full Metal Jacket scene where Gomer Pyle was biatched at for having an unlocked footlocker.
 
2013-10-06 11:31:55 AM  
'When officers asked him to step out of the vehicle, he placed something in his pants that was later discovered to be cocaine rocks.'

 'Cleveland Rocks'?
 
2013-10-06 11:45:09 AM  
FTA: Grand Theft, Richmond Road:

A male ran from Zale's Jewelers Oct. 1 after stealing a diamond ring. Officers were unable to locate the suspect.


Nice! The ol' yoink-n-sprint!
 
2013-10-06 11:56:26 AM  

Bslim: So someone left their purse. They are probably gonna return for it. WHY DA FARK do you have to riffle through their belongings and then rat them out for something that isn't affecting you in no way whatsoever? Kill the asshole as brutally as possible, I say.



I'm sure the employee was going through the purse to take all of the cash. When the cocaine was discovered, the employee may have panicked thinking it could be a police sting and called the cops.
 
2013-10-06 12:08:13 PM  
3.bp.blogspot.com

Her boyfriend, Tyrone.
 
2013-10-06 12:31:16 PM  
This just in, people sometimes don't think clearly when it comes to their cocaine.


Bslim: So someone left their purse. They are probably gonna return for it. WHY DA FARK do you have to riffle through their belongings and then rat them out for something that isn't affecting you in no way whatsoever? Kill the asshole as brutally as possible, I say.


What he said. Fark that narc. Just because you work at Foot Locker doesn't mean you have to take it out on people who can actually afford coke.
 
2013-10-06 01:09:31 PM  
i16.photobucket.com
 
2013-10-06 01:18:24 PM  
*clicks link* Richmond Town Square? Color me shocked, I tell you. Shocked.

Not so css:

About ten years ago I lived in Richmond Heights at an apartment complex not too far from the Lake County border (near Bishop). Anywho, there were storage rooms on the second floor with individual cubicles marked for storage. One day I got a call from my bf telling me that we were robbed. Someone had gone into the locker, used bolt cutters, and stolen  everything. I lost a lot of my childhood that day. Very painful and I am still coming to terms with everything that I lost.

Oh, and my bf could've been taking it for months while I was at work and pawning it for drugs, but I didn't think about that possibility until much, much later after leaving him. The family bible, rings that I had, and a few other things turned up missing later on. Hooray for assholes!

/end css
 
2013-10-06 02:00:26 PM  
I've been thinking about crime in my retirement.
You may not like me but credit where credit's due, I should be smart enough to outwit most other criminals and the vast majority of police don't you think?
And then I think of -
2.bp.blogspot.com

And I return to my original idea of selling pencils on the street corner
 
2013-10-06 02:07:51 PM  
Hard to know who failed harder in this sad tale.
 
2013-10-06 02:49:20 PM  
Maybe the Foot Locker guy thought he would get some kind of reward or something. But if he was thinking about money, he should have just blackmailed the cokehead chick. But in any event, it doesn't excuse his rifling through her purse in the first place, nor narcing her out. I don't do coke and have no love for cokeheads (they can be real assholes) but it's none of my business what people do and as a drunk, I'd be a real hypocrite to judge others.
 
2013-10-06 03:42:10 PM  
Got damn it, I just woke up, started reading Fark, and now my head is filled with dissonance. I don't know who is the bigger twat in the article - the assbag employee that narced the chick out to the police, or the stupid biatch that admitted it was hers.

In a perfect world, she would have been quick enough to say "Hey, that's not mine, this piece of shiat employee was trying to sell it to me and got pissed when I told him to fark off! I was so mad I left my purse! Look - the baggie even has his fingerprints al over it."

Idiots all around.
 
2013-10-06 04:15:07 PM  

psychopathic tendencies: n a perfect world, she would have been quick enough to say "Hey, that's not mine, this piece of shiat employee was trying to sell it to me and got pissed when I told him to fark off! I was so mad I left my purse! Look - the baggie even has his fingerprints al over it."

Idiots all around.


Yeah, with a good enough lawyer, they'd have a hard time proving without reasonable doubt that the blow was hers. But again, cokeheads don't always think real good like.
 
2013-10-06 04:39:07 PM  

Mugato: Yeah, with a good enough lawyer, they'd have a hard time proving without reasonable doubt that the blow was hers.


I know, and that's just by remaining silent! The 'ole "get out of jail free while also having the interloper arrested/fired" angle would have been beautifully crafted poetic justice.

But again, cokeheads don't always think real good like.

Yep, that's why I never cottoned to it; it always caused me to believe I was smarter than I actually am. Certain decisions made during experimentation directly contradict that hypothesis.
 
2013-10-06 07:36:44 PM  
Farking tattle-tales, man.
 
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