If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Gawker)   Senator Ted Cruz taunts his political opponents with a chess analogy. Unfortunately, nobody ever taught him the rules of chess   (gawker.com) divider line 44
    More: Dumbass, Ted Cruz, rules of chess, dissidents, chess matches, chess game, analogy, senator  
•       •       •

7004 clicks; posted to Politics » on 30 Sep 2013 at 12:40 AM (50 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2013-09-29 08:38:04 PM
11 votes:
Having a fancy chess set and a vague and not entirely accurate understanding of the rules of chess seems to fit him perfectly.
2013-09-29 09:44:41 PM
6 votes:
Who Ted Cruz thinks he is:

i140.photobucket.com

What Ted Cruz actually is:

i140.photobucket.com
2013-09-29 09:08:53 PM
6 votes:
I can't tell which are the knights and bishops, but at the very least, if anyone is wondering, the white queen and king are on the wrong squares and their position should be reversed.

Anything I'm missing, other than Cruz being a massive d-bag?
2013-09-29 11:03:45 PM
4 votes:
So he doesn't understand chess of Green Eggs and Ham.  I imagine he was the type of kid who slapped the pieces off the board when he started losing at CandyLand.
2013-09-30 01:12:16 AM
3 votes:

Sid_6.7: Who Ted Cruz thinks he is:

[i140.photobucket.com image 625x502]

What Ted Cruz actually is:

[i140.photobucket.com image 640x480]


Remember, Hannity bought a painting from this guy for $300,000.  And this is why so many people in the world hate American Republicans so badly.  This is what they'll go through because they believe it will annoy liberals.

We should convince them that making the country better for everybody, rather than just a very VERY small number, will annoy the hell out of us.
2013-09-30 12:50:02 AM
3 votes:
www.washingtonpost.com
"No, see, I'm trying to say that the game is stacked against Obama, and the sooner he realizes this, the better. I hold all the cards. Or something."
2013-09-30 06:43:59 AM
2 votes:

Draq: The best part is, if the board WERE correctly set up, his king would be exposed to a two move checkmate.


Seems like a perfect metaphor for the entire GOP strategy. Change the rules - because there's no way your strategy can succeed if everything is fair.
2013-09-30 01:42:19 AM
2 votes:

super_grass: ox45tallboy: super_grass: Next up: how Cruz eats crackers like he owns the place.

[s1.ibtimes.com image 500x339]
"If you like the crackers you have, you get to keep them."

Offer not valid in all 57 states.


60 states.

(still continues to amuse me that those who attempt to belittle President Obama do so while failing basic arithmetic.)
2013-09-30 12:58:39 AM
2 votes:
Candyland would be challenging to him. And he would probably cheat at it as well.
2013-09-29 09:49:00 PM
2 votes:
Is it just me, or do the pawns look like they're on the toilet dropping a deuce?
2013-09-29 09:37:38 PM
2 votes:

Sgt Otter: TheOmni: Having a fancy chess set and a vague and not entirely accurate understanding of the rules of chess seems to fit him perfectly.

It too can be yours, for the low, low price of $799.95!

http://www.hammacher.com/Product/Default.aspx?sku=12025


Wow, they get the King/Queen positions reversed in the official picture as well.
2013-09-29 09:14:08 PM
2 votes:

Sid_6.7: I can't tell which are the knights and bishops, but at the very least, if anyone is wondering, the white queen and king are on the wrong squares and their position should be reversed.

Anything I'm missing, other than Cruz being a massive d-bag?


That's all I saw, too. Queen goes on color. I'm with you on being able to tell the knights and bishops apart.
2013-09-30 12:04:12 PM
1 votes:

Peki: Don't Troll Me Bro!: Sgt Otter: TheOmni: Having a fancy chess set and a vague and not entirely accurate understanding of the rules of chess seems to fit him perfectly.

It too can be yours, for the low, low price of $799.95!

http://www.hammacher.com/Product/Default.aspx?sku=12025

Or, for the same price, you could buy the strongest tabletop chess computer available and always have an opponent (whom you will almost certainly never outgrow), and still have enough left over to outfit a school chess club with enough supplies to have 10 games being played at the same time, including analog clocks.

