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(Business Insider)   Drink a lot of coffee? Here are ten reasons why it's a bad idea, because it does some crazy things to your body   ( divider line
    More: PSA, coffee  
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15870 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 Sep 2013 at 5:27 PM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2013-09-29 04:29:19 PM  
6 votes:
Coffee: I drink it so you don't die.
2013-09-29 08:36:33 PM  
4 votes:
After reading through this thread, I have arrived at only one logical coherent conclusion.

More coffee means fewer grunt rings applied to exiting turdlettes.

And come on. We all know what a grunt ring is. That moment of exquisite agony as a turd the size of an old DeSoto sedan only makes it halfway out and then comes to a screeching halt, causing involuntary whimpers of pain, as we breathe deep and our leather cheerio clenches, applying a grunt ring to what appears to be the love child of Benjamin Grimm and She Hulk. After a few seconds, which actually feels like a few years, the pain train begins to move again, trying to evacuate the reinforced brick clogging up our backside, the nigh indestructible Turdzilla being birthed, the beast that no sharpened sphincter can slice. The nearly religious experience of true pain, each protruding peanut slicing away at our poopchute like slivers of glass forged in the deepest pits of Mordor. Yes, real pain, true pain, the pain where even atheists cry out "Oh God!" and for the briefest moment, have a desire to believe that some divine being could save them from this torment.
2013-09-29 05:49:07 PM  
4 votes:
2013-09-29 05:15:55 PM  
4 votes:
You can get my coffee when you pry it from my cold, dead hands...
2013-09-29 03:30:22 PM  
4 votes:
Bonus from drinking coffee- I don't cut to ribbons the first person who annoys me.
2013-09-29 05:42:16 PM  
3 votes:
I can function without coffee, in much the same way as an internal combustion engine can function with a broken water pump: Not for very long and not at peak efficiency.

However, there's a happy medium between this:
And this:
2013-09-29 08:08:09 PM  
2 votes:

armor helix: Kit Fister: Quantum Apostrophe: But it does make you an idiot when you believe that this "unknown" is somehow the future of the species and that everyone must leave this rock... That's a religion. Suddenly your "unknown" is actually just a rehash of all the tired old Space Age propaganda and fantasies.

Fine, it's "unknown". But so far, we have a HELL of a lot of "knowns" that point to one conclusion: "No one's going anywhere".

Wait, which are we arguing about? Religion? Belief in FTL drives?  Afterlife?

Wtf are you two talking about?

They think they're on "private" and nobody can see their messages.  Wait 'til he asks if he can touch her dirty pillows before we let them in on the joke.
2013-09-29 05:53:58 PM  
2 votes:
2013-09-29 05:38:57 PM  
2 votes:
If I don't get my coffee I start to go over all Communist. Two days without and I am braying for the blood of the parasite class.

I swear this genuinely is 100% true.
2013-09-30 01:19:27 AM  
1 vote:

oukewldave: I only drink coffee at work because it's free and not just water. I want to stab people who say they can't function without their coffee.  Lame excuse for acting stupid.

All I know is that pre-coffee, I have a tendency to put cereal boxes in the fridge and run the coffee maker with no water in it, or worse with water in it but no carafe underneath the basket. I'm mostly fine after I have the first cup though.
2013-09-29 10:20:38 PM  
1 vote:

oukewldave: I only drink coffee at work because it's free and not just water. I want to stab people who say they can't function without their coffee.  Lame excuse for acting stupid.

I want to stab people who want to stab people for saying they can't function if they don't have their coffee.

Right after I finish this double expresso.
2013-09-29 09:23:38 PM  
1 vote:
As most of you, I have such a tolerance for caffeine that I don't notice any unless excessively tired or trying to sleep.  However...


After a 2 month stint in basic training, I still remember the first day at a briefing when we had redbulls and coffee available.  Holy hell.  If I could reproduce the pure methamphetamine high I experienced that day from coffee at work, the world would be a better place.  Or it just wouldn't stop talking.

2013-09-29 07:00:05 PM  
1 vote:
The only harmful effect of coffee is what is going to happen to you if you try to deny me coffee
2013-09-29 06:55:25 PM  
1 vote:
2013-09-29 06:35:28 PM  
1 vote:
This again?
2013-09-29 06:22:22 PM  
1 vote:
2013-09-29 06:13:20 PM  
1 vote:
read the article while drinking coffee, so getting a kick ...

/2 cups a day
/no, I will not be cutting back
2013-09-29 05:42:10 PM  
1 vote:
Glad I only drink one cup a day.
2013-09-29 05:39:47 PM  
1 vote:

Quantum Apostrophe: I got really bad with my espresso maker, only when I came to empty the hopper did I realize I must be throwing back 12-15 a day. Plus tea. But it doesn't really do anything until I stop. Then I get lethargic for a day or two, then I get better. No headache.

No wonder you're an asshole.
2013-09-29 05:39:37 PM  
1 vote:
That's why I crush the beans up instead and do a couple of lines of coffee in the morning.
2013-09-29 05:35:20 PM  
1 vote:
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