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(Glendale News-Press)   That pretty box with the cute velvet drawstring? That's not a nice bottle of whiskey. It's grandma. Give her back   (glendalenewspress.com) divider line 27
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3008 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Oct 2013 at 4:25 PM (41 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



27 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-10-02 04:28:08 PM
i.dailymail.co.uk

/oblig
 
2013-10-02 04:30:00 PM
NCSB:

After my father in law died, a couple of friends of mine came with me to help clean out his house.  He had a shrine in his bedroom that included the urns of his late wife and his late oldest daughter.

So my friend picks one up and starts shaking it like it's a Xmas present.  "What do you suppose is in here?  You think it's worth something?!"
"Put that down you farking idiot!  That's my wife's mother!"

This, by all accounts, is a very smart guy.  How he had made it to 35 years old without ever having seen an urn before is beyond me.
 
2013-10-02 04:30:54 PM
Well, to be honest, grandma's about 70% whiskey anyway.
 
2013-10-02 04:31:03 PM
CSB:  my cousin was taken to task by other family members concerning the "ugly vase" on the mantle at the family home.   "Oh this?", he replied, shaking the vase. "This is Cutler" (his brother).
 
2013-10-02 04:32:09 PM
Whoa wait what?!  They left $6000 worth of stuff and Grandma in the backseat of the minivan for three farking days?!
 
2013-10-02 04:36:31 PM
Crown Royal is a nice bottle of whiskey?
 
2013-10-02 04:36:40 PM
Damn criminals. Always after what they failed to urn!
 
2013-10-02 04:39:27 PM

Apos: Damn criminals. Always after what they failed to urn!


I larfed.
 
2013-10-02 04:40:52 PM

Nina_Hartley's_Ass: Crown Royal is a nice bottle of whiskey?


Yeah, that's what I was going to ask as well.
I think people see "Crown Royal" and believe it has to be top shelf.

sshhhh... let them think that.
 
2013-10-02 04:47:08 PM
OK...but I already added the mixer.
 
2013-10-02 04:48:59 PM

faultytower: Whoa wait what?!  They left $6000 worth of stuff and Grandma in the backseat of the minivan for three farking days?!


Nothing says respect like storing somebody's ashes in the same place you store empty McDonald's wrappers, Starbucks cups and an over-priced designer purse.
 
2013-10-02 04:50:10 PM
This is some pretty bland chocolate milk mix.
 
2013-10-02 04:50:11 PM
Um, this might sound weird; but, what if one thought the ashes were cocain? Do they still want her back?
 
2013-10-02 04:51:16 PM

faultytower: Whoa wait what?!  They left $6000 worth of stuff and Grandma in the backseat of the minivan for three farking days?!


People usually aren't terribly rational after a close family member dies.
 
gja [TotalFark]
2013-10-02 04:54:02 PM

endmile: This is some pretty bland chocolate milk mix.


Well, she was white.

/ducks and runs
 
2013-10-02 04:56:36 PM
I'll bet they learned their lesson about leaving thousands of dollars worth of shiat in their farking minivan. Seriously, who does that?
 
2013-10-02 04:58:08 PM
dilbert.com
 
2013-10-02 04:58:23 PM
I accidentally drove around with my father's ashes in the trunk of my car for the better part of a year.
 
2013-10-02 05:09:37 PM

faultytower: Whoa wait what?!  They left $6000 worth of stuff and Grandma in the backseat of the minivan for three farking days?!


They were waiting for her to respawn and had her loot there so she could reequip quick?
 
2013-10-02 05:16:24 PM
Perhaps you ought not store grammy in the minivan.
 
2013-10-02 05:29:11 PM
yeah, the thieves didn't think it was cheap whiskey in that bag. Folks who are in to drugs often store their crack in crown royal bags.
 
2013-10-02 05:34:37 PM

WordyGrrl: faultytower: Whoa wait what?!  They left $6000 worth of stuff and Grandma in the backseat of the minivan for three farking days?!

