If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Topless Robot)   Five Marvel Comics super-heroines who could star in their own film--and five who never will   (toplessrobot.com) divider line 20
    More: Obvious, Marvel Comics, Scarlet Witch, Mary Jane Watson, female characters, Kitty Pryde, Dazzler, Marvel Studios, Batgirl  
•       •       •

11584 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 03 Oct 2013 at 11:37 PM (47 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2013-10-03 10:20:52 PM
4 votes:
Marvel nothin. Give me a Zatana film.

4.bp.blogspot.com
2013-10-04 12:02:40 AM
3 votes:
upload.wikimedia.org
2013-10-03 08:40:47 PM
3 votes:
Any of those would mark the saturation point in superhero movies where the tide finally rolled back.
2013-10-04 10:57:11 AM
2 votes:
Hey, is it TL;DR day today?

Cool, let me lay a plan for more Marvel superheroines out for you, and then you try to tell me that you wouldn't spend all your money to see it happen just like this:

1. Make an action-comedy Ant-Man movie where it turns out Ant-Man is no hero, he's a dweeb who refuses to leave his lab 'cause he's on a roll creating about seventeen superpowers or android creations in a row. He's in the title and in the origin story and not much else. Ditzy Janet van Dyne volunteers for one of these, finds she likes the ability to fly and zap douchebags with bio-stings, and suddenly gets hardcore into saving lives and general superheroing as the Wasp. Now the movie's all about her. She gets into the media storm ("Is it true you're called the Wasp?" "Ew, no! Gross") reveals her real name, starts marketing her image, even becomes a big success in her first love, fashion design.

She completely drops the bubblehead act, gets serious, and defeats the movie's antagonist and about nine other villains in a row. It's not like she does it without chipping a nail. In fact her arm gets broken halfway through the last big action setpiece. But that doesn't stop her, she just ignores it and starts kicking ass one-handed. Probably some not-too-subtle reminders at that point about women's tolerance to pain compared to men. Big finale: the Big Boss has armor that she can't zap through, so she gets fed up and just grows to about thirty-five feet tall, picks up a dump truck filled with lead bars and drops it on him. Remember, this is the woman who eventually becomes the leader of the Avengers, telling all those alpha male types like Cap and Thor what to do. She has shrinking/growing, flying and zapping powers, but they end up being just a tiny part of The Wasp, mixed in with her leadership skills, battle planning, media savvy, and outright willpower... and we get to see it all start to develop in this movie.

2. Don't use Ellen Page as Kitty Pryde, cast her as Jennifer Walters. Tiny, meek, barely-speaks-above-a-whisper lawyer Jennie. She's an even smaller version of Ally McBeal. It's all about the contrast in body size between her and She-Hulk. And the even larger contrast in personalities.
Movie starts: She's in the back of an Army sedan on a lonely highway, she's accompanying her cousin Banner to some base in the California mountains. (If you stick with New Mexico, it'll just look like the convoy attack in Iron Man 1.) Wham! Attack by an AIM offshoot, cars flipping, horrible injuries, AIM flunkies in yellow rad suits (beekeeper type AIM suit callback) stealing vital SHIELD stuff. Tons of blood everywhere, as much as PG-13 will let you show. Banner drives her away from the action, fearing an "episode". He looks in the back seat after they drive a bit, and she's bleeding out fast. Just gushing blood. Ruffalo faces the terrible choice to either let her die or give her his tainted blood. Does a quick transfusion, stays with her a bit, saying things like "your eyes are still blue. That's good", and she's all "what does that mean?". (It means they haven't turned green yet.)
The main plot points:
- at first her episodes are triggered by fear not by anger
- the main villain is Titania or Red She Hulk or both
- some really good, Few Good Men-esque courtroom scenes.
It all ends with her becoming a celebrity and doing part-time law work and part-time battleship lifting or villain pounding. No "fear of Hulks" reaction from the public, since she learns really, really quickly how to keep her sanity while in Hulk form, and to change back and forth at will.
It all hinges on if they can make a 7' tall female CGI Hulk body look sexy, muscular, and not all uncanny-valley in the face. They CGI'ed Ruffalo's face onto a completely virtual Hulk pretty well, so do the same here.

3. So, this makes Captain Marvel the most serious movie. I still like a dyed blonde Olivia Wilde for this, just get her to gain 15lbs of muscle mass first, like all the male superhero actors have to do. I like her because she's got incredibly gorgeous eyes, for scenes where she's wearing a helmet, oxygen mask and flight suit in a fighter jet, or behind a superhero mask (at first, finally she just goes public with her identity, no mask and the alien-style inspired red, blue & yellow outfit... which I bet will take some poor costume designer months to get it to look right in a live action film.)

