If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Gawker)   Senator Ted Cruz taunts his political opponents with a chess analogy. Unfortunately, nobody ever taught him the rules of chess   (gawker.com) divider line 242
    More: Dumbass, Ted Cruz, rules of chess, dissidents, chess matches, chess game, analogy, senator  
•       •       •

7004 clicks; posted to Politics » on 30 Sep 2013 at 12:40 AM (46 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



242 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | » | Last | Show all
 
2013-09-30 12:53:36 AM
In the game of chess you must never let your adversary see your pieces.
i1.ytimg.com
 
2013-09-30 12:53:52 AM

Sgt Otter: That's quite the set of double Ds on Lady Justice.


He must have purchased that set after Ashcroft left office.
 
2013-09-30 12:55:24 AM

Uranus Is Huge!: Sid_6.7: Who Ted Cruz thinks he is:

[i140.photobucket.com image 625x502]

Is that Boris Becker? Are the wolves on his shirt in the original?


No, I added the Wolves a while back during a thread where someone posted the original.

Here is the original is all of it's stupid glory:

www.thegatewaypundit.com

Painted by a man who likely masturbates to Tom Clancy novels.
 
2013-09-30 12:56:14 AM
media.heavy.com
"Queen to queen's level 3."
 
2013-09-30 12:58:39 AM
Candyland would be challenging to him. And he would probably cheat at it as well.
 
2013-09-30 12:58:43 AM
I'm quite surprised that the chess board he uses shows an elevated sense of equality between the king and the queen.
 
2013-09-30 12:59:00 AM

Philip J. Fry: Likely an underzealous staffer running the twitter account.


www.usnews.com
"Please. I run my own Twitter account. I mean, how hard is it to type out a message? I'm not going to waste resources o"
 
2013-09-30 12:59:07 AM
The Zap Brannigan quotes make this thread.
 
2013-09-30 12:59:12 AM

Jim_Callahan: To be fair, if he'd also reversed the black side then the game would still be properly set, the important parts is that the royal pieces be mirrored across the center-line (the king faces the king and the queen faces the queen). The specifics of how this is accomplished don't actually alter how the game plays.


No, not really. There is a correct way, which involves the queens being on their own color. When games are recorded using notation, they assume that the board is set up that way.

It's sort of like molecular chirality. "It's exactly the same, just reversed!" doesn't mean much.
 
2013-09-30 01:00:38 AM

iamjustsyd: Candyland would be challenging to him. And he would probably cheat at it as well.


I imagine him as a munchkin.

"You know, I can climb up the slide on the playground, so there's no rational reason why my piece can't climb the chutes AND the ladders!"
 
2013-09-30 01:01:43 AM

powhound: I'm quite surprised that the chess board he uses shows an elevated sense of equality between the king and the queen.


blogs.e-rockford.com
"Not to mention the lowered starting position of the pawns. I mean, who gives a f*ck about the pawns? They're just pawns in the game! Get it?"
 
2013-09-30 01:02:03 AM
"Sorry!  I don't think so.  A Real American never apologizes."
 
2013-09-30 01:02:30 AM

BuckTurgidson: Republicanism

[i14.photobucket.com image 640x360]

WIINNING!


Um... I know why I, as someone employed by another institution in the sate, make fun of Perry for going to A&M.  But what's your beef with the school, exactly?

//I mean, the dog-sweater is stupid, but that picture's no dumber than what any other college student was wearing at the time.
 
2013-09-30 01:02:52 AM
"They call it the Game of Life, but where's the square where I receive millions of dollars in laundered campaign donations from foreign businesses?  This game is nothing like real life."
 
2013-09-30 01:04:47 AM
"Listen, I know the liberal strategy is to hang out in Australia, but I'm sure Asia will greet my pieces as liberators."
 
2013-09-30 01:06:24 AM

Sid_6.7: I can't tell which are the knights and bishops, but at the very least, if anyone is wondering, the white queen and king are on the wrong squares and their position should be reversed.

Anything I'm missing, other than Cruz being a massive d-bag?


Yeah, I was having trouble seeing what was wrong because I can't zoom in on my phone and those dammed custom sets can be so confusing sometimes... I like them, but often the pieces make no sense. It's not as bad as some sets I've seen, though.
 
2013-09-30 01:06:55 AM

Mentat: iamjustsyd: Candyland would be challenging to him. And he would probably cheat at it as well.

