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(Gawker)   Senator Ted Cruz taunts his political opponents with a chess analogy. Unfortunately, nobody ever taught him the rules of chess   (gawker.com) divider line 242
    More: Dumbass, Ted Cruz, rules of chess, dissidents, chess matches, chess game, analogy, senator  
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7004 clicks; posted to Politics » on 30 Sep 2013 at 12:40 AM (50 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



242 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-09-29 08:26:25 PM
That's quite the set of double Ds on Lady Justice.
 
2013-09-29 08:28:42 PM
Checkmate!

/now King me!
 
2013-09-29 08:36:35 PM

MaudlinMutantMollusk: Checkmate!

/now King me!


Heyyyyy, you sank my battleship!
 
2013-09-29 08:38:04 PM
Having a fancy chess set and a vague and not entirely accurate understanding of the rules of chess seems to fit him perfectly.
 
2013-09-29 08:45:18 PM
WTF are you talking about???  Everyone knows you can move a pawn 2 squares on the first move!
 
2013-09-29 08:45:53 PM

TheOmni: Having a fancy chess set and a vague and not entirely accurate understanding of the rules of chess seems to fit him perfectly.


And THIS.
 
2013-09-29 08:47:30 PM
He just needs to shoot snake eyes to get Parcheesi and drop the trap on that mouse proving it was Col. Mustered in the study, duh
 
2013-09-29 08:48:11 PM

zedster: He just needs to shoot snake eyes to get Parcheesi and drop the trap on that mouse proving it was Col. Mustered in the study, duh


Yahtzee!
 
2013-09-29 08:51:39 PM

TheOmni: Having a fancy chess set and a vague and not entirely accurate understanding of the rules of chess seems to fit him perfectly.


It too can be yours, for the low, low price of $799.95!

http://www.hammacher.com/Product/Default.aspx?sku=12025
 
2013-09-29 09:00:47 PM
Uno!
 
2013-09-29 09:06:02 PM

MaudlinMutantMollusk: Checkmate!

/now King me!


Trouble!

/Or maybe Sorry?
 
2013-09-29 09:08:53 PM
I can't tell which are the knights and bishops, but at the very least, if anyone is wondering, the white queen and king are on the wrong squares and their position should be reversed.

Anything I'm missing, other than Cruz being a massive d-bag?
 
2013-09-29 09:14:08 PM

Sid_6.7: I can't tell which are the knights and bishops, but at the very least, if anyone is wondering, the white queen and king are on the wrong squares and their position should be reversed.

Anything I'm missing, other than Cruz being a massive d-bag?


That's all I saw, too. Queen goes on color. I'm with you on being able to tell the knights and bishops apart.
 
2013-09-29 09:22:28 PM

fusillade762: Queen goes on color.


i always forget this part
 
2013-09-29 09:24:23 PM

fusillade762: Sid_6.7: I can't tell which are the knights and bishops, but at the very least, if anyone is wondering, the white queen and king are on the wrong squares and their position should be reversed.

Anything I'm missing, other than Cruz being a massive d-bag?

That's all I saw, too. Queen goes on color. I'm with you on being able to tell the knights and bishops apart.


Look at the Hammacher-Schlemmer link above.  The bishops are attorneys clutching legal briefs - a male and a female for each side.  The knights are cross-armed bailiffs.

As far as I can see, everything else is set up OK, but the white king and queen are wrong.
 
2013-09-29 09:26:55 PM

Benevolent Misanthrope: WTF are you talking about???  Everyone knows you can move a pawn 2 squares on the first move!


The board is incorrectly set up.
 
2013-09-29 09:35:13 PM
It's not like chess rules are rigorous.  There are dozens of ways to start off.
 
2013-09-29 09:37:38 PM

Sgt Otter: TheOmni: Having a fancy chess set and a vague and not entirely accurate understanding of the rules of chess seems to fit him perfectly.

It too can be yours, for the low, low price of $799.95!

http://www.hammacher.com/Product/Default.aspx?sku=12025


Wow, they get the King/Queen positions reversed in the official picture as well.
 
2013-09-29 09:37:47 PM

Shostie: Benevolent Misanthrope: WTF are you talking about???  Everyone knows you can move a pawn 2 squares on the first move!

The board is incorrectly set up.


Sighhhhhhh...
 
2013-09-29 09:40:54 PM
Ooh, the infamous Potato Gambit!
 
2013-09-29 09:44:41 PM
Who Ted Cruz thinks he is:

i140.photobucket.com

What Ted Cruz actually is:

i140.photobucket.com
 
2013-09-29 09:48:34 PM

Benevolent Misanthrope: Shostie: Benevolent Misanthrope: WTF are you talking about???  Everyone knows you can move a pawn 2 squares on the first move!

The board is incorrectly set up.

Sighhhhhhh...


Yeah. I'm killing your troll.

Deal with it.
 
2013-09-29 09:49:00 PM
Is it just me, or do the pawns look like they're on the toilet dropping a deuce?
 
2013-09-29 09:50:01 PM

Benevolent Misanthrope: but the white king and queen are wrong.


Don't you mean "White Hispanic"? There's a lot of color in those pieces.
 
2013-09-29 10:08:01 PM
Y'all all misunderstand. As a gesture to his feminist constituents, Cruz made a female the king.
 
2013-09-29 10:09:15 PM
So he hires idiots to work for him.
 
2013-09-29 10:10:11 PM

Sid_6.7: Who Ted Cruz thinks he is:

[i140.photobucket.com image 625x502]

What Ted Cruz actually is:

[i140.photobucket.com image 640x480]


Ted Cruz is no where near as cool as the Icy Hot Stuntaz.
 
2013-09-29 10:24:39 PM

Sid_6.7: Who Ted Cruz thinks he is:

[i140.photobucket.com image 625x502]


Is that Boris Becker? Are the wolves on his shirt in the original?
 
2013-09-29 10:40:01 PM

Uranus Is Huge!: Sid_6.7: Who Ted Cruz thinks he is:

[i140.photobucket.com image 625x502]

Is that Boris Becker? Are the wolves on his shirt in the original?


It looks like he's trying to buy it at a flea market. "How much for this? I've got 4 bucks."
 
2013-09-29 10:51:53 PM
Ted Cruz is clearly not a winner at the Game of Life
 
2013-09-29 10:57:22 PM
I know what the horse is! Does it move two steps forward and one to the side or is it one step forward and one to the diagonal?
 
2013-09-29 10:58:02 PM

shanrick: I know what the horse is! Does it move two steps forward and one to the side or is it one step forward and one to the diagonal?


Yes
 
2013-09-29 10:59:04 PM

shanrick: I know what the horse is! Does it move two steps forward and one to the side or is it one step forward and one to the diagonal?


It's 2 steps to the side and 1 forward.
 
2013-09-29 11:01:40 PM

MaudlinMutantMollusk: shanrick: I know what the horse is! Does it move two steps forward and one to the side or is it one step forward and one to the diagonal?

Yes


And when it promotes, it moves one step in any direction except diagonally backwards.
 
2013-09-29 11:03:45 PM
So he doesn't understand chess of Green Eggs and Ham.  I imagine he was the type of kid who slapped the pieces off the board when he started losing at CandyLand.
 
2013-09-29 11:06:28 PM

MaudlinMutantMollusk: shanrick: I know what the horse is! Does it move two steps forward and one to the side or is it one step forward and one to the diagonal?

Yes


Oh, you just taunt me like that. You must have something up your sleeve.

On another note, whenever I'm playing someone I haven't played before, I always halt the game just before we start and cough a little and say I have to straighten out my pieces. Then I touch each one, even if they are centered and it is redundant to center them in their squares.
Someone less astute would be distracted by this maneuver and would ponder why I did that.
In the mean time I have already stolen their VCR and escaped out the window.
 
2013-09-29 11:09:34 PM

shanrick: MaudlinMutantMollusk: shanrick: I know what the horse is! Does it move two steps forward and one to the side or is it one step forward and one to the diagonal?

Yes

Oh, you just taunt me like that. You must have something up your sleeve.

On another note, whenever I'm playing someone I haven't played before, I always halt the game just before we start and cough a little and say I have to straighten out my pieces. Then I touch each one, even if they are centered and it is redundant to center them in their squares.
Someone less astute would be distracted by this maneuver and would ponder why I did that.
In the mean time I have already stolen their VCR and escaped out the window.


I should like to subscribe to your newsletter, good Sir
 
2013-09-29 11:17:23 PM
used to teach chess to children
"queen on HER color"

what a nit - think he knows there are "skatey-eight" urban children under the age of 10 who could whip his butt?

meh
 
2013-09-29 11:23:10 PM

Precious Roy's Horse Dividers: Ted Cruz is clearly not a winner at the Game of Life


No he isn't,

but he certainly plays one on TV.
 
