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(Daily Mail)   New studies claim dolphins may be more stupid than goldfish, chickens, worms, and Daily Mail readers   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 42
    More: Unlikely, bottlenose dolphins, dolphins, Daily Mail, mammals, brain size, high density, zoologists, marine mammals  
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10946 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 Sep 2013 at 3:27 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2013-09-29 02:28:43 AM  
7 votes:
I find it hard to believe that there's anything on this planet stupider than a Daily Mail reader
2013-09-29 04:18:11 AM  
5 votes:
That is the most uniquely stupid thing I have ever read. So, basically, he is a professional troll.
2013-09-29 04:09:04 AM  
5 votes:
Still smarter than anything on the politics tab
2013-09-29 04:05:32 AM  
5 votes:
"...man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much-the wheel, New York, wars and so on-whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man-for precisely the same reasons."
2013-09-29 07:01:54 AM  
3 votes:
taurusowner: blahblah

Once you understand that all animals, including humans, are nothing but biological machines, with varying levels of complexity to their hardware and programming, the assumptions become a little more realistic.

ftfm, humans ain't special and it's very unlikely that any feels are unique to us. Animals differ in motivation and understanding but you can still make an animal sad, panicked, frightened, happy, angry, etc. Those are emotions and no amount of wishing we are "different" in some ephemeral way will void those emotions of meaning. You think your emotions are stirred by a guardian angel or something? You're just a bioputer too, my ninja. If a dolphin can be summed up as a string of stimulus responses, I assure you the same is true of us.
2013-09-29 04:04:15 AM  
3 votes:
The way the world works these day, the main business of Whale and Dolphin Conservation is probably lobbying to remove regulations for killing them.
2013-09-29 03:48:27 AM  
3 votes:
Yeah, that's why we've started using goldfish to detect underwater mines and report on their locations.
2013-09-29 07:23:25 AM  
2 votes:
Humans are smart. We build dams. So do beavers. We can distinguish between many and few. So can mealworms. Goldfish try to escape. The Jews obediently went to their doom. Humans shiat in small contained spaces. Bears shiat wherever the fark they want. The tropical bird of paradise does weird mating dances. Humans twerk.

I guess humans ain't intelligent either.
2013-09-29 05:34:15 AM  
2 votes:
Manger said interpretations of behavior based on 'personal bias' are not helpful.
'Conservation strategies should not be based on unrealistic expectations,' he said.


He's working for someone who wants to start a commercial dolphin harvest.
2013-09-29 04:41:33 AM  
2 votes:
Having seen pairs of dolphins communicate shapes descriptions underwater *from memory*, I can easily flip the bozo bits on these dipshiats.

Some dolphin must have beat these guys in chess or something...
2013-09-29 04:26:29 AM  
2 votes:
I seriously doubt mealworms understand the concept of "fewer" and "many" somehow; and I also suspect that dolphins struggle to escape nets considerably harder than any goldfish ever attempted to escape from a bowl. But if it makes you feel better about drift-net fishing, go right ahead and believe that.
2013-09-29 04:22:07 AM  
2 votes:

Harry_Seldon: That is the most uniquely stupid thing I have ever read. So, basically, he is a professional troll.


Now we know who bribes the modmins into greening Daily Fail articles.
2013-09-29 04:05:40 AM  
2 votes:
control of the narrative so important

the dolphin need to be id'd as stupid
so we can start fishing them
and/or start importing from where its already done
2013-09-29 03:55:27 AM  
2 votes:

DammitIForgotMyLogin: I find it hard to believe that there's anything on this planet stupider than a Daily Mail reader


"Stupid dolphins, think they're smarter than me. Now who's boss?"
2013-09-29 03:50:32 AM  
2 votes:

frostalicious: Yeah, that's why we've started using goldfish to detect underwater mines and report on their locations.


Don't forget all the goldfish, chicken and worms that are smart enough to hunt in packs. Or have obtained gainful employment at SeaWorld.
2013-09-29 03:48:08 AM  
2 votes:
Karsten Brensing, a marine biologist with the organization Whale and Dolphin Conservation (WDC), said: 'To put it bluntly, most of that is b*******,'

Couldn't have said it better myself.
NFA [TotalFark]
2013-09-29 01:42:41 AM  
2 votes:
Well there are many reports that dolphins are so stupid they've actually saved the lives of downing humans.  So I guess that IS proof of a cognitive deficit.
2013-09-29 10:53:27 PM  
1 votes:
"For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much-the wheel, New York, wars and so on-whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man-for precisely the same reasons."  - Douglas Adams
2013-09-29 09:43:24 PM  
1 votes:

Bandito King: capt.hollister: rogue49: I know animals that are smarter than many humans...

Are our criteria biased???

Many humans wouldn't be able to survive outside.
And they certainly don't cooperate as well.