I imagine him as a munchkin.

"You know, I can climb up the slide on the playground, so there's no rational reason why my piece can't climb the chutes AND the ladders!"


s3.amazonaws.com
"Jeesh, people, if you put your hands like this, you can walk right up the chutes! That rule doesn't make any sense!"
 
2013-09-30 01:08:27 AM

Sid_6.7: It's sort of like molecular chirality. "It's exactly the same, just reversed!" doesn't mean much.


Chirality makes a functional difference in how molecules can interact.  Mirroring the chess board does not change how the game can proceed, you have the exact same set of potential pathways either way.

Notational convenience is a reasonable point, though.  I was thinking in terms of the game itself, not the recording and automation process of the game theory/computer versions.  Fair enough.
 
2013-09-30 01:08:27 AM
media.screened.com
"Except I never could get Ted Cruz to learn the most important lesson."

"What's that?"

"Futility. That there's a time when you should just give up."

"How do you make it play itself?"
 
2013-09-30 01:08:48 AM

Shostie: Benevolent Misanthrope: WTF are you talking about???  Everyone knows you can move a pawn 2 squares on the first move!

The board is incorrectly set up.


I think you missed the joke...
 
2013-09-30 01:10:15 AM

RedPhoenix122: shanrick: I know what the horse is! Does it move two steps forward and one to the side or is it one step forward and one to the diagonal?

It's 2 steps to the side and 1 forward.


Except for when it's one to the side and two forward.
 
2013-09-30 01:12:16 AM

Sid_6.7: Who Ted Cruz thinks he is:

[i140.photobucket.com image 625x502]

What Ted Cruz actually is:

[i140.photobucket.com image 640x480]


Remember, Hannity bought a painting from this guy for $300,000.  And this is why so many people in the world hate American Republicans so badly.  This is what they'll go through because they believe it will annoy liberals.

We should convince them that making the country better for everybody, rather than just a very VERY small number, will annoy the hell out of us.
 
2013-09-30 01:12:40 AM
He's playing a rousing game of pigeon chess.

\He's the bird
 
2013-09-30 01:14:18 AM

The Lone Gunman: Sid_6.7: Who Ted Cruz thinks he is:

[i140.photobucket.com image 625x502]

What Ted Cruz actually is:

[i140.photobucket.com image 640x480]

Remember, Hannity bought a painting from this guy for $300,000.  And this is why so many people in the world hate American Republicans so badly.  This is what they'll go through because they believe it will annoy liberals.

We should convince them that making the country better for everybody, rather than just a very VERY small number, will annoy the hell out of us.


I actually foresee a new generation of very wealthy hipsters who would put that on their mantle to be ironic.
 
2013-09-30 01:16:19 AM
Next up: how Cruz eats crackers like he owns the place.
 
2013-09-30 01:17:39 AM
Perhaps it's time for a new analogy? Does Sen. Cruz have good aji? Go!
 
2013-09-30 01:18:23 AM
I know that the very Boobieser mentioned the queen's tits, but I came here for the specific purpose of commenting on what an awesome rack the queen has, and god dammit I will do so.

That queen has some fantastic tits.
 
2013-09-30 01:18:34 AM

super_grass: Next up: how Cruz eats crackers like he owns the place.


yawn........
 
2013-09-30 01:19:22 AM
img28.imageshack.us It's the old Kobayashi Maru Gambit.img13.imageshack.us
 
2013-09-30 01:19:36 AM
I've got 6 aces, so I've got him beat unless he can score a touchdown in the 3rd power play of this inning.
 
2013-09-30 01:19:51 AM
Wow, I forgot about the whole "boobies" thing. I'm actually okay with the way it worked out.
 
2013-09-30 01:20:12 AM

ScaryBottles: super_grass: Next up: how Cruz eats crackers like he owns the place.

yawn........


Those two minutes can really make you tired.
 
2013-09-30 01:21:00 AM

shanrick: MaudlinMutantMollusk: shanrick: I know what the horse is! Does it move two steps forward and one to the side or is it one step forward and one to the diagonal?

Yes

Oh, you just taunt me like that. You must have something up your sleeve.

On another note, whenever I'm playing someone I haven't played before, I always halt the game just before we start and cough a little and say I have to straighten out my pieces. Then I touch each one, even if they are centered and it is redundant to center them in their squares.
Someone less astute would be distracted by this maneuver and would ponder why I did that.
In the mean time I have already stolen their VCR and escaped out the window.