Rarely-smiling career Air Force officer Carol Danvers doesn't like supers, doesn't think anybody other than police or armed forces should be fighting for us. But then she finds herself on the wrong launch pad at the wrong time, and gets her powers during a crazy alien attack. Turns out one group of bad invading aliens were turned back by Mar-Vell, same alien race but he fell in love with humanity or became a pacifist or something. Whatever. He's dead and now she's got powers. Mostly flying and energy absorbing, so her kick is that she has to absorb lots of laser blasts before she can fire back or punch through a flying saucer's hull. Maybe she keeps developing new powers throughout the movie, or maybe her overall abilities cycle between low (absorb a bullet's kinetic energy and that's it) medium-level (lift a car) and high (form new craters on the moon).

Does it tie into the Cosmic Marvel movies or the SHIELD Marvel movies? Either way, it's got to show how hard it is for normal Earthlings to get into space, survive, navigate, etc. Then the fact that she can just FLY into orbit from a sidewalk or wherever will look amazing. Do some good small bits: she tells a friend about how she has to remember to stop breathing when she leaves the atmosphere. Her friend thinks, then says "Do you need to breathe now?"... Just to show the viewers just how much your life is changed after getting powers. Is Carol still really human?
The villain is somebody from outer space, the Collector or Reptyl or somebody. The basic message is that Earth is suddenly on the radar of a lot of bad planets, and it's up to the superheroes to protect us until we can get our act together and prepare planetary defense, claim the other planets around the sun for our own, join the Anti-Chitauri league, etc.

4. All of these movies get a 5-10 minute short at the start or maybe post-credits. The Adventures of Squirrel Girl. If she's not an actual chubby-cheeked Disney teenager like Selena Gomez, then it's that kind of idea. Bright, perky, optimistic Squirrel Girl with a costume that would make even the American Family Association happy. More Girl Power, less trashy Skank Power type of costume, you know?

So: Silly adventure movie font in the titles, lots of gags, but still she keeps kicking everybody's ass effortlessly. Use all kinds of crazy villains: guys in really stupid looking suits using tech they clearly don't understand very well (Beetle, Boomerang, Mirage, Ringmaster), guys who have 'roided out on some crazy serum (Piledriver, Man-Ape, Armadillo) or whatever kind of crazy leftovers that don't get handled by Iron Man but are still capable of demolishing Sheboygan (Kree Sentries, Chitauri tanks with AI, Enchantress, Trapster).

They all keep attacking sunny suburbs and midwestern towns, and Squirrel Girl keeps slapping them around. It's not so much "is she in danger" as it is "how does she deliver the smackdown this time?".The idea is that she's having a great time, not taking it all too seriously, using nuts or squirrel allies or her giant fluffy tail... but at the same time she has flat-outincredible skills. All the fights seem to take place at amusement parks or at the beach, or at the circus museum in Wisconsin. It's got an almost Golden Age feel to it. This is at complete odds with a world full of grim heroes, tough-as-nails super-spies, and evil businessmen with glowing-hot blood fighting at construction sites or in Harlem. Since we don't have a wisecracking Spider-Man in Marvel's movies, Squirrel Girl is a good substitute to show the fun side of it all.
2013-10-04 09:44:03 AM
2 votes:
upload.wikimedia.org

upload.wikimedia.org

upload.wikimedia.org

Haven't you people had enough underwear cops already?  Can we please have THESE 3 stories on the big screen?
2013-10-04 01:20:50 AM
2 votes:
i1098.photobucket.com
2013-10-04 12:32:25 AM
2 votes:
I'd watch a  Kitty Pryde and Wolverinemovie starring Anne Hathaway and Hugh Jackman.  Why not?

/shut up an take my money
2013-10-04 04:57:48 PM
1 votes:

bill4935: Hey, is it TL;DR day today?

Cool, let me lay a plan for more Marvel superheroines out for you, and then you try to tell me that you wouldn't spend all your money to see it happen just like this:


Where's that "take my money" picture at, now...?

Awesome ideas.
2013-10-04 08:14:12 AM
1 votes:
I'd love to see She-Hulk and/or Jessica Jones show up in AGENTS OF SHIELD.
2013-10-04 07:06:07 AM
1 votes:

doglover: cynicalminion: sn0wblind: unfortunately first thought that came to mind is this world currently does *not* need any more comic-based movies.  It's so over-done these days in all sense of media.
/maybe alone on this one

i would argue that the comic book media NEEDS the tv/movie versions to maintain an audience.  how many ten year olds today do you think save their allowance to buy the latest incredible hulk comic?  seems they're marketing the movies/tv shows to draw the younger audience to the print versions...

