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(ESPN)   Julian Bailes, neurosurgeon and a former team doctor for the Pittsburgh Steelers, has found a solution to the NFL's concussion problem: Woodpeckers   (espn.go.com) divider line 30
    More: Interesting, NFL, Julian Bailes, Steelers, concussion, Pittsburgh, Paul Tagliabue, woodpeckers, team physician  
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2076 clicks; posted to Sports » on 02 Oct 2013 at 1:53 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



30 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-10-02 01:58:13 PM  
Use woodpeckers to peck holes in the players' heads? That might work.
 
2013-10-02 02:02:25 PM  
I think I heard that argument on an episode of Beakman's World.

/...which first aired 20 years ago, folks...
 
2013-10-02 02:08:08 PM  
Julian Bailes


Whoa.  Did you that in Spanish, his name translates to "Julian Dances"?  Dude.  that is trippy.  Dude.  My melon is totally twisted.  I'm freaking out, man.  Julian Dances?
 
rka
2013-10-02 02:10:20 PM  
Uhm, there's no solution. This is a story about how the NFL ignored science and co-opted other scientists to carry their "nothing to see here" mantra forward.

Unless the answer is "play football with teams made up of small birds" there still is no solution to the fact that simply playing NFL football (no need for big hits, no need for highlight reel plays) causes your brain to turn to goo.

This book is going to be more damning than Game of Shadows was to MLB and steroids. The fact that the NFL settled before this book came out is damning enough.
 
2013-10-02 02:20:48 PM  
Nature essentially has turned the woodpecker into a shock absorber from beak to foot. The bird's uneven bill deflects much of the impact of its incessant head banging. A third interior eyelid prevents its eyeballs from popping out. The woodpecker's tongue is one of the most unusual features in nature. It extends from the back of the bird's mouth and through its right nostril, finally wrapping itself snugly around the entire crown of the head. Chinese researchers who subjected the great spotted woodpecker and the Eurasian hoopoe to super-slow-motion replay and CT scans concluded that the tongue serves as a kind of safety belt for the brain.

We just need to find a way to wrap our tongues around the crown of our head.  And also make helmets with uneven bills that deflect the impact.
 
2013-10-02 02:56:48 PM  
The woodpecker's tongue is one of the most unusual features in nature. It extends from the back of the bird's mouth and through its right nostril, finally wrapping itself snugly around the entire crown of the head

What

The

Fark?


drchoneydewcrm.files.wordpress.com

Holy shiat, they aren't lying...
 
2013-10-02 03:33:19 PM  

Mikey1969: The woodpecker's tongue is one of the most unusual features in nature. It extends from the back of the bird's mouth and through its right nostril, finally wrapping itself snugly around the entire crown of the head

What

The

Fark?

[drchoneydewcrm.files.wordpress.com image 572x526]

Holy shiat, they aren't lying...


Great thanks for that giant nightmare skull
 
2013-10-02 03:39:38 PM  
Everybody thinks I'm screwy!
Screwy as a loon, that's me!
When I get on the driving spree,
The coppers all get panicky!


Sounds like a guy with a clear case of CTE to me.
 
2013-10-02 03:47:03 PM  

Tooterfish: Mikey1969: The woodpecker's tongue is one of the most unusual features in nature. It extends from the back of the bird's mouth and through its right nostril, finally wrapping itself snugly around the entire crown of the head

What

The

Fark?

[drchoneydewcrm.files.wordpress.com image 572x526]

Holy shiat, they aren't lying...

Great thanks for that giant nightmare skull


Any time, glad I could help... :-)
 
2013-10-02 04:35:59 PM  

Tooterfish: Mikey1969: The woodpecker's tongue is one of the most unusual features in nature. It extends from the back of the bird's mouth and through its right nostril, finally wrapping itself snugly around the entire crown of the head

What

The

Fark?

[drchoneydewcrm.files.wordpress.com image 572x526]

Holy shiat, they aren't lying...

Great thanks for that giant nightmare skull


How about a real skull?

i4.photobucket.com 

Apparently, it's how they get the bugs out of the hole they make.
 
2013-10-02 04:50:28 PM  
No surprise here, The NFL had to use bad "science" to protect its product and profit margins.
 
2013-10-02 04:55:18 PM  
I see the WTF of the tongue has been covered already...
 
2013-10-02 04:57:25 PM  
"Julian Bailes, neurosurgeon and a former team doctor for the Pittsburgh Steelers, has found a solution to the NFL's concussion problem..."

So...steroids, then?
 
2013-10-02 05:11:27 PM  
But Guskiewicz had detected a faint glimmer of hope right after he left the meeting. He had run into Jeff Pash, the league's general counsel and the No. 2 executive at the NFL. Pash, much to his surprise, was complimentary.

"Keep doing what you're doing," he told Guskiewicz.

Guskiewicz came to believe the concussion summit was "the game changer, the turning point," but not for the reasons the NFL would cite in the statement he'd refused to sign. Guskiewicz realized that Goodell and Pash "were in the back of that room saying, 'I've got a freaking train wreck on my hands here.'"


