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(Reuters)   Someone please fix Martha Stewart's iPad... or we're all gonna die   (reuters.com) divider line 47
    More: Scary, Macy's Inc.  
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8802 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Sep 2013 at 8:20 AM (46 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



47 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-09-28 08:23:29 AM
I bet fifty quatloos that "I just dropped my iPad on the ground" really means "I threw it at my stupid butler's head"?
 
2013-09-28 08:27:19 AM
She can't get a lackey to run to the Apple store can grab a pallet of iPads for her? What a bizarre rant.
 
2013-09-28 08:27:31 AM
I'm surprised Martha didn't have a lackey take care of this issue.
 
2013-09-28 08:28:02 AM
Rich people problems
 
2013-09-28 08:28:45 AM
Aww one of the 1% is all butthurt about how the world isn't bowing down to her every need.

bbsimg.ngfiles.com
 
2013-09-28 08:30:46 AM
Bullshiat, Martha makes her own tablets. She has custom built ovens to process the silicone while a tribe of resident midgets at her farm lovingly form the glass for the screens. She personally grows the processors inside her vagina.
 
2013-09-28 08:32:49 AM
Doesn't she have a nameless, faceless minion to do this for her and be flogged to within inches of its life for daring to lift its eyes to gaze upon her most terrible magnificence?
 
2013-09-28 08:33:16 AM
Can't they send Steve Jobs over to fix it? HEY- Martha don't wanna hear excuses. She knows people. JAIL people. Seewhaddimean?
 
2013-09-28 08:35:35 AM

Bslim: Bullshiat, Martha makes her own tablets. She has custom built ovens to process the silicone while a tribe of resident midgets at her farm lovingly form the glass for the screens. She personally grows the processors inside her vagina.


You know who ELSE had custom-built ovens?
 
2013-09-28 08:35:48 AM
I seem to have misplaced my tiny violen...
 
2013-09-28 08:38:47 AM
If I worked for Apple, I would volunteer to make an exception and give her a field service visit. Why? So that later I could tell the entire world I was the first person to leave an upper decker at Martha's house.
 
2013-09-28 08:40:49 AM
I really doubt Martha uses the word "pissed" ever. Unless she's in a German fetish bar.
 
2013-09-28 08:41:37 AM

real_kibo: If I worked for Apple, I would volunteer to make an exception and give her a field service visit. Why? So that later I could tell the entire world I was the first person to leave an upper decker at Martha's house.


"It's a good thing."
 
2013-09-28 08:44:52 AM

Bslim: Bullshiat, Martha makes her own tablets. She has custom built ovens to process the silicone while a tribe of resident midgets at her farm lovingly form the glass for the screens. She personally grows the processors inside her vagina.


Suddenly, I never want to touch an iPad again....
 
2013-09-28 08:46:06 AM
3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-09-28 08:46:10 AM
She seems to be about as astute as most 72 year olds are about computers.  I'm surprised she hasn't demanded that zombie Steve Jobs personally repair it for her.

Or whatever the zombie equivalent of "personally" is.
 
2013-09-28 08:46:11 AM
anyone else think, while reading the article, "if we can just get her to admit to saying The N-Word™  20 or 30 years ago...".
 
2013-09-28 08:48:01 AM
Ummm..her business idea for same day delivery?  I think they do that already.
 
2013-09-28 08:54:26 AM
It's weird to me that someone who is the head of a worldwide corporate empire can't spell or use punctuation.
 
2013-09-28 08:55:56 AM
I've seen lesser celebrities fishing for free laptops on Twitter and company reps all but giving them blowjobs online to get the publicity.  Loathsome beast though she may be, Martha Stewart is going to get better treatment than us schlubs.
 
2013-09-28 09:01:57 AM

ModernLuddite: It's weird to me that someone who is the head of a worldwide corporate empire can't spell or use punctuation.


This is why I refuse to register for a Twitter account. I can't make sense of 90% of the posts out there.
 
2013-09-28 09:03:22 AM

Bslim: Bullshiat, Martha makes her own tablets. She has custom built ovens to process the silicone while a tribe of resident midgets at her farm lovingly form the glass for the screens. She personally grows the processors inside her vagina.


This.
 
2013-09-28 09:11:29 AM
The Rich .... they're different than you and me.
 
2013-09-28 09:13:49 AM

JohnCarter: Ummm..her business idea for same day delivery?  I think they do that already.


This. I've sent a laptop in on Monday and got it back on Wednesday. How much faster could they be?
 
2013-09-28 09:34:47 AM
...and this it what being out of touch with reality is all about.

//'It's 3 in the morning in Minnesota. I really need a camel . Go get it.'
 
2013-09-28 09:43:36 AM
Certainly there's a Martha Stewart Collection waste basket she could throw the iPad into.
 
2013-09-28 09:45:00 AM
She isn't coping well with life outside prison.
 
2013-09-28 09:58:44 AM

Eve L. Koont: I seem to have misplaced my tiny violen...


...t pizza?

www.elsewhere.org
 
2013-09-28 10:08:39 AM

johnnyrocket: She can't get a lackey to run to the Apple store can grab a pallet of iPads for her? What a bizarre rant.


Yeah, but then how would she get all her data transfe...oh, yeah.
 
2013-09-28 10:42:29 AM
She was on the news today, saying it was a joke. Pity that no one can tell, because demanding Apple send her a courier to replace her iPad is just the sort of thing she would do.
 
