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(io9)   You know who else had a lot of monkeys?   (io9.com) divider line 39
    More: Strange, overtures  
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3940 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Oct 2013 at 12:44 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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Archived thread
 
2013-10-03 11:53:27 AM  
2.bp.blogspot.com
 
jbc [TotalFark]
2013-10-03 12:24:36 PM  
The Duggars?
 
2013-10-03 12:27:28 PM  
Emile Borel?
 
2013-10-03 12:47:59 PM  
The Wicked Witch of the West?
 
2013-10-03 12:49:00 PM  
Monkey F*cker Jones?
 
2013-10-03 12:49:38 PM  
cinekatz.com
 
2013-10-03 12:50:00 PM  
Robinson Crusoe?
 
2013-10-03 12:51:10 PM  
Me. I had a barrel full of 'em.
 
2013-10-03 12:54:09 PM  
1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-10-03 12:54:53 PM  
The people of Gibraltar?.
 
2013-10-03 12:56:08 PM  
The Barenaked Ladies?
 
2013-10-03 12:56:47 PM  
Michael Jackson?
 
2013-10-03 12:59:45 PM  
s9.postimg.org
 
2013-10-03 01:00:09 PM  
Shakespeare?
 
2013-10-03 01:02:10 PM  
Hey, they run out so fast.

majikthise.typepad.com
 
2013-10-03 01:02:31 PM  
A guy with a warehouse of typewriters?
 
2013-10-03 01:14:45 PM  
I have a feeling nobody in this thread has any intention of actually reading the article.

/myself included.
//why i love fark
 
2013-10-03 01:17:11 PM  
Brad Pitt?
 
F42
2013-10-03 01:18:08 PM  
The legendary Nazi monkey brothels...
 
2013-10-03 01:18:09 PM  
Will they be spanked?
 
2013-10-03 01:23:45 PM  
Ikea?

memeblender.com
 
2013-10-03 01:29:42 PM  
I like Monkeys
The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. I thought this was odd since they were normally a couple thousand dollars. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth so I bought 200 of them. I like monkeys.  I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one of them drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in the genitals. I laughed. They punched me in the genitals. I stopped laughing.

I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new environment. They would screech and hurl themselves off the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into it's third hour.  Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive; they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sort of dropped dead. Kinda like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. God damn cheap monkeys.  I didn't know what to do.

There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room; on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked like I had 200 throw rugs. I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck. Then I had one dead, wet monkey and one hundred ninety-nine dead, dry monkeys.I tried to pretend that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for awhile, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell real bad.I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in my toilet and I didn't want to call a plumber. I was embarrassed.I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortunately there was only enough room for two at a time, so I had to change them every 30 seconds.

I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn't go bad.  I tried to burn them, but little did I know that my bed was flammable. I had to extinguish the fire.Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in my freezer, and one hundred ninety-seven dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed. The odour wasn't improving.I became agitated at my inability to dispose of the dead monkeys and I really had to use the bathroom. So I went and severely beat one of the monkeys. I felt better.I tried throwing them away but the garbage man said the city was not allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him I had a wet one. He couldn't take it either. I didn't bother asking about the frozen ones.I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My friends didn't quite know what to say. They pretended to like them, but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them in the genitals.
I like monkeys.

/not mine
 
2013-10-03 01:30:16 PM  

THX 1138: Ikea?


weknowawesome.com
 
2013-10-03 01:40:39 PM  
Samuel L Jackson on a plane full of fighting snakes.

/fighting snakes got to fight something.
 
2013-10-03 01:51:48 PM  
Howard Cosell?
 
2013-10-03 01:54:30 PM  
 "no one entirely knows why a thousand lab monkeys were suddenly brought into Germany in the middle of a war."

They were each given a typewriter to see if they could rewrite Shakespeare......
 
