If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(East Grinstead Courier)   Appearances can be deceptive. Meet Julia. She's a glasses wearing greying-haired 50-something British lady. She may look a little like your gran. But don't tell her. She's also a Renshinkan Karate-Do Sensei - and 5th dan blackbelt   (eastgrinsteadcourier.co.uk) divider line 37
    More: Interesting  
•       •       •

7408 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 Oct 2013 at 10:46 AM (45 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



37 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-10-04 10:56:16 AM
img.dailymail.co.ukcdn.ph.upi.com
 
2013-10-04 10:57:07 AM
so after 30 years of practicing something you'll probably be good at it, and also 30 years older. subby is my new sensei of obviousness.
 
2013-10-04 10:59:24 AM
Penn and Teller say it's bullshiat.
 
2013-10-04 11:00:50 AM
At 18 stone, she buys her black belts by the yard.
 
2013-10-04 11:03:38 AM
I'd beat the f*ck out of her and use her black belts to build a cargo net and haul her ass to the fat zoo.
 
2013-10-04 11:05:10 AM
Get her a body bag, YEAH!
 
2013-10-04 11:06:29 AM
Id do her
 
2013-10-04 11:07:16 AM
I wouldn't hit that.
 
2013-10-04 11:13:20 AM

grokca: I wouldn't hit that.


This
 
2013-10-04 11:16:00 AM
My old judo sensei was a 40-something woman who was tinier than me, and im pretty damn small. She could toss the huge guys in class like used napkins and keep them pinned despite their best efforts til they yielded. Pretty fun to watch, anyway.
 
2013-10-04 11:21:00 AM

Nana's Vibrator: I'd beat the f*ck out of her and use her black belts to build a cargo net and haul her ass to the fat zoo.


What was that sound? Oh yeah, it was the snap of Nana's Vibrator's ulna for letting his mouth write a check his ass couldn't cash!
 
2013-10-04 11:22:53 AM
Stop or my Gran will hadouken
 
2013-10-04 11:24:42 AM

wyltoknow: My old judo sensei was a 40-something woman who was tinier than me, and im pretty damn small. She could toss the huge guys in class like used napkins and keep them pinned despite their best efforts til they yielded. Pretty fun to watch, anyway.


Eh.
They weren't trying then.
 
2013-10-04 11:26:56 AM
I don't know karate, wrestling, or mma, but I'm a big strong man with muscles, and I bet I could kick her ass if I really had to. She is an old lady, after all.

/yes, we got a badass over here
 
2013-10-04 11:37:09 AM
Impressive for a woman
 
2013-10-04 11:50:06 AM

wichitaleaf: wyltoknow: My old judo sensei was a 40-something woman who was tinier than me, and im pretty damn small. She could toss the huge guys in class like used napkins and keep them pinned despite their best efforts til they yielded. Pretty fun to watch, anyway.

Eh.
They weren't trying then.


Ya at a certain point I would think strength is still important. As long as they aren't charging around like bulls.
 
2013-10-04 11:51:53 AM
Once in a great while ESPN will show some karate tournament style show where guys have to break boards or bricks, and they their weapons around really fast, yelling the whole way. I find these shows interesting, because nearly every single Karateka they show has a mustache and beer gut, and demand respect from their students.

A good friend of mine was able to get her 'first stripe' black belt in Enshin-Ryu Karate in just under 2 years. As much as I applaud her achieving her goal, I had to point out that her instructor is an overweight divorced accountant who has the hots for her. I don't question her dedication to her studies, I question her quick advancement. He told her early on he wants her to be a teacher in his school under him, and after 2 short years now, she is an instructor for his dojo.

Upon meeting the guy a few years back, we had an existential disagreement, but upon learning of my years of training in (specifically) Judo and Jiu-Jitsu, he told me he'd never spar, demo or fight against me 'as a professional courtesy'. He all but said the way I fight is more effective, but held back from it. He's a mid-50's, out of shape guy that bought his black belt, like many of the people that go to Belt Mills.

