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(Daily Mail)   New studies claim dolphins may be more stupid than goldfish, chickens, worms, and Daily Mail readers   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 106
    More: Unlikely, bottlenose dolphins, dolphins, Daily Mail, mammals, brain size, high density, zoologists, marine mammals  
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10863 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 Sep 2013 at 3:27 AM (28 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



106 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-09-29 07:24:44 AM

DammitIForgotMyLogin: I find it hard to believe that there's anything on this planet stupider than a Daily Mail reader


YouTube commenters? Congress critters? Right whales?

/I realize there may be significant overlap among these groups...
 
2013-09-29 07:25:28 AM

bindlestiff2600: ghostfacekillahrabbit: bindlestiff2600: control of the narrative so important

the dolphin need to be id'd as stupid
so we can start fishing them
and/or start importing from where its already done

So who in the U.S. wants to eat sell dolphin meat, bad enough that they've been funding this scheme with actual money?

corrected sentence

dolphins are percieved as being smart, clever, cute
and public resistance would be very very high
but
with some artful articles sprinkled here and there
shifting the view to "dumber than goldfish"
we establish a new product


$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$




Farm-raised dolphin, if you care about health.
 
2013-09-29 07:26:09 AM
Reality: One contrarian asshat says "nuh-uh, cause other animals do some of those things too" to claims of Dolphin intelligence
DailyFail: Dolphins are retarded
 
2013-09-29 07:26:11 AM
*Glial* cells. Who is stupid?
 
2013-09-29 07:39:14 AM
Once you understand that all animals are nothing but biological machines,

you mean they are the same as humans !
 
2013-09-29 07:56:04 AM
www.lobshots.com

/still not as dumb as cowboys
 
2013-09-29 08:08:33 AM

taurusowner: Not surprising. Humans love to anthropomorphize the fark out of animals. We see certain behaviors that seem to mimic some of our own and come to the conclusion they MUST be similar to humans. Dogs saving people, monkeys using tools, dolphins and language. But the truth is we don't even know who our own minds really work or why we feel and act certain ways. It is erroneous to attribute too much emotion or intelligence to any animal. We  want dogs to feel just like humans because it makes us feel better if they do. That doesn't make it so. Were just projecting. Likewise with dolphins. As the most advanced species on earth, we're constantly looking for places where the advances we went through are happening elsewhere. Sometimes there is a sliver of truth to it. Most often not. In the majority of cases it's just projection and wishful thinking.

Once you understand that all animals are nothing but biological machines, with varying levels of complexity to their hardware and programming, the assumptions become a little more realistic.


i.imgur.com
/Professor Dog disagrees.
 
2013-09-29 08:11:06 AM
These scientists are just too dumb to realize that the Dolphins have been studying us.
 
2013-09-29 08:11:48 AM

Bandito King: taurusowner: blahblah

Once you understand that all animals, including humans, are nothing but biological machines, with varying levels of complexity to their hardware and programming, the assumptions become a little more realistic.
ftfm, humans ain't special and it's very unlikely that any feels are unique to us. Animals differ in motivation and understanding but you can still make an animal sad, panicked, frightened, happy, angry, etc. Those are emotions and no amount of wishing we are "different" in some ephemeral way will void those emotions of meaning. You think your emotions are stirred by a guardian angel or something? You're just a bioputer too, my ninja. If a dolphin can be summed up as a string of stimulus responses, I assure you the same is true of us.


Also, if some trait shows up in simpler life forms it shouldn't be a surprise. It was just at that level that trait evolved into being. If being able to distinguish few or many is important for survival then it should be expected in different animals.

All this "evidence" in the article points to is not that dolphins aren't smart. But there are many animals smarter than we once thought. And maybe we need to define "smart" better. It isn't an idea that you answer yes or no to, rather it is more a sliding scale.
 
