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(Slate)   Dear Prudence: I'm a frustrated nurse who gets my kicks writing fake letters to advice columnists. But this one is genuine, I promise   (slate.com) divider line 56
    More: Silly, advice columnist, Jewish tradition, Ann Landers, breastfeeding  
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7692 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Oct 2013 at 12:25 PM (28 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-10-03 12:28:28 PM
Dear Prudence,

I have a friend called "Subby."  He's mostly a good guy, but he always links to the second page of 2-page articles.  How hard should I kick him in the balls?
 
2013-10-03 12:31:46 PM
I actually agree with this one, the letter writer is absolutely correct. A gender reveal party is farking stupid and she deserves a falcon punch for thinking anyone but her and her husband give a fark.
 
2013-10-03 12:32:03 PM

HMS_Blinkin: Dear Prudence,

I have a friend called "Subby."  He's mostly a good guy, but he always links to the second page of 2-page articles.  How hard should I kick him in the balls?


Dear Blinkin,

Your friend "Subby" was referring to the second question on the second page of the article about fake letters. That's why he linked there. So, you should give him a gentle love tap, but then spread 'em and wait for your return Roshambo.
 
2013-10-03 12:32:26 PM
Once you can get over the fact that other peoples' feelings don't matter, lying to them doesn't weigh much on your conscience anymore.
 
2013-10-03 12:35:04 PM

abhorrent1: I actually agree with this one, the letter writer is absolutely correct. A gender reveal party is farking stupid and she deserves a falcon punch for thinking anyone but her and her husband give a fark.


Gender reveal parties are for useless f*ckwads who should never ever be allowed to procreate again.
 
2013-10-03 12:37:59 PM
Dear Readers,
I am going to include a letter from a person who claims to write letters about fake situations to advice columnists and claims to have had several of them 'published'.  By doing this I expect you to be amazed by my honesty and in the future continue to believe that the letters sent to me and published in my column are 100% real and not at all made up.  Thanks for the clicks, now and in the future, suckers.

Signed Totally Honest Prudie.
 
2013-10-03 12:38:51 PM
What a legitimate letter might look like.


Dear Prudence,

I am a 97 year old virgin with a hump back and a lazy eye. When my 21 year old large breasted salma-hayek look alike was sponge bathing me yesterday she commented on my enormous 19inch penis. She said she would like to go down on me while her identical twin wiggled around on my face.

I believe sex outside marriage is wrong.

Should I move to Utah and marry them both or do you think she may be lying to me because I just won the lottery.
 
2013-10-03 12:38:52 PM

unfarkingbelievable: abhorrent1: I actually agree with this one, the letter writer is absolutely correct. A gender reveal party is farking stupid and she deserves a falcon punch for thinking anyone but her and her husband give a fark.

Gender reveal parties are for useless f*ckwads who should never ever be allowed to procreate again.


I'm not going to go that far but I also just don't get it.  I like parties that are parties.  Not parties that make me wear a nice sweater.
 
2013-10-03 12:39:34 PM

unfarkingbelievable: abhorrent1: I actually agree with this one, the letter writer is absolutely correct. A gender reveal party is farking stupid and she deserves a falcon punch for thinking anyone but her and her husband give a fark.

Gender reveal parties are for useless f*ckwads who should never ever be allowed to procreate again.


Meh. More energy is being spent by you all hating it than it actually takes to throw one. What kind of a-holes don't like a good party? Hell, they found another reson to get together with friends and family. Those moments are too few and far between in our lifetimes. Eat some cake, pop a few balloons and laugh with your loved ones for a few hours. Not sure why that's so irritating to some folks.
 
2013-10-03 12:39:46 PM
Btw... am I the only one who read the article wrong at first and read "gender reversal" party?
 
2013-10-03 12:40:59 PM

CleanAndPure: Btw... am I the only one who read the article wrong at first and read "gender reversal" party?


No.
 
2013-10-03 12:43:13 PM
Maybe it's me, but I've got a hard time getting worked up about the excuses other people find to throw parties.
Just say "no" if it doesn't float your boat.

Anyone who'd be mad at you for missing any given party is the kind of fragile little snowflake that's going to inevitably be hurt by *something* you do.
You'd lose your mind worrying about all the perceived slights that occur in their fevered imagination.
 
2013-10-03 12:43:18 PM
Dear Prudence:

I never thought this would happen to me, but you let me teabag you last night in your hotel room at the advice columnists' convention.

Should I send you flowers or just send my lonely dad over to your mom's house?

