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(CBS New York)   Study finds not only is there a good chance that not only did you not marry your true love, but when you find him/her, you'll leave your consolation prize for your real soulmate   (newyork.cbslocal.com) divider line 197
    More: Unlikely, soul mate  
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7591 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Oct 2013 at 9:52 AM (42 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-10-03 08:48:19 AM
You know the one true love thing is just stories right?
 
2013-10-03 08:56:09 AM
www.myboyfriendwearsflannel.com

"Let me tell you something right now. You're only allowed three great women in your lifetime. They come along like the great fighters, every ten years. Rocky Marciano, Sugar Ray Robinson, Joe Louis. Sometimes you get 'em all at once. Me? I had my three when I was 16. That happens. What are you gonna do? That's the way it goes, you know? Tell you right now. See this girl? Maybe this girl, she put wind in your sails. Maybe she's your first great one."
 
2013-10-03 09:20:29 AM
I'm reminded of the Tim Minchin song;

Your love is one in a million
(One in a million)
You couldn't buy it at any price
(Can't buy love)
But of the 9.999 hundred thousand other loves
Statistically, some of them would be equally nice
(Equally nice)
Or maybe not as nice but, say, smarter than you
Or dumber but better at sport or tracing
I'm just saying
(I really think that I would)
Probably
(Have somebody else)
 
2013-10-03 09:48:46 AM

EvilEgg: You know the one true love thing is just stories right?


I think they meant "to blave".
 
2013-10-03 09:54:04 AM
I'm young(ish) and stupid, but I'm pretty sure I've got the right person.
 
2013-10-03 09:54:22 AM

EvilEgg: You know the one true love thing is just stories right?


Yeah, but true lust's kiss actually is a real thing.
 
2013-10-03 09:56:15 AM
There's only one girl in the world for you and she probably lives in Tahiti.
 
2013-10-03 09:59:05 AM
First world problems.
 
2013-10-03 09:59:24 AM
 
2013-10-03 10:00:03 AM
I often find that there's an inverse relationship between my belief in true live and the length of time it's been since I've had sex.
 
2013-10-03 10:00:14 AM

Billy Bathsalt: There's only one girl in the world for you and she probably lives in Tahiti.


Wow, I'd better start packing! Thanks!
 
2013-10-03 10:00:28 AM
And what if your one true love were Chas Bono?  Would you be gay or straight?
 
2013-10-03 10:01:14 AM
My research cross section is pretty small (me) but this seems to be true.

Reverse the roles, though. I was TOTALLY surprised by the whole thing....
 
2013-10-03 10:03:21 AM
A traffic jam, when you're already late.
A "No Smoking" sign, on your cigarette break.
It's like ten-thousand spoons, when all you need is a knife.
Or meeting the girl of your dreams, but she's seven years old. . . .
 
gja [TotalFark]
2013-10-03 10:03:37 AM

farm machine: And what if your one true love were Chas Bono?  Would you be gay or straight?


Either way you're screwed.
 
2013-10-03 10:04:06 AM

farm machine: And what if your one true love were Chas Bono?  Would you be gay or straight?


Yes.
 
2013-10-03 10:04:08 AM
I found the perfect woman for me.  Only problem is that she wouldn't go out with me.  So I kept lowering my standards until I got where I am today.  Married for 14 years to good enough.
 
2013-10-03 10:04:20 AM
I'm still trying to parse all the "not"s in the headline. wtf, subby?
 
2013-10-03 10:06:05 AM

NewWorldDan: I found the perfect woman for me.  Only problem is that she wouldn't go out with me.  So I kept lowering my standards until I got where I am today.  Married for 14 years to good enough.


This is the rom com I wanna see
 
2013-10-03 10:06:39 AM

ikanreed: I'm young(ish) and stupid, but I'm pretty sure I've got the right person.


Probably at least for now. Both of you will face new experiences in the years to come. You may be completely and permanently altered by them. Then who is your soulmate? I know right now I am in a faze where I think my husband doesn't get me. He threarened divorce the other day when he thought I secretly got a tattoo (he hates tattoos) even though it was just a mickey mouse stick on from a birthday my daughter went to. I just feel more and more like he wants me to be someone I am not and I wish I were with a guy that lived me just as I am.
 
2013-10-03 10:06:53 AM
You might think that other person is your "one true love" and after moving in and living with them, found out that's not the case.  I think a woman in the article summed it up perfectly "the grass is always greener..."
 
