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(The Daily Beast)   Facebook to build company town. Starting with logical street layout residents love, it'll be redesigned every six months, dimensions of property lots will change at random, schools, stores and firehouses will disappear for no reason at all   (thedailybeast.com) divider line 77
    More: Obvious, company towns, Facebook  
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3677 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Oct 2013 at 11:47 AM (42 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-10-03 11:48:15 AM
Residents expected to get over it.
 
2013-10-03 11:49:14 AM
Then billboards will show up in your yard.
 
2013-10-03 11:49:32 AM
Don't forget the feature where everyone will be able to enter your house at any time, because thats what you want
 
2013-10-03 11:50:04 AM
Cameras installed in houses display their feed on the outside walls, and eventually a term is quietly added to the lease whereby it's sold to TLC.
 
2013-10-03 11:50:05 AM
Nice headline, seems spot on to me.

Twice now (fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me...I know, I know) I've updated to the new Facebook layout because they said it was going to be mandatory anyways.  Twice now they have not mandated the new change, and my wife's facebook layout is 10 times better than the new layout I've updated to (this was probably a year ago at least now that it's been like this).
 
2013-10-03 11:50:07 AM
the last thing you want to do when you get off work is hang out with a bunch of people you already see for the whole day.
 
2013-10-03 11:52:29 AM

Headso: the last thing you want to do when you get off work is hang out with a bunch of people you already see for the whole day.

 
2013-10-03 11:53:05 AM
So will it have a store?  perhaps one owned by the company?
 
2013-10-03 11:54:10 AM
Watch out for the mafia wars in your neighborhood.
 
2013-10-03 11:54:32 AM
Schools, stores and gas stations will disappear, but eventually will reappear but only what they were like 60 days ago.  Then they'll completely disappear only to reappear again as if nothing had been deleted/restored.

Inappropriate ads will appear on everyone's walls while they're watching TV, and Uncle Ed, who's house will be hacked, will start posting pictures of porn 24/7 until he comes home from vacation and tries to tell everyone else that he wasn't "impressed by her fellatio skills" and "don't click please".
 
2013-10-03 11:55:19 AM

Warlordtrooper: So will it have a store?  perhaps one owned by the company?


You'll have to load 16 tons and what will you get?
 
2013-10-03 11:58:44 AM
Is this describing Facebook or the latest SimCity game?
 
2013-10-03 11:59:16 AM
All of my elderly aunts will love this town.  And so will people who think and act like elderly aunts.  And that one crazy cousin who wants to make sure everyone knows what a deadbeat her husband is.  And my uncle, who wants everyone to know how hardworking republicans are being stolen from by Obama and his illegal army.  I guess those people who want me to know all about their kids' haircuts and diapers.
 
jvl
2013-10-03 12:02:37 PM
Good thing Facebook provides meals at the company because the nearest grocery store is three miles and a ton of traffic away. And don't plan on having children unless you're willing to send them to private school since the schools ain't good.
 
2013-10-03 12:05:29 PM
I'm holding out for FARK Town!!!
 
2013-10-03 12:06:07 PM
A dog daycare? WTF? That's a thing?

I like dogs, but what the fark.
 
2013-10-03 12:09:54 PM
Also there are no drapes on the windows and all walls are transparent
 
2013-10-03 12:12:24 PM
All houses will be made of glass.
 
2013-10-03 12:12:57 PM
I'll just leave this here, since comments are disabled on Partnered links....


umop.com
 
2013-10-03 12:14:50 PM
Security will come into question on a weekly basis.
 
2013-10-03 12:15:19 PM
And then one day someone shows up and just installs hidden cameras in your house.  You can opt-out, but it will be really hard to find the form.
 
2013-10-03 12:15:52 PM

Flash_NYC: Warlordtrooper: So will it have a store?  perhaps one owned by the company?

You'll have to load 16 tons and what will you get?


xroads.virginia.edu
 
2013-10-03 12:16:27 PM
And all the walls are transparent.
 
2013-10-03 12:17:22 PM
So, Detroit then?
 
2013-10-03 12:17:34 PM
i.imgur.com
 
2013-10-03 12:18:05 PM
Will giant one eyed robot spider monsters attack?

Will time go by at the speed of an unladen African Swallow?

Will no one use the subway system you spent thousands of dollars on?

/ one more hint; will you be able to build monstrous structures that house thousands of people?
 
2013-10-03 12:21:02 PM
People will just move somewhere else within a couple of years.
 
2013-10-03 12:21:24 PM
Hi neighborino! My name is Harry Freakstorm. The company says we should be friends!

Do I know you?

No. But you know Pocket Ninja who knows ChipNASA who knows Dirk the Daring who knows (this goes on for a while) ...and he knows me! Friends?

Declined.

No problem. Mind if I browse through your photos for pics of your hot wife?
Yes. I do.

Too bad. You should have installed the optional blinds in your house.
 