2013-09-29 11:23:51 PM
If we hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominoes should fall like a house of cards. Checkmate.
 
2013-09-29 11:47:23 PM

Irving Maimway: MaudlinMutantMollusk: Checkmate!

/now King me!

Trouble!

/Or maybe Sorry?


You sank my battleship!

/pretty sneaky, sis
 
2013-09-29 11:50:41 PM

Donnchadha: If we hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominoes should fall like a house of cards. Checkmate.


slurmed.com
 
2013-09-30 12:45:50 AM

Republicanism

i14.photobucket.com

WIINNING!
 
2013-09-30 12:45:56 AM

fusillade762: Sid_6.7: I can't tell which are the knights and bishops, but at the very least, if anyone is wondering, the white queen and king are on the wrong squares and their position should be reversed.

Anything I'm missing, other than Cruz being a massive d-bag?

That's all I saw, too. Queen goes on color. I'm with you on being able to tell the knights and bishops apart.


I'm assuming that the ones with their arms in the prayer position are bishops.  If so, he swapped them with the knights, as well.
 
2013-09-30 12:48:38 AM

parasol: used to teach chess to children
"queen on HER color"

what a nit - think he knows there are "skatey-eight" urban children under the age of 10 who could whip his butt?

meh


To be fair, if he'd also reversed the black side then the game would still be properly set, the important parts is that the royal pieces be mirrored across the center-line (the king faces the king and the queen faces the queen).  The specifics of how this is accomplished don't actually alter how the game plays.
 
2013-09-30 12:50:02 AM
www.washingtonpost.com
"No, see, I'm trying to say that the game is stacked against Obama, and the sooner he realizes this, the better. I hold all the cards. Or something."
 
2013-09-30 12:51:32 AM
Likely an underzealous staffer running the twitter account.
 
2013-09-30 12:52:14 AM

PainInTheASP: MaudlinMutantMollusk: Checkmate!

/now King me!

Heyyyyy, you sank my battleship!


I've drunkenly tried to combine battleship and twister, just so I could use the phrase "You sunk my right hand red!" Sadly I was too busy drinking to work out the exact rules of twistership.
 
2013-09-30 12:52:20 AM
It sounds like he's playing Mornington Crescent. Or possibly Calvinball.
 
2013-09-30 12:53:02 AM

RedPhoenix122: Is it just me, or do the pawns look like they're on the toilet dropping a deuce?


That is the second thing I thought after 'which one is the bishop and which is the knight jesus fark this is a badly designed chess set.'
 
2013-09-30 12:53:36 AM
In the game of chess you must never let your adversary see your pieces.
i1.ytimg.com
 
2013-09-30 12:53:52 AM

Sgt Otter: That's quite the set of double Ds on Lady Justice.


He must have purchased that set after Ashcroft left office.
 
2013-09-30 12:55:24 AM

Uranus Is Huge!: Sid_6.7: Who Ted Cruz thinks he is:

[i140.photobucket.com image 625x502]

Is that Boris Becker? Are the wolves on his shirt in the original?


No, I added the Wolves a while back during a thread where someone posted the original.

Here is the original is all of it's stupid glory:

www.thegatewaypundit.com

Painted by a man who likely masturbates to Tom Clancy novels.
 
2013-09-30 12:56:14 AM
media.heavy.com
"Queen to queen's level 3."
 
2013-09-30 12:58:39 AM
Candyland would be challenging to him. And he would probably cheat at it as well.
 
2013-09-30 12:58:43 AM
I'm quite surprised that the chess board he uses shows an elevated sense of equality between the king and the queen.
 
2013-09-30 12:59:00 AM

Philip J. Fry: Likely an underzealous staffer running the twitter account.


www.usnews.com
"Please. I run my own Twitter account. I mean, how hard is it to type out a message? I'm not going to waste resources o"
 
2013-09-30 12:59:07 AM
The Zap Brannigan quotes make this thread.
 
2013-09-30 12:59:12 AM

Jim_Callahan: To be fair, if he'd also reversed the black side then the game would still be properly set, the important parts is that the royal pieces be mirrored across the center-line (the king faces the king and the queen faces the queen). The specifics of how this is accomplished don't actually alter how the game plays.


No, not really. There is a correct way, which involves the queens being on their own color. When games are recorded using notation, they assume that the board is set up that way.

It's sort of like molecular chirality. "It's exactly the same, just reversed!" doesn't mean much.
 
2013-09-30 01:00:38 AM

iamjustsyd: Candyland would be challenging to him. And he would probably cheat at it as well.


I imagine him as a munchkin.

"You know, I can climb up the slide on the playground, so there's no rational reason why my piece can't climb the chutes AND the ladders!"
 
2013-09-30 01:01:43 AM

powhound: I'm quite surprised that the chess board he uses shows an elevated sense of equality between the king and the queen.


blogs.e-rockford.com
"Not to mention the lowered starting position of the pawns. I mean, who gives a f*ck about the pawns? They're just pawns in the game! Get it?"
 
2013-09-30 01:02:03 AM
"Sorry!  I don't think so.  A Real American never apologizes."
 
2013-09-30 01:02:30 AM

BuckTurgidson: Republicanism

[i14.photobucket.com image 640x360]

WIINNING!


Um... I know why I, as someone employed by another institution in the sate, make fun of Perry for going to A&M.  But what's your beef with the school, exactly?

//I mean, the dog-sweater is stupid, but that picture's no dumber than what any other college student was wearing at the time.
 
2013-09-30 01:02:52 AM
"They call it the Game of Life, but where's the square where I receive millions of dollars in laundered campaign donations from foreign businesses?  This game is nothing like real life."
 
2013-09-30 01:04:47 AM
"Listen, I know the liberal strategy is to hang out in Australia, but I'm sure Asia will greet my pieces as liberators."
 
2013-09-30 01:06:24 AM

Sid_6.7: I can't tell which are the knights and bishops, but at the very least, if anyone is wondering, the white queen and king are on the wrong squares and their position should be reversed.

Anything I'm missing, other than Cruz being a massive d-bag?


Yeah, I was having trouble seeing what was wrong because I can't zoom in on my phone and those dammed custom sets can be so confusing sometimes... I like them, but often the pieces make no sense. It's not as bad as some sets I've seen, though.
 
2013-09-30 01:06:55 AM

Mentat: iamjustsyd: Candyland would be challenging to him. And he would probably cheat at it as well.

I imagine him as a munchkin.

"You know, I can climb up the slide on the playground, so there's no rational reason why my piece can't climb the chutes AND the ladders!"


s3.amazonaws.com
"Jeesh, people, if you put your hands like this, you can walk right up the chutes! That rule doesn't make any sense!"
 
2013-09-30 01:08:27 AM

Sid_6.7: It's sort of like molecular chirality. "It's exactly the same, just reversed!" doesn't mean much.


Chirality makes a functional difference in how molecules can interact.  Mirroring the chess board does not change how the game can proceed, you have the exact same set of potential pathways either way.

Notational convenience is a reasonable point, though.  I was thinking in terms of the game itself, not the recording and automation process of the game theory/computer versions.  Fair enough.
 
2013-09-30 01:08:27 AM
media.screened.com
"Except I never could get Ted Cruz to learn the most important lesson."

"What's that?"

"Futility. That there's a time when you should just give up."

"How do you make it play itself?"
 
2013-09-30 01:08:48 AM

Shostie: Benevolent Misanthrope: WTF are you talking about???  Everyone knows you can move a pawn 2 squares on the first move!

The board is incorrectly set up.


I think you missed the joke...
 
2013-09-30 01:10:15 AM

RedPhoenix122: shanrick: I know what the horse is! Does it move two steps forward and one to the side or is it one step forward and one to the diagonal?

It's 2 steps to the side and 1 forward.


Except for when it's one to the side and two forward.
 
2013-09-30 01:12:16 AM

Sid_6.7: Who Ted Cruz thinks he is:

[i140.photobucket.com image 625x502]

What Ted Cruz actually is:

[i140.photobucket.com image 640x480]


Remember, Hannity bought a painting from this guy for $300,000.  And this is why so many people in the world hate American Republicans so badly.  This is what they'll go through because they believe it will annoy liberals.

We should convince them that making the country better for everybody, rather than just a very VERY small number, will annoy the hell out of us.
 
2013-09-30 01:12:40 AM
He's playing a rousing game of pigeon chess.

\He's the bird
 
2013-09-30 01:14:18 AM

The Lone Gunman: Sid_6.7: Who Ted Cruz thinks he is:

[i140.photobucket.com image 625x502]

What Ted Cruz actually is:

[i140.photobucket.com image 640x480]

Remember, Hannity bought a painting from this guy for $300,000.  And this is why so many people in the world hate American Republicans so badly.  This is what they'll go through because they believe it will annoy liberals.

