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(Fox 21 News)   Thanks to the government shutdown, the Air Force Academy is running out of toilet paper. WIPEOUT   (fox21news.com) divider line 103
    More: Scary, air force academy, government shutdown, toilet paper, USAA  
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3472 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 Oct 2013 at 7:53 AM (42 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



103 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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NFA [TotalFark]
2013-10-04 12:30:46 AM
That's shiatty.
 
2013-10-04 12:52:33 AM
AHAHAHAHAHAHA...
 
NFA [TotalFark]
2013-10-04 01:01:34 AM
I heard air force officers don't poop and if they do, it doesn't stink.
 
2013-10-04 06:53:19 AM
Well, at least it is just the Air Force Academy and not one of the military academies.
 
2013-10-04 07:19:37 AM
Time for SarahPac to send over a few cases of "Going Rogue," "America by Heart," and 2014's "P.T. Barnum Ain't Seen Nothin' Yet."
 
2013-10-04 07:41:45 AM
 
2013-10-04 07:55:27 AM
Less wiping and more raping.
 
2013-10-04 08:03:56 AM
FTA: Fortunately, the issue has since been fixed.

Thread over.
 
2013-10-04 08:04:05 AM
It's too early in the day for toilet humor.
 
2013-10-04 08:06:23 AM
The Lord works in mysterious ways.
 
2013-10-04 08:07:28 AM
Not a good time to celebrate National Taco Day.
 
2013-10-04 08:08:37 AM
i.cdn.turner.com
"Can you spare a square?"
 
2013-10-04 08:12:54 AM
Around October of my freshman year we might have gotten a bit creative one night and transformed the hall into a slip-n-slid lubricated with shampoo, conditioner and anything else that might have reduced friction.  The cleaning staff took a dim view of this and for the rest of the year refused to provide us with toilet paper.  I had previously worked as a school janitor and still had the key that unlocked toilet paper dispensers so my floor ended up being the only floor with toilet paper.  These cadets  are supposed to be the best and brightest this isn't a problem it is a challenge
 
2013-10-04 08:13:00 AM
Thank goodness it's been fixed. With all the sitting the Chair Force does, a massive case of swamp-ass would lead to some hellaciously stinky seats.
 
2013-10-04 08:16:15 AM
Ain't that the sh*ts?
 
2013-10-04 08:17:59 AM
img.fark.net

The pattern is full!
 
2013-10-04 08:20:30 AM
www.yourprops.com
 
2013-10-04 08:29:22 AM
Go to McDonalds.
 
2013-10-04 08:31:59 AM
I can never understand the whole budget cut so now toliet paper can't be bought!!  For the love of god I'll go to Sams and buy a 90 pack for $20 that will last me a year.  If I wanted to be nice it would last my office a month.
 
2013-10-04 08:32:02 AM

StrikitRich: FTA: Fortunately, the issue has since been fixed.

Thread over.


This is Fark. The thread's over until we say it's over.
 
2013-10-04 08:32:29 AM
It takes balls to do something like that.
legallyinsanemommy.files.wordpress.com
Big ones, in fact.
 
2013-10-04 08:36:04 AM
It isn't like they use it anyway.
 
2013-10-04 08:36:16 AM
I guess we can expect less Facebook updates from them now.

Thanks Obama.
 
2013-10-04 08:37:55 AM
Nothing, but no subject, will trigger one of my ferocious rants like toilet paper.

It has to be the most disgusting of all "modern" inventions, and the scorn with which ass-wipers treat  ass-washersis beyond belief.

Americans consider themselves a logical people. So there, logical folk, imagine that you got something really foul and smelly on your hands, and you would like to get rid of every trace of it.

What do you do? Wipe it off with some fluffy tissue? Is that clean enough for you? Shake podner! No thanks.

Supremely unsanitary invention. And I won't even mention the potential of hemorrhoids, one cause of which is thought to be TP. Oops, I mentioned it.

Apart from the fact that close to a billion upstanding modern Western civilization shiatasses go preening about as God's chosen on Earth - not to mention thinking themselves the most hygienic of all the planet's primates - toilet paper is such an evil substance that it clogs up pipes and gives sanitary engineers great headaches in dealing with its disposal.

In the rickety third-world capital in which I reside, most toilets (excepting those in 5-star hotels) have spray hoses next to the crapper. You spray (or you give yourself a little enema, if you please) and it all just washes away. A fer minutes later you are dry (or not, but that's no big issue). No Charmin need apply.

