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(Daily Mail)   New studies claim dolphins may be more stupid than goldfish, chickens, worms, and Daily Mail readers   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 101
    More: Unlikely, bottlenose dolphins, dolphins, Daily Mail, mammals, brain size, high density, zoologists, marine mammals  
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10879 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 Sep 2013 at 3:27 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



101 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-09-29 12:27:57 AM  
Well keep your damn fish then

/goodbye
 
NFA [TotalFark]
2013-09-29 01:42:41 AM  
Well there are many reports that dolphins are so stupid they've actually saved the lives of downing humans.  So I guess that IS proof of a cognitive deficit.
 
2013-09-29 02:28:43 AM  
I find it hard to believe that there's anything on this planet stupider than a Daily Mail reader
 
2013-09-29 02:37:32 AM  
If this means we can finally stop that one idiot who keeps insisting that dolphins are actually the smartest species on the planet because they have emotions when they talk, I'm all for pretending that something is dumber than a Daily Mail reader.
 
2013-09-29 03:40:41 AM  
Dolphin architecture and scientific advances are somewhat unremarkable.
 
2013-09-29 03:44:38 AM  
Given how many posts on Fark are from there, aren't most of us Daily Mail readers?

That should be people who believe what they read there.

i1.ytimg.com
 
2013-09-29 03:48:08 AM  
Karsten Brensing, a marine biologist with the organization Whale and Dolphin Conservation (WDC), said: 'To put it bluntly, most of that is b*******,'

Couldn't have said it better myself.
 
2013-09-29 03:48:27 AM  
Yeah, that's why we've started using goldfish to detect underwater mines and report on their locations.
 
2013-09-29 03:49:42 AM  
i.imgur.com

They blow all of their money on lottery tickets.
 
2013-09-29 03:50:32 AM  

frostalicious: Yeah, that's why we've started using goldfish to detect underwater mines and report on their locations.


Don't forget all the goldfish, chicken and worms that are smart enough to hunt in packs. Or have obtained gainful employment at SeaWorld.
 
2013-09-29 03:55:27 AM  

DammitIForgotMyLogin: I find it hard to believe that there's anything on this planet stupider than a Daily Mail reader


"Stupid dolphins, think they're smarter than me. Now who's boss?"
 
2013-09-29 03:55:45 AM  
I know that putting a dolphin in a movie or TV show will turn it to crap for certain.

And they always speak English in really stupid cartoony voices too!
 
2013-09-29 04:04:15 AM  
The way the world works these day, the main business of Whale and Dolphin Conservation is probably lobbying to remove regulations for killing them.
 
2013-09-29 04:04:54 AM  

SpdrJay: I know that putting a dolphin in a movie or TV show will turn it to crap for certain.

And they always speak English in really stupid cartoony voices too!



Flipper squeaks at your shenanigans.
 
2013-09-29 04:05:32 AM  
"...man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much-the wheel, New York, wars and so on-whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man-for precisely the same reasons."
 
2013-09-29 04:05:40 AM  
control of the narrative so important

the dolphin need to be id'd as stupid
so we can start fishing them
and/or start importing from where its already done
 
2013-09-29 04:09:04 AM  
Still smarter than anything on the politics tab
 
2013-09-29 04:10:54 AM  

phrawgh: Dolphin architecture and scientific advances are somewhat unremarkable.




Dolphin cuisine is also severely lacking.
 
2013-09-29 04:14:01 AM  
The absolute smartest chicken in history? Mike.

latimesblogs.latimes.com
 
2013-09-29 04:18:11 AM  
That is the most uniquely stupid thing I have ever read. So, basically, he is a professional troll.
 
2013-09-29 04:22:07 AM  

Harry_Seldon: That is the most uniquely stupid thing I have ever read. So, basically, he is a professional troll.


Now we know who bribes the modmins into greening Daily Fail articles.
 
2013-09-29 04:26:29 AM  
I seriously doubt mealworms understand the concept of "fewer" and "many" somehow; and I also suspect that dolphins struggle to escape nets considerably harder than any goldfish ever attempted to escape from a bowl. But if it makes you feel better about drift-net fishing, go right ahead and believe that.
 
2013-09-29 04:37:38 AM  
If dolphins are so smart, how come they never come on the internet and defend themselves? Idiots.
 
2013-09-29 04:39:14 AM  

BadReligion: phrawgh: Dolphin architecture and scientific advances are somewhat unremarkable.



Dolphin cuisine is also severely lacking.


What are you talking about? Dolphins taste great!
 
