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(Daily Mail)   New studies claim dolphins may be more stupid than goldfish, chickens, worms, and Daily Mail readers   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 29
    More: Unlikely, bottlenose dolphins, dolphins, Daily Mail, mammals, brain size, high density, zoologists, marine mammals  
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10946 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 Sep 2013 at 3:27 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2013-09-29 12:27:57 AM  
5 votes:
Well keep your damn fish then

/goodbye
2013-09-29 04:37:38 AM  
4 votes:
If dolphins are so smart, how come they never come on the internet and defend themselves? Idiots.
2013-09-29 04:05:32 AM  
3 votes:
"...man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much-the wheel, New York, wars and so on-whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man-for precisely the same reasons."
2013-09-29 03:49:42 AM  
3 votes:
i.imgur.com

They blow all of their money on lottery tickets.
NFA [TotalFark]
2013-09-29 01:42:41 AM  
3 votes:
Well there are many reports that dolphins are so stupid they've actually saved the lives of downing humans.  So I guess that IS proof of a cognitive deficit.
2013-09-29 04:45:20 AM  
2 votes:
If dolphins are so smart, how come they live in igloos?
2013-09-29 04:41:33 AM  
2 votes:
Having seen pairs of dolphins communicate shapes descriptions underwater *from memory*, I can easily flip the bozo bits on these dipshiats.

Some dolphin must have beat these guys in chess or something...
2013-09-29 04:41:32 AM  
2 votes:

GungFu: If dolphins are so smart, how come they never come on the internet and defend themselves? Idiots.


Because we're much too smart to have an internet fight with daily mail readers.
2013-09-29 04:04:15 AM  
2 votes:
The way the world works these day, the main business of Whale and Dolphin Conservation is probably lobbying to remove regulations for killing them.
2013-09-29 03:55:27 AM  
2 votes:

DammitIForgotMyLogin: I find it hard to believe that there's anything on this planet stupider than a Daily Mail reader


"Stupid dolphins, think they're smarter than me. Now who's boss?"
2013-09-29 03:40:41 AM  
2 votes:
Dolphin architecture and scientific advances are somewhat unremarkable.
2013-09-29 10:17:11 PM  
1 votes:
capt.hollister:
There are lots of people around who can make any one of the required parts. There are people who can assemble the components, but is there any one who can actually do it all ?

Before you answer, remember that to make a pencil, you first have to make the tools to cut and shape the wood. Next, you have to make the tools to mine and powder the graphite, which then has to be mixed with the right amount of clay and dried to make a lead. The lead then has to be given the correct shape to fit inside the wood casing. This is in turn has to be closed and glued permanently around the graphite lead, which requires collecting and mixing all the ingredients to make the glue....


You seem to have a pretty good handle on it. We can make you chief of pencils in the coming dark ages.
2013-09-29 03:27:39 PM  
1 votes:
Of course dolphins are stupid. They just muck about in the water all day instead of inventing useful things, like digital watches.

/seriously, it took this long? You all should be ashamed
2013-09-29 02:49:19 PM  
1 votes:
I want to take LSD with dolphins. You know, for science.

/wtf?
2013-09-29 11:07:47 AM  
1 votes:

taurusowner: Not surprising. Humans love to anthropomorphize the fark out of animals. We see certain behaviors that seem to mimic some of our own and come to the conclusion they MUST be similar to humans. Dogs saving people, monkeys using tools, dolphins and language. But the truth is we don't even know who our own minds really work or why we feel and act certain ways. It is erroneous to attribute too much emotion or intelligence to any animal. We  want dogs to feel just like humans because it makes us feel better if they do. That doesn't make it so. Were just projecting. Likewise with dolphins. As the most advanced species on earth, we're constantly looking for places where the advances we went through are happening elsewhere. Sometimes there is a sliver of truth to it. Most often not. In the majority of cases it's just projection and wishful thinking.

Once you understand that all animals are nothing but biological machines, with varying levels of complexity to their hardware and programming, the assumptions become a little more realistic.


And yet, here you are--summing your identity up with the fact that you drive a Ford Taurus.
2013-09-29 10:09:33 AM  
1 votes:
Dolphins are also jerks.

i.imgur.com
2013-09-29 09:07:41 AM  
1 votes:
However, Dolphins are still smarter than your average farker.
2013-09-29 07:56:04 AM  
1 votes:
www.lobshots.com

/still not as dumb as cowboys
2013-09-29 07:25:28 AM  
1 votes:

bindlestiff2600: ghostfacekillahrabbit: bindlestiff2600: control of the narrative so important

the dolphin need to be id'd as stupid
so we can start fishing them
and/or start importing from where its already done

So who in the U.S. wants to eat sell dolphin meat, bad enough that they've been funding this scheme with actual money?

corrected sentence

dolphins are percieved as being smart, clever, cute
and public resistance would be very very high
but
with some artful articles sprinkled here and there
shifting the view to "dumber than goldfish"
we establish a new product


$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$




Farm-raised dolphin, if you care about health.
2013-09-29 07:23:25 AM  
1 votes:
Humans are smart. We build dams. So do beavers. We can distinguish between many and few. So can mealworms. Goldfish try to escape. The Jews obediently went to their doom. Humans shiat in small contained spaces. Bears shiat wherever the fark they want. The tropical bird of paradise does weird mating dances. Humans twerk.

I guess humans ain't intelligent either.
2013-09-29 07:06:55 AM  
1 votes:

Bandito King: taurusowner: blahblah

Once you understand that all animals, including humans, are nothing but biological machines, with varying levels of complexity to their hardware and programming, the assumptions become a little more realistic.

ftfm, humans ain't special and it's very unlikely that any feels are unique to us. Animals differ in motivation and understanding but you can still make an animal sad, panicked, frightened, happy, angry, etc. Those are emotions and no amount of wishing we are "different" in some ephemeral way will void those emotions of meaning. You think your emotions are stirred by a guardian angel or something? You're just a bioputer too, my ninja. If a dolphin can be summed up as a string of stimulus responses, I assure you the same is true of us.


Maybe.

smartpei.typepad.com
Thanks for the assurance.
2013-09-29 05:29:16 AM  
1 votes:
i.imgur.com

And some said that even the trees had been a bad move, and that no one should ever have left the oceans.

It turns out that leaving the oceans wasn't the problem. Leaving the oceans for dry land was the problem.
2013-09-29 05:02:48 AM  
1 votes:

1000 Ways to Dye: If dolphins are so smart, how come they live in igloos?


It's walruses that live in igloos, you idjit!   Geez, some people are so ignorant.
2013-09-29 04:22:07 AM  
1 votes:

Harry_Seldon: That is the most uniquely stupid thing I have ever read. So, basically, he is a professional troll.


Now we know who bribes the modmins into greening Daily Fail articles.
2013-09-29 04:18:11 AM  
1 votes:
That is the most uniquely stupid thing I have ever read. So, basically, he is a professional troll.
2013-09-29 04:09:04 AM  
1 votes:
Still smarter than anything on the politics tab
2013-09-29 03:50:32 AM  
1 votes:

frostalicious: Yeah, that's why we've started using goldfish to detect underwater mines and report on their locations.


Don't forget all the goldfish, chicken and worms that are smart enough to hunt in packs. Or have obtained gainful employment at SeaWorld.
2013-09-29 03:44:38 AM  
1 votes:
Given how many posts on Fark are from there, aren't most of us Daily Mail readers?

That should be people who believe what they read there.

i1.ytimg.com
2013-09-29 02:28:43 AM  
1 votes:
I find it hard to believe that there's anything on this planet stupider than a Daily Mail reader
 
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