Signed,
Clean Balls
 
2013-10-03 12:54:10 PM

ringersol: Maybe it's me, but I've got a hard time getting worked up about the excuses other people find to throw parties.
Just say "no" if it doesn't float your boat.

Anyone who'd be mad at you for missing any given party is the kind of fragile little snowflake that's going to inevitably be hurt by *something* you do.
You'd lose your mind worrying about all the perceived slights that occur in their fevered imagination.


On the whole, I agree with you. When it's family, that complicates it a little bit, but I still manage to stay out of it. I'm lucky that my wife thinks things like "push presents" are just as dumb as gender reveal.

We revealed our daughter's gender envelope to each other over a nice dinner out. It was very lovely.
 
2013-10-03 12:55:17 PM

DROxINxTHExWIND: Meh. More energy is being spent by you all hating it than it actually takes to throw one. What kind of a-holes don't like a good party? Hell, they found another reson to get together with friends and family. Those moments are too few and far between in our lifetimes. Eat some cake, pop a few balloons and laugh with your loved ones for a few hours. Not sure why that's so irritating to some folks.


Because it sounds like yet another excuse to milk one's social circle for presents.
 
2013-10-03 12:55:49 PM

DROxINxTHExWIND: Meh. More energy is being spent by you all hating it than it actually takes to throw one. What kind of a-holes don't like a good party?


Gender reveal and baby showers are "Good Parties"? You must have cooler friends than me. I've never been to one that didn't make me want to commit Seppuku
 
2013-10-03 12:58:21 PM

Saborlas: DROxINxTHExWIND: Meh. More energy is being spent by you all hating it than it actually takes to throw one. What kind of a-holes don't like a good party? Hell, they found another reson to get together with friends and family. Those moments are too few and far between in our lifetimes. Eat some cake, pop a few balloons and laugh with your loved ones for a few hours. Not sure why that's so irritating to some folks.

Because it sounds like yet another excuse to milk one's social circle for presents.


If you're so selfish that you don't want to get together with friends because you might feel a need to get a gift, just close your curtains and stay in the house. Nobody wants a cheap ass around.
 
2013-10-03 12:58:45 PM

Nana's Vibrator: unfarkingbelievable: abhorrent1: I actually agree with this one, the letter writer is absolutely correct. A gender reveal party is farking stupid and she deserves a falcon punch for thinking anyone but her and her husband give a fark.

Gender reveal parties are for useless f*ckwads who should never ever be allowed to procreate again.

I'm not going to go that far but I also just don't get it.  I like parties that are parties.  Not parties that make me wear a nice sweater.


I thought a gender reveal party was just a ploy to get everyone naked. is this not what a gender reveal party is?
 
2013-10-03 01:00:53 PM

This Looks Fun: ringersol: Maybe it's me, but I've got a hard time getting worked up about the excuses other people find to throw parties.
Just say "no" if it doesn't float your boat.

Anyone who'd be mad at you for missing any given party is the kind of fragile little snowflake that's going to inevitably be hurt by *something* you do.
You'd lose your mind worrying about all the perceived slights that occur in their fevered imagination.

On the whole, I agree with you. When it's family, that complicates it a little bit, but I still manage to stay out of it. I'm lucky that my wife thinks things like "push presents" are just as dumb as gender reveal.

We revealed our daughter's gender envelope to each other over a nice dinner out. It was very lovely.


Well, don't leave us hanging... What was it?
 
2013-10-03 01:08:04 PM

abhorrent1: I actually agree with this one, the letter writer is absolutely correct. A gender reveal party is farking stupid and she deserves a falcon punch for thinking anyone but her and her husband give a fark.


CSB time: A few years ago I taught part of a 2nd year genetics course. One of the topics I covered was the genetic basis of sex determination. On the final, one of my questions used the word "gender" instead of sex. One student in the course was a sociology major in waaaay over her head. She took time during the exam to write a full page note to me about how "gender" is a social construct and has no relation to biology. After the exam she followed up with a lengthy email. My glib reply was to quote the OED's definition of gender and to suggest that if she had put as much effort into learning the material as she put into arguing over semantics, she might have passed.

To this day whenever I hear the word gender I cringe in anticipation of some PC social science language nazi hopping up on their soap box.

/I apologized (without prompting) for my reply, but I still failed her.
 
2013-10-03 01:10:56 PM

This Looks Fun: ringersol: Maybe it's me, but I've got a hard time getting worked up about the excuses other people find to throw parties.
Just say "no" if it doesn't float your boat.

Anyone who'd be mad at you for missing any given party is the kind of fragile little snowflake that's going to inevitably be hurt by *something* you do.
You'd lose your mind worrying about all the perceived slights that occur in their fevered imagination.