IMO, you are quite wrong. No species cooperates as well or as efficiently as humans. All the technology we all use, including that which enables us to post on Fark, is the result of human cooperation. There isn't a single one of us who could make something as simple as a pencil or a lightbulb without relying in some way on the work performed by another human.

Which is why we have to guard our technical knowledge at all times. If we should ever forget how to make a pencil, there will be no hope for rediscovering such arcane science.


There are lots of people around who can make any one of the required parts. There are people who can assemble the components, but is there any one who can actually do it all ?

Before you answer, remember that to make a pencil, you first have to make the tools to cut and shape the wood. Next, you have to make the tools to mine and powder the graphite, which then has to be mixed with the right amount of clay and dried to make a lead. The lead then has to be given the correct shape to fit inside the wood casing. This is in turn has to be closed and glued permanently around the graphite lead, which requires collecting and mixing all the ingredients to make the glue....

As a society, this is a simple task. As an individual, it is extremely arduous.

HindiDiscoMonster: capt.hollister: rogue49: I know animals that are smarter than many humans...

Are our criteria biased???

Many humans wouldn't be able to survive outside.
And they certainly don't cooperate as well.

IMO, you are quite wrong. No species cooperates as well or as efficiently as humans. All the technology we all use, including that which enables us to post on Fark, is the result of human cooperation. There isn't a single one of us who could make something as simple as a pencil or a lightbulb without relying in some way on the work performed by another human.

Never heard of ants huh?

[www.kaheel7.com image 500x403]


There are lots of social animals, ants being one of the best examples. Yet, even they cannot perform all the tasks, good and bad, that a human society can perform.   Think of all the tasks other humans had to perform in order for you to post this one picture on Fark.
2013-09-29 04:29:36 PM  
1 votes:
So because they can't escape a net that is designed to trap finned animals they are dumb? How about the ones that rescue dogs and people? Are they so stupid they return their snacks to land where they cannot reach them later?

Goldfish jump out of their bowls thinking they'll hit more water, that's how stupid they are. Not a very intelligent escape if they can't breathe.
2013-09-29 03:52:28 PM  
1 votes:
Research paid for by Japanese Whaling Commission and/or some Republican think tank no doubt.
2013-09-29 12:30:19 PM  
1 votes:
Judging from some of the posts, there is nothing that gets people's undies in a tighter knot than going against a cherished stereotype.
2013-09-29 11:58:55 AM  
1 votes:
Okay, I haven't read the Daily Fail article in question, but here is a response to said article via Southern Fried Science. Interestingly, it comes down to a misunderstanding about a new book about how smart dolphins actually are, compared to how smart they are perceived to be. And also compared to other species whose intelligence tends to be underestimated. Like chickens.

/Dolphins are intelligent
//Just not special
///But they are assholes
2013-09-29 10:43:32 AM  
1 votes:

taurusowner: Not surprising. Humans love to anthropomorphize the fark out of animals. We see certain behaviors that seem to mimic some of our own and come to the conclusion they MUST be similar to humans. Dogs saving people, monkeys using tools, dolphins and language. But the truth is we don't even know who our own minds really work or why we feel and act certain ways. It is erroneous to attribute too much emotion or intelligence to any animal. We  want dogs to feel just like humans because it makes us feel better if they do. That doesn't make it so. Were just projecting. Likewise with dolphins. As the most advanced species on earth, we're constantly looking for places where the advances we went through are happening elsewhere. Sometimes there is a sliver of truth to it. Most often not. In the majority of cases it's just projection and wishful thinking.

Once you understand that all animals are nothing but biological machines, with varying levels of complexity to their hardware and programming, the assumptions become a little more realistic.


You realize you could use your exact same argument to point out that humans are not this special, unique species that has abilities that no other animal will ever be capable of achieving, right?
2013-09-29 10:13:14 AM  
1 votes:
Brought to you by the Association of Tuna Fishermen...

Seriously?  Not smarter than chickens?  Mealworms?  I think I am going to call BS on this one.
2013-09-29 09:57:30 AM  
1 votes:

bindlestiff2600: control of the narrative so important

the dolphin need to be id'd as stupid
so we can start fishing them
and/or start importing from where its already done


I think the ulterior motive of this garbage "report" is to try to erode support for restrictions on drift-net fishing.  "Dolphins are stupid!  Who cares if they get netted?  Don't you want some of this yummy tuna?"
2013-09-29 08:11:48 AM  
1 votes:

Bandito King: taurusowner: blahblah

Once you understand that all animals, including humans, are nothing but biological machines, with varying levels of complexity to their hardware and programming, the assumptions become a little more realistic.
ftfm, humans ain't special and it's very unlikely that any feels are unique to us. Animals differ in motivation and understanding but you can still make an animal sad, panicked, frightened, happy, angry, etc. Those are emotions and no amount of wishing we are "different" in some ephemeral way will void those emotions of meaning. You think your emotions are stirred by a guardian angel or something? You're just a bioputer too, my ninja. If a dolphin can be summed up as a string of stimulus responses, I assure you the same is true of us.