We should convince them that making the country better for everybody, rather than just a very VERY small number, will annoy the hell out of us.


I actually foresee a new generation of very wealthy hipsters who would put that on their mantle to be ironic.
 
2013-09-30 01:16:19 AM
Next up: how Cruz eats crackers like he owns the place.
 
2013-09-30 01:17:39 AM
Perhaps it's time for a new analogy? Does Sen. Cruz have good aji? Go!
 
2013-09-30 01:18:23 AM
I know that the very Boobieser mentioned the queen's tits, but I came here for the specific purpose of commenting on what an awesome rack the queen has, and god dammit I will do so.

That queen has some fantastic tits.
 
2013-09-30 01:18:34 AM

super_grass: Next up: how Cruz eats crackers like he owns the place.


yawn........
 
2013-09-30 01:19:22 AM
img28.imageshack.us It's the old Kobayashi Maru Gambit.img13.imageshack.us
 
2013-09-30 01:19:36 AM
I've got 6 aces, so I've got him beat unless he can score a touchdown in the 3rd power play of this inning.
 
2013-09-30 01:19:51 AM
Wow, I forgot about the whole "boobies" thing. I'm actually okay with the way it worked out.
 
2013-09-30 01:20:12 AM

ScaryBottles: super_grass: Next up: how Cruz eats crackers like he owns the place.

yawn........


Those two minutes can really make you tired.
 
2013-09-30 01:21:00 AM

shanrick: MaudlinMutantMollusk: shanrick: I know what the horse is! Does it move two steps forward and one to the side or is it one step forward and one to the diagonal?

Yes

Oh, you just taunt me like that. You must have something up your sleeve.

On another note, whenever I'm playing someone I haven't played before, I always halt the game just before we start and cough a little and say I have to straighten out my pieces. Then I touch each one, even if they are centered and it is redundant to center them in their squares.
Someone less astute would be distracted by this maneuver and would ponder why I did that.
In the mean time I have already stolen their VCR and escaped out the window.


DAMMIT!

I'd just cleaned the monitor, too.
 
2013-09-30 01:21:15 AM
31.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-09-30 01:23:32 AM

super_grass: Next up: how Cruz eats crackers like he owns the place.


s1.ibtimes.com
"If you like the crackers you have, you get to keep them."
 
2013-09-30 01:25:01 AM

ox45tallboy: super_grass: Next up: how Cruz eats crackers like he owns the place.

[s1.ibtimes.com image 500x339]
"If you like the crackers you have, you get to keep them."


Offer not valid in all 57 states.
 
2013-09-30 01:31:01 AM

TheOmni: Having a fancy chess set and a vague and not entirely accurate understanding of the rules of chess seems to fit him perfectly.


And we're done. That picture really does summarize Ted Cruz. The fact that he gleefully posted it as if it had substantial meaning makes it that much more humorous.

"Hi! I bought this chess set from Hammacher Schlemmer because it was $800 and I thought it would make me look smart if I set it up in my office. Sure, it's set up incorrectly, and sure, I didn't know that, but, hey, it's expensive and I look smart sending pictures of it to demonstrate how I thought halting the progress of an entire nation simply to indulge in my half-baked stupidity, so, hey, money well spent!"

What a friggin' tool.
 
2013-09-30 01:33:30 AM
Pretty sneaky, sis!
 
2013-09-30 01:35:35 AM

zerkalo: Pretty sneaky, sis!


It's Me-TROCITY.

/black maammmmmbaaaaa
 
2013-09-30 01:36:14 AM

Apik0r0s: Jim_Callahan: Chirality makes a functional difference in how molecules can interact.  Mirroring the chess board does not change how the game can proceed, you have the exact same set of potential pathways either way.

The Queen not being on her color and the King being on his own (as in this setup) is not inconsequential, at all. This becomes more apparent in the late game, at the other end of the board.


he's playing good patriotic American chess, not that sissified European perversion where women don't know their place
 
2013-09-30 01:38:05 AM

Apik0r0s: The Queen not being on her color and the King being on his own (as in this setup) is not inconsequential, at all. This becomes more apparent in the late game, at the other end of the board.


cdn01.cdn.justjared.com
"Yes, indeed it does."
 
2013-09-30 01:38:50 AM
Seriously, what a friggin' tool.
 
2013-09-30 01:41:15 AM
In an effort to look brighter than he is Ted Cruz only ends up proving what a moron he actually is?

Meh, not as funny as his not knowing the ending to Green Eggs and Ham but still sorta lulzy.

Sorta off topic but Is there a single picture of Cruz available that doesn't send my gaydar off like a 4 alarm fire?
 
2013-09-30 01:41:32 AM
What does Ted Cruz have against white queens
 
2013-09-30 01:42:19 AM

super_grass: ox45tallboy: super_grass: Next up: how Cruz eats crackers like he owns the place.

[s1.ibtimes.com image 500x339]
"If you like the crackers you have, you get to keep them."

Offer not valid in all 57 states.


60 states.

(still continues to amuse me that those who attempt to belittle President Obama do so while failing basic arithmetic.)
 
2013-09-30 01:42:21 AM

tbhouston: What does Ted Cruz have against white queens


He's probably in the closet.
 
2013-09-30 01:43:38 AM

LordOfThePings:


I less than three thee
 
2013-09-30 01:44:50 AM
Why do all of the pawns look like girls in the white sex trade?
 
2013-09-30 01:46:17 AM

NewportBarGuy: Why do all of the pawns look like girls in the white sex trade?


It's a barrister's chess set. To lawyers, they're all whores.
 
2013-09-30 01:47:02 AM

Apik0r0s: Jim_Callahan: Chirality makes a functional difference in how molecules can interact.  Mirroring the chess board does not change how the game can proceed, you have the exact same set of potential pathways either way.

The Queen not being on her color and the King being on his own (as in this setup) is not inconsequential, at all. This becomes more apparent in the late game, at the other end of the board.


No this is bigger than simple chess rules don't you see? The wrong color pieces are on the wrong colored spaces. You see! I mean the most well known drug head right now is Aaron Paul, and the most well know president right now is Obama. This is just Cruz telling everyone that its time to take back the "white" house. 

We are through the looking glass here people.
 
2013-09-30 01:47:55 AM

Sid_6.7: Who Ted Cruz thinks he is:

[i140.photobucket.com image 625x502]

What Ted Cruz actually is:

[i140.photobucket.com image 640x480]


You know, I've never noticed before that the guy holding the Constitution is wearing a three wolf moon t-shirt. There is no way possible Jon McNaughton is not trolling the Conservatives.
 
2013-09-30 01:49:49 AM
How could anyone tell with such a garish set? Still, it's clear he didn't learn the little mnemonic "Queen on her colour."
 
2013-09-30 01:52:43 AM
www.washingtonpost.com
 
2013-09-30 01:52:56 AM
I like to say that Obama is playing chess while the Reps are playing checkers, but I never meant it literally.
 
2013-09-30 01:53:17 AM

Bonanza Jellybean: How could anyone tell with such a garish set? Still, it's clear he didn't learn the little mnemonic "Queen on her colour."


The Queen is the only one with hooters in that chess set..

/although to be fair, Cruz is a Republican, so he probably thought that the big, tall, thick, meaty, masculine piece is the important one that goes on its own color, and didn't even notice that other piece's bewbz
 
2013-09-30 01:53:50 AM

ox45tallboy: Sid_6.7: Who Ted Cruz thinks he is:

[i140.photobucket.com image 625x502]

What Ted Cruz actually is:

[i140.photobucket.com image 640x480]

You know, I've never noticed before that the guy holding the Constitution is wearing a three wolf moon t-shirt. There is no way possible Jon McNaughton is not trolling the Conservatives.


Not the original.
 
2013-09-30 01:54:13 AM

Bonanza Jellybean: How could anyone tell with such a garish set? Still, it's clear he didn't learn the little mnemonic "Queen on her colour."


You would have thought a Canadian like Cruz would have remembered that weird spelling, too.
 
2013-09-30 01:57:08 AM

Sid_6.7: Not the original.


i.qkme.me
 
2013-09-30 01:58:48 AM

Mambo Bananapatch: I know that the very Boobieser mentioned the queen's tits, but I came here for the specific purpose of commenting on what an awesome rack the queen has, and god dammit I will do so.

That queen has some fantastic tits.


Mambo Bananapatch: Wow, I forgot about the whole "boobies" thing. I'm actually okay with the way it worked out.


You mean the thing about how you can't type "first post" here without it changing to that word in the final posted version (though it looks fine in Preview)? That?