2013-09-29 08:16:51 AM

The_Philosopher_King: Bandito King: taurusowner: blahblah

Once you understand that all animals, including humans, are nothing but biological machines, with varying levels of complexity to their hardware and programming, the assumptions become a little more realistic.
ftfm, humans ain't special and it's very unlikely that any feels are unique to us. Animals differ in motivation and understanding but you can still make an animal sad, panicked, frightened, happy, angry, etc. Those are emotions and no amount of wishing we are "different" in some ephemeral way will void those emotions of meaning. You think your emotions are stirred by a guardian angel or something? You're just a bioputer too, my ninja. If a dolphin can be summed up as a string of stimulus responses, I assure you the same is true of us.

Also, if some trait shows up in simpler life forms it shouldn't be a surprise. It was just at that level that trait evolved into being. If being able to distinguish few or many is important for survival then it should be expected in different animals.

All this "evidence" in the article points to is not that dolphins aren't smart. But there are many animals smarter than we once thought. And maybe we need to define "smart" better. It isn't an idea that you answer yes or no to, rather it is more a sliding scale.


I agree

Daily Mail Reader---------------------------------------------------------------M e
.....................................................|___All you other Farkers
 
2013-09-29 08:17:49 AM
krauserpua.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-09-29 08:21:29 AM
If I get reincarnated, I want to be a dolphin. I can poop anywhere I want, then casually flip my tail fin and it's like nothing happened.
 
2013-09-29 08:22:44 AM
This isn't much of a surprise, we already knew they were pretty stupid on land.
 
2013-09-29 08:27:03 AM
This is what happens when you trust hippie researchers.
 
2013-09-29 08:36:43 AM

BadReligion: phrawgh: Dolphin architecture and scientific advances are somewhat unremarkable.



Dolphin cuisine is also severely lacking.


What do you mean? Sushi is hait coutouer.
 
2013-09-29 08:43:55 AM

foo monkey: If I get reincarnated, I want to be a dolphin. I can poop anywhere I want, then casually flip my tail fin and it's like nothing happened.


I want to be a penguin.  I like penguins.
 
2013-09-29 09:07:41 AM
However, Dolphins are still smarter than your average farker.
 
2013-09-29 09:11:32 AM
yea, and worms can be taught many more tricks than dolphins.


and Einstein was a real clutz too.
 
2013-09-29 09:53:47 AM

HindiDiscoMonster: The_Philosopher_King: Bandito King: taurusowner: blahblah

Once you understand that all animals, including humans, are nothing but biological machines, with varying levels of complexity to their hardware and programming, the assumptions become a little more realistic.
ftfm, humans ain't special and it's very unlikely that any feels are unique to us. Animals differ in motivation and understanding but you can still make an animal sad, panicked, frightened, happy, angry, etc. Those are emotions and no amount of wishing we are "different" in some ephemeral way will void those emotions of meaning. You think your emotions are stirred by a guardian angel or something? You're just a bioputer too, my ninja. If a dolphin can be summed up as a string of stimulus responses, I assure you the same is true of us.

Also, if some trait shows up in simpler life forms it shouldn't be a surprise. It was just at that level that trait evolved into being. If being able to distinguish few or many is important for survival then it should be expected in different animals.

All this "evidence" in the article points to is not that dolphins aren't smart. But there are many animals smarter than we once thought. And maybe we need to define "smart" better. It isn't an idea that you answer yes or no to, rather it is more a sliding scale.

I agree

Daily Mail Reader---------------------------------------------------------------M e
.....................................................|___All you other Farkers


So you say. But can you obviously can't do this:

Daily Mail Reader---------------------------------------------------------------M e
                                                     |___All you other Farkers
 
2013-09-29 09:57:30 AM

bindlestiff2600: control of the narrative so important

the dolphin need to be id'd as stupid
so we can start fishing them
and/or start importing from where its already done


I think the ulterior motive of this garbage "report" is to try to erode support for restrictions on drift-net fishing.  "Dolphins are stupid!  Who cares if they get netted?  Don't you want some of this yummy tuna?"
 
