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(Telegraph)   France has invaded Switzerland. Or at least the Swiss military would like to think that   (telegraph.co.uk) divider line 41
    More: Amusing, Switzerland, tax collectors, bank secrecy, population size, Lausanne, invasions  
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5098 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Oct 2013 at 8:25 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



41 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-10-01 08:27:21 AM  
So, the Swiss military exercise was mostly teaching Swiss soldiers how to accept surrender?
 
2013-10-01 08:32:23 AM  
bedmagazine.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-10-01 08:33:13 AM  
It's probably a good thing when your war game scenarios have to be so ridiculous.
One of these, "Saônia," corresponding to the existing Jura region, was preparing attacks on Switzerland to retrieve money it had apparently swiped from France.
upload.wikimedia.org
Don't start a land war in Switzerland.
 
2013-10-01 08:33:31 AM  
Operation "Duplex-Barbara" sounds like somebody mixed up his war game notes and his divorce settlement.
 
2013-10-01 08:34:12 AM  
Welllllll..... guess the image size code is on the fritz again.
 
2013-10-01 08:37:45 AM  
So what? We have plans for just about everything from invading the Netherlands to bombing Penguins in Antarctica.
 
2013-10-01 08:39:25 AM  
'Worst vacation ever' said Pierre.
 
2013-10-01 08:42:50 AM  
I can't really blame them.  If you've ever seen the Bastille Day parade in Paris, all the tanks are painted in forest camouflage.  Because they are so worried about being invaded by Belgium and Spain?
 
2013-10-01 08:46:41 AM  
Hoping to read someone moved a desk from the French side to the Swiss side in the Geneva airport.
 
2013-10-01 08:49:59 AM  
The Swiss army is not to be messed with. They have those cool knives and will open your letters, file your nails, open your bottles, and if they spend enough time, find an actual blade and they will cut you!
 
2013-10-01 08:51:13 AM  

Seth'n'Spectrum: It's probably a good thing when your war game scenarios have to be so ridiculous.
One of these, "Saônia," corresponding to the existing Jura region, was preparing attacks on Switzerland to retrieve money it had apparently swiped from France.
[upload.wikimedia.org image 850x1280]
Don't start a land war in Switzerland.


Indeed. French military and Swiss military are so mismatched, that they have to hipothesize a split of France into smalled and more manageable entities. France is not much militarily compared to the USA, but it's nevertheless on a whole another level compared to Switzerland.
 
2013-10-01 08:53:02 AM  
I read as far as "Neufchâtel" and "Dijon", and then had to stop for a snack.
 
2013-10-01 08:59:46 AM  
The Swiss take their national defense pretty seriously, which is probably partly why they tend to not get invaded.

Aside from compulsory national service and mandatory arming of their reserve forces their entire country is set up to both make an invasion as hard as possible.

IIRC every important bridge in the country is built so it can be demolished at a moment's notice by putting explosives in pre-designed locations on the bridge. They then tend to have artillery posts built to  the hillsides overlooking the bridge so they can prevent enemy forces from carrying out repairs.


I don't know how well they would fare against an army with a strong air force capability but they certainly make themselves as unappealing a target for invasion as possible.
 
2013-10-01 09:07:09 AM  

Target Builder: The Swiss take their national defense pretty seriously, which is probably partly why they tend to not get invaded.

Aside from compulsory national service and mandatory arming of their reserve forces their entire country is set up to both make an invasion as hard as possible.

IIRC every important bridge in the country is built so it can be demolished at a moment's notice by putting explosives in pre-designed locations on the bridge. They then tend to have artillery posts built to  the hillsides overlooking the bridge so they can prevent enemy forces from carrying out repairs.


I don't know how well they would fare against an army with a strong air force capability but they certainly make themselves as unappealing a target for invasion as possible.


All that and you know... mountains.  They tend to make invasion a bit more difficult.
 
2013-10-01 09:10:52 AM  
wingnut396:

All that and you know... mountains.  They tend to make invasion a bit more difficult.

Mountains with extensive cave networks built into them for the purpose of storing weapons and accommodating insurgent forces in fortified barracks.
 
2013-10-01 09:14:01 AM  

Target Builder: wingnut396:

All that and you know... mountains.  They tend to make invasion a bit more difficult.

Mountains with extensive cave networks built into them for the purpose of storing weapons and accommodating insurgent forces in fortified barracks.


Either natural or artificial cave networks would do, and i'm betting the Swiss have been digging a few caves for this specific use for a while now.
 
2013-10-01 09:14:57 AM  

Target Builder: their entire country is set up to both make an invasion as hard as possible.


Yes, by holding the tax free bank accounts of most of the world's powerful, they can scotch an invasion without doing much at all.