And that's where my main problem lies: belt mills. They are glorified daycare centers. Many of these courses offer classes for 'cardio-kickboxing' and the like, and I have nothing against them as an exercise regimen, it's a top notch work out, but you're not learning true self-defense. There are some true badasses in these schools, no doubt about it, but a majority of the practitioners are ill-prepared for a physical altercation.

Lord knows I had my ass kicked a few times thinking I was some badass because of my training. In time I did become some sort of badass, but I also learned as tough, fast or fancy as I was, there was always someone else who could pack and eat my lunch all damn day.

So, good on Grandma for achieving a 5th Dan. Reading the article, she's been a practitioner for 30 years. She probably does have some good skills after that long, and could even shock the shiat out of some would be robbers. Far too often I see people like my friend, though; achieving lofty goals with little time in the system. Black Belts used to mean something. Some of the guys I trained under were some real cold, hardcore mofos. Then I see 'senseis' like my friends and shake my head.

After breaking my back, I've all but disappeared from martial arts. BJJ and MMA has got me excited for it again, but I will never be able to fight again, so I help my niece with her cage fighting these days. She's farking badass, but really needs to learn more boxing. She was undefeated till her last fight when her opponent dismantled her with strikes. She has an awesome ground game, knows how to grab and lock just about any joint, but stands there and takes punches to the face. /facepalm
 
2013-10-04 11:52:55 AM
53 year old might look like our grandma? What age group do you think Farkers tend to be in Subby?
 
2013-10-04 12:00:26 PM

HST's Dead Carcass: I had to point out that her instructor is an overweight divorced accountant who has the hots for her. I don't question her dedication to her studies, I question her quick advancement.



was it this guy?
 
2013-10-04 12:00:55 PM

HST's Dead Carcass: Once in a great while ESPN will show some karate tournament style show where guys have to break boards or bricks, and they their weapons around really fast, yelling the whole way. I find these shows interesting, because nearly every single Karateka they show has a mustache and beer gut, and demand respect from their students.

A good friend of mine was able to get her 'first stripe' black belt in Enshin-Ryu Karate in just under 2 years. As much as I applaud her achieving her goal, I had to point out that her instructor is an overweight divorced accountant who has the hots for her. I don't question her dedication to her studies, I question her quick advancement. He told her early on he wants her to be a teacher in his school under him, and after 2 short years now, she is an instructor for his dojo.

Upon meeting the guy a few years back, we had an existential disagreement, but upon learning of my years of training in (specifically) Judo and Jiu-Jitsu, he told me he'd never spar, demo or fight against me 'as a professional courtesy'. He all but said the way I fight is more effective, but held back from it. He's a mid-50's, out of shape guy that bought his black belt, like many of the people that go to Belt Mills.

And that's where my main problem lies: belt mills. They are glorified daycare centers. Many of these courses offer classes for 'cardio-kickboxing' and the like, and I have nothing against them as an exercise regimen, it's a top notch work out, but you're not learning true self-defense. There are some true badasses in these schools, no doubt about it, but a majority of the practitioners are ill-prepared for a physical altercation.

Lord knows I had my ass kicked a few times thinking I was some badass because of my training. In time I did become some sort of badass, but I also learned as tough, fast or fancy as I was, there was always someone else who could pack and eat my lunch all damn day.

So, good on Grandma for achieving a 5th Dan. Reading the ...


For someone who knows everything about fighting, you have a lot to learn about punch lines. I read this waiting for one but finished it unpunched and slightly disappointed.
 
2013-10-04 12:02:01 PM

DrewCurtisJr: HST's Dead Carcass: I had to point out that her instructor is an overweight divorced accountant who has the hots for her. I don't question her dedication to her studies, I question her quick advancement.


was it this guy?


Just not as creepy or self confident.
 