2013-09-29 10:06:44 AM

Bandito King: taurusowner: blahblah

Once you understand that all animals, including humans, are nothing but biological machines, with varying levels of complexity to their hardware and programming, the assumptions become a little more realistic.

ftfm, humans ain't special and it's very unlikely that any feels are unique to us. Animals differ in motivation and understanding but you can still make an animal sad, panicked, frightened, happy, angry, etc. Those are emotions and no amount of wishing we are "different" in some ephemeral way will void those emotions of meaning. You think your emotions are stirred by a guardian angel or something? You're just a bioputer too, my ninja. If a dolphin can be summed up as a string of stimulus responses, I assure you the same is true of us.


David Hume approves of this post.
 
2013-09-29 10:09:33 AM
Dolphins are also jerks.

i.imgur.com
 
2013-09-29 10:13:14 AM
Brought to you by the Association of Tuna Fishermen...

Seriously?  Not smarter than chickens?  Mealworms?  I think I am going to call BS on this one.
 
2013-09-29 10:28:53 AM
All those arguments of the form: "big deal, meal worms do that", "big deal, parrots do that" would work exactly the same if you replaced the word dolphin with the word human.

And  "What, precisely, do they do with that sponge" is a question I've applied to humans on occasion.
 
2013-09-29 10:43:32 AM

taurusowner: Not surprising. Humans love to anthropomorphize the fark out of animals. We see certain behaviors that seem to mimic some of our own and come to the conclusion they MUST be similar to humans. Dogs saving people, monkeys using tools, dolphins and language. But the truth is we don't even know who our own minds really work or why we feel and act certain ways. It is erroneous to attribute too much emotion or intelligence to any animal. We  want dogs to feel just like humans because it makes us feel better if they do. That doesn't make it so. Were just projecting. Likewise with dolphins. As the most advanced species on earth, we're constantly looking for places where the advances we went through are happening elsewhere. Sometimes there is a sliver of truth to it. Most often not. In the majority of cases it's just projection and wishful thinking.

Once you understand that all animals are nothing but biological machines, with varying levels of complexity to their hardware and programming, the assumptions become a little more realistic.


You realize you could use your exact same argument to point out that humans are not this special, unique species that has abilities that no other animal will ever be capable of achieving, right?
 
2013-09-29 10:47:50 AM

gerbilpox: Given how many posts on Fark are from there, aren't most of us Daily Mail readers?

That should be people who believe what they read there.


We don't read the articles.
 
2013-09-29 10:54:21 AM
Or maybe goldfish, chickens, and worms are just smarter than we all previously though. Can't say much for Daily Mail readers though.
 
2013-09-29 10:55:42 AM
I assumed he meant to include humans.

Either way, his post was a strawman wrapped up with meaningless drivel. Verbal diarhea.
 
2013-09-29 10:56:42 AM
Since dolphins don't read the DM they have to be smart - right?

Actually the DM is testing your intelligence with their intentionally goofy, misleading, poorly written articles. You have to be pretty smart to glean any useful, accurate information from them and that's why I love it so much
 
2013-09-29 11:03:42 AM
The Daily Mail reads an abstract Swiftian justification for Apartheid, reacts predictably.
 
2013-09-29 11:07:47 AM

taurusowner: Not surprising. Humans love to anthropomorphize the fark out of animals. We see certain behaviors that seem to mimic some of our own and come to the conclusion they MUST be similar to humans. Dogs saving people, monkeys using tools, dolphins and language. But the truth is we don't even know who our own minds really work or why we feel and act certain ways. It is erroneous to attribute too much emotion or intelligence to any animal. We  want dogs to feel just like humans because it makes us feel better if they do. That doesn't make it so. Were just projecting. Likewise with dolphins. As the most advanced species on earth, we're constantly looking for places where the advances we went through are happening elsewhere. Sometimes there is a sliver of truth to it. Most often not. In the majority of cases it's just projection and wishful thinking.

Once you understand that all animals are nothing but biological machines, with varying levels of complexity to their hardware and programming, the assumptions become a little more realistic.


And yet, here you are--summing your identity up with the fact that you drive a Ford Taurus.
 
2013-09-29 11:13:42 AM
i.imgur.com

Seriously, WTF, Daily Mail.
 