2013-10-03 02:04:43 PM  
i219.photobucket.com
 
2013-10-03 02:18:29 PM  
So a guy walks into a pet store in Silicon Valley, and sees a monkey in a cage tapping busily on a laptop... The sign on the cage says "$1000." The guy is so confused by this that he calls the salesmen over and asks what the deal is with the monkey...

"Oh, sir! That is a C monkey! He writes really tight, high performance code!"

The guy just shakes his head in bewilderment and wanders further through the store. He happens upon another monkey typing furiously on a laptop... The sign on the cage says "$10,000"

"Why is this monkey so much more expensive than the other one?"

"Oh, sir, that is a C++ monkey! He writes reusable, purely object oriented code."

The guy just shakes his head and moves on... Then he sees a monkey wearing a suit and idly playing with it's own poop... The sign on the cage says "$1,000,000"

"Wow! What does this monkey do that's so valuable?"

"Well, sir, no one's ever seen him do anything, but when we got him they said he was a consultant."

/ needs to work on his repertoire of monkey jokes.
 
2013-10-03 02:25:56 PM  
Monkey fact: when they tore down the Boston Garden they found the skeleton of a monkey. It was thought they it had escaped from a Ringling Circus that used to perform at the Garden once a year and then survived for years on garbage it found on the floor.
 
2013-10-03 02:53:57 PM  

Nana's Vibrator: Monkey F*cker Jones?


This made me laugh much harder than it should have.
 
2013-10-03 03:01:22 PM  
www.geek.com
/It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times?
 
2013-10-03 03:16:51 PM  

Seat's Taken: I like Monkeys
The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. I thought this was odd since they were normally a couple thousand dollars. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth so I bought 200 of them. I like monkeys.  I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one of them drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in the genitals. I laughed. They punched me in the genitals. I stopped laughing.

I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new environment. They would screech and hurl themselves off the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into it's third hour.  Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive; they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sort of dropped dead. Kinda like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. God damn cheap monkeys.  I didn't know what to do.

There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room; on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked like I had 200 throw rugs. I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck. Then I had one dead, wet monkey and one hundred ninety-nine dead, dry monkeys.I tried to pretend that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for awhile, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell real bad.I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in my toilet and I didn't want to call a plumber. I was embarrassed.I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortunately there was only enough room for two at a time, so I had to change them every 30 seconds.

I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn't go bad.  I tried to burn them, but little did I know that my bed was flammable. I had to extinguish the fire.Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in my freezer, and one hundred nine ...


Pretty much the only reason I came in to this thread was for "I like monkeys"
 
2013-10-03 03:21:57 PM  
'You know who else had a lot of monkeys?'

"Im guessing Hitler"

*clicks on article*

*guffaw*
 
2013-10-03 04:02:23 PM  
Not me
 
2013-10-03 04:34:26 PM  
i88.photobucket.com
 
2013-10-03 05:41:42 PM  
You know, that article may go a long way towards explaining the discovery of the AIDS virus in the stored blood of a German who died well before the discovery of the disease in the 1950s. And possibly the outbreak of the Marburg virus, which is virtually indistinguishable from Ebola, a close relation, in Marburg and Frankfurt, Germany in 1967 years before the outbreak in Zaire (the Belgian Congo) in 1976.

I don't think the conspiracy theorists have anything on this yet. Gentlemen, start your conspiracy theory engines.

Hey! Maybe they can connect the CIA to Hitler! Coo'. Or Coo Coo. You be the judge! I'm not touching this with a 10 foot pole. I just create crazy ideas, I don't have to believe the feckers!

Pre-1980s timeline of HIV-AIDS:   http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeline_of_HIV/AIDS#Pre-1980s
 
2013-10-04 12:25:10 AM  
they all immigrated to the US and are now serving as republicans in congress

/see how i brought that back around to current events
//IM RELEVANT SEE
 
TWX
2013-10-04 12:41:20 AM  

geekasaurus: //IM RELEVANT SEE


There there... It'll be okay. Now go take your pills and drink this nice tall glass of water, then have a rest...
 
2013-10-04 09:28:26 PM  
Donkey Kong?
 
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