2013-10-03 12:23:57 PM
Their chief agricultural exports will be cows that give chocolate milk, haunted trees, Eiffel towers and hot air balloons.
 
2013-10-03 12:24:43 PM

jvl: And don't plan on having children unless you're willing to send them to private school since the schools ain't good.


FTFA: "Facebook has an "amenities team" in charge of devising perks for employees and creating an atmosphere that's more like a college campus or playground than an office."

This isn't for people with kids, or for people with more in their freezer than vodka.
 
2013-10-03 12:26:26 PM
Sounds like something the citizens of one of my cities is Simcity would say.
 
2013-10-03 12:31:07 PM
So happy I'm not on Facebook.
 
2013-10-03 12:32:26 PM

Parallax: I'll just leave this here, since comments are disabled on Partnered links....


[umop.com image 436x410]


img.fark.net
 
2013-10-03 12:33:36 PM
Headso: "the last thing you want to do when you get off work is hang out with a bunch of people you already see for the whole day."

People working at places like Facebook and Google have (in many-to-most cases) already taken that plunge. They're in or around work for such an ungodly number of hours (the exact point of offering amenities like shuttles, daycare, food, laundry, etc.) they couldn't swing much of an outside social life if they tried.

Besides, if you do a stint at Google, then Facebook, so many people in the Valley are going to be current or ex-coworkers that you're going to run into them regardless.
 
2013-10-03 12:33:45 PM

aevorea: Parallax: I'll just leave this here, since comments are disabled on Partnered links....


[umop.com image 436x410]

[img.fark.net image 850x300]


Or don't base your happiness on pixels. Also an option.

Maybe not an option for the people who would live in a Facebook company town with a goddamn dog day care, but it is for those of us interested in adulthood.
 
2013-10-03 12:35:43 PM
aevorea: "[adblockerftw.jpg]"

So *that's* what those big empty spaces are supposed to be. Who knew?
 
2013-10-03 12:35:46 PM
The forced farming will be pretty rough.
 
2013-10-03 12:36:35 PM
So like Hank Scorpio is in charge?

When you go home tonight, there'll be an extra story on your house.

That's how I imagine Cupertino, CA, or Microsoft's


upload.wikimedia.orgThis was a street yesterday.

 
2013-10-03 12:37:56 PM
And if someone thinks that you have committed a crime, you will be suddenly locked out of your house with no reason given and no possibility of appeal.
 
2013-10-03 12:38:15 PM

Parallax: I'll just leave this here, since comments are disabled on Partnered links....


[umop.com image 436x410]


I have those things blocked... What 13 people will McDonalds tell me about?
 
2013-10-03 12:42:20 PM

sethen320: All houses will be made of glass.


They planned to model it on the US Constition and sent an intern out to pick up a copy with a note that read "We the People" ... but the intern accidentally picked up We by Zamyatin instead.

Could have been worse.

By the by, I just noticed I forget to finish my sentence, and I'd like to say sorry about
 
2013-10-03 12:42:59 PM

Salmon: I'm holding out for FARK Town!!!


Gob Bluth likes the way you think.
 
2013-10-03 12:43:27 PM

skrame: Parallax: I'll just leave this here, since comments are disabled on Partnered links....


[umop.com image 436x410]

I have those things blocked... What 13 people will McDonalds tell me about?


Possibly the 13 people who think a McDonald's hamburger is what a hamburger was meant to be.
 
2013-10-03 12:44:22 PM

Parallax: I'll just leave this here, since comments are disabled on Partnered links....


[umop.com image 436x410]


In case anyone is reading this, I never click on the partnered links because there is no commenting available. That's sort of the fun of coming to this site.
 
2013-10-03 12:53:56 PM

Salmon: I'm holding out for FARK Town!!!


With my luck, I'll be stuck on the corner of Florida and Dumbass.

/And the shame of being on Florida would be hard to bear.
 
2013-10-03 12:56:27 PM

Parallax: I'll just leave this here, since comments are disabled on Partnered links....


[umop.com image 436x410]


get over it.
 
2013-10-03 12:58:39 PM

Warlordtrooper: So will it have a store?  perhaps one owned by the company?


You could always get fresh vegetables at the Farmville Market.
 
2013-10-03 01:01:09 PM

Rude Turnip: Parallax: I'll just leave this here, since comments are disabled on Partnered links....


[umop.com image 436x410]

In case anyone is reading this, I never click on the partnered links because there is no commenting available. That's sort of the fun of coming to this site.


Same here. I don't come here for links to news. I come here to make fun of links to news.
 
2013-10-03 01:09:13 PM
And all the employees will now be paid in "Face-Bucks" only good at the company store in the company town.
 
2013-10-03 01:09:34 PM
Yeah, screw Facebook. As someone who spent half an hour last night trying to delete a potentially libelous picture / posting from a news medium's Fb page, I feel certain any three-dimension representation of its operational principles are bound for disaster.
 
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