2013-09-29 11:58:55 AM
Okay, I haven't read the Daily Fail article in question, but here is a response to said article via Southern Fried Science. Interestingly, it comes down to a misunderstanding about a new book about how smart dolphins actually are, compared to how smart they are perceived to be. And also compared to other species whose intelligence tends to be underestimated. Like chickens.

/Dolphins are intelligent
//Just not special
///But they are assholes
 
2013-09-29 12:14:21 PM

ghostfacekillahrabbit: StatelyGreekAutomaton: HotWingAgenda: frostalicious: Yeah, that's why we've started using goldfish to detect underwater mines and report on their locations.

Don't forget all the goldfish, chicken and worms that are smart enough to hunt in packs. Or have obtained gainful employment at SeaWorld.

To be fair, goldfish, chickens and worms won't even go near underwater mines in the first place.

They would all cheerfully run into a land mine tho


Yeah, well put a dolphin near a land mine and see if it tries to get away from it.
 
2013-09-29 12:30:19 PM
Judging from some of the posts, there is nothing that gets people's undies in a tighter knot than going against a cherished stereotype.
 
2013-09-29 12:55:47 PM

capt.hollister: Judging from some of the posts, there is nothing that gets people's undies in a tighter knot than going against a cherished stereotype.


Hell, the Tea Party is proof positive.
 
2013-09-29 02:10:47 PM
I know animals that are smarter than many humans...

Are our criteria biased???

Many humans wouldn't be able to survive outside.
And they certainly don't cooperate as well.
 
2013-09-29 02:49:19 PM
I want to take LSD with dolphins. You know, for science.

/wtf?
 
2013-09-29 03:09:16 PM

rogue49: I know animals that are smarter than many humans...

Are our criteria biased???

Many humans wouldn't be able to survive outside.
And they certainly don't cooperate as well.


IMO, you are quite wrong. No species cooperates as well or as efficiently as humans. All the technology we all use, including that which enables us to post on Fark, is the result of human cooperation. There isn't a single one of us who could make something as simple as a pencil or a lightbulb without relying in some way on the work performed by another human.
 
2013-09-29 03:27:39 PM
Of course dolphins are stupid. They just muck about in the water all day instead of inventing useful things, like digital watches.

/seriously, it took this long? You all should be ashamed
 
2013-09-29 03:31:58 PM

rogue49: I know animals that are smarter than many humans...

Are our criteria biased???

Many humans wouldn't be able to survive outside.
And they certainly don't cooperate as well.


Throw a dolphin into an bathtub and see how well it adapts.  Then look up "adaptability."

And stop socializing with animals.  it's a slippery slope.
 
2013-09-29 03:32:36 PM
I could've sworn I had left "empty" in that sentence.
 
2013-09-29 03:35:38 PM

Tax Boy: Of course dolphins are stupid. They just muck about in the water all day instead of inventing useful things, like digital watches.

/seriously, it took this long? You all should be ashamed


Is it, perhaps, time for a nice hot bath and a gin & tonic ?
 
2013-09-29 03:52:28 PM
Research paid for by Japanese Whaling Commission and/or some Republican think tank no doubt.
 
2013-09-29 04:29:36 PM
So because they can't escape a net that is designed to trap finned animals they are dumb? How about the ones that rescue dogs and people? Are they so stupid they return their snacks to land where they cannot reach them later?

Goldfish jump out of their bowls thinking they'll hit more water, that's how stupid they are. Not a very intelligent escape if they can't breathe.
 
2013-09-29 08:31:27 PM

capt.hollister: rogue49: I know animals that are smarter than many humans...

Are our criteria biased???

Many humans wouldn't be able to survive outside.
And they certainly don't cooperate as well.

IMO, you are quite wrong. No species cooperates as well or as efficiently as humans. All the technology we all use, including that which enables us to post on Fark, is the result of human cooperation. There isn't a single one of us who could make something as simple as a pencil or a lightbulb without relying in some way on the work performed by another human.


Which is why we have to guard our technical knowledge at all times. If we should ever forget how to make a pencil, there will be no hope for rediscovering such arcane science.
 