Pretty obvious that the response was that it wasn't the science they cared about, it was the legal liability.  People?  Who cares!  Legal liability? Aw shiat, better word our contracts to protect us and do damage control to protect the brand
 
2013-10-02 05:20:40 PM  
Ha-ha-ha-HAAAAA HA!
Ha-ha-ha-HAAAAA HA!
Ha-ha-ha-HAAAAA HA!
 
2013-10-02 06:15:15 PM  

buckeyebrain: Ha-ha-ha-HAAAAA HA!
Ha-ha-ha-HAAAAA HA!
Ha-ha-ha-HAAAAA HA!


Goddamn, you beat me to it.
 
2013-10-02 06:22:00 PM  
Didn't George Washington have a wood pecker?
 
2013-10-02 07:05:03 PM  

Krymson Tyde: Didn't George Washington have a wood pecker?


Well, his wife had ivory teeth, so they were a perfect match, ebony and ivory, living together in perfect harmony...
 
2013-10-02 07:37:27 PM  

HighZoolander: Krymson Tyde: Didn't George Washington have a wood pecker?

Well, his wife had ivory teeth, so they were a perfect match, ebony and ivory, living together in perfect harmony...


You are black. I am white. Life's an Eskimo Pie. Let's grab a bite!
 
2013-10-02 08:10:38 PM  
Meanwhile at NFL Labs...

"Yes Gooddell, but where are we going to find a lathe at this hour?"

fc07.deviantart.net
 
2013-10-02 08:24:14 PM  

buckeyebrain: HighZoolander: Krymson Tyde: Didn't George Washington have a wood pecker?

Well, his wife had ivory teeth, so they were a perfect match, ebony and ivory, living together in perfect harmony...

You are black. I am white. Life's an Eskimo Pie. Let's grab a bite!


i232.photobucket.com
I am black and you are white
You're blind as a bat and I have sight
 
2013-10-02 08:41:17 PM  

Here Comes Everybody: buckeyebrain: Ha-ha-ha-HAAAAA HA!
Ha-ha-ha-HAAAAA HA!
Ha-ha-ha-HAAAAA HA!

Goddamn, you beat me to it.


I beat both of you to it, but was a little bit more obscure.
 
2013-10-03 05:44:51 AM  
The Schutt Air system was ment to mimic a woodpecker's head
 
2013-10-03 07:28:09 AM  
How about we just play the game except we go back to leather helmets and no shoulder pads?  The helmets aren't stopping concussions, they're encouraging them by giving the players an illusion of invulnerability.

Guarantee you'll see a lot less head shots taken when there's no facemask.
 
2013-10-03 01:34:08 PM  
The real solution? Rugby style tackling. Wrap em up and bring em down. No spearing or flying karamozov hits. Granted this leaves out the linemens' long term brain health, but it's a plausible start and I doubt anyone would consider Rugby a pussificaion of football considering the joke around the rest of the world is to call it American Armored wankball or some such...
 
2013-10-03 03:47:55 PM  

Sammythesax: The real solution? Rugby style tackling. Wrap em up and bring em down. No spearing or flying karamozov hits. Granted this leaves out the linemens' long term brain health, but it's a plausible start and I doubt anyone would consider Rugby a pussificaion of football considering the joke around the rest of the world is to call it American Armored wankball or some such...


Rugby players don't have brain damage? Or is it considered a pre-existing condition for them?
 
2013-10-03 04:29:36 PM  
It was a pretty interesting article up to this point:


The researchers who made this discovery -- you could count them on one hand -- thought NFL executives would embrace their findings, if only to make their product safer.


How the hell is anyone suppose to "make football" safer when this research essentially says "the very cornerstone of your sport {hitting} is causing health issue.....   The only real solution is to "change" the sport so much that it's no longer the same sport.
 
2013-10-03 07:51:19 PM  

Sammythesax: The real solution? Rugby style tackling. Wrap em up and bring em down. No spearing or flying karamozov hits. Granted this leaves out the linemens' long term brain health, but it's a plausible start and I doubt anyone would consider Rugby a pussificaion of football considering the joke around the rest of the world is to call it American Armored wankball or some such...


American football is a very different sport. You can't play American football without "dynamic" tackling.

Check out a play like this...how wide the receivers are at the snap, how fast the ball gets downfield to the reciever, and the position of the receiver and defender at the moment of reception. Rugby-style wrap-up tackles are useless against this.
 
2013-10-03 07:51:56 PM  
Sorry, Fark didn't like my gif:

http://i.imgur.com/Nh2szEC.gif
 
rka
2013-10-03 11:07:27 PM  

Strik3r: It was a pretty interesting article up to this point:


The researchers who made this discovery -- you could count them on one hand -- thought NFL executives would embrace their findings, if only to make their product safer.


How the hell is anyone suppose to "make football" safer when this research essentially says "the very cornerstone of your sport {hitting} is causing health issue.....   The only real solution is to "change" the sport so much that it's no longer the same sport.


Yes? And? Does this provoke some sort of conflict with you?
 
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