On the whole, I agree with you. When it's family, that complicates it a little bit, but I still manage to stay out of it. I'm lucky that my wife thinks things like "push presents" are just as dumb as gender reveal.

We revealed our daughter's gender envelope to each other over a nice dinner out. It was very lovely.


Envelope? The technician just asked us during the sonogram if we wanted to know. We said yes and she printed a snapshot said "you see those two white lines? That means it's a girl."
 
2013-10-03 01:15:41 PM

big pig peaches: Envelope? The technician just asked us during the sonogram if we wanted to know. We said yes and she printed a snapshot said "you see those two white lines? That means it's a girl."


Yeah, at my request. I wanted a a daughter and at the time I wasn't really ready to hear that it would be a boy, so I waited until I felt like I could handle it.
 
2013-10-03 01:17:00 PM
Theaetetus:We revealed our daughter's gender envelope to each other over a nice dinner out. It was very lovely.

Well, don't leave us hanging... What was it?


It was a folded up piece of paper with her gender written inside, but that's not important right now.

/I won't tell you because i respect her internet privacy.
 
2013-10-03 01:23:28 PM
It's Trollception!
 
2013-10-03 01:23:31 PM

This Looks Fun: Theaetetus:We revealed our daughter's gender envelope to each other over a nice dinner out. It was very lovely.

Well, don't leave us hanging... What was it?

It was a folded up piece of paper with her gender written inside, but that's not important right now.

/I won't tell you because i respect her internet privacy.


Bravo.
 
2013-10-03 01:27:00 PM
My aunt, a physicist, was in charge of my sister-in-law's "gender reveal party." Surprisingly, she did the very same thing as the writer of the Dear Prudence letter. She got a box, filled it with balloons (pink for girl, blue for boy) and then wrapped it up and gave it to the happy couple at the party. Just before they opened it, she spoke at length about the joy of the moment-- how everyone close to them has gathered in from their own unique existences and tangential lives to become entangled together to create this particular moment. After nods and smiles, there was a tense pause as the couple wen to open the box. Pink or blue? Pink or blue? Pink of Blue? It could be either! There's only one way to find out! The happy couple opened the box and were delighted to see a swarm of small pink balloons rise from it, followed by a shocked gasp of guests who had no idea why there was also a dead cat at the bottom of the box.
 
2013-10-03 01:28:17 PM

big pig peaches: she printed a snapshot said "you see those two white lines? That means it's a girl got a double penis."

 
2013-10-03 01:30:05 PM

WinoRhino: My aunt, a physicist, was in charge of my sister-in-law's "gender reveal party." Surprisingly, she did the very same thing as the writer of the Dear Prudence letter. She got a box, filled it with balloons (pink for girl, blue for boy) and then wrapped it up and gave it to the happy couple at the party. Just before they opened it, she spoke at length about the joy of the moment-- how everyone close to them has gathered in from their own unique existences and tangential lives to become entangled together to create this particular moment. After nods and smiles, there was a tense pause as the couple wen to open the box. Pink or blue? Pink or blue? Pink of Blue? It could be either! There's only one way to find out! The happy couple opened the box and were delighted to see a swarm of small pink balloons rise from it, followed by a shocked gasp of guests who had no idea why there was also a dead cat at the bottom of the box.


Very nice
 
2013-10-03 01:30:52 PM
the reality of the human condition never fails to amaze and I have an abiding belief that the overwhelming majority of letters are real.

And... THIS is why I don't worry too much about whether these letters are real.  I could not concoct fake (but plausible) letters that are half as weird as situations that occur to real people all the time in real life.

Saborlas:
DROxINxTHExWIND: Meh. More energy is being spent by you all hating it than it actually takes to throw one. What kind of a-holes don't like a good party? Hell, they found another reson to get together with friends and family. Those moments are too few and far between in our lifetimes. Eat some cake, pop a few balloons and laugh with your loved ones for a few hours. Not sure why that's so irritating to some folks.

Because it sounds like yet another excuse to milk one's social circle for presents.


BINGO.  Also for the parents-to-be to wallow in the tepid pool of their friends' semi-sincere adulation, while the parents present all congratulate each other on being Life's Real Heroes for performing a biological function that cockroaches are capable of accomplishing (while any non-parents who had to show up mentally roll their eyes).

/also a parent, but really, so sick of that stuff
 
2013-10-03 01:31:44 PM

DROxINxTHExWIND: CleanAndPure: Btw... am I the only one who read the article wrong at first and read "gender reversal" party?