2013-10-04 12:11:10 PM

nickdaisy: HST's Dead Carcass: Once in a great while ESPN will show some karate tournament style show where guys have to break boards or bricks, and they their weapons around really fast, yelling the whole way. I find these shows interesting, because nearly every single Karateka they show has a mustache and beer gut, and demand respect from their students.

A good friend of mine was able to get her 'first stripe' black belt in Enshin-Ryu Karate in just under 2 years. As much as I applaud her achieving her goal, I had to point out that her instructor is an overweight divorced accountant who has the hots for her. I don't question her dedication to her studies, I question her quick advancement. He told her early on he wants her to be a teacher in his school under him, and after 2 short years now, she is an instructor for his dojo.

Upon meeting the guy a few years back, we had an existential disagreement, but upon learning of my years of training in (specifically) Judo and Jiu-Jitsu, he told me he'd never spar, demo or fight against me 'as a professional courtesy'. He all but said the way I fight is more effective, but held back from it. He's a mid-50's, out of shape guy that bought his black belt, like many of the people that go to Belt Mills.

And that's where my main problem lies: belt mills. They are glorified daycare centers. Many of these courses offer classes for 'cardio-kickboxing' and the like, and I have nothing against them as an exercise regimen, it's a top notch work out, but you're not learning true self-defense. There are some true badasses in these schools, no doubt about it, but a majority of the practitioners are ill-prepared for a physical altercation.

Lord knows I had my ass kicked a few times thinking I was some badass because of my training. In time I did become some sort of badass, but I also learned as tough, fast or fancy as I was, there was always someone else who could pack and eat my lunch all damn day.

So, good on Grandma for achieving a 5th Dan. Re ...


It's was a stream of consciousness, really. I didn't mean for it to be that long, it just spewed forth, like an overflowing toilet of thought.

/I really don't know everything about fighting, or I'd be much more famous than I am
//And wouldn't have had my nose broken three times
///or my jaw or my arm or my ribs or my orbital or fractured my skull, etc
 
2013-10-04 12:15:50 PM
Ok, I got
Dan Fogelberg
Dan Marino
Dan Brown
Dan Aykroyd
...I give up.  Just tell me already!
 
2013-10-04 12:19:17 PM
Did she test here?
 
2013-10-04 03:12:30 PM
A black belt in martial arts is generally a signal that you've paid a lot of money, and generally has little correlation with actual fighting ability.

/would beat the shiat out of grandma.
 
2013-10-04 03:42:00 PM
Karate? The Dane Cook of martial arts?
 
2013-10-04 03:43:14 PM

van1ty: A black belt in martial arts is generally a signal that you've paid a lot of money, and generally has little correlation with actual fighting ability.

/would beat the shiat out of grandma.


Let me be first to say you don't know what you're talking about. Here's a vid from the latest Soke Cup:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IaibddyeUIQ
 
2013-10-04 03:50:55 PM

HenryFnord: van1ty: A black belt in martial arts is generally a signal that you've paid a lot of money, and generally has little correlation with actual fighting ability.

/would beat the shiat out of grandma.

Let me be first to say you don't know what you're talking about. Here's a vid from the latest Soke Cup:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IaibddyeUIQ


Because, as we all know, it doesn't matter how long you can fight, it's whoever gets the first tap on the opponent wins, and you each walk away from the fight after that.
 
2013-10-04 03:53:13 PM

HST's Dead Carcass: HenryFnord: van1ty: A black belt in martial arts is generally a signal that you've paid a lot of money, and generally has little correlation with actual fighting ability.

/would beat the shiat out of grandma.

Let me be first to say you don't know what you're talking about. Here's a vid from the latest Soke Cup:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IaibddyeUIQ

Because, as we all know, it doesn't matter how long you can fight, it's whoever gets the first tap on the opponent wins, and you each walk away from the fight after that.


Ya, that was a pretty weird fighting competition.
 