/I just never understood the fancy chess sets
//probably since most places I've seen them are in households where nobody is a serious student of the game

I'm not a serious student, but a grand master said I was decent for being self-taught. One of the things I've always imagined having in my house is a crystal chess set on my living room coffee table. I had one; fricking parents sold it during a garage sale 'cause they needed cash for credit card bills. Thanks, Obama.

/half-kidding. The recession is why the 'rents had a garage sale, but I don't think it was Obama's fault.


If you want a nice set for your sitting room, I recommend a good Staunton set in wood with matching board. It's classic, it's regulation, and makes you appear a more serious player to anyone who knows any better. Practically everything else is gauche crap.
2013-09-30 08:23:01 AM
1 votes:
He should have done this. Just as wrong, but a more accurate message:

www.bitlogic.com
2013-09-30 05:53:37 AM
1 votes:

Shadowknight: grumpfuff: wha... WTF is that supposed to mean?!

Also, so much this..I just..need to know. What. The. Fark.

I hate to link to this wackadoo, but his site is worth the look just to know that someone with undeniable talent can indeed be very, very crazy.


Talent? Well, he's decent at illustration, but for artistic merit, even the old Soviet propaganda posters blow his cheesy schtick right out of the water. He's the teabagger Thomas Kinkade.
2013-09-30 04:14:02 AM
1 votes:
The best part is, if the board WERE correctly set up, his king would be exposed to a two move checkmate.
2013-09-30 03:31:27 AM
1 votes:
fxowen.files.wordpress.com

+

www.savingwithshellie.com

=

www.wbez.org
2013-09-30 02:46:40 AM
1 votes:

Sid_6.7: Uranus Is Huge!: Sid_6.7: Who Ted Cruz thinks he is:

[i140.photobucket.com image 625x502]

Is that Boris Becker? Are the wolves on his shirt in the original?

No, I added the Wolves a while back during a thread where someone posted the original.

Here is the original is all of it's stupid glory:

[www.thegatewaypundit.com image 550x441]

Painted by a man who likely masturbates to Tom Clancy novels.


I like this one.

scontent-b-sjc.xx.fbcdn.net
2013-09-30 02:40:50 AM
1 votes:
rationalwiki.org
/oblig
2013-09-30 02:33:34 AM
1 votes:

Sid_6.7: Then you can be grateful I PS'd the shirt into the image.


Perhaps a better macro would have been "I prefer it your way". It really adds to the piece, and that meme was just what came to mind. Awesome job on the 'shop, btw.

Sid_6.7: Also, if you can't see how the filters work, then you should come off your mod high-horse and dwell in the land of the peons. The view is much better here.


Absolute honesty, I used the same method he did to bypass the filter. No mod trick or anything. My posts get filtered like everyone else's.
2013-09-30 01:53:17 AM
1 votes:

Bonanza Jellybean: How could anyone tell with such a garish set? Still, it's clear he didn't learn the little mnemonic "Queen on her colour."


The Queen is the only one with hooters in that chess set..

/although to be fair, Cruz is a Republican, so he probably thought that the big, tall, thick, meaty, masculine piece is the important one that goes on its own color, and didn't even notice that other piece's bewbz
2013-09-30 01:42:21 AM
1 votes:

tbhouston: What does Ted Cruz have against white queens


He's probably in the closet.
2013-09-30 01:41:15 AM
1 votes:
In an effort to look brighter than he is Ted Cruz only ends up proving what a moron he actually is?

Meh, not as funny as his not knowing the ending to Green Eggs and Ham but still sorta lulzy.

Sorta off topic but Is there a single picture of Cruz available that doesn't send my gaydar off like a 4 alarm fire?
2013-09-30 01:38:05 AM
1 votes:

Apik0r0s: The Queen not being on her color and the King being on his own (as in this setup) is not inconsequential, at all. This becomes more apparent in the late game, at the other end of the board.


cdn01.cdn.justjared.com
"Yes, indeed it does."
2013-09-30 01:19:22 AM
1 votes:
img28.imageshack.us It's the old Kobayashi Maru Gambit.img13.imageshack.us
2013-09-30 01:12:40 AM
1 votes:
He's playing a rousing game of pigeon chess.