/How did I do that?
 
2013-09-30 02:04:58 AM

COMALite J: Mambo Bananapatch: Wow, I forgot about the whole "boobies" thing. I'm actually okay with the way it worked out.

You mean the thing about how you can't type "first post" here without it changing to that word in the final posted version (though it looks fine in Preview)? That?

/How did I do that?


Wow. I have no idea. I always heard if you type "first post" then the filter changes it to something else. What's up with that?
 
2013-09-30 02:07:10 AM

ox45tallboy: COMALite J: Mambo Bananapatch: Wow, I forgot about the whole "boobies" thing. I'm actually okay with the way it worked out.

You mean the thing about how you can't type "first post" here without it changing to that word in the final posted version (though it looks fine in Preview)? That?

/How did I do that?

Wow. I have no idea. I always heard if you type "first post" then the filter changes it to something else. What's up with that?


Awww, you totally made him non-unique now and unspecial, you mean old stupidhead.
 
m00
2013-09-30 02:07:42 AM
Maybe it's a subtle statement in support of transgender rights.
 
2013-09-30 02:11:45 AM

m00: Maybe it's a subtle statement in support of transgender rights.


media.townhall.com
*ack* *cough* *sppplttt* "I'm sorry, could you repeat the question?"
 
2013-09-30 02:12:33 AM

Sgt Otter: TheOmni: Having a fancy chess set and a vague and not entirely accurate understanding of the rules of chess seems to fit him perfectly.

It too can be yours, for the low, low price of $799.95!

http://www.hammacher.com/Product/Default.aspx?sku=12025


In his defense, the catalog has it wrong too.

/Snert
 
2013-09-30 02:15:34 AM

r1chard3: Sgt Otter: TheOmni: Having a fancy chess set and a vague and not entirely accurate understanding of the rules of chess seems to fit him perfectly.

It too can be yours, for the low, low price of $799.95!

http://www.hammacher.com/Product/Default.aspx?sku=12025

In his defense, the catalog has it wrong too.

/Snert


So... ordering from a pretentious douchebag supply company may make you look like a pretentious douchebag? Hmmm.
 
2013-09-30 02:26:17 AM
Trivial but apt.
 
m00
2013-09-30 02:26:19 AM

ox45tallboy: m00: Maybe it's a subtle statement in support of transgender rights.

[media.townhall.com image 665x340]
*ack* *cough* *sppplttt* "I'm sorry, could you repeat the question?"


At first I thought it was in support of transgender rights, because he has a male queen.

But then I thought maybe it's about de-stigmatizing interracial marriage, because normally you're supposed to put the white queen on the white square, but he put the white queen on the black square.
 
2013-09-30 02:27:49 AM

ox45tallboy: Sid_6.7: Not the original.

[i.qkme.me image 500x318]


Then you can be grateful I PS'd the shirt into the image.

Also, if you can't see how the filters work, then you should come off your mod high-horse and dwell in the land of the peons. The view is much better here.
 
2013-09-30 02:28:15 AM

Apik0r0s: This isn't a mirrored board, the squares in the lower right (from the point of view of both players) is white), as should be. It is a deformed setup, not mirrored.


www3.pictures.zimbio.com
"That was exactly what I was going for. A 'deformed setup'. Just like Obamacare."
 
2013-09-30 02:28:36 AM
What a typical Ted Cruz supporter may look like:

https://twitter.com/emaleroland
 
2013-09-30 02:31:41 AM

Infernalist: ox45tallboy: COMALite J: Mambo Bananapatch: Wow, I forgot about the whole "boobies" thing. I'm actually okay with the way it worked out.

You mean the thing about how you can't type "first post" here without it changing to that word in the final posted version (though it looks fine in Preview)? That?

/How did I do that?

Wow. I have no idea. I always heard if you type "first post" then the filter changes it to something else. What's up with that?

Awww, you totally made him non-unique now and unspecial, you mean old stupidhead.


WAAAH!!! Meanie!!! ;-)

(Actually, I gave hints by including the words "final" and "fine" [instead of "#xFB01;nal" and "fine"] in the same sentence on purpose, without using that technique in them. They're visually a bit different.)
 
2013-09-30 02:32:51 AM

COMALite J: (Actually, I gave hints by including the words "final" and "fine" [instead of "#xFB01;nal" and "fine"] in the same sentence on purpose, without using that technique in them. They're visually a bit different.)


Ooops! Preview is friend!
 
2013-09-30 02:33:34 AM

Sid_6.7: Then you can be grateful I PS'd the shirt into the image.


Perhaps a better macro would have been "I prefer it your way". It really adds to the piece, and that meme was just what came to mind. Awesome job on the 'shop, btw.

Sid_6.7: Also, if you can't see how the filters work, then you should come off your mod high-horse and dwell in the land of the peons. The view is much better here.


Absolute honesty, I used the same method he did to bypass the filter. No mod trick or anything. My posts get filtered like everyone else's.
 
2013-09-30 02:39:07 AM
3.bp.blogspot.com
Your move, Sen. Cruz.
 
2013-09-30 02:40:50 AM
rationalwiki.org
/oblig
 
2013-09-30 02:43:38 AM
It's as if those quotes "fark up" the filter.
 
2013-09-30 02:43:57 AM

Mikey1969: RedPhoenix122: shanrick: I know what the horse is! Does it move two steps forward and one to the side or is it one step forward and one to the diagonal?

It's 2 steps to the side and 1 forward.

Except for when it's one to the side and two forward.


It's a Tea Party horse: one step forward, and two steps back; except for the step forward.
 
2013-09-30 02:44:09 AM

Apik0r0s: Cobb County, GA's jail (M-pod) features stainless steel dining/gaming fixture tables - all of which have a checkers/chess board etched into them - backwards, with black in the lower right. Republicans.


Dare I ask how you know this?

/only been in Fulton County and Rockdale County lockups, never Cobb.
//neither one had checker/chess boards
 
2013-09-30 02:46:40 AM

Sid_6.7: Uranus Is Huge!: Sid_6.7: Who Ted Cruz thinks he is:

[i140.photobucket.com image 625x502]

Is that Boris Becker? Are the wolves on his shirt in the original?

No, I added the Wolves a while back during a thread where someone posted the original.

Here is the original is all of it's stupid glory:

[www.thegatewaypundit.com image 550x441]

Painted by a man who likely masturbates to Tom Clancy novels.


I like this one.

scontent-b-sjc.xx.fbcdn.net
 
2013-09-30 02:50:10 AM
Hey, Ted-ster, I can help:

images.chesskidfiles.com
 
2013-09-30 02:52:49 AM
I can picture Cruz running around screaming "King me!"
 
2013-09-30 02:53:08 AM

super_grass: Next up: how Cruz eats crackers like he owns the place.


Oh shut up.
 
2013-09-30 02:55:15 AM

Apik0r0s: You been to Rice Street? Place smells like feet. I used to DUI, now I have Jesus to drive me, well, through me. I am his vessel.


Clermont Lounge!!! Let's DO IT!!!!

I think they have one chick that plays chess with her #!@^ and if you win she'll #!@$% your !#$@% with her #!@$%.

Probably could beat Ted Cruz.
 
2013-09-30 02:57:59 AM

fusillade762: Sid_6.7: Uranus Is Huge!: Sid_6.7: Who Ted Cruz thinks he is:

[i140.photobucket.com image 625x502]

Is that Boris Becker? Are the wolves on his shirt in the original?

No, I added the Wolves a while back during a thread where someone posted the original.

Here is the original is all of it's stupid glory:

[www.thegatewaypundit.com image 550x441]

Painted by a man who likely masturbates to Tom Clancy novels.

I like this one.

[scontent-b-sjc.xx.fbcdn.net image 850x572]


wha... WTF is that supposed to mean?!
 
2013-09-30 02:58:00 AM

Jim_Callahan: BuckTurgidson: Republicanism

[i14.photobucket.com image 640x360]

WIINNING!

Um... I know why I, as someone employed by another institution in the sate, make fun of Perry for going to A&M.  But what's your beef with the school, exactly?

//I mean, the dog-sweater is stupid, but that picture's no dumber than what any other college student was wearing at the time.


Wait. Is that Rick Perry? I have never seen those before.
 
2013-09-30 02:58:13 AM
www.rookenterprizes.com
-ie mistake.
 
2013-09-30 03:00:29 AM

Mistymtnhop: I can picture Cruz running around screaming "King me!"


therightscoop.com
"A winner is MEEEEEE!!!!!"
 
2013-09-30 03:18:20 AM

PainInTheASP: you sank my battleship!


i4.ytimg.com

Best two out of three.
 