DAMMIT!

I'd just cleaned the monitor, too.
 
2013-09-30 01:21:15 AM
31.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-09-30 01:23:32 AM

super_grass: Next up: how Cruz eats crackers like he owns the place.


s1.ibtimes.com
"If you like the crackers you have, you get to keep them."
 
2013-09-30 01:25:01 AM

ox45tallboy: super_grass: Next up: how Cruz eats crackers like he owns the place.

[s1.ibtimes.com image 500x339]
"If you like the crackers you have, you get to keep them."


Offer not valid in all 57 states.
 
2013-09-30 01:31:01 AM

TheOmni: Having a fancy chess set and a vague and not entirely accurate understanding of the rules of chess seems to fit him perfectly.


And we're done. That picture really does summarize Ted Cruz. The fact that he gleefully posted it as if it had substantial meaning makes it that much more humorous.

"Hi! I bought this chess set from Hammacher Schlemmer because it was $800 and I thought it would make me look smart if I set it up in my office. Sure, it's set up incorrectly, and sure, I didn't know that, but, hey, it's expensive and I look smart sending pictures of it to demonstrate how I thought halting the progress of an entire nation simply to indulge in my half-baked stupidity, so, hey, money well spent!"

What a friggin' tool.
 
2013-09-30 01:33:30 AM
Pretty sneaky, sis!
 
2013-09-30 01:35:35 AM

zerkalo: Pretty sneaky, sis!


It's Me-TROCITY.

/black maammmmmbaaaaa
 
2013-09-30 01:36:14 AM

Apik0r0s: Jim_Callahan: Chirality makes a functional difference in how molecules can interact.  Mirroring the chess board does not change how the game can proceed, you have the exact same set of potential pathways either way.

The Queen not being on her color and the King being on his own (as in this setup) is not inconsequential, at all. This becomes more apparent in the late game, at the other end of the board.


he's playing good patriotic American chess, not that sissified European perversion where women don't know their place
 
2013-09-30 01:38:05 AM

Apik0r0s: The Queen not being on her color and the King being on his own (as in this setup) is not inconsequential, at all. This becomes more apparent in the late game, at the other end of the board.


cdn01.cdn.justjared.com
"Yes, indeed it does."
 
2013-09-30 01:38:50 AM
Seriously, what a friggin' tool.
 
2013-09-30 01:41:15 AM
In an effort to look brighter than he is Ted Cruz only ends up proving what a moron he actually is?

Meh, not as funny as his not knowing the ending to Green Eggs and Ham but still sorta lulzy.

Sorta off topic but Is there a single picture of Cruz available that doesn't send my gaydar off like a 4 alarm fire?
 
2013-09-30 01:41:32 AM
What does Ted Cruz have against white queens
 
2013-09-30 01:42:19 AM

super_grass: ox45tallboy: super_grass: Next up: how Cruz eats crackers like he owns the place.

[s1.ibtimes.com image 500x339]
"If you like the crackers you have, you get to keep them."

Offer not valid in all 57 states.


60 states.

(still continues to amuse me that those who attempt to belittle President Obama do so while failing basic arithmetic.)
 
2013-09-30 01:42:21 AM

tbhouston: What does Ted Cruz have against white queens


He's probably in the closet.
 
2013-09-30 01:43:38 AM

LordOfThePings:


I less than three thee
 
2013-09-30 01:44:50 AM
Why do all of the pawns look like girls in the white sex trade?
 
2013-09-30 01:46:17 AM

NewportBarGuy: Why do all of the pawns look like girls in the white sex trade?


It's a barrister's chess set. To lawyers, they're all whores.
 
2013-09-30 01:47:02 AM

Apik0r0s: Jim_Callahan: Chirality makes a functional difference in how molecules can interact.  Mirroring the chess board does not change how the game can proceed, you have the exact same set of potential pathways either way.

The Queen not being on her color and the King being on his own (as in this setup) is not inconsequential, at all. This becomes more apparent in the late game, at the other end of the board.


No this is bigger than simple chess rules don't you see? The wrong color pieces are on the wrong colored spaces. You see! I mean the most well known drug head right now is Aaron Paul, and the most well know president right now is Obama. This is just Cruz telling everyone that its time to take back the "white" house. 

We are through the looking glass here people.
 
Displayed 50 of 242 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report