Veteran of the Cola Wars: After reading through this thread, I have arrived at only one logical coherent conclusion.More coffee means fewer grunt rings applied to exiting turdlettes.And come on. We all know what a grunt ring is. That moment of exquisite agony as a turd the size of an old DeSoto sedan only makes it halfway out and then comes to a screeching halt, causing involuntary whimpers of pain, as we breathe deep and our leather cheerio clenches, applying a grunt ring to what appears to be the love child of Benjamin Grimm and She Hulk. After a few seconds, which actually feels like a few years, the pain train begins to move again, trying to evacuate the reinforced brick clogging up our backside, the nigh indestructible Turdzilla being birthed, the beast that no sharpened sphincter can slice. The nearly religious experience of true pain, each protruding peanut slicing away at our poopchute like slivers of glass forged in the deepest pits of Mordor. Yes, real pain, true pain, the pain where even atheists cry out "Oh God!" and for the briefest moment, have a desire to believe that some divine being could save them from this torment.
FatherDale: I'm convinced. I'm going to quit reading Business Insider articles.
Quantum Apostrophe: I'd rather be an asshole than the kind of naive, wide-eyed idiot I recall you to be.
Quantum Apostrophe: I got really bad with my espresso maker, only when I came to empty the hopper did I realize I must be throwing back 12-15 a day. Plus tea. But it doesn't really do anything until I stop. Then I get lethargic for a day or two, then I get better. No headache.
Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.
When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.
Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.
You need to create an account to submit links or post comments.
Click here to submit a link.
Also on Fark
Submit a Link »
Copyright © 1999 - 2017 Fark, Inc | Last updated: Mar 27 2017 01:19:57
Runtime: 0.317 sec (316 ms)