2013-09-29 04:41:32 AM  

GungFu: If dolphins are so smart, how come they never come on the internet and defend themselves? Idiots.


Because we're much too smart to have an internet fight with daily mail readers.
 
2013-09-29 04:41:33 AM  
Having seen pairs of dolphins communicate shapes descriptions underwater *from memory*, I can easily flip the bozo bits on these dipshiats.

Some dolphin must have beat these guys in chess or something...
 
2013-09-29 04:45:20 AM  
If dolphins are so smart, how come they live in igloos?
 
2013-09-29 05:01:23 AM  
my urban myth memory
before powered naval vessel's interference the sounds[communications/language?] from sea creatures could carry hundreds if not thousands of miles to their confederates.
 
2013-09-29 05:02:48 AM  

1000 Ways to Dye: If dolphins are so smart, how come they live in igloos?


It's walruses that live in igloos, you idjit!   Geez, some people are so ignorant.
 
2013-09-29 05:10:33 AM  
images2.wikia.nocookie.net

they are still smart to me, dammit
 
2013-09-29 05:29:16 AM  
i.imgur.com

And some said that even the trees had been a bad move, and that no one should ever have left the oceans.

It turns out that leaving the oceans wasn't the problem. Leaving the oceans for dry land was the problem.
 
2013-09-29 05:34:15 AM  
Manger said interpretations of behavior based on 'personal bias' are not helpful.
'Conservation strategies should not be based on unrealistic expectations,' he said.


He's working for someone who wants to start a commercial dolphin harvest.
 
2013-09-29 05:50:19 AM  
Not surprising. Humans love to anthropomorphize the fark out of animals. We see certain behaviors that seem to mimic some of our own and come to the conclusion they MUST be similar to humans. Dogs saving people, monkeys using tools, dolphins and language. But the truth is we don't even know who our own minds really work or why we feel and act certain ways. It is erroneous to attribute too much emotion or intelligence to any animal. We  want dogs to feel just like humans because it makes us feel better if they do. That doesn't make it so. Were just projecting. Likewise with dolphins. As the most advanced species on earth, we're constantly looking for places where the advances we went through are happening elsewhere. Sometimes there is a sliver of truth to it. Most often not. In the majority of cases it's just projection and wishful thinking.

Once you understand that all animals are nothing but biological machines, with varying levels of complexity to their hardware and programming, the assumptions become a little more realistic.
 
2013-09-29 05:55:09 AM  

DammitIForgotMyLogin: I find it hard to believe that there's anything on this planet stupider than a Daily Mail reader


How about Daily Mail editors?
 
2013-09-29 05:57:16 AM  

gerbilpox: Given how many posts on Fark are from there, aren't most of us Daily Mail readers?

That should be people who believe what they read there.

[i1.ytimg.com image 480x360]


Just because they pay to have their links posted, doesn't mean we have to click through to them. I generally skip their "articles" and read the fark comments instead.
 
2013-09-29 06:10:16 AM  
FTA:  Whereas goldfish placed in a bowl try to jump out to freedom, dolphins rarely try to escape when they are caught in nets.

So a goldfish leaping out of the water to certain death is smarter than a dolphin who realizes that, without  manual dexterity to untangle nets or tools to cut them, his position is untenable and accepts it?  gotcha.
 
2013-09-29 06:27:02 AM  

taurusowner: Not surprising. Humans love to anthropomorphize the fark out of animals. We see certain behaviors that seem to mimic some of our own and come to the conclusion they MUST be similar to humans. Dogs saving people, monkeys using tools, dolphins and language. But the truth is we don't even know who our own minds really work or why we feel and act certain ways. It is erroneous to attribute too much emotion or intelligence to any animal. We  want dogs to feel just like humans because it makes us feel better if they do. That doesn't make it so. Were just projecting. Likewise with dolphins. As the most advanced species on earth, we're constantly looking for places where the advances we went through are happening elsewhere. Sometimes there is a sliver of truth to it. Most often not. In the majority of cases it's just projection and wishful thinking.

Once you understand that all animals are nothing but biological machines, with varying levels of complexity to their hardware and programming, the assumptions become a little more realistic.


That which constitutes life is more than the sum of its parts. Where is your poetry, man! :D
 
2013-09-29 06:38:27 AM  

HotWingAgenda: frostalicious: Yeah, that's why we've started using goldfish to detect underwater mines and report on their locations.

Don't forget all the goldfish, chicken and worms that are smart enough to hunt in packs. Or have obtained gainful employment at SeaWorld.