And the Tissue Tribes consider this custom "primitive".

Naw, I won't get started on the rant. Who needs it.
 
2013-10-04 08:39:34 AM
As a former member of the Air Force and someone who currently makes toilet paper I'm getting a kick.
 
2013-10-04 08:39:34 AM
Wow. I guess the wanna flyboys haven't learned a basic tenet of military life: Always stockpile toilet paper. Keep a roll in the wall locker and some sheets folded neatly in your wallet. Save the TP from the MREs under the underwear in the drawer. Grab extra when visiting non military toilets. You will need it.
 
2013-10-04 08:40:47 AM
I think the fact that they arent paying DOD teachers is a lot more farking important but god knows the republicans won't go out of their way for them.
 
2013-10-04 08:42:21 AM
That's definitely an essential service... although, why is the academy still functioning? Can't they take a short vacation from studying?
 
2013-10-04 08:46:01 AM

SpeedyBB: Nothing, but no subject, will trigger one of my ferocious rants like toilet paper.

It has to be the most disgusting of all "modern" inventions, and the scorn with which ass-wipers treat  ass-washersis beyond belief.

Americans consider themselves a logical people. So there, logical folk, imagine that you got something really foul and smelly on your hands, and you would like to get rid of every trace of it.

What do you do? Wipe it off with some fluffy tissue? Is that clean enough for you? Shake podner! No thanks.

Supremely unsanitary invention. And I won't even mention the potential of hemorrhoids, one cause of which is thought to be TP. Oops, I mentioned it.

Apart from the fact that close to a billion upstanding modern Western civilization shiatasses go preening about as God's chosen on Earth - not to mention thinking themselves the most hygienic of all the planet's primates - toilet paper is such an evil substance that it clogs up pipes and gives sanitary engineers great headaches in dealing with its disposal.

In the rickety third-world capital in which I reside, most toilets (excepting those in 5-star hotels) have spray hoses next to the crapper. You spray (or you give yourself a little enema, if you please) and it all just washes away. A fer minutes later you are dry (or not, but that's no big issue). No Charmin need apply.

And the Tissue Tribes consider this custom "primitive".

Naw, I won't get started on the rant. Who needs it.


Yer supposed to use the paper on your ass, not your hands after using them to wipe yer ass. We have soap and running water in our bathrooms.
 
2013-10-04 08:46:08 AM
I feel the need --

The need for leaves!
 
2013-10-04 08:46:17 AM

Cheron: Around October of my freshman year we might have gotten a bit creative one night and transformed the hall into a slip-n-slid lubricated with shampoo, conditioner and anything else that might have reduced friction.  The cleaning staff took a dim view of this and for the rest of the year refused to provide us with toilet paper.  I had previously worked as a school janitor and still had the key that unlocked toilet paper dispensers so my floor ended up being the only floor with toilet paper.  These cadets  are supposed to be the best and brightest this isn't a problem it is a challenge


When I was what we called a "resident assistant" in my college dorm--really, it was a glorified babysitting job with lower pay--we had residents intentionally clog toilers and urinals with loo roll. After two weeks, we collectively came up with a solution while drinking: residents had to check out the loo roll from the front desk. (I sincerely hope more than a few people faced a photo-finish situation.) The end result? No more clogging, and the entire building staff received the inaugural and only Golden Toilet Paper Award, which was quite literally a loo roll spray-painted gold.

I applied for a job at my alma mater for a professional position in residence life and on my resume included that award. And I hope someone asks for clarification as to what the hell it is.
 
2013-10-04 08:48:45 AM

carrion_luggage: I feel the need --

The need for leaves!


That's the Navy, dammit.

/Have they canceled the Air Force - Navy football game tomorrow?
 
2013-10-04 08:49:22 AM

FlameDuck: That's definitely an essential service... although, why is the academy still functioning? Can't they take a short vacation from studying?


Those pilotless drones ain't gonna fly themselves!
 
2013-10-04 08:54:21 AM
I saw "government" and "academy" and thought that an actual service branch had been affected. But the Chair Force is nothing but a bunch of fat video game nerds. Why their uniforms don't just come in Cheetos dust orange I'll never understand.

/Navy kicks ass
//Best friend is a Marine...
///...no such thing as a "former Marine"
 
2013-10-04 08:54:40 AM

Harry Freakstorm: Wow. I guess the wanna flyboys haven't learned a basic tenet of military life: Always stockpile toilet paper. Keep a roll in the wall locker and some sheets folded neatly in your wallet. Save the TP from the MREs under the underwear in the drawer. Grab extra when visiting non military toilets. You will need it.


