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(Slate) Video New "ex-gay" movement theme song is every bit as horrific, cringeworthy, and overtly, fabulously homosexual as you'd imagine it would be   (slate.com) divider line 45
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3064 clicks; posted to Video » on 02 Oct 2013 at 6:52 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



45 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-10-02 06:16:33 PM  
24.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-10-02 06:24:40 PM  
It's a take on Jesus saying "Rise up and walk" to the crippled man, I'm betting.  Or was that Lazarus.  ANyway, it's because Jesus.

I love the soft romantic candlelight from pillar candles, the tray of cigar-shaped pastries just begging to have the cream sucked from them, and of course begging men to "Rise Up".

Totally not gay.
 
2013-10-02 06:38:53 PM  
Subby, implying there is anything gay about that mailed-in, banal effrontery to taste and creativity is an insult to homosexuals.
 
2013-10-02 06:53:23 PM  
i3.bebo.com
 
2013-10-02 07:03:07 PM  
i1.ytimg.com
 
2013-10-02 07:04:16 PM  

gilgigamesh: Subby, implying there is anything gay about that mailed-in, banal effrontery to taste and creativity is an insult to homosexuals.


But it's more fun to call sexually repressed / brainwashed Christians gay, because they HATE that.

i2.kym-cdn.com

/No offence to gay ppl.
 
2013-10-02 07:17:11 PM  
That was some of the most generic lyrics possible. Not sure what they were thinking.  The phrase "rise up and live your destiny" could just as easily be used to encourage gay individuals to come out of the closet and embrace who they are.
 
2013-10-02 07:28:01 PM  
No wait, really, exactly what was the message the singer intended the listener to take from that horrid, horrid, really horrid piece of shiat song??
 
2013-10-02 07:43:07 PM  
Somehow I made it 45 seconds.

You just know that guy has a folder on his computer filled with pictures of men fisting, little boys with underpants on their heads, and Raffi.
 
2013-10-02 07:59:21 PM  

tonguedepressor: No wait, really, exactly what was the message the singer intended the listener to take from that horrid, horrid, really horrid piece of shiat song??


The message is clearly that a potentially decent singing voice can be completely wasted on second-rate pap.

But we knew that already.
 
2013-10-02 08:01:58 PM  
So they hired straight person to write theme song. Big deal
 
2013-10-02 08:10:15 PM  
I used to be gay.

I'm still gay, but I used to be too.
 
2013-10-02 08:11:43 PM  

unchellmatt: Somehow I made it 45 seconds.

You just know that guy has a folder on his computer filled with pictures of men fisting, little boys with underpants on their heads, and Raffi.


Honestly, I don't even want to think about the porn that must be on that guy's hard drive.
 
2013-10-02 08:12:36 PM  

unchellmatt: and Raffi.


The horror... the horror.
 
2013-10-02 08:20:03 PM  
He wants everyone to get an erection?
 
2013-10-02 08:20:23 PM  
Any website that takes that long to load isn't worth visiting. Sorry.
 
2013-10-02 08:45:06 PM  
I'll be the one wearing a "Rithe Up, Embrathe Your Dethetiny" t-shirt at next year's Montreal Pride.
 
2013-10-02 09:00:12 PM  
That song just plain sux.  NTTATWWT, but gimme a break!  Same annoying melody could easily be "I'M GAAAAAYYYYY.  I'MGAAAAYYYYYYY.  Rise up and stand with MEEEEEEEEEE"

Stupidest anthem for anything ever.
 
2013-10-02 09:10:26 PM  
Ratings disabled for video.

Comments disabled for video.

/ person is really, really strong in the belief that this is a positive message
// I made it through 10 seconds
 
2013-10-02 09:20:39 PM  

GitOffaMyLawn: Ratings disabled for video.

Comments disabled for video.

/ person is really, really strong in the belief that this is a positive message
// I made it through 10 seconds


Taste disabled for video.
Talent disabled for video.
Constructive messaging disabled for video.
 
2013-10-02 09:22:31 PM  
Straight people.  You will never understand the struggle of gayness.  It's like a drug addiction, but with dicks and blow jobs and rest stop stalls and fisting.  When you're gay, you can't avoid it.