Hitler needed the Swiss banks, and that's the only reason he didn't Anschluss Switzerland. It would have taken a week or two had he wanted it, and he would have had help from inside.
 
2013-10-01 09:21:29 AM  

CheekyMonkey: So, the Swiss military exercise was mostly teaching Swiss soldiers how to accept surrender?


Um...the Swiss have surrendered twice in recorded history.  Once to a fellow named Caesar and the other to a fellow named Bonaparte.
 
2013-10-01 09:23:49 AM  
A Swiss national and former member of the Swiss army is a good friend. He insists that their army is a joke, largely because of the number of people who are there due to its compulsory nature only. Also, they shout commands in swiss german, which is ridiculous.

http://www.learnoutloud.com/Free-Audio-Video/Languages/Other-Languag es /Swiss-German-Unit-1/41744

That said, getting past the exploding mountain bridges would be a biatch.
 
2013-10-01 09:29:07 AM  

theotherles: CheekyMonkey: So, the Swiss military exercise was mostly teaching Swiss soldiers how to accept surrender?

Um...the Swiss have surrendered twice in recorded history.  Once to a fellow named Caesar and the other to a fellow named Bonaparte.


Accept as in receive, not accept as in 'resign oneself to'.
 
2013-10-01 09:51:27 AM  

Target Builder: IIRC every important bridge in the country is built so it can be demolished at a moment's notice by putting explosives in pre-designed locations on the bridge. They then tend to have artillery posts built to  the hillsides overlooking the bridge so they can prevent enemy forces from carrying out repairs.


It is the same with all the mountain passes. Want to come in through the mountains, prepare for your route to get blown up and an avalanche to fall on your ass.
 
2013-10-01 10:04:58 AM  

theotherles: CheekyMonkey: So, the Swiss military exercise was mostly teaching Swiss soldiers how to accept surrender?

Um...the Swiss have surrendered twice in recorded history.  Once to a fellow named Caesar and the other to a fellow named Bonaparte.


media.tumblr.com
 
2013-10-01 10:11:45 AM  

Bandito King: A Swiss national and former member of the Swiss army is a good friend. He insists that their army is a joke, largely because of the number of people who are there due to its compulsory nature only. Also, they shout commands in swiss german, which is ridiculous.

http://www.learnoutloud.com/Free-Audio-Video/Languages/Other-Languag es /Swiss-German-Unit-1/41744

That said, getting past the exploding mountain bridges would be a biatch.


It is a shame when you think of the bravery and fortitude their military was once known for.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lion_Monument

Saw it last summer and was stunned that a carving could be so moving. The pain and anguish on the lion's face was absolutely heartbreaking to see.

And don't forget the Swiss guards are protecting Pope Francishttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swiss_Guard

I totally agree with you about Swiss German. We had an exchange student from that region live with us for a while. Whenever she spoke her native language it sounded like a mix of German, Dutch and the Swedish Chef. The only phrase we ever learned from her was "skala vacali chunt" (sp) which translates as the little yellow bus they use for taking away lunatics.
 
2013-10-01 10:14:53 AM  

theotherles: CheekyMonkey: So, the Swiss military exercise was mostly teaching Swiss soldiers how to accept surrender?

Um...the Swiss have surrendered twice in recorded history.  Once to a fellow named Caesar and the other to a fellow named Bonaparte.


You read Cheeky's comment wrong.
 
2013-10-01 10:18:27 AM  

TheAlgebraist: theotherles: CheekyMonkey: So, the Swiss military exercise was mostly teaching Swiss soldiers how to accept surrender?

Um...the Swiss have surrendered twice in recorded history.  Once to a fellow named Caesar and the other to a fellow named Bonaparte.

Accept as in receive, not accept as in 'resign oneself to'.


/Palm in own face.
 
2013-10-01 10:19:14 AM  

Slypork: Bandito King: A Swiss national and former member of the Swiss army is a good friend. He insists that their army is a joke, largely because of the number of people who are there due to its compulsory nature only. Also, they shout commands in swiss german, which is ridiculous.

http://www.learnoutloud.com/Free-Audio-Video/Languages/Other-Languag es /Swiss-German-Unit-1/41744

That said, getting past the exploding mountain bridges would be a biatch.

It is a shame when you think of the bravery and fortitude their military was once known for.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lion_Monument

Saw it last summer and was stunned that a carving could be so moving. The pain and anguish on the lion's face was absolutely heartbreaking to see.

And don't forget the Swiss guards are protecting Pope Francishttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swiss_Guard

I totally agree with you about Swiss German. We had an exchange student from that region live with us for a while. Whenever she spoke her native language it sounded like a mix of German, Dutch and the Swedish Chef. The only phrase we ever learned from her was "skala vacali chunt" (sp) which translates as the little yellow bus they use for taking away lunatics.