My drill instructor in the Air Force showed us how to use one sheet.
You fold the sheet into quarters.
Tear the four sided corner off, and hold it in your teeth.
You will need this in a bit.
Then unfold the paper so you have a hole in the middle.
Stick your middle finger in the hole.
Wipe.
Grab the paper around your finger and squeeze and pull upwards, cleaning your finger.
Discard paper.
Take the folded corner from in between your teeth, with your clean hand, and use it to clean under your fingernails.

I really liked her.
 
2013-10-04 08:55:06 AM

dittybopper: Well, at least it is just the Air Force Academy and not one of the military academies.


Golf clap
 
2013-10-04 08:55:23 AM

SpankMeJohnny: Just another example of the Democrats playing this up to make it look as painful as possible.  Shameful.


It's the same thing the Marxist governments in South America did in the 70's. This regime takes it's cues from those types.
 
2013-10-04 08:55:42 AM

TNel: I can never understand the whole budget cut so now toliet paper can't be bought!!  For the love of god I'll go to Sams and buy a 90 pack for $20 that will last me a year.  If I wanted to be nice it would last my office a month.


Well, that's because it's not about the budget at all. It's about throwing a temper tantrum because those mean old Republicans keep naysaying and denialisting and being meanies. To that end, the Democrats will spend money hand over fist to publicize the shutdown, by spending thousands of dollars putting up barriers and paying armed guards to drive off anyone that approaches monuments that never had even a single security guard stationed there before, by shutting down websites that actually cost more to take offline than to just leave online without updates, and so on.

/for every one stunt like the WWII monument shutdown that backfires, a dozen more are unconditionally accepted
//federal websites promoting Obamacare are still open for business, but high-profile websites run by NASA, the Library of Congress, the Agriculture Department, data.gov, and many others have been taken completely offline and replaced with messages blaming the Republicans for their disappearance
///the government is literally doing the same as Drew did with the first government shutdown thread, shutting it down for no other reason than to celebrate the shutdown... except they're dead serious about withholding services until Obama gets his way
 
2013-10-04 08:55:45 AM

NFA: I heard air force officers don't poop and if they do, it doesn't stink.


None of this happens without an NCO, so that rumor needs clarification.
Go Chair Force!
 
2013-10-04 08:56:56 AM

SpeedyBB: Nothing, but no subject, will trigger one of my ferocious rants like toilet paper.

It has to be the most disgusting of all "modern" inventions, and the scorn with which ass-wipers treat  ass-washersis beyond belief.

Americans consider themselves a logical people. So there, logical folk, imagine that you got something really foul and smelly on your hands, and you would like to get rid of every trace of it.

What do you do? Wipe it off with some fluffy tissue? Is that clean enough for you? Shake podner! No thanks.

Supremely unsanitary invention. And I won't even mention the potential of hemorrhoids, one cause of which is thought to be TP. Oops, I mentioned it.

Apart from the fact that close to a billion upstanding modern Western civilization shiatasses go preening about as God's chosen on Earth - not to mention thinking themselves the most hygienic of all the planet's primates - toilet paper is such an evil substance that it clogs up pipes and gives sanitary engineers great headaches in dealing with its disposal.

In the rickety third-world capital in which I reside, most toilets (excepting those in 5-star hotels) have spray hoses next to the crapper. You spray (or you give yourself a little enema, if you please) and it all just washes away. A fer minutes later you are dry (or not, but that's no big issue). No Charmin need apply.

And the Tissue Tribes consider this custom "primitive".

Naw, I won't get started on the rant. Who needs it.


You sound.....butthurt.
 
2013-10-04 08:57:23 AM

happydude45: SpankMeJohnny: Just another example of the Democrats playing this up to make it look as painful as possible.  Shameful.

It's the same thing the Marxist governments in South America did in the 70's. This regime takes it's cues from those types.


Are you people crazy? Or just gun toting grunts?
 
2013-10-04 08:58:29 AM

SpeedyBB: Nothing, but no subject, will trigger one of my ferocious rants like toilet paper.

It has to be the most disgusting of all "modern" inventions, and the scorn with which ass-wipers treat  ass-washersis beyond belief.