2013-10-03 10:07:17 AM

ikanreed: I'm young(ish) and stupid, but I'm pretty sure I've got the right person.


But you repeat yourself.
 
2013-10-03 10:09:48 AM
Soulmate = the most chickenshiat excuse for cheating ever.

"I cheated on you, but what could I do, he was my SOULMATE!"
 
2013-10-03 10:09:55 AM
The concept of soul mates is stupid. I think it's a set up for a relationship to fail spectacularly because the believers don't realize normal couples sometimes don't get along and it takes work. Seems to be the trend for younger people to be prone to believe there's some one perfect person out there they're destined to be with. It makes me barf.

/going to read the article now.
 
2013-10-03 10:10:01 AM
This study wasn't about true love.  He distinctly said "to blave" which we all know means "to bluff", eh?  Subby was probably playing cards and he cheated.
 
2013-10-03 10:11:43 AM
My true love got away. You know its just not worth it saving 20 cents a foot and getting the cheaper chain.
 
2013-10-03 10:12:17 AM
Once I had a little girl as pretty
as I have known
Lord, you know I loved he so and then she
left me all alone
And I swore here on this barstool
I'd never make that mistake again
Well you ain't so fine but you're all mine
And I'll love you till the end

So darlin' don't you worry 'cause they
Say that love is blind
Lust has eyes like an eagle it's gonna drive
me outta my mind
Though my eyes sometimes wander it
doesn't mean that I'm untrue
You're not the best but you're the
best that I can do

You know a pretty girl she'll leave you
Leave you to drown in your own tears
You know an ugly girl well, she'll
leave you too
But then again who really cares
And then eyes of blue they cannot be true
They'll have to stay here in my dreams
I guess that's why ol' Hugh Hefner
invented Playboy Magazine

So, sit down here beside me girl
And I will tell you what we will do
We're gonna twist them lids and hope
Our kids look more like me than you
And when that bottle is finally empty
We're gonna tumble across the floor
And I'm gonna pray my imagination is
Gonna pull me through once more

So darlin' don't you worry 'cause they
Say that love is blind
Lust has eyes like an eagle it's gonna drive
me outta my mind
Though my eyes sometimes wander it
doesn't mean that I'm untrue
You're not the best but you're the
best that I can do 

You're not the best but you're the
best that I can do
 
2013-10-03 10:12:40 AM

ace in your face: ikanreed: I'm young(ish) and stupid, but I'm pretty sure I've got the right person.

Probably at least for now. Both of you will face new experiences in the years to come. You may be completely and permanently altered by them. Then who is your soulmate? I know right now I am in a faze where I think my husband doesn't get me. He threarened divorce the other day when he thought I secretly got a tattoo (he hates tattoos) even though it was just a mickey mouse stick on from a birthday my daughter went to. I just feel more and more like he wants me to be someone I am not and I wish I were with a guy that lived me just as I am.


How's the jugg situation?
 
2013-10-03 10:13:30 AM

ace in your face: ikanreed: I'm young(ish) and stupid, but I'm pretty sure I've got the right person.

Probably at least for now. Both of you will face new experiences in the years to come. You may be completely and permanently altered by them. Then who is your soulmate? I know right now I am in a faze where I think my husband doesn't get me. He threarened divorce the other day when he thought I secretly got a tattoo (he hates tattoos) even though it was just a mickey mouse stick on from a birthday my daughter went to. I just feel more and more like he wants me to be someone I am not and I wish I were with a guy that lived me just as I am.


If he actually said the "D" word, he's been thinking about it for a while. It's time to lay out a few bucks.

Either couple's counseling, or attorneys.
 
2013-10-03 10:14:01 AM
I think she married someone else. Can I have the consolation prize?
 
2013-10-03 10:14:20 AM
I definitely did not marry the "love of my life", but I divorced before finding "the one" (or the right one). Took until I was 50 and she was 47. We both agree that had we met in our 20's or 30's, it wouldn't have worked.

Happiest I've ever been, but I'm happier with ME so YMMV.
 
2013-10-03 10:14:27 AM
I've married a great man. His family is just terribly depressing. Ailments and such. It's such a drain on what would otherwise be a fulfilling marriage.
 
2013-10-03 10:14:37 AM
Meh, I don't think there's such a thing as "true love." You're infatuated with someone when things are still new, you're getting to know each other and there's a lot going on in the bedroom.  Once you're doing their laundry or listening to them fart in the other room, much of the charm is lost.  We regret "lost loves" because we never really got to that stage where we're comfortable with them, and we know them so well.  But I do think it's true that we stay in relationships that have passed their expiration date.