2013-09-29 08:35:31 PM

DerAppie: HindiDiscoMonster: The_Philosopher_King: Bandito King: taurusowner: blahblah

Once you understand that all animals, including humans, are nothing but biological machines, with varying levels of complexity to their hardware and programming, the assumptions become a little more realistic.
ftfm, humans ain't special and it's very unlikely that any feels are unique to us. Animals differ in motivation and understanding but you can still make an animal sad, panicked, frightened, happy, angry, etc. Those are emotions and no amount of wishing we are "different" in some ephemeral way will void those emotions of meaning. You think your emotions are stirred by a guardian angel or something? You're just a bioputer too, my ninja. If a dolphin can be summed up as a string of stimulus responses, I assure you the same is true of us.

Also, if some trait shows up in simpler life forms it shouldn't be a surprise. It was just at that level that trait evolved into being. If being able to distinguish few or many is important for survival then it should be expected in different animals.

All this "evidence" in the article points to is not that dolphins aren't smart. But there are many animals smarter than we once thought. And maybe we need to define "smart" better. It isn't an idea that you answer yes or no to, rather it is more a sliding scale.

I agree

Daily Mail Reader---------------------------------------------------------------M e
.....................................................|___All you other Farkers

So you say. But can you obviously can't do this:

Daily Mail Reader---------------------------------------------------------------M e
                                                     |___All you other Farkers



cdn.bleacherreport.net
 
2013-09-29 08:38:57 PM

capt.hollister: rogue49: I know animals that are smarter than many humans...

Are our criteria biased???

Many humans wouldn't be able to survive outside.
And they certainly don't cooperate as well.

IMO, you are quite wrong. No species cooperates as well or as efficiently as humans. All the technology we all use, including that which enables us to post on Fark, is the result of human cooperation. There isn't a single one of us who could make something as simple as a pencil or a lightbulb without relying in some way on the work performed by another human.


Never heard of ants huh?

www.kaheel7.com
 
2013-09-29 09:28:12 PM
At least they don't fark each other over for a percentage.
 
2013-09-29 09:43:24 PM

Bandito King: capt.hollister: rogue49: I know animals that are smarter than many humans...

Are our criteria biased???

Many humans wouldn't be able to survive outside.
And they certainly don't cooperate as well.

IMO, you are quite wrong. No species cooperates as well or as efficiently as humans. All the technology we all use, including that which enables us to post on Fark, is the result of human cooperation. There isn't a single one of us who could make something as simple as a pencil or a lightbulb without relying in some way on the work performed by another human.

Which is why we have to guard our technical knowledge at all times. If we should ever forget how to make a pencil, there will be no hope for rediscovering such arcane science.


There are lots of people around who can make any one of the required parts. There are people who can assemble the components, but is there any one who can actually do it all ?

Before you answer, remember that to make a pencil, you first have to make the tools to cut and shape the wood. Next, you have to make the tools to mine and powder the graphite, which then has to be mixed with the right amount of clay and dried to make a lead. The lead then has to be given the correct shape to fit inside the wood casing. This is in turn has to be closed and glued permanently around the graphite lead, which requires collecting and mixing all the ingredients to make the glue....

As a society, this is a simple task. As an individual, it is extremely arduous.

HindiDiscoMonster: capt.hollister: rogue49: I know animals that are smarter than many humans...

Are our criteria biased???

Many humans wouldn't be able to survive outside.
And they certainly don't cooperate as well.

IMO, you are quite wrong. No species cooperates as well or as efficiently as humans. All the technology we all use, including that which enables us to post on Fark, is the result of human cooperation. There isn't a single one of us who could make something as simple as a pencil or a lightbulb without relying in some way on the work performed by another human.

Never heard of ants huh?

[www.kaheel7.com image 500x403]


There are lots of social animals, ants being one of the best examples. Yet, even they cannot perform all the tasks, good and bad, that a human society can perform.   Think of all the tasks other humans had to perform in order for you to post this one picture on Fark.
 
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