Americans consider themselves a logical people. So there, logical folk, imagine that you got something really foul and smelly on your hands, and you would like to get rid of every trace of it.

What do you do? Wipe it off with some fluffy tissue? Is that clean enough for you? Shake podner! No thanks.

Supremely unsanitary invention. And I won't even mention the potential of hemorrhoids, one cause of which is thought to be TP. Oops, I mentioned it.

Apart from the fact that close to a billion upstanding modern Western civilization shiatasses go preening about as God's chosen on Earth - not to mention thinking themselves the most hygienic of all the planet's primates - toilet paper is such an evil substance that it clogs up pipes and gives sanitary engineers great headaches in dealing with its disposal.

In the rickety third-world capital in which I reside, most toilets (excepting those in 5-star hotels) have spray hoses next to the crapper. You spray (or you give yourself a little enema, if you please) and it all just washes away. A fer minutes later you are dry (or not, but that's no big issue). No Charmin need apply.

And the Tissue Tribes consider this custom "primitive".

Naw, I won't get started on the rant. Who needs it.


Here at the Toilet Paper Consumer Protection Team (TPCPT), we would like you to remember that this is just another senseless rant from one of /those/ people.

The TPCPT realizes that there are billions of people who have not felt the loving caress of even a one ply product and they tend to get angry if not terroristic or warlike about it.  Did you know that the North Koreans crossed the 38th parallel the very same day South Korea announced it was developing a two ply solution to their toiletry needs?  You can certainly arrive at your own conclusion that the entire Korean War was fought over toilet paper.  That is your conclusion and you are certainly allowed to have it and remind you co-workers of it.

So, when you hear about these poor people who have to squirt their poopers with water that may have come from the filthiest sewers, you will realize how lucky you are to be living in a toilet paper producing and using country and that your sanitary needs are being met with a soft AND sterile one or two ply product.

Be sure to pick up some two ply today.  And don't worry about blocking the sewers.  That's what your taxes and sewer bills are for. Besides, that crazy lady down the street is flushing diapers.  Blame her.

The North American Toilet paper industry employs millions of people just like you who take pride in what they are doing and deliver a clean, safe product for all to enjoy.  The cardboard tube blowers, the paper winders and even the kid that stocks the paper in your local grocery store wants you to buy and use toilet paper.  Their jobs and the American economy depend on it.

The TPCPT is not affiliated with any major toilet paper manufacturer.  We're actually affiliated with all of the major toilet paper manufactures.  But we still care about you.  As long as you use toilet paper.
 
2013-10-04 09:01:33 AM
Well, shiat.
celestinchen.mywoman.at
 
NFA [TotalFark]
2013-10-04 09:05:06 AM

mbillips: /Have they canceled the Air Force - Navy football game tomorrow?


No it is NOT cancelled.
 
NFA [TotalFark]
2013-10-04 09:08:03 AM

special20: happydude45: SpankMeJohnny: Just another example of the Democrats playing this up to make it look as painful as possible.  Shameful.

It's the same thing the Marxist governments in South America did in the 70's. This regime takes it's cues from those types.

Are you people crazy? Or just gun toting grunts?


BUT WAIT!  Communist Russia paid their workers with toilet paper when their economy collapsed.
 
2013-10-04 09:12:40 AM
Really...... in 5 days?

How many farkers run out of toilet paper after 5 days?

How about food; are they going to start eating MRE's.

/they keep you alive
 
2013-10-04 09:14:48 AM

NFA: mbillips: /Have they canceled the Air Force - Navy football game tomorrow?

No it is NOT cancelled.


They just aren't going to be having that QB put his hands too close to the center, if you know what I mean.
 
2013-10-04 09:16:46 AM
Back in the ancient Roman days, Romans wiped their bums with a wet sea sponge tied to a stick. The sponges are communal  and shared and left for the next person to use after being rinsed.
 
2013-10-04 09:17:00 AM
Let them lick like doggies.

/Air Force wings are made of lead.
 
2013-10-04 09:18:07 AM

NFA: special20: happydude45: SpankMeJohnny: Just another example of the Democrats playing this up to make it look as painful as possible.  Shameful.

It's the same thing the Marxist governments in South America did in the 70's. This regime takes it's cues from those types.

Are you people crazy? Or just gun toting grunts?

BUT WAIT!  Communist Russia paid their workers with toilet paper when their economy collapsed.


I've been paid in drugs before, but I know a commodity when I see it. I am sure the Russkies had no issue with the tissue.
 
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