Granted I think there are some people with whom we have an undeniable chemistry, who we "click" with, and that is something that isn't found in every relationship.  That doesn't mean it's love, though.  And if we want life-long relationships, there has to be more than romance; there has to be a good working relationship or companionship even if the love changes.

I was willing to stay with my (now ex-)husband even though I didn't love him any more, because he's a good guy who worked hard and took care of household issues and cared about family and friends.  We weren't compatible on some key issues (religion or my lack thereof, our levels of education, our political views) but I was willing to stay because it was comfortable, we were good "roommates" and I didn't want to be alone.  Well, he pulled the trigger and asked for the divorce, and in hindsight it was the bravest thing he's ever done, and it was the best thing he could have done for both of us.

Now with new boyfriend, we're pretty compatible on paper and generally we have the same mind-set about many things.  Is he the love of my life?  That's for fairy tales.  We'll take it day by day and see how it goes.

tl;dr--true love lasts til you're folding their underwear.
 
2013-10-03 10:15:05 AM
Your "true love" is only someone closer to your current ideal.  People change, especially as they move from young adults to adults.  Which is why so many young marriages are disasters.
 
2013-10-03 10:15:59 AM
Look, I'm a realist, and a pragmatist. I recognize that there is a possibility that there may be someone better suited to be my lifelong "soulmate" than Mrs_Fabulous. And the other way around, too.

My perfect mate would have a more active libido, and her perfect mate would (arguably) be more ambitious.

But... you can't argue with the numbers. The universe of women who are a) about my age, b) attractive to me, c) find ME attractive, d) have a similar passion for world travel, sports, good music and food/wine, e) are about as smart as I am, AND f) are fundamentally reasonable in nature... that universe is vanishingly slim.

I'm lucky as fark and I know it.

/so's she
//25 happy years and counting
 
2013-10-03 10:16:21 AM
This doesn't take into account meeting the love of your life, who you can't be with due to geographical
concerns, and then having her murdered before you get to re-arrange your life to be nearer to her.

/Not a CSB, alas.
 
2013-10-03 10:17:49 AM

ace in your face: ikanreed: I'm young(ish) and stupid, but I'm pretty sure I've got the right person.

Probably at least for now. Both of you will face new experiences in the years to come. You may be completely and permanently altered by them. Then who is your soulmate? I know right now I am in a faze where I think my husband doesn't get me. He threarened divorce the other day when he thought I secretly got a tattoo (he hates tattoos) even though it was just a mickey mouse stick on from a birthday my daughter went to. I just feel more and more like he wants me to be someone I am not and I wish I were with a guy that lived me just as I am.


Don't believe in souls.  Don't believe in absurd romanticism.  Do think we have enough shared interests that we can always find some way to keep together, and enough different interests to be interesting to each other.
 
2013-10-03 10:18:14 AM

Gonz: ace in your face: ikanreed: I'm young(ish) and stupid, but I'm pretty sure I've got the right person.

Probably at least for now. Both of you will face new experiences in the years to come. You may be completely and permanently altered by them. Then who is your soulmate? I know right now I am in a faze where I think my husband doesn't get me. He threarened divorce the other day when he thought I secretly got a tattoo (he hates tattoos) even though it was just a mickey mouse stick on from a birthday my daughter went to. I just feel more and more like he wants me to be someone I am not and I wish I were with a guy that lived me just as I am.

If he actually said the "D" word, he's been thinking about it for a while. It's time to lay out a few bucks.

Either couple's counseling, or attorneys.


Yea... as a guy, I don't say anything that hasn't been on my mind for months.

On the flip side, my wife (who is a good bit younger, brilliant and beautiful, but has horrible self esteem) is terrified I'm going to leave her. Someone in her life really effed with her head, and it angers me to no end that she doesn't see herself the way I see her. Thankfully she's getting better at that every day, and one day she's going to realize I'm a bum, and then I will be sad.
 
2013-10-03 10:18:35 AM

UberDave: EvilEgg: You know the one true love thing is just stories right?

I think they meant "to blave".


damn you and your hidden comments!
 
2013-10-03 10:20:05 AM
Met my wife while drunk in a dive bar

Was together for 3 years before we go married (both of us were 28)

Now, we have been married 5 years, have two children, and couldn't be happier.  I feel that our marriage is an improvement to my life.  Sure, we butt heads, but we never go to bed angry.
 