But when we hear inspirational songs like this, it makes us rethink our choices in life.  Do I want to rise up and do something regarding my destiny or do I want to pump my junk into the ass hole of that hot bear that's always at the mall deli at the same time as me during lunch?  It's not a simple decision, but when I start thinking about running my fingers through that man's magnificent beard while I pound him from behind, I start to think, should I rise up?  And then suddenly I start thinking about the singer, and how in the right circumstances, I'd let him suck my cock.  And then I realize that maybe this isn't my destiny.

So, I have to say, this powerful song has done so much for me.  I know I'm not meant to live alone, I'm meant to live a loveless, sexless marriage with whatever harpie would ever consider throwing her life away in the name of the sanctity of marriage.  And yes, from this moment forward, I'm committed to being straight.  Any female Farkers want to fark me in the ass with a dildo?
 
2013-10-02 09:23:58 PM  
I expected some redneck with a guitar singing..."I'm tiiiired of the gay life.....doooont feel like suckin dick no mooooreee" (insert your own music and sing along if you want).
 
2013-10-02 09:36:22 PM  
"Paul secretly knew that 'rocket man' might not be the best selection for the seriousness of the situation, but laughed to himself as he pressed 'loop' and locked the cover on the player..."
 
2013-10-02 09:44:23 PM  
Someone should do a heavy house remix of this and then play the shiat out of it in every gay bar, pride parade and bathhouse in North America.

I think it would seriously piss these repressed losers off if their song got co-opted and became the next "I Will Survive".
 
2013-10-02 09:55:38 PM  

MrHappyRotter: Straight people.  You will never understand the struggle of gayness.  It's like a drug addiction, but with dicks and blow jobs and rest stop stalls and fisting.  When you're gay, you can't avoid it.

But when we hear inspirational songs like this, it makes us rethink our choices in life.  Do I want to rise up and do something regarding my destiny or do I want to pump my junk into the ass hole of that hot bear that's always at the mall deli at the same time as me during lunch?  It's not a simple decision, but when I start thinking about running my fingers through that man's magnificent beard while I pound him from behind, I start to think, should I rise up?  And then suddenly I start thinking about the singer, and how in the right circumstances, I'd let him suck my cock.  And then I realize that maybe this isn't my destiny.

So, I have to say, this powerful song has done so much for me.  I know I'm not meant to live alone, I'm meant to live a loveless, sexless marriage with whatever harpie would ever consider throwing her life away in the name of the sanctity of marriage.  And yes, from this moment forward, I'm committed to being straight.  Any female Farkers want to fark me in the ass with a dildo?


Listen, I'm not telling you how to live your life, and if that guy's revolting enough to turn you straight then I guess god bless you or something, but as a straight man, I'd let Rachel Ray suck my dick in the right circumstances.  (Very drunken circumstances those would be.) I feel dirty and ashamed over that knowledge, but...not re-examine my sexuality dirty and ashamed.  (Some porn does that to me, but then I grab a smoke and I'm okay again.) Just "What the f*ck, Rachel Ray?  What the f*ck is the matter with me?"
 
2013-10-02 10:00:51 PM  

ten foiled hats: MrHappyRotter: Straight people.  You will never understand the struggle of gayness.  It's like a drug addiction, but with dicks and blow jobs and rest stop stalls and fisting.  When you're gay, you can't avoid it.

But when we hear inspirational songs like this, it makes us rethink our choices in life.  Do I want to rise up and do something regarding my destiny or do I want to pump my junk into the ass hole of that hot bear that's always at the mall deli at the same time as me during lunch?  It's not a simple decision, but when I start thinking about running my fingers through that man's magnificent beard while I pound him from behind, I start to think, should I rise up?  And then suddenly I start thinking about the singer, and how in the right circumstances, I'd let him suck my cock.  And then I realize that maybe this isn't my destiny.

So, I have to say, this powerful song has done so much for me.  I know I'm not meant to live alone, I'm meant to live a loveless, sexless marriage with whatever harpie would ever consider throwing her life away in the name of the sanctity of marriage.  And yes, from this moment forward, I'm committed to being straight.  Any female Farkers want to fark me in the ass with a dildo?