It's kind of true. Also it's a shift in the medium. Comic books can't compete with things like webcomics that offer essentially the same thing for free online. Also you can pirate it, but it's fundamentally more than that. However, DC and Marvel still have some of the best artists and writers in that world in their hand. You can't come up what they can come up with. They're better than you at that game.

So, by transferring the characters faithfully to the screen and animation, you grant them a new lease on life because cartoons and movies have never been more popular.


you know something i'd like to see brought to cgi/live action?
img.fark.netimg.fark.netimg.fark.net
2013-10-04 02:33:25 AM
1 votes:
Power Girl movie please
2013-10-04 02:16:26 AM
1 votes:

Terrible Old Man: Whereas DC actually has rather competent female heroes like Wonder Woman, Oracle, Batgirl/woman (whatever), the female Spirit, etc etc.


Had, not has. Batgirl's pretty incompetent these days, Oracle's gone due to the "new 52," and they refuse to mention either Cass Cain or Stephanie Brown.

The WW book is one of the best-regarded in the line, though.
2013-10-04 01:52:44 AM
1 votes:
While in general, I do agree Marvel is more mature than DC usually and I prefer to read Marvel's stuff more often when I do read comics, this article made me laugh a bit. I can't take this seriously.

"Marvel has arguably the better overall assortment of strong, well written and well rounded female heroes."

Female heroes are the weak point in Marvel's armor. Marvel treats women pretty awfully compared to DC in terms of strong, independent archetypes. Most of the characters named are written like utter morons (See Missus Fantastic) or have to regularly be rescued by men constantly in their own books.

Whereas DC actually has rather competent female heroes like Wonder Woman, Oracle, Batgirl/woman (whatever), the female Spirit, etc etc.
2013-10-04 01:46:57 AM
1 votes:

HalEmmerich: BafflerMeal: [i1098.photobucket.com image 700x466]

I was surprised, that whole movie was actually pretty awesome.



Marketed very poorly.  One thing I loved about her  and the film

***SPOILER***


She was not a damsel in distress and ended up saving his ass.
2013-10-04 01:46:43 AM
1 votes:

texdent: Ghastly: [www.toplessrobot.com image 365x507]

I didn't know there was a Spider-girl. I had always assumed those pictures on the internet were just people doing Rule 63 fan art of Spider-man.

Nope, it's the grown up version of the first kid that Peter and Mary Jane had that they thought was a stillborn but was probably stolen away by The Green Goblin. And by first, I mean it was speculated that Mary Jane was pregnant during that whole One More Day debacle.


No... Spider-Girl was in a different universe. She has nothing to do with One More Day.
2013-10-04 12:40:40 AM
1 votes:
I'd love to see a proper Elektra movie done by Marvel. One where she does not bond with a child or have emotions in general. Get Zeb Wells to do a script treatment.
2013-10-04 12:07:17 AM
1 votes:
Forget those biatches.  I want this movie:
th06.deviantart.net
2013-10-03 11:22:33 PM
1 votes:

Ghastly: texdent: Ghastly: [www.toplessrobot.com image 365x507]

I didn't know there was a Spider-girl. I had always assumed those pictures on the internet were just people doing Rule 63 fan art of Spider-man.

Nope, it's the grown up version of the first kid that Peter and Mary Jane had that they thought was a stillborn but was probably stolen away by The Green Goblin. And by first, I mean it was speculated that Mary Jane was pregnant during that whole One More Day debacle.

Boy I'm glad I stopped reading comic books when they introduced Venom and shiat all over the ending of the symbiot story.


Spider-Girl is also set in an alternate future where that whole kidnapping business didn't happen or did happen but they got her back or something. Never followed Spider-Girl
2013-10-03 11:18:45 PM
1 votes:

NeoCortex42: fusillade762: 4. The Black Widow

Didn't they nerf her powers pretty hard for the movies?

Does she even have powers in the movies, aside from "super-spy"?


She had the power to not make The Avengers a sausage fest.
2013-10-03 06:44:37 PM
1 votes:
Out of all 10 She-Hulk is the only good answer.

Sliver Sable and Black Widow would just feel like a "Salt" knock off and we all remember how well that movie did.

Captain Marvel and Spider-Woman may work but you'd have to lay a bunch of ground work in the next Avengers movie and we already know Scarlet Witch is going to be introduced. I don't think she could carry her own movie. Not without bring daddy Magneto into it.
 
Displayed 20 of 20 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report