To be fair, goldfish, chickens and worms won't even go near underwater mines in the first place.
 
2013-09-29 06:43:21 AM  

bindlestiff2600: control of the narrative so important

the dolphin need to be id'd as stupid
so we can start fishing them
and/or start importing from where its already done


So who in the U.S. wants to eat a dolphin bad enough that they've been funding this scheme with actual money?
 
2013-09-29 06:44:40 AM  

Weatherkiss: Harry_Seldon: That is the most uniquely stupid thing I have ever read. So, basically, he is a professional troll.

Now we know who bribes the modmins into greening Daily Fail articles.


What's the tax rate in england if you list yourself as "professional troll" at tax time?
 
2013-09-29 06:45:51 AM  
 
2013-09-29 06:49:35 AM  

Kalashinator: DammitIForgotMyLogin: I find it hard to believe that there's anything on this planet stupider than a Daily Mail reader

How about Daily Mail editors?


Do you see the editors paying any money to the readers?
 
2013-09-29 06:51:24 AM  

StatelyGreekAutomaton: HotWingAgenda: frostalicious: Yeah, that's why we've started using goldfish to detect underwater mines and report on their locations.

Don't forget all the goldfish, chicken and worms that are smart enough to hunt in packs. Or have obtained gainful employment at SeaWorld.

To be fair, goldfish, chickens and worms won't even go near underwater mines in the first place.


They would all cheerfully run into a land mine tho
 
2013-09-29 07:00:43 AM  
Steve Zissou approves.
 
2013-09-29 07:01:54 AM  
taurusowner: blahblah

Once you understand that all animals, including humans, are nothing but biological machines, with varying levels of complexity to their hardware and programming, the assumptions become a little more realistic.

ftfm, humans ain't special and it's very unlikely that any feels are unique to us. Animals differ in motivation and understanding but you can still make an animal sad, panicked, frightened, happy, angry, etc. Those are emotions and no amount of wishing we are "different" in some ephemeral way will void those emotions of meaning. You think your emotions are stirred by a guardian angel or something? You're just a bioputer too, my ninja. If a dolphin can be summed up as a string of stimulus responses, I assure you the same is true of us.
 
2013-09-29 07:05:15 AM  

ghostfacekillahrabbit: StatelyGreekAutomaton: HotWingAgenda: frostalicious: Yeah, that's why we've started using goldfish to detect underwater mines and report on their locations.

Don't forget all the goldfish, chicken and worms that are smart enough to hunt in packs. Or have obtained gainful employment at SeaWorld.

To be fair, goldfish, chickens and worms won't even go near underwater mines in the first place.

They would all cheerfully run into a land mine tho




www.petcaregt.com
/dogs of the water
 
2013-09-29 07:06:55 AM  

Bandito King: taurusowner: blahblah

Once you understand that all animals, including humans, are nothing but biological machines, with varying levels of complexity to their hardware and programming, the assumptions become a little more realistic.

ftfm, humans ain't special and it's very unlikely that any feels are unique to us. Animals differ in motivation and understanding but you can still make an animal sad, panicked, frightened, happy, angry, etc. Those are emotions and no amount of wishing we are "different" in some ephemeral way will void those emotions of meaning. You think your emotions are stirred by a guardian angel or something? You're just a bioputer too, my ninja. If a dolphin can be summed up as a string of stimulus responses, I assure you the same is true of us.


Maybe.

smartpei.typepad.com
Thanks for the assurance.
 
2013-09-29 07:10:59 AM  

GungFu: If dolphins are so smart, how come they never come on the internet and defend themselves? Idiots.


Nice Job! Tomorrow, Whidbey will have a new ALT.
 
2013-09-29 07:15:35 AM  

ghostfacekillahrabbit: bindlestiff2600: control of the narrative so important

the dolphin need to be id'd as stupid
so we can start fishing them
and/or start importing from where its already done

So who in the U.S. wants to eat sell dolphin meat, bad enough that they've been funding this scheme with actual money?


corrected sentence

dolphins are percieved as being smart, clever, cute
and public resistance would be very very high
but
with some artful articles sprinkled here and there
shifting the view to "dumber than goldfish"
we establish a new product


$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
 
2013-09-29 07:23:25 AM  
Humans are smart. We build dams. So do beavers. We can distinguish between many and few. So can mealworms. Goldfish try to escape. The Jews obediently went to their doom. Humans shiat in small contained spaces. Bears shiat wherever the fark they want. The tropical bird of paradise does weird mating dances. Humans twerk.

I guess humans ain't intelligent either.
 
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