Also, if some trait shows up in simpler life forms it shouldn't be a surprise. It was just at that level that trait evolved into being. If being able to distinguish few or many is important for survival then it should be expected in different animals.

All this "evidence" in the article points to is not that dolphins aren't smart. But there are many animals smarter than we once thought. And maybe we need to define "smart" better. It isn't an idea that you answer yes or no to, rather it is more a sliding scale.
2013-09-29 07:39:14 AM  
1 votes:
Once you understand that all animals are nothing but biological machines,

you mean they are the same as humans !
2013-09-29 07:26:09 AM  
1 votes:
Reality: One contrarian asshat says "nuh-uh, cause other animals do some of those things too" to claims of Dolphin intelligence
DailyFail: Dolphins are retarded
2013-09-29 07:24:44 AM  
1 votes:

DammitIForgotMyLogin: I find it hard to believe that there's anything on this planet stupider than a Daily Mail reader


YouTube commenters? Congress critters? Right whales?

/I realize there may be significant overlap among these groups...
2013-09-29 07:15:35 AM  
1 votes:

ghostfacekillahrabbit: bindlestiff2600: control of the narrative so important

the dolphin need to be id'd as stupid
so we can start fishing them
and/or start importing from where its already done

So who in the U.S. wants to eat sell dolphin meat, bad enough that they've been funding this scheme with actual money?


corrected sentence

dolphins are percieved as being smart, clever, cute
and public resistance would be very very high
but
with some artful articles sprinkled here and there
shifting the view to "dumber than goldfish"
we establish a new product


$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
2013-09-29 07:05:15 AM  
1 votes:

ghostfacekillahrabbit: StatelyGreekAutomaton: HotWingAgenda: frostalicious: Yeah, that's why we've started using goldfish to detect underwater mines and report on their locations.

Don't forget all the goldfish, chicken and worms that are smart enough to hunt in packs. Or have obtained gainful employment at SeaWorld.

To be fair, goldfish, chickens and worms won't even go near underwater mines in the first place.

They would all cheerfully run into a land mine tho




www.petcaregt.com
/dogs of the water
2013-09-29 06:43:21 AM  
1 votes:

bindlestiff2600: control of the narrative so important

the dolphin need to be id'd as stupid
so we can start fishing them
and/or start importing from where its already done


So who in the U.S. wants to eat a dolphin bad enough that they've been funding this scheme with actual money?
2013-09-29 06:27:02 AM  
1 votes:

taurusowner: Not surprising. Humans love to anthropomorphize the fark out of animals. We see certain behaviors that seem to mimic some of our own and come to the conclusion they MUST be similar to humans. Dogs saving people, monkeys using tools, dolphins and language. But the truth is we don't even know who our own minds really work or why we feel and act certain ways. It is erroneous to attribute too much emotion or intelligence to any animal. We  want dogs to feel just like humans because it makes us feel better if they do. That doesn't make it so. Were just projecting. Likewise with dolphins. As the most advanced species on earth, we're constantly looking for places where the advances we went through are happening elsewhere. Sometimes there is a sliver of truth to it. Most often not. In the majority of cases it's just projection and wishful thinking.

Once you understand that all animals are nothing but biological machines, with varying levels of complexity to their hardware and programming, the assumptions become a little more realistic.


That which constitutes life is more than the sum of its parts. Where is your poetry, man! :D
2013-09-29 06:10:16 AM  
1 votes:
FTA:  Whereas goldfish placed in a bowl try to jump out to freedom, dolphins rarely try to escape when they are caught in nets.

So a goldfish leaping out of the water to certain death is smarter than a dolphin who realizes that, without  manual dexterity to untangle nets or tools to cut them, his position is untenable and accepts it?  gotcha.
2013-09-29 04:45:20 AM  
1 votes:
If dolphins are so smart, how come they live in igloos?
2013-09-29 04:41:32 AM  
1 votes:

GungFu: If dolphins are so smart, how come they never come on the internet and defend themselves? Idiots.


Because we're much too smart to have an internet fight with daily mail readers.
2013-09-29 04:37:38 AM  
1 votes:
If dolphins are so smart, how come they never come on the internet and defend themselves? Idiots.
2013-09-29 03:49:42 AM  
1 votes:
i.imgur.com

They blow all of their money on lottery tickets.
2013-09-29 03:44:38 AM  
1 votes:
Given how many posts on Fark are from there, aren't most of us Daily Mail readers?

That should be people who believe what they read there.

i1.ytimg.com
2013-09-29 02:37:32 AM  
1 votes:
If this means we can finally stop that one idiot who keeps insisting that dolphins are actually the smartest species on the planet because they have emotions when they talk, I'm all for pretending that something is dumber than a Daily Mail reader.
2013-09-29 12:27:57 AM  
1 votes:
Well keep your damn fish then

/goodbye
 
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