Listen, I'm not telling you how to live your life, and if that guy's revolting enough to turn you straight then I guess god bless you or something, but as a straight man, I'd let Rachel Ray suck my dick in the right circumstances.  (Very drunken circumstances those would be.) I feel dirty and ashamed over that knowledge, but...not re-examine my sexuality dirty and ashamed.  (Some porn does that to me, but then I grab a smoke and I'm okay again.) Just "What the f*ck, Rachel Ray?  What the f*ck is the matter with me?"


Stop it, you two!  People around me are starting to stare at the crazy guy laughing at his computer.
 
2013-10-02 10:05:46 PM  
Well that was craptacular.
 
2013-10-02 10:34:20 PM  

gilgigamesh: Subby, implying there is anything gay about that mailed-in, banal effrontery to taste and creativity is an insult to homosexuals.




^^that
 
2013-10-02 11:30:15 PM  
"Rise up to your destiny" is a call to remain gay and be a gay that contributes to society. Trying to be not-gay is crosswiring their destiny and just being a not-gay that is gay.
 
2013-10-02 11:49:44 PM  

DemDave: That was some of the most generic lyrics possible. Not sure what they were thinking.  The phrase "rise up and live your destiny" could just as easily be used to encourage gay individuals to come out of the closet and embrace who they are.


Maybe that was the point. The singer didn't believe in the message that he was hired to convey, so he created a "I came here to bury homosexuality, not to praise it" kind of message.
 
2013-10-03 12:28:26 AM  
And now a word from Funky Green Dogs, and the ghost of Peter Rauhofer:

RISE  UP
Put your faith in Jesus
RISE UP
He's got the power to heal us
RISE UP
He'll be all you ever need
RISE UP everybody RISE UP
 
2013-10-03 12:56:22 AM  
Gay men make me so angry I want to rise up!
 
2013-10-03 01:44:59 AM  
it sounds like the song from a really bad viagra commercial.
Rise up, its your destiny.
 
2013-10-03 02:17:59 AM  
You show me an ex-gay and I'll show you a bisexual.
 
2013-10-03 03:04:50 AM  
I have seen the singer in concert as I attended a small Baptist college in the early 90s.  Every one of his songs is this cheesy.  The problem is that lots of music ministers and worship leaders emulate this style to where most church music is overwrought yet bland.  This song brought back bad memories of chapel where he led several songs that sounded just like this one.  The crowd ate it up like nazis at a Nuremberg rally.  I was hoping for something with a bit more soul.  It was just one more thing that made me more skeptical about God, fundamentalism etc.  I am convinced that the singer, Dennis Jernigan, is gay.  Maybe he is celibate but this song sounded like a call for gay men to stand up and be proud.  I hope they do, and he does too.
 
2013-10-03 06:51:34 AM  
i'm not gay, but that song makes me want suck a few dicks. just sayin'
 
2013-10-03 07:35:00 AM  
That song made my tablet vibrate more than watching any you-tube vid.  That must be his trick.
 
2013-10-03 08:24:50 AM  
The piano riff sounded like Coldplay, which is already bad enough.  Then the singing started and it sounded exactly like every other lame Christian ballad I've ever heard.  Throw in the shots of him standing in the middle of a field, to reinforce the Real Murca angle, and you've got the whole gamut of craptastic derpitude.

I'm sure millions of gay people will finally shed their evil gayness now.
 
2013-10-03 12:16:18 PM  
embrace your destiiiiiiiiiiiineeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...

I've heard this chord in so many sappy feel-good songs.  Can any musical farkers give a name for it?
 
2013-10-03 12:51:44 PM  
Ummm, just going to leave this here...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MLsdJlfA23E
 
2013-10-03 01:21:53 PM  
As an incurable straight guy I can only say this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3j4t185wl-0
 
2013-10-03 02:28:15 PM  
Paging Ghastly to the thread.
 
2013-10-03 04:09:40 PM  
Can't watch it at work.  Anyone have the lyrics?
 
2013-10-03 06:29:09 PM  

bifford: embrace your destiiiiiiiiiiiineeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...

I've heard this chord in so many sappy feel-good songs.  Can any musical farkers give a name for it?


G sus4
 
2013-10-03 06:31:29 PM  
That was gayer than 2 guys blowing another guy.

Jeez man, just be who you are. It's cool, I don't have a problem with you being gay. Just be happy before you turn into one of those twisted in-denial farkers who ends up going off and doing something that we read about in the news.
 
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