2013-09-30 03:18:51 AM

Mikey1969: RedPhoenix122: shanrick: I know what the horse is! Does it move two steps forward and one to the side or is it one step forward and one to the diagonal?

It's 2 steps to the side and 1 forward.

Except for when it's one to the side and two forward.


It's just a jump to the left.
 
2013-09-30 03:31:27 AM
fxowen.files.wordpress.com

+

www.savingwithshellie.com

=

www.wbez.org
 
2013-09-30 03:44:46 AM

tbhouston: What does Ted Cruz have against white queens


Same thing he's got against black Presidents, I suspect.
 
2013-09-30 03:45:18 AM

PanicMan: PainInTheASP: MaudlinMutantMollusk: Checkmate!

/now King me!

Heyyyyy, you sank my battleship!

I've drunkenly tried to combine battleship and twister, just so I could use the phrase "You sunk my right hand red!" Sadly I was too busy drinking to work out the exact rules of twistership.


You and I need to drink together sometime.
 
2013-09-30 03:46:01 AM

Almost Everybody Poops: fusillade762: Sid_6.7: Uranus Is Huge!: Sid_6.7: Who Ted Cruz thinks he is:

[i140.photobucket.com image 625x502]

Is that Boris Becker? Are the wolves on his shirt in the original?

No, I added the Wolves a while back during a thread where someone posted the original.

Here is the original is all of it's stupid glory:

[www.thegatewaypundit.com image 550x441]

Painted by a man who likely masturbates to Tom Clancy novels.

I like this one.

[scontent-b-sjc.xx.fbcdn.net image 850x572]

wha... WTF is that supposed to mean?!


Also, so much this..I just..need to know. What. The. Fark.
 
2013-09-30 03:58:14 AM

BuckTurgidson: Republicanism

[i14.photobucket.com image 640x360]

WIINNING!


I love how the 'books' are so transparently fake, and simply disappear in the second photo.  A metaphor, perhaps.
 
2013-09-30 04:00:34 AM

Apik0r0s: This isn't a mirrored board, the squares in the lower right (from the point of view of both players) is white), as should be. It is a deformed setup, not mirrored.


Is reading one bloody post back so mind-breakingly hard that you'd really rather repeat shiat from less than three lines up the conversational thread and pretend you're contributing something?

We know this, we're talking about something else.
 
2013-09-30 04:00:51 AM

KWess: A metaphor, perhaps.


No, he actually burned them.
 
2013-09-30 04:14:02 AM
The best part is, if the board WERE correctly set up, his king would be exposed to a two move checkmate.
 
2013-09-30 04:14:40 AM
3.bp.blogspot.com

It's way past time we talked.The gloves are off, I'm playing hardball. It's fourth and fifteen, and you're looking at a full court press.
 
2013-09-30 04:22:40 AM

grumpfuff: Almost Everybody Poops: fusillade762: Sid_6.7: Uranus Is Huge!: Sid_6.7: Who Ted Cruz thinks he is:

[i140.photobucket.com image 625x502]

Is that Boris Becker? Are the wolves on his shirt in the original?

No, I added the Wolves a while back during a thread where someone posted the original.

Here is the original is all of it's stupid glory:

[www.thegatewaypundit.com image 550x441]

Painted by a man who likely masturbates to Tom Clancy novels.

I like this one.

[scontent-b-sjc.xx.fbcdn.net image 850x572]

wha... WTF is that supposed to mean?!

Also, so much this..I just..need to know. What. The. Fark.


The original showed Jesus handing down the Constitution with all of the founding fathers behind him, with the modern Democrats weeping before him. Someone just made it into the Cthulhu Mythos.
 
2013-09-30 04:35:42 AM
Ted Cruz doesn't play by your rules, libtards!
 
2013-09-30 04:43:26 AM

www.mytoysdirect.comLet's play Chess!

 
2013-09-30 05:10:14 AM

grumpfuff: wha... WTF is that supposed to mean?!

Also, so much this..I just..need to know. What. The. Fark.


I hate to link to this wackadoo, but his site is worth the look just to know that someone with undeniable talent can indeed be very, very crazy.
 
2013-09-30 05:35:45 AM

COMALite J: /How did I do that?


Did you make the space in between italicized? I always wondered if that would do it, but never cared enough to try.

I think I will, now. "Boobies."
 
2013-09-30 05:36:23 AM
ib_thinkin: "Boobies."

Apparently not.
 
2013-09-30 05:53:37 AM

Shadowknight: grumpfuff: wha... WTF is that supposed to mean?!

Also, so much this..I just..need to know. What. The. Fark.

I hate to link to this wackadoo, but his site is worth the look just to know that someone with undeniable talent can indeed be very, very crazy.


Talent? Well, he's decent at illustration, but for artistic merit, even the old Soviet propaganda posters blow his cheesy schtick right out of the water. He's the teabagger Thomas Kinkade.
 
2013-09-30 06:00:45 AM
He isn't playing wrong, since he is from Canada, he's playing chess the metric way.
 
2013-09-30 06:01:37 AM
God, looking at the original tweet, in the replies...

I'm your crackaberry @emaleroland 27 Sep
@dankmtl it's called weening out the Liberal pricks that infiltrated the party @SenTedCruz @SenMikeLee

Yeah.  All those liberals that have infiltrated the Republican party in recent years are to blame.  That's it.  Totally.

I'm still dumbfounded that people can think like this.
 
2013-09-30 06:02:13 AM

cc_rider: Shadowknight: grumpfuff: wha... WTF is that supposed to mean?!

Also, so much this..I just..need to know. What. The. Fark.

I hate to link to this wackadoo, but his site is worth the look just to know that someone with undeniable talent can indeed be very, very crazy.

Talent? Well, he's decent at illustration, but for artistic merit, even the old Soviet propaganda posters blow his cheesy schtick right out of the water. He's the teabagger Thomas Kinkade.


Kinkade, who died recently, was a talented plein air painter. His commercial work was dreck. Very popular dreck.
 
2013-09-30 06:23:02 AM
When this is all over, he'll be the sole survivor.

/pretty sneaky sis.
 
2013-09-30 06:32:51 AM
Hey give him a break. Can't you see that the Republicans must go and scrabble to outwit Obama and the government monopoly on your life that is Obamacare? No risk is too great, when it comes to defeating that evil mastermind, lest the entire country be sorry! It is no trivial pursuit to solve this boggle, nay, excising this cancer is possibly the most important operation the world has ever seen.

/with apologies to Pocketninja and Stoparrestingme if they already arrived here and I missed them
 
2013-09-30 06:34:56 AM
Heh... Morons.

Nice expensive chess set, too. Bet Cruz has never played it.


Best set I ever saw was a set where all the pieces were different, graphic representations of sexual positions.
 
2013-09-30 06:43:59 AM

Draq: The best part is, if the board WERE correctly set up, his king would be exposed to a two move checkmate.


Seems like a perfect metaphor for the entire GOP strategy. Change the rules - because there's no way your strategy can succeed if everything is fair.
 
2013-09-30 07:02:48 AM

thatboyoverthere: grumpfuff: Almost Everybody Poops: fusillade762: Sid_6.7: Uranus Is Huge!: Sid_6.7: Who Ted Cruz thinks he is:

[i140.photobucket.com image 625x502]

Is that Boris Becker? Are the wolves on his shirt in the original?

No, I added the Wolves a while back during a thread where someone posted the original.

Here is the original is all of it's stupid glory:

[www.thegatewaypundit.com image 550x441]

Painted by a man who likely masturbates to Tom Clancy novels.

I like this one.

[scontent-b-sjc.xx.fbcdn.net image 850x572]

wha... WTF is that supposed to mean?!

Also, so much this..I just..need to know. What. The. Fark.

The original showed Jesus handing down the Constitution with all of the founding fathers behind him, with the modern Democrats weeping before him. Someone just made it into the Cthulhu Mythos.


Someone just updated the Apocalypse with something more likely.
 
2013-09-30 07:03:05 AM

PainInTheASP: MaudlinMutantMollusk: Checkmate!

/now King me!

Heyyyyy, you sank my battleship!


It's scrabbleship stupid head.
 
2013-09-30 07:06:42 AM
 
2013-09-30 07:09:41 AM

clkeagle: Draq: The best part is, if the board WERE correctly set up, his king would be exposed to a two move checkmate.

Seems like a perfect metaphor for the entire GOP strategy. Change the rules - because there's no way your strategy can succeed if everything is fair.


Calling what Cruz does a strategy makes Zombie Clausewitz angry.
 
2013-09-30 07:16:04 AM

Mentat: So he doesn't understand chess of Green Eggs and Ham.  I imagine he was the type of kid who slapped the pieces off the board when he started losing at CandyLand.