2013-10-03 10:21:33 AM

ace in your face: ikanreed: I'm young(ish) and stupid, but I'm pretty sure I've got the right person.

Probably at least for now. Both of you will face new experiences in the years to come. You may be completely and permanently altered by them. Then who is your soulmate? I know right now I am in a faze where I think my husband doesn't get me. He threarened divorce the other day when he thought I secretly got a tattoo (he hates tattoos) even though it was just a mickey mouse stick on from a birthday my daughter went to. I just feel more and more like he wants me to be someone I am not and I wish I were with a guy that lived me just as I am.


You're... 16, right?
 
2013-10-03 10:23:18 AM

UberDave: EvilEgg: You know the one true love thing is just stories right?

I think they meant "to blave".


img.fark.net
LIAR! LIIIIIIIAAAAAAR!
 
2013-10-03 10:24:59 AM
obligatory

imgs.xkcd.com
 
2013-10-03 10:25:01 AM

Gonz: ace in your face: ikanreed: I'm young(ish) and stupid, but I'm pretty sure I've got the right person.

Probably at least for now. Both of you will face new experiences in the years to come. You may be completely and permanently altered by them. Then who is your soulmate? I know right now I am in a faze where I think my husband doesn't get me. He threatened divorce the other day when he thought I secretly got a tattoo (he hates tattoos) even though it was just a mickey mouse stick on from a birthday my daughter went to. I just feel more and more like he wants me to be someone I am not and I wish I were with a guy that lived me just as I am.

If he actually said the "D" word, he's been thinking about it for a while. It's time to lay out a few bucks.

Either couple's counseling, or attorneys.


I have to agree, absolutely. There are certain words and phrases in a relationship that are big honkin' red lights. He may not have meant it that way (but statistically, he probably did), but now is definitely the time to quietly put aside a few hundred dollars if at all possible. Check your joint assets, too. I'm not saying lose your mind, but know what your passwords are and what the balances should look like and all that. At the end of the day if he just threw the word out there by accident (and it almost never is...), then you've got a little extra money for other emergencies and you've tidied your finances.

But, as is so depressingly often the case, if he's trying out the word to see how it feels, then you'll at least have a little money to cushion the fall.
 
2013-10-03 10:25:47 AM
A very wise woman once told me she thought marriage should be a five-year deal with an option to re-up for another five at the end. People change (usually in ways you wish they wouldn't) AND they DON'T change (in ways you wish they would); you almost certainly never end up married to the person you married way back when.

Also, familiarity breeds contempt, so they say. YMMV.
 
2013-10-03 10:28:12 AM
I wonder how many women have left their husbands to be with their "true love" and he turns out to be a douche that beats and abuses her. The sense of a dreadful mistake that first time that he hits her must be awful.
 
2013-10-03 10:28:23 AM

denverstevens: A very wise woman once told me she thought marriage should be a five-year deal with an option to re-up for another five at the end. People change (usually in ways you wish they wouldn't) AND they DON'T change (in ways you wish they would); you almost certainly never end up married to the person you married way back when.

Also, familiarity breeds contempt, so they say. YMMV.


Why would you do that?  All it does is give a slightly different path to divorce.
 
2013-10-03 10:29:30 AM
Ctrl-F "starter marriage".

No one's mentioned that yet? Most people really shouldn't be getting married in their teens and twenties. You change a lot from decade to decade but you REALLY don't know who you are and what you want until about... I'd say 30. :)

Yes, yes, tons of people got married at 14 and have been deliriously in love for 79 years but for the majority of folks, jumping into marriage with the first person who passes the acceptability bar is a really bad idea.
 
2013-10-03 10:29:30 AM
I can't imagine anything more dull and depressing than falling in love with somebody because it's so easy and we share so much in common and wow we think the same thing about so many things - we're soulmates!

It's like getting a medal for attending life.
 
2013-10-03 10:29:31 AM
The truth is that you aren't as unique as you think you are and neither is the person you love. We're all humans and people who grew up in the same culture are all pretty similar.

You even notice how many people became close friends with their college roommates? Is that because the college housing committee is full of wizards who have amazing insight into who will or won't be friends? Or is it the more likely option, that people of the same age in the same country who chose the same school to attend all have a pretty good chance of liking each other?

That's not pessimism. It's the opposite. It means they are really thousands of people you can find happiness with instead of just one in the whole world. So don't worry about the one who got away. There's another out there who may be different but just as suited to you.
 
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