No.


I didn't read it wrong, However,  I didn't realize the "Gender Reveal" was for the baby.  I thought the mother had gotten a sex change while pregnant and wanted to let all her friends know.

/Who am i to judge?
 
2013-10-03 01:55:56 PM

DROxINxTHExWIND: CleanAndPure: Btw... am I the only one who read the article wrong at first and read "gender reversal" party?

No.


No.
 
2013-10-03 01:59:56 PM

Nana's Vibrator: unfarkingbelievable: abhorrent1: I actually agree with this one, the letter writer is absolutely correct. A gender reveal party is farking stupid and she deserves a falcon punch for thinking anyone but her and her husband give a fark.

Gender reveal parties are for useless f*ckwads who should never ever be allowed to procreate again.

I'm not going to go that far but I also just don't get it.  I like parties that are parties.  Not parties that make me wear a nice sweater.


But what if it's a "Cosby Show"-themed party ;)
 
2013-10-03 02:00:08 PM

This Looks Fun: Theaetetus:We revealed our daughter's gender envelope to each other over a nice dinner out. It was very lovely.

Well, don't leave us hanging... What was it?

It was a folded up piece of paper with her gender written inside, but that's not important right now.


Awesome response.

WinoRhino: The happy couple opened the box and were delighted to see a swarm of small pink balloons rise from it, followed by a shocked gasp of guests who had no idea why there was also a dead cat at the bottom of the box.


Was that symbolic of the amount of future pussy?
 
2013-10-03 02:00:46 PM

skrame: WinoRhino: The happy couple opened the box and were delighted to see a swarm of small pink balloons rise from it, followed by a shocked gasp of guests who had no idea why there was also a dead cat at the bottom of the box.

Was that symbolic of the amount of future pussy?


Yes and no.
 
2013-10-03 02:09:46 PM
...were delighted to see a swarm of small blue balloons rise from it, followed by the shocked gasp of guests who were alarmed when a cat jumped from the box and ran frantically around the room. Over the commotion I heard my aunt mutter, "Thank god it was a boy..."
 
2013-10-03 02:12:34 PM
Dear Prudence

I suggested my co-worker have a gender reveal party for her kid, and she slapped me. Do you think it could be because her kid is nine?
 
2013-10-03 02:23:26 PM

unfarkingbelievable: abhorrent1: I actually agree with this one, the letter writer is absolutely correct. A gender reveal party is farking stupid and she deserves a falcon punch for thinking anyone but her and her husband give a fark.

Gender reveal parties are for useless f*ckwads who should never ever be allowed to procreate again.


I would just be happy if I could have a baby shower.

/sterility due to the lupus sucks
//oh well, there's always basset hounds
///aroooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo o ooooooooo
 
2013-10-03 02:26:38 PM

Theaetetus: HMS_Blinkin: Dear Prudence,

I have a friend called "Subby."  He's mostly a good guy, but he always links to the second page of 2-page articles.  How hard should I kick him in the balls?

Dear Blinkin,

Your friend "Subby" was referring to the second question on the second page of the article about fake letters. That's why he linked there. So, you should give him a gentle love tap, but then spread 'em and wait for your return Roshambo.


If this keeps up, it'll turn into a Penthouse letter, which would actually improve this thread.
 
2013-10-03 02:30:50 PM
Fark is so educational, before this thread I had never heard of a "gender reveal party" and hope to never be invited to one.
The crap people come up with.
 
2013-10-03 03:27:58 PM

DROxINxTHExWIND: unfarkingbelievable: abhorrent1: I actually agree with this one, the letter writer is absolutely correct. A gender reveal party is farking stupid and she deserves a falcon punch for thinking anyone but her and her husband give a fark.

Gender reveal parties are for useless f*ckwads who should never ever be allowed to procreate again.

Meh. More energy is being spent by you all hating it than it actually takes to throw one. What kind of a-holes don't like a good party? Hell, they found another reson to get together with friends and family. Those moments are too few and far between in our lifetimes. Eat some cake, pop a few balloons and laugh with your loved ones for a few hours. Not sure why that's so irritating to some folks.


They exist mainly to feed a mother's narcissism. A regular party would be just a party, with a gender reveal just a small quiet part of it; a "gender reveal" party is an hour or more of pomp and circumstance and mom being center of attention yet again, before anyone can move on to having a good time.
 
2013-10-03 03:47:42 PM
If I ever get invited to a gender reveal party I'm not going.

However, living in flyover country has certain benefits.  I can't make up my mind if this sounds more like a right or left coast thing, but definitely not a northern plains thing.