I'm honestly wondering if he's just trolling to see how stupid his supporters are.

They'll love this regardless but, like the Green Eggs and Ham, will never realize the problem with his example.
 
Boe
2013-09-30 07:18:38 AM

CodeMonkey4Life: Apik0r0s: Jim_Callahan: Chirality makes a functional difference in how molecules can interact.  Mirroring the chess board does not change how the game can proceed, you have the exact same set of potential pathways either way.

The Queen not being on her color and the King being on his own (as in this setup) is not inconsequential, at all. This becomes more apparent in the late game, at the other end of the board.

he's playing good patriotic American chess, not that sissified European perversion where women don't know their place


Thanks for the clarification.  I assumed it was Canadian Rules chess.
 
2013-09-30 07:19:13 AM
I hope soon the whole world finds out what an hero he is.
 
2013-09-30 07:27:57 AM
A Gawker article and no accusations of racism?

Editor must be on vacation.
 
2013-09-30 07:29:43 AM

phenn: A Gawker article and no accusations of racism?

Editor must be on vacation.


Watching your entire shiatty old value system get kicked to the curb by the next generation must suck. Tough titty, granny.
 
2013-09-30 07:33:11 AM

jso2897: phenn: A Gawker article and no accusations of racism?

Editor must be on vacation.

Watching your entire shiatty old value system get kicked to the curb by the next generation must suck. Tough titty, granny.


My value system is fine. Gawker loves to cry racism at the drop of a hat. Yell at them.
 
2013-09-30 07:41:04 AM

phenn: jso2897: phenn: A Gawker article and no accusations of racism?

Editor must be on vacation.

Watching your entire shiatty old value system get kicked to the curb by the next generation must suck. Tough titty, granny.

My value system is fine. Gawker loves to cry racism at the drop of a hat. Yell at them.


Poor baby. Those mean old liberals.
 
2013-09-30 07:41:06 AM
From the comments:


img.gawkerassets.com
 
2013-09-30 07:41:56 AM

phenn: jso2897: phenn: A Gawker article and no accusations of racism?

Editor must be on vacation.

Watching your entire shiatty old value system get kicked to the curb by the next generation must suck. Tough titty, granny.

My value system is fine. Gawker loves to cry racism at the drop of a hat. Yell at them.


And even when they don't, you'll cry about it.

Odd axe to grind.
 
2013-09-30 07:46:57 AM
Alright libs. He's hispanic, we get it.
 
2013-09-30 07:50:18 AM
Who is BOB?
 
2013-09-30 07:55:23 AM
ITT: Right wing radicals trying to pull the race card. Best part - they don't actually know how, and fail at it as badly as they do at life in general.
It sure is nice to see the right dying out again, though.
2016 is going to be sweet.
 
2013-09-30 07:59:31 AM

danwinkler: Alright libs. He's hispanic, we get it.


Hispanic? I thought he was one of the dough people.
 
2013-09-30 08:00:00 AM
And his spoke for 21 hours about GREEN EGGS & HAM!

libs are so farking stupid
 
2013-09-30 08:00:38 AM

Muta: Who is BOB?


He meant to type "MOD".
 
2013-09-30 08:01:18 AM

Carl Scroot: Muta: Who is BOB?

He meant to type "MOD".


BoB is the acronym of his favorite kind of porn.
 
2013-09-30 08:01:26 AM

Muta: Who is BOB?


BOB the Enzyte guy, apparently.  It's some sort of snarky nickname for Boehner, apparently
 
2013-09-30 08:01:44 AM
And the dominoes will fall like a house of cards.  Checkmate!
 
2013-09-30 08:02:44 AM
Gin!

img.fark.net
 
2013-09-30 08:02:45 AM

jso2897: Carl Scroot: Muta: Who is BOB?

He meant to type "MOD".

BoB is the acronym of his favorite kind of porn.


I thought that was "ATM"?
 
2013-09-30 08:08:14 AM

bgddy24601: Mikey1969: RedPhoenix122: shanrick: I know what the horse is! Does it move two steps forward and one to the side or is it one step forward and one to the diagonal?

It's 2 steps to the side and 1 forward.

Except for when it's one to the side and two forward.

It's just a jump to the left.


Only because I didn't see a response, but no, that wasn't obscure.

/misses the live shows
//I should get total generational cred for that, because I'm only 30
 
2013-09-30 08:12:43 AM
Correct me if I'm wrong, but being born in Canada, he is ineligible for the US Presidency.
 
2013-09-30 08:13:12 AM

danwinkler: Alright libs. He's hispanic, we get it.


There are more references to him being Canadian, mister poutrage.
 
2013-09-30 08:13:20 AM

cc_rider: even the old Soviet propaganda posters blow his cheesy schtick right out of the water.


Even the old Soviet propaganda posters? Some of those posters were absolutely brilliant works of design.

api.ning.com
russiatrek.org
youthoughtwewouldntnotice.com
 
2013-09-30 08:14:13 AM

jakomo002: Correct me if I'm wrong, but being born in Canada, he is ineligible for the US Presidency.


Not in the new, misspelled Teabagger constitution he isn't.
 
2013-09-30 08:16:51 AM

Carl Scroot: jakomo002: Correct me if I'm wrong, but being born in Canada, he is ineligible for the US Presidency.

Not in the new, misspelled Teabagger constitution he isn't.


Depends on whether or not his mother spent 10 consecutive years in the U.S., five of which has to be before the age of 19. If she did, then he's a natural-born citizen and can be prez *shudder*.
 
2013-09-30 08:23:01 AM
He should have done this. Just as wrong, but a more accurate message:

www.bitlogic.com
 
2013-09-30 08:28:46 AM
Somehow I ended up on the Hammacher-Schlemmer mailing list and got one of their catalogs. Good god, the people who buy anything from them must be bone-crushingly stupid, or maybe they just have more money than god and nobody to show them how to work the computer. My favorite item is the $60 8GB flash drive called "The 8,000 picture digital storage vault". From what I saw in the catalog, the vast majority of product titles are "The Best X" and "The Best Y" as if their cheap Chinese crap is somehow bestowed the virtue of being worthy of possession by the ignorant wealthy just because it costs 10x as much as an equivalent consumer-grade product from Amazon or whatever.

There's also a remarkable amount of woo-woo "science" there in the form of "reflexology" massagers, infrared baldness "cures", and their ilk.
 
2013-09-30 08:40:10 AM

syrynxx: It's not like chess rules are rigorous.  There are dozens of ways to start off.


Of course.  Personally, I like to replace a few of my bishops with more queens.
 
2013-09-30 08:54:29 AM

Sid_6.7: Who Ted Cruz thinks he is:

[i140.photobucket.com image 625x502]

What Ted Cruz actually is:

[i140.photobucket.com image 640x480]


I like Obama's "Look-out We Got A Badass Over Here" look.
 
2013-09-30 09:03:45 AM
Sounds like Canadian-rules Chess to me.
 
2013-09-30 09:06:00 AM
Been saying it for quite a while now.  Obama's playing chess, the Republicans are playing checkers.
 
2013-09-30 09:42:41 AM

cc_rider: Talent? Well, he's decent at illustration, but for artistic merit, even the old Soviet propaganda posters blow his cheesy schtick right out of the water. He's the teabagger Thomas Kinkade.


What I'm saying is that he can actually make a pretty enough looking picture.  His technique is actually pretty nice.  His subjects are the things schizophrenia are made for, but the man can wield a brush.
 
2013-09-30 09:43:49 AM
Does anyone know if the story is true that the 'Tea Party' threatened to run a primary challenger to Boehner if he failed to allow the House GOP bill to be passed?  I heard some rumor Saturday that they basically threatened to 'primary' him in the next election with an ultra conservative candidate if he didn't get the rest of the house GOP in line with their new version of the budget bill that delayed the ACA for a year.  Since we know Boehner has no spine this would be easy to convince him to do it, but I cannot find any confirmation.
 
2013-09-30 09:52:04 AM
What Cruz is playing:

i116.photobucket.com
 
2013-09-30 09:52:32 AM

bluenote13: Does anyone know if the story is true that the 'Tea Party' threatened to run a primary challenger to Boehner if he failed to allow the House GOP bill to be passed?  I heard some rumor Saturday that they basically threatened to 'primary' him in the next election with an ultra conservative candidate if he didn't get the rest of the house GOP in line with their new version of the budget bill that delayed the ACA for a year.  Since we know Boehner has no spine this would be easy to convince him to do it, but I cannot find any confirmation.


Already happened.
 
2013-09-30 09:53:15 AM

Sgt Otter: TheOmni: Having a fancy chess set and a vague and not entirely accurate understanding of the rules of chess seems to fit him perfectly.