\He's the bird
2013-09-30 01:04:47 AM
1 votes:
"Listen, I know the liberal strategy is to hang out in Australia, but I'm sure Asia will greet my pieces as liberators."
2013-09-30 01:01:43 AM
1 votes:

powhound: I'm quite surprised that the chess board he uses shows an elevated sense of equality between the king and the queen.


blogs.e-rockford.com
"Not to mention the lowered starting position of the pawns. I mean, who gives a f*ck about the pawns? They're just pawns in the game! Get it?"
2013-09-30 12:59:12 AM
1 votes:

Jim_Callahan: To be fair, if he'd also reversed the black side then the game would still be properly set, the important parts is that the royal pieces be mirrored across the center-line (the king faces the king and the queen faces the queen). The specifics of how this is accomplished don't actually alter how the game plays.


No, not really. There is a correct way, which involves the queens being on their own color. When games are recorded using notation, they assume that the board is set up that way.

It's sort of like molecular chirality. "It's exactly the same, just reversed!" doesn't mean much.
2013-09-30 12:59:07 AM
1 votes:
The Zap Brannigan quotes make this thread.
2013-09-30 12:59:00 AM
1 votes:

Philip J. Fry: Likely an underzealous staffer running the twitter account.


www.usnews.com
"Please. I run my own Twitter account. I mean, how hard is it to type out a message? I'm not going to waste resources o"
2013-09-30 12:58:43 AM
1 votes:
I'm quite surprised that the chess board he uses shows an elevated sense of equality between the king and the queen.
2013-09-30 12:56:14 AM
1 votes:
media.heavy.com
"Queen to queen's level 3."
2013-09-30 12:53:36 AM
1 votes:
In the game of chess you must never let your adversary see your pieces.
i1.ytimg.com
2013-09-30 12:53:02 AM
1 votes:

RedPhoenix122: Is it just me, or do the pawns look like they're on the toilet dropping a deuce?


That is the second thing I thought after 'which one is the bishop and which is the knight jesus fark this is a badly designed chess set.'
2013-09-30 12:52:14 AM
1 votes:

PainInTheASP: MaudlinMutantMollusk: Checkmate!

/now King me!

Heyyyyy, you sank my battleship!


I've drunkenly tried to combine battleship and twister, just so I could use the phrase "You sunk my right hand red!" Sadly I was too busy drinking to work out the exact rules of twistership.
2013-09-30 12:48:38 AM
1 votes:

parasol: used to teach chess to children
"queen on HER color"

what a nit - think he knows there are "skatey-eight" urban children under the age of 10 who could whip his butt?

meh


To be fair, if he'd also reversed the black side then the game would still be properly set, the important parts is that the royal pieces be mirrored across the center-line (the king faces the king and the queen faces the queen).  The specifics of how this is accomplished don't actually alter how the game plays.
2013-09-29 11:23:51 PM
1 votes:
If we hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominoes should fall like a house of cards. Checkmate.
2013-09-29 11:17:23 PM
1 votes:
used to teach chess to children
"queen on HER color"

what a nit - think he knows there are "skatey-eight" urban children under the age of 10 who could whip his butt?

meh
2013-09-29 11:06:28 PM
1 votes:

MaudlinMutantMollusk: shanrick: I know what the horse is! Does it move two steps forward and one to the side or is it one step forward and one to the diagonal?

Yes


Oh, you just taunt me like that. You must have something up your sleeve.

On another note, whenever I'm playing someone I haven't played before, I always halt the game just before we start and cough a little and say I have to straighten out my pieces. Then I touch each one, even if they are centered and it is redundant to center them in their squares.
Someone less astute would be distracted by this maneuver and would ponder why I did that.
In the mean time I have already stolen their VCR and escaped out the window.
2013-09-29 10:10:11 PM
1 votes:

Sid_6.7: Who Ted Cruz thinks he is:

[i140.photobucket.com image 625x502]

What Ted Cruz actually is:

[i140.photobucket.com image 640x480]


Ted Cruz is no where near as cool as the Icy Hot Stuntaz.
2013-09-29 10:08:01 PM
1 votes:
Y'all all misunderstand. As a gesture to his feminist constituents, Cruz made a female the king.
2013-09-29 09:26:55 PM
1 votes:

Benevolent Misanthrope: WTF are you talking about???  Everyone knows you can move a pawn 2 squares on the first move!


The board is incorrectly set up.
2013-09-29 09:22:28 PM
1 votes:

fusillade762: Queen goes on color.


i always forget this part
 
Displayed 44 of 44 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report