//the nurse writer letter was too boring to comment on.
 
2013-10-03 03:48:51 PM

foxyshadis: DROxINxTHExWIND: unfarkingbelievable: abhorrent1: I actually agree with this one, the letter writer is absolutely correct. A gender reveal party is farking stupid and she deserves a falcon punch for thinking anyone but her and her husband give a fark.

Gender reveal parties are for useless f*ckwads who should never ever be allowed to procreate again.

Meh. More energy is being spent by you all hating it than it actually takes to throw one. What kind of a-holes don't like a good party? Hell, they found another reson to get together with friends and family. Those moments are too few and far between in our lifetimes. Eat some cake, pop a few balloons and laugh with your loved ones for a few hours. Not sure why that's so irritating to some folks.

They exist mainly to feed a mother's narcissism. A regular party would be just a party, with a gender reveal just a small quiet part of it; a "gender reveal" party is an hour or more of pomp and circumstance and mom being center of attention yet again, before anyone can move on to having a good time.


Not only that, but it also implies that this child is a highly important and celebrated event to not only the parents, but ought to be for everyone they invite.

It's up to others if they want to have them, no skin off my nose. But be damned if I ever go to one.
 
2013-10-03 04:07:12 PM

skrame: DROxINxTHExWIND: CleanAndPure: Btw... am I the only one who read the article wrong at first and read "gender reversal" party?

No.

No.


Probably. But since it's obviously edgy and funny, you have some followers.

/yay you!
 
2013-10-03 04:30:24 PM
Anastacya:
/sterility due to the lupus sucks

People in your situation are one reason I really hate the "omg babies" culture.  Because it must be so much farking fun listening to people blather on about how special parenthood is.
 
2013-10-03 04:42:01 PM
Can I just vent for a moment about the people who choose not to know the gender before birth because "we want it to be a surprise." It's a surprise whenever you find out. Just say you want to wait.

And a special smack for the parents who know the gender but refuse to tell anyone else yet constantly remind everyone that they know. Just STFU.
 
2013-10-03 04:43:18 PM

No Such Agency: Anastacya:
/sterility due to the lupus sucks

People in your situation are one reason I really hate the "omg babies" culture.  Because it must be so much farking fun listening to people blather on about how special parenthood is.


I try to take it in stride. It really hits when you have people offer to be your surrogate. Or "why don't you adopt"? Or the lectures about why the experience of pregnancy is selfish when there are kids out there who are suffering.

/but yea, congrats on your 6th kid
 
2013-10-03 05:06:52 PM

abhorrent1: skrame: DROxINxTHExWIND: CleanAndPure: Btw... am I the only one who read the article wrong at first and read "gender reversal" party?

No.

No.

Probably. But since it's obviously edgy and funny, you have some followers.

/yay you!


Yeah, nothing says edgy like reading a word wrong. Also, followers? We read the same word wrong. It's not a farking cult, you moron.
 
2013-10-03 06:41:45 PM

CleanAndPure: Btw... am I the only one who read the article wrong at first and read "gender reversal" party?


no you are not, it's only because this crap isn't worth reading, so I just scan it. and I have never heard of a gender reveal party. I swear right away I started trying to write the article in my head.
/and it was much more fark worthy.
 
2013-10-03 08:08:28 PM

abhorrent1: I actually agree with this one, the letter writer is absolutely correct. A gender reveal party is farking stupid and she deserves a falcon punch for thinking anyone but her and her husband give a fark.


What she really deserves is an intersex or transgender kid. Way to gender stereotype from.... not even day one. If I knew these people, I'd make a point of giving the kid "gender-inappropriate" gifts to help keep the poor thing from becoming Brainwashed Barbie.

And yes, people need to stop thinking the entire world cares as much about their pregnancy/babies as much as they do. Post major milestones (like "we're going to have a baby!"), not every farking day. I have unfriended people for that, because it annoys the crap out of me, and I am more tempted every time to post "STFU!" Less pictures/videos, do not make people sit through "look at our baby pictures!", and Jesus Farking Christ, no birth videos - no one wants to see that. NOPE. A baby shower is bad enough for those of us who are poor and/or childfree (it's literally "*I* decided to have a baby so *you* should spend money")... and please, do not get one of those disgusting "belly" cakes. A gender reveal party? that's just attention whoring.
 
2013-10-03 08:57:21 PM

ornithopter: and Jesus Farking Christ, no birth videos - no one wants to see that. NOPE.


Wait. You know people that have posted birth videos? That's messed up, seriously. Did they also eat the placenta?
 
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