It too can be yours, for the low, low price of $799.95!

http://www.hammacher.com/Product/Default.aspx?sku=12025


Yikes.

I assumed that a chess set THAT ugly would at least be cheap.
 
2013-09-30 09:54:54 AM

shanrick: Someone less astute would be distracted by this maneuver and would ponder why I did that.
In the mean time I have already stolen their VCR and escaped out the window.


I have some VCRs that I don't want to pay to dispose of.  Would you like to come over to my place to play chess?
 
2013-09-30 09:57:53 AM

Muta: Who is BOB?


Ignore him. For some reason he thinks Bob Hope is still alive, and is president.

/He's off on the Road to Nairobi!
 
2013-09-30 09:58:38 AM
i.imgur.com
 
2013-09-30 09:59:32 AM
images3.wikia.nocookie.net
But the odds of a Teatard Fizbin are astronomical
 
2013-09-30 10:01:29 AM

dragonfire77: Been saying it for quite a while now.  Obama's playing chess, the Republicans are playing checkers  POTATOE.


FTFY
 
2013-09-30 10:06:43 AM
Dear God! Ted Cruz thinks he's winning!

/DuhWinning
//Tiger's blood!
 
2013-09-30 10:07:31 AM

Aristocles: I've been drinking a lot for... uh... for



That does explain alot, BOB.
 
2013-09-30 10:14:03 AM

Xhan: Somehow I ended up on the Hammacher-Schlemmer mailing list and got one of their catalogs. Good god, the people who buy anything from them must be bone-crushingly stupid, or maybe they just have more money than god and nobody to show them how to work the computer. My favorite item is the $60 8GB flash drive called "The 8,000 picture digital storage vault". From what I saw in the catalog, the vast majority of product titles are "The Best X" and "The Best Y" as if their cheap Chinese crap is somehow bestowed the virtue of being worthy of possession by the ignorant wealthy just because it costs 10x as much as an equivalent consumer-grade product from Amazon or whatever.

There's also a remarkable amount of woo-woo "science" there in the form of "reflexology" massagers, infrared baldness "cures", and their ilk.


So, Hammacher-Schlemmer is basically an even more ridiculous Skymall?
 
2013-09-30 10:20:06 AM
1) I seriously hate those crazy chess sets where you spend more mental capacity trying to decipher what the pieces are than you do thinking about the game at hand.

2) I hate the crazy colors that usually go with these sets.

3) Because of the difficult colors and my inability to distinguish between which of those are the rooks, knights, and bishops, all I can kinda see is that it looks like he has the queens on the E file.  Of course, since the board doesn't have ranks and files labelled, and I can't tell which of those two crazy colors are supposed to be light and dark I'm not even sure of that.

Other:
1) Fun fact: About a century ago there was an invitational tourney in which the knights and bishops were switched around.  The tournament organizers wanted to see what would happen if you took the rote memory component out of the openings and associated book play out of the middle game.  I can't remember when or where right now, read a book about it.  Interesting stuff.

2) This is a tournament rated chess board.  If you participate in most tournaments, this is what you will see, not that crazy sh/t.  It's cheap as hell, durable, easy to read and handle, rolls up and goes anywhere with you, and it's virtually indestructible.  If your kid shows interest in the game, get him/her one of these.  I still have my brown and white board with B&W pieces that my parents gave me when I was 8.  I just bought a new board a couple years ago because the vinyl was getting so worn it was becoming hard to see.  I'm considering new pieces because they are getting so beat up around the base from getting knocked into and having their bottoms slam the clock.  I've only gone through two clocks in nearly 30 years of playing.  I spend more money on notebooks (nothing specialized, standard notebooks your kid uses at school) to record my games than I have on the clocks, boards, and pieces.
 
2013-09-30 10:28:34 AM

SpectroBoy: [images3.wikia.nocookie.net image 720x540]
But the odds of a Teatard Fizbin are astronomical


except on tuesday...
 
2013-09-30 10:55:38 AM
The abbot waited to see what long-term, devious strategies were being evolved. Then his opponent tapped a piece with a bony finger. "REMIND ME AGAIN," he said "HOW THE LITTLE HORSE SHAPED ONE MOVES."
-Small Gods

One can almost hope that Ted Cruz and many other teaderpers will have to also play against the Abbot's opponent soon...
 
2013-09-30 11:04:06 AM

Don't Troll Me Bro!: 2) This is a tournament rated chess board. If you participate in most tournaments, this is what you will see, not that crazy sh/t. It's cheap as hell, durable, easy to read and handle, rolls up and goes anywhere with you, and it's virtually indestructible. If your kid shows interest in the game, get him/her one of these. I still have my brown and white board with B&W pieces that my parents gave me when I was 8. I just bought a new board a couple years ago because the vinyl was getting so worn it was becoming hard to see. I'm considering new pieces because they are getting so beat up around the base from getting knocked into and having their bottoms slam the clock. I've only gone through two clocks in nearly 30 years of playing. I spend more money on notebooks (nothing specialized, standard notebooks your kid uses at school) to record my games than I have on the clocks, boards, and pieces.


I've got my board sitting about 10 feet away, with the nice double-weighted pieces in the carrying case. Mine's in black rather than green.

In high school we in the chess club would jokingly duel one another by drawing the rolled up board from the case and using it like a crap sword, while using the cases as shields.

Nowadays one would likely be shot by a SWAT team for such behavior.

I'm not sure where my clock is. In the basement somewhere, I imagine.
 
2013-09-30 11:05:40 AM

fusillade762: Queen goes on color


Cruz doesn't accept homosexuals or interracial relationships.
 
2013-09-30 11:09:31 AM

Sid_6.7: Don't Troll Me Bro!: 2) This is a tournament rated chess board. If you participate in most tournaments, this is what you will see, not that crazy sh/t. It's cheap as hell, durable, easy to read and handle, rolls up and goes anywhere with you, and it's virtually indestructible. If your kid shows interest in the game, get him/her one of these. I still have my brown and white board with B&W pieces that my parents gave me when I was 8. I just bought a new board a couple years ago because the vinyl was getting so worn it was becoming hard to see. I'm considering new pieces because they are getting so beat up around the base from getting knocked into and having their bottoms slam the clock. I've only gone through two clocks in nearly 30 years of playing. I spend more money on notebooks (nothing specialized, standard notebooks your kid uses at school) to record my games than I have on the clocks, boards, and pieces.

I've got my board sitting about 10 feet away, with the nice double-weighted pieces in the carrying case. Mine's in black rather than green.

In high school we in the chess club would jokingly duel one another by drawing the rolled up board from the case and using it like a crap sword, while using the cases as shields.

Nowadays one would likely be shot by a SWAT team for such behavior.

I'm not sure where my clock is. In the basement somewhere, I imagine.


I miss bughouse.
 
2013-09-30 11:16:49 AM
GOP strategy revealed: misrepresent both sides and DERP!
 
2013-09-30 11:17:05 AM
He was obviously playing Canadian chess
 
2013-09-30 11:38:00 AM

Sgt Otter: TheOmni: Having a fancy chess set and a vague and not entirely accurate understanding of the rules of chess seems to fit him perfectly.

It too can be yours, for the low, low price of $799.95!

http://www.hammacher.com/Product/Default.aspx?sku=12025


Or, for the same price, you could buy the strongest tabletop chess computer available and always have an opponent (whom you will almost certainly never outgrow), and still have enough left over to outfit a school chess club with enough supplies to have 10 games being played at the same time, including analog clocks.

/I just never understood the fancy chess sets
//probably since most places I've seen them are in households where nobody is a serious student of the game
 
2013-09-30 11:48:29 AM

Cork on Fork: fusillade762: Queen goes on color

Cruz doesn't accept homosexuals or interracial relationships.


Once the white queen went black, she never went back. . .
 
2013-09-30 11:49:54 AM

Don't Troll Me Bro!: Sgt Otter: TheOmni: Having a fancy chess set and a vague and not entirely accurate understanding of the rules of chess seems to fit him perfectly.

It too can be yours, for the low, low price of $799.95!

http://www.hammacher.com/Product/Default.aspx?sku=12025

Or, for the same price, you could buy the strongest tabletop chess computer available and always have an opponent (whom you will almost certainly never outgrow), and still have enough left over to outfit a school chess club with enough supplies to have 10 games being played at the same time, including analog clocks.

/I just never understood the fancy chess sets
//probably since most places I've seen them are in households where nobody is a serious student of the game


I'm not a serious student, but a grand master said I was decent for being self-taught. One of the things I've always imagined having in my house is a crystal chess set on my living room coffee table. I had one; fricking parents sold it during a garage sale 'cause they needed cash for credit card bills. Thanks, Obama.