2013-10-04 04:02:44 PM

Smackledorfer: HST's Dead Carcass: HenryFnord: van1ty: A black belt in martial arts is generally a signal that you've paid a lot of money, and generally has little correlation with actual fighting ability.

/would beat the shiat out of grandma.

Let me be first to say you don't know what you're talking about. Here's a vid from the latest Soke Cup:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IaibddyeUIQ

Because, as we all know, it doesn't matter how long you can fight, it's whoever gets the first tap on the opponent wins, and you each walk away from the fight after that.

Ya, that was a pretty weird fighting competition.


It was simply a Point Competition. Scores are gathered by strikes to different parts of the body, and after so many points, one of of the contestants wins the battle. I always felt they were lame, as they don't even go full contact, they're simply trying to touch each other first under the guise of 'Karate'.

I've also seen competitions where face strikes are forbidden, so they practice not striking in the face... ever. On one hand it's good (I broke my hand trying to punch a guy in the face and connected with his skull instead), but, striking to the face is a great way to 'win' a fight against someone. Once their nose is on the side of their face, most guys give up, plus, first sign of blood and they'll be demoralized.
 
2013-10-04 04:15:26 PM
A pudgy, small woman with advanced martial arts sport skills vs. a big guy who's been in a lot of street fights? She's dead inside 15 seconds. This is why they have weight classes.

Real fighting is not complicated. You protect your vitals, get your opponent on the ground, and kick/stomp them to death.

/I'd be dead inside 5 seconds.
 
2013-10-04 04:58:12 PM
HST's Dead Carcass: <snip>

You described the McDojo (or McDojang) thing perfectly.

See also: Bullshido.

/learned all that shiat the hard way
//got some sense around the time of my blue belt when I saw lazy-ass 1st dans that were still getting promoted
///know plenty of adult black belts over 40, some 3rd and 4th dans; they give me hope
 
2013-10-04 05:16:13 PM

HenryFnord: van1ty: A black belt in martial arts is generally a signal that you've paid a lot of money, and generally has little correlation with actual fighting ability.

/would beat the shiat out of grandma.

Let me be first to say you don't know what you're talking about. Here's a vid from the latest Soke Cup:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IaibddyeUIQ


I'm afraid those are chumps without actual fighting ability. You may not want to use point sparring as an example of martial competence. There are plenty of actual badass karateka out there, but you'll find them in full contact competition, not theater.
 
2013-10-04 05:19:48 PM

Six_By_Nine: HST's Dead Carcass: <snip>

You described the McDojo (or McDojang) thing perfectly.

See also: Bullshido.

/learned all that shiat the hard way
//got some sense around the time of my blue belt when I saw lazy-ass 1st dans that were still getting promoted
///know plenty of adult black belts over 40, some 3rd and 4th dans; they give me hope


I was friends with Neil (the owner of Bullshido) for many years. I guarantees he remembers joen00b.

/I am the master of the n00b-fu-te-do fighting system
//better than any anagram named fighting system out there
///send $199.99 for your introductory instructional DVD
 
2013-10-04 05:25:06 PM
Meh, I'll just set up the weight bag and make my five year old punch it till his fists bleed.
 
2013-10-04 06:02:34 PM

Smackledorfer: HST's Dead Carcass: HenryFnord: van1ty: A black belt in martial arts is generally a signal that you've paid a lot of money, and generally has little correlation with actual fighting ability.

/would beat the shiat out of grandma.

Let me be first to say you don't know what you're talking about. Here's a vid from the latest Soke Cup:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IaibddyeUIQ

Because, as we all know, it doesn't matter how long you can fight, it's whoever gets the first tap on the opponent wins, and you each walk away from the fight after that.

Ya, that was a pretty weird fighting competition.


Our instructor actually had us shy away from point competitions - you get the wrong set of reflexes & responses drilled into you.
 
2013-10-05 01:08:50 AM
Tire Iron, Pontiac, 1954.
 
Displayed 37 of 37 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report