Really? You included two links, and neither went to pics/video of your swiss miss exchange student?

Like we don't know about the bedroom and shower cams.
 
2013-10-01 10:19:47 AM  

turboke: theotherles: CheekyMonkey: So, the Swiss military exercise was mostly teaching Swiss soldiers how to accept surrender?

Um...the Swiss have surrendered twice in recorded history.  Once to a fellow named Caesar and the other to a fellow named Bonaparte.

[media.tumblr.com image 400x400]


Yes. I get it now.  Thank You.

(Must go to DMV.)
 
2013-10-01 10:29:33 AM  
brimed03:

Really? You included two links, and neither went to pics/video of your swiss miss exchange student?

Like we don't know about the bedroom and shower cams.


Nope. She was 16 and a sweet kid. I was the over-protective "father" making sure she was always safe and threatening the teenage boys that were sniffing around.
 
2013-10-01 10:38:43 AM  

crab66: So what? We have plans for just about everything from invading the Netherlands to bombing Penguins in Antarctica.


But it's wrong when other people do it, so many Americans think.
 
2013-10-01 10:41:06 AM  
Dear subby, you are a moron. Military planners or strategists make all kinds of plans for all kinds of shiat. Like what happens if Canada or Mexico, or both invade the US. Sure it is highly unlikely, but the military mind likes to prepare for WTF just happened scenarios. Besides what else are you going to do with a few hundred thousand to a few million armed men and their support personnel? You make them do exercises, even if the exercises seem ridiculous it gives them something to do.

I mean I guess you could go invade a shiat hole third country for fun and profit, but that really pisses pussy socialists off.
 
2013-10-01 11:01:22 AM  
Take a page out of the AMerican playbook, Switzerland.

The idea of a zombie apocalypse is just as far fetched and make a great hypothetical enemy that no one can raise an eyebrow at.

/Teams of Mexican and Canadian zombies...
 
2013-10-01 11:02:43 AM  
They had brotherly love - they had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce?
www.seriemaniac.com
 
2013-10-01 11:13:22 AM  
It's happened before, by the way, 143 years ago.

http://www.bourbaki.ch/de/index.html

www.panoramafoto.ch
 
2013-10-01 11:37:03 AM  

Slypork: t is a shame when you think of the bravery and fortitude their military was once known for.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lion_Monument


Holy shiat, that is intense.
 
2013-10-01 11:53:59 AM  

Target Builder: The Swiss take their national defense pretty seriously, which is probably partly why they tend to not get invaded.


Well, they're surrounded by Germany, France, Italy, and Austria, each of which at one point has tried to conquer Europe.  So, yeah.  You'd take national defense pretty seriously, too.
 
2013-10-01 12:07:24 PM  

MBooda: It's happened before, by the way, 143 years ago.

http://www.bourbaki.ch/de/index.html

[www.panoramafoto.ch image 364x200]


Damn, I was right there and missed seeing that. Have to go back.
 
2013-10-01 12:17:49 PM  
padraig
Indeed. French military and Swiss military are so mismatched, that they have to hipothesize a split of France into smalled and more manageable entities. France is not much militarily compared to the USA, but it's nevertheless on a whole another level compared to Switzerland.


Yes, but the Swiss get a x3 terrain defense bonus - or even x4.5 if there are mountain rivers.
If they park experienced AEGIS cruisers in their cities next to mountain lakes and add a SAM battery, they're basically unconquerable.

/Freeciv
 
2013-10-01 12:21:24 PM  
They go to great lengths to protect that chocolate.
 
2013-10-01 12:24:10 PM  

YixilTesiphon: Slypork: t is a shame when you think of the bravery and fortitude their military was once known for.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lion_Monument

Holy shiat, that is intense.


Not much difference between the French revolutionaries and the chimpanzees running around in Syria.  There's a big surprise.
 
2013-10-01 12:24:17 PM  
What it wasn't the dirty dirty Americans?
 
2013-10-02 01:03:49 AM  

Smoking GNU: Target Builder: wingnut396:

All that and you know... mountains.  They tend to make invasion a bit more difficult.

Mountains with extensive cave networks built into them for the purpose of storing weapons and accommodating insurgent forces in fortified barracks.

Either natural or artificial cave networks would do, and i'm betting the Swiss have been digging a few caves for this specific use for a while now.


Don't forget that the majority of homes, schools, and public building have bunkers. However, if you don't care about occupying the country, all you have to do is destroy the nuclear plants and let the mountains and rivers do the rest.
 
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