/half-kidding. The recession is why the 'rents had a garage sale, but I don't think it was Obama's fault.
 
2013-09-30 12:04:12 PM

Peki: Don't Troll Me Bro!: Sgt Otter: TheOmni: Having a fancy chess set and a vague and not entirely accurate understanding of the rules of chess seems to fit him perfectly.

It too can be yours, for the low, low price of $799.95!

http://www.hammacher.com/Product/Default.aspx?sku=12025

Or, for the same price, you could buy the strongest tabletop chess computer available and always have an opponent (whom you will almost certainly never outgrow), and still have enough left over to outfit a school chess club with enough supplies to have 10 games being played at the same time, including analog clocks.

/I just never understood the fancy chess sets
//probably since most places I've seen them are in households where nobody is a serious student of the game

I'm not a serious student, but a grand master said I was decent for being self-taught. One of the things I've always imagined having in my house is a crystal chess set on my living room coffee table. I had one; fricking parents sold it during a garage sale 'cause they needed cash for credit card bills. Thanks, Obama.

/half-kidding. The recession is why the 'rents had a garage sale, but I don't think it was Obama's fault.


If you want a nice set for your sitting room, I recommend a good Staunton set in wood with matching board. It's classic, it's regulation, and makes you appear a more serious player to anyone who knows any better. Practically everything else is gauche crap.
 
2013-09-30 12:07:53 PM

Sid_6.7: Peki: Don't Troll Me Bro!: Sgt Otter: TheOmni: Having a fancy chess set and a vague and not entirely accurate understanding of the rules of chess seems to fit him perfectly.

It too can be yours, for the low, low price of $799.95!

http://www.hammacher.com/Product/Default.aspx?sku=12025

Or, for the same price, you could buy the strongest tabletop chess computer available and always have an opponent (whom you will almost certainly never outgrow), and still have enough left over to outfit a school chess club with enough supplies to have 10 games being played at the same time, including analog clocks.

/I just never understood the fancy chess sets
//probably since most places I've seen them are in households where nobody is a serious student of the game

I'm not a serious student, but a grand master said I was decent for being self-taught. One of the things I've always imagined having in my house is a crystal chess set on my living room coffee table. I had one; fricking parents sold it during a garage sale 'cause they needed cash for credit card bills. Thanks, Obama.

/half-kidding. The recession is why the 'rents had a garage sale, but I don't think it was Obama's fault.

If you want a nice set for your sitting room, I recommend a good Staunton set in wood with matching board. It's classic, it's regulation, and makes you appear a more serious player to anyone who knows any better. Practically everything else is gauche crap.


Yeah, but I'm left-handed, so it fits.

/you're right, it would mostly be a display piece. I'd keep a plastic set with the roll-up mat board for real playing, especially something like bughouse.
 
2013-09-30 12:16:23 PM
How can you jagoffs not see the most important issue here?

That chess game is being played where Kirk Cameron had his birthday party.

Study it out.
 
2013-09-30 12:22:48 PM

Cargo: How can you jagoffs not see the most important issue here?

That chess game is being played where Kirk Cameron had his birthday party.

Study it out.


I wanted to, but I was denied admission for not bringing my own Subway sandwich. =(
 
2013-09-30 12:27:06 PM

syrynxx: It's not like chess rules are rigorous.  There are dozens of ways to start off.


Yeah I think it was Fischer who eventually started randomizing the starting positions of non-pawns because he got sick of everyone using the same openings over and over.  And also mixing up the king and queen positions is a common mistake.

Still Ted Cruz is a dumb.
 
2013-09-30 12:38:26 PM

Don't Troll Me Bro!: Sgt Otter: TheOmni: Having a fancy chess set and a vague and not entirely accurate understanding of the rules of chess seems to fit him perfectly.

It too can be yours, for the low, low price of $799.95!

http://www.hammacher.com/Product/Default.aspx?sku=12025

Or, for the same price, you could buy the strongest tabletop chess computer available and always have an opponent (whom you will almost certainly never outgrow), and still have enough left over to outfit a school chess club with enough supplies to have 10 games being played at the same time, including analog clocks.

/I just never understood the fancy chess sets
//probably since most places I've seen them are in households where nobody is a serious student of the game


I think we all know what kind of chess sets most farkers have:

www.shotglasschess.com
 
2013-09-30 12:41:48 PM

mrshowrules: What Cruz is playing:

[i116.photobucket.com image 159x165]


I lol'd a bit too much at this. Goodness, a "Connect Four" that's 3x3? wtf
 
2013-09-30 01:21:45 PM
He plans to step up his game pretty soon:

ontopinternetmarketing.com
 
2013-09-30 01:23:32 PM

vygramul: He should have done this. Just as wrong, but a more accurate message:

[www.bitlogic.com image 624x416]


Never seen that before. Holy crap that's awesomely terrible.
 
2013-09-30 01:58:38 PM
If Senator Lee has any brains, his responding move is tweeting a picture of a board of checkers, saying "This is more your speed, Ted."

Or a book on chess. Either one.
 
2013-09-30 02:11:13 PM

Shocktopus: RedPhoenix122: Is it just me, or do the pawns look like they're on the toilet dropping a deuce?

That is the second thing I thought after 'which one is the bishop and which is the knight jesus fark this is a badly designed chess set.'


My big thought was '...why the hell is there that little podium? Is this supposed to be 3D chess?'

/But I can't play chess worth shiat, so.
 
2013-09-30 06:25:53 PM
I hate those chess sets.  Give me a nice roll out mat and standard wooden pieces.  When the board gets busy, it's easy to confuse the secondary pieces.  That being written, the queen is the one with the boobs and she should be on her own color.

/Cruz is a tard
 
2013-09-30 07:29:06 PM

rosebud_the_sled: I hate those chess sets.  Give me a nice roll out mat and standard wooden pieces.  When the board gets busy, it's easy to confuse the secondary pieces.  That being written, the queen is the one with the boobs and she should be on her own color.

/Cruz is a tard


It's one of those things that only the people who are trying to impress others spend a lot of money on.  Anyone who really plays chess wants something that looks classic.  I have a cheap board with plastic pieces...but I'm not actually afraid to use them.
 
2013-09-30 07:31:09 PM
I think there is a better chess analogy for this situation:

i5.photobucket.com
 
2013-09-30 09:31:33 PM
images1.wikia.nocookie.net

The shiatty twist is that he's changed the hats of the king and queen in order to fool his sister, who will now lose because of her overconfidence.

/image is hot
 
2013-09-30 10:06:56 PM

badhatharry: And his spoke for 21 hours about GREEN EGGS & HAM!

libs
are so farking stupid


Therefore TED CRUZ IS A LIB.

Asspipe.
 
2013-09-30 10:27:43 PM

ox45tallboy: r1chard3: Sgt Otter: TheOmni: Having a fancy chess set and a vague and not entirely accurate understanding of the rules of chess seems to fit him perfectly.

It too can be yours, for the low, low price of $799.95!

http://www.hammacher.com/Product/Default.aspx?sku=12025

In his defense, the catalog has it wrong too.

/Snert

So... ordering from a pretentious douchebag supply company may make you look like a pretentious douchebag? Hmmm.


Wow,  it really sound terrible when you put it like that.
 
2013-10-01 01:23:35 AM

ox45tallboy: Sid_6.7: Then you can be grateful I PS'd the shirt into the image.

Perhaps a better macro would have been "I prefer it your way". It really adds to the piece, and that meme was just what came to mind. Awesome job on the 'shop, btw.

Sid_6.7: Also, if you can't see how the filters work, then you should come off your mod high-horse and dwell in the land of the peons. The view is much better here.

Absolute honesty, I used the same method he did to bypass the filter. No mod trick or anything. My posts get filtered like everyone else's.


ox43tallboy's telling the truth (unless he simply copied-and-pasted what I did, which would also work, but not easily reveal how it works).

ib_thinkin: COMALite J: /How did I do that?

Did you make the space in between italicized? I always wondered if that would do it, but never cared enough to try.

I think I will, now. "Boobies."


El Pachuco: It's as if those quotes "fark up" the filter.


Nope, being able to type → first post ← without triggering the filter has nothing to do italicizing spaces, nor with with quotes (nor arrows, for that matter).

Hint: look carefully at the word "first" and the word "filter" above (and in this sentence). What do they have in common? How do the similarities differ?

Hint: look carefully at the word "first" and the word "filter" above (and in this sentence). What do they have in common? How do the similarities differ?

No, that was not a repeat. Those two paragraphs are not identical. Spot the differences yet?
 
2013-10-01 02:07:44 AM
Yeah, you're using the fi ligature.
 
2013-10-01 12:32:22 PM
GOP strategy revealed: misrepresent both sides and DERP!
 
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