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(Gawker)   Silicon Valley startup's approach to team photos is positively Stalinist   (valleywag.gawker.com) divider line 15
    More: Interesting, Stalinists  
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12448 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Sep 2013 at 8:07 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Voting Results (Funniest)
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2013-09-30 08:33:36 AM  
7 votes:
Good morning employees. Here are the announcements. Shelly in Accounting no longer works here. She was detained by security for questioning and made several statements disparaging our great company. She was declared and enemy of the company in an emergency board meeting and dismissed. And she stole many pens and paperclips whose value was great. You will never mention her name again.

Eric in IT has been dismissed. He was caught by security making illegal backups of proprietary company information. This type of offense cannot be taken lightly in this day of industrial espionage. While questioned, he admitted he was a rogue agent for our avowed enemy, Happy Drum and Cymbal Company. This lack of loyalty to the company cannot be tolerated. He was discharged immediately in to the black of the night. He has no health care. He has no reserves of cash to live on. We will fight his unemployment application and we will win. He will be homeless and destitute by the end of the week. All for what, Eric? All for what? Do not mention Eric again.

And finally, on a note of happiness and much joy, we will welcome Sandy in to our midst. She is a competent and productive accounting worker who has a specialty in long term amortization and depreciation. She has pledged her very heart to our great company. We shall all welcome her and remind her of our rules.

That is all.
2013-09-30 09:42:21 AM  
4 votes:
No, I'm rubbish at photoshop
2013-09-30 08:44:41 AM  
3 votes:
Yesterday, at SocialWire,
I met a man they didn't hire.
He wasn't there again today
I wish, I wish he'd go away...

When I went there today at three
The man was waiting there for me
But when I looked around the hall
I couldn't see him there at all!
Go away, go away, don't you come back any more!
Go away, go away, and please don't slam the door... (slam!)

Last night I saw at SW Co.
A little man that they'd let go
He wasn't there again today
Oh, how I wish he'd go away

(apologies to Hughes Mearns)
2013-09-30 12:35:53 PM  
2 votes:

dionysusaur: I sell (my) Electronics and Firmware design services - about as abstract as it gets - and I know you don't care what I look like.

Judging from your FARK handle, I assume you look like this:

2013-09-30 10:15:46 AM  
2 votes:

zyrian: I would call it Orwellian / Ministry of Truth-ish more than Stalinist.

"Stalinist" conjures up suppression of dissent  more than manipulation of historical facts (although there was that, too).

Are you a rock star, ninja, or guru, bro? Or are you a chick who's ready to lean in? We're looking for passionate employees who are a good cultural fit.
2013-09-30 08:18:22 AM  
2 votes:
They auditioned for soap opera roles in NYC?
2013-09-30 12:34:13 PM  
1 votes:
I bet the NSA hires the lot of them.
2013-09-30 11:18:46 AM  
1 votes:
Memo from Human Resources...

Dear Management:

Due to the fact that our shareholders have seen a lot of shoops in there day, please make a point of hiring larger replacements for employees who have been terminated or left the company on their own volition.  Please don't go overboard though, think reverse Russian Stacking dolls with a slow progression.  Given our turnover rate we hope to avoid an office full of the grotesquely morbid obesity until 2025 at the earliest.

Thank you,

The H.R. Team
2013-09-30 11:13:08 AM  
1 votes:
Former employees are exiled, and years later, an assassin sticks an ice axe in their heads?

2013-09-30 10:43:42 AM  
1 votes:
This looks shopped.
2013-09-30 10:23:45 AM  
1 votes:
As long as it's positively Stalinist, I suppose it's OK.
2013-09-30 10:23:07 AM  
1 votes:

zyrian: I would call it Orwellian / Ministry of Truth-ish more than Stalinist.

"Stalinist" conjures up suppression of dissent  more than manipulation of historical facts (although there was that, too).


2013-09-30 09:25:53 AM  
1 votes:
Never understood the fetish for team photos. Biz card photos are even worse - mainly because the people most interested in pressing a copy of their face into your hand are people you'd rather not look at in the first place.
2013-09-30 08:24:42 AM  
1 votes:

AverageAmericanGuy: They auditioned for soap opera roles in NYC?

2013-09-30 08:09:12 AM  
1 votes:
They're negotiating a non-aggression pact with Germany?
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