Nothing says respect like storing somebody's ashes in the same place you store empty McDonald's wrappers, Starbucks cups and an over-priced designer purse.


Hey, when my family had our memorial service for my grandma, who'd been cremated in West Virginia, my aunt (also from WV) drove her to Michigan. The urn rode in the cupholder of the car.

Not the most respectful way to transport ashes, I guess, but you gotta do what you gotta do.

/Grandma always did love to travel...
 
2013-10-02 06:13:10 PM
The nice thing to do would be to just go buy this family another box and put some ashes in it and leave it anonymously for them.  The first thing I thought of doing was not the nice thing.

And hotdamnit they got that right.  Article would not have been complete without seeing a picture of what a non-cremated person may look like.  Now people can be on the lookout for ashes that used to look like that.
 
2013-10-02 07:14:35 PM
My dad is in a plastic box in the garage next to the motor oil.  Flew out 2100 miles to take care of him in at home hospice till he croaked even though both siblings lived within 10 miles of him.  Did all the disgusting end of life crap like bedpans, piss buddy containers every 45 minutes or so, and having him go ape on me in a brain tumor rage.  The siblings came over during the evenings and drank all his beer, ate all his food, and raided all his valuables.  They even went through my suitcase and constantly begged me for money.  I set up all the paperwork for the impending death and all the rest of the crap to include my agreement that I didn't need to see the body before baking.  Upon leaving the siblings they ensured me that they had it from there.

I get a call 30 days later from the mortuary letting me know that they have been trying to contact my siblings but they won't answer the phone or respond to mail.   Cuz they can't fire him up without their signoff for fear of lawsuit.  I was farking blown away.  It came down to me convincing my siblings to fax me their permission but they wouldn't do it if they had to help pay.  So I got cremation and a month of rent in the icebox, plus $25.00 or so for the black plastic box.  Mortuary was cool though.  After they heard my story they dropped most of the fridge fee so it dropped to about $1800 as I recall.

I'd chuck him in the trash, but to me he is worth $1800.  Maybe I can mix him with some plaster of paris and sculpt him into something embarrassing to sell on ebay. Maybe a fire hydrant.  Or I could mix them with water, boil it, add some fat, and make soap.  When I dug through the bag there were a lot of bone fragments though.

I'm sorry....  Were you eating?
 
2013-10-02 09:46:51 PM

ImmaHoopyFrood: I'd chuck him in the trash, but to me he is worth $1800. Maybe I can mix him with some plaster of paris and sculpt him into something embarrassing to sell on ebay. Maybe a fire hydrant. Or I could mix them with water, boil it, add some fat, and make soap. When I dug through the bag there were a lot of bone fragments though.

I'm sorry.... Were you eating?


Jello. Invite the less noble kin for the world's secretly creepiest barbecue..
 
2013-10-02 11:19:46 PM

Somaticasual: ImmaHoopyFrood: I'd chuck him in the trash, but to me he is worth $1800. Maybe I can mix him with some plaster of paris and sculpt him into something embarrassing to sell on ebay. Maybe a fire hydrant. Or I could mix them with water, boil it, add some fat, and make soap. When I dug through the bag there were a lot of bone fragments though.

I'm sorry.... Were you eating?

Jello. Invite the less noble kin for the world's secretly creepiest barbecue..



I was thinking send them a nice box of white chocolate fudge with walnuts next Christmas.....
 
2013-10-03 12:20:04 AM

faultytower: Whoa wait what?!  They left $6000 worth of stuff and Grandma in the backseat of the minivan for three farking days?!


Who the f*ck leaves their purse in their car?

Actually, my good friend used to do this all the time. Then her car got broken into in her driveway and she finally started bringing her shiat in the house. Oddly enough, the only thing those tweakers stole was her cell phone car charger. Not her purse, wallet, etc. Just a car charger.

/csb
 
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