2013-09-28 10:59:33 AM

whatsupchuck: She seems to be about as astute as most 72 year olds are about computers.


Yeah, this isn't rich people problems, it's old people problems.

Dell actually used to sell a maintenance plan where they'd send someone to your house. So it's not that far fetched a concept especially if she'd owned Dell computers in the past.
 
2013-09-28 11:02:14 AM

buckler: She was on the news today, saying it was a joke. Pity that no one can tell, because demanding Apple send her a courier to replace her iPad is just the sort of thing she would do.


"Joke."
 
2013-09-28 11:24:42 AM

Bslim: Bullshiat, Martha makes her own tablets. She has custom built ovens to process the silicone while a tribe of resident midgets at her farm lovingly form the glass for the screens. She personally grows the processors inside her vagina.

www.mytinyphone.com
 
2013-09-28 11:31:25 AM

italie: ...and this it what being out of touch with reality is all about.

//'It's 3 in the morning in Minnesota. I really need a camel . Go get it.'


Yup. The wealthy really live in a different reality than you or I. For a living I sell a product which caters mostly to the wealthy and it's unfarking-believable on a regular basis what they expect from the world around them. The attitude is, "But.... I want it. That means I'm supposed to get it. I get what I want, that's just how things work."

dv-ous: buckler: She was on the news today, saying it was a joke. Pity that no one can tell, because demanding Apple send her a courier to replace her iPad is just the sort of thing she would do.

"Joke."



"Are you excited or terrified? I have to decide whether I'm joking or not."

i817.photobucket.com
 
2013-09-28 11:46:43 AM
High maintenance, much?

Just another first world problem, move along.
 
2013-09-28 11:47:53 AM

mesmer242: whatsupchuck: She seems to be about as astute as most 72 year olds are about computers.

Yeah, this isn't rich people problems, it's old people problems.

Dell actually used to sell a maintenance plan where they'd send someone to your house. So it's not that far fetched a concept especially if she'd owned Dell computers in the past.


Dell, you're getting a man.
Now I get it.
 
2013-09-28 11:58:42 AM

buckler: She was on the news today, saying it was a joke. Pity that no one can tell, because demanding Apple send her a courier to replace her iPad is just the sort of thing she would do.


She was obviously intoxicated when she made those posts.

Who is stupid enough to think that Twitter is the Apple help line?

Other names for her great "Apple Now" business idea ...

1. Apple Now, Damnit.
2. One Bad Apple Service
3. I('monit,the)Pad
4. Martha Stewart's Online Livid Magazine App
5. You'd farking do it for Oprah!!
 
2013-09-28 12:06:14 PM
I'll slap the jew-biatch up side the head with her I-Pad, piss on her face and steal her wallet. AND, I'll call her a whore, all for $1500.
 
2013-09-28 12:07:32 PM
This is why Twitter and Facebook are stupid. They are security holes through the filter that is designed to keep you from saying or doing stupid things in public.

Seth MacFarlane summed it up best:

www.funtroll.com
 
2013-09-28 12:08:15 PM
Twitter, letting celebrities hang themselves since 2006.
 
2013-09-28 12:09:46 PM

lelio: I really doubt Martha uses the word "pissed" ever. Unless she's in a German fetish bar.


Martha Stewart is a huge asshole and does indeed curse.

She also has quite the temper and will do shiat like smash up marble cause it wasn't an exact copy of the sample.
 
2013-09-28 12:32:32 PM

itsaidwhat: buckler: She was on the news today, saying it was a joke. Pity that no one can tell, because demanding Apple send her a courier to replace her iPad is just the sort of thing she would do.

She was obviously intoxicated when she made those posts.

Who is stupid enough to think that Twitter is the Apple help line?

Other names for her great "Apple Now" business idea ...

1. Apple Now, Damnit.
2. One Bad Apple Service
3. I('monit,the)Pad
4. Martha Stewart's Online Livid Magazine App
5. You'd farking do it for Oprah!!


You will be receiving the DCMA notice from my attorney within the hour you plebe.
 
2013-09-28 12:39:33 PM

ZMugg: Eve L. Koont: I seem to have misplaced my tiny violen...

...t pizza?

[www.elsewhere.org image 100x100]


ohgod, I think we found the one person who can speak to the Orz.  (Assuming that Bjork is not one of the *fingers* of the Orz, that is. :D)

And back to the subject...if Mrs. Stewart would be willing to pay me to do so (and maybe throw in a decorative doily or two that I can proffer off to the mother-in-law who very much wants to be Martha when she grows up) I could play courier to the Apple Store for her.

Alas, trying to curry favour based on it being a Personal Gift from Steve Jobs would probably require a Ouija board at this point.  Or maybe a medium.  Because, well...Steve Jobs in his present physical condition does not exactly lend to Good Things, unless Martha Stewart is coming out with a new line of Decorative Embalmed-Corpse-Based Doilys or something.
 
2013-09-28 12:51:01 PM

buckler: She was on the news today, saying it was a joke. Pity that no one can tell, because demanding Apple send her a courier to replace her iPad is just the sort of thing she would do.


I have heard way too many people actually voice this sort of absurd expectation during my days on various helpdesk jobs. Saying "it was just a joke" is the kind of thing my younger brother (and sadly, many adults I've worked with) would say to try to make someone else look like the one who's overreacting.

/there's no such thing as a 'fix internet' or 'fix computer' button
 
2013-09-28 12:58:50 PM

whatsupchuck: She seems to be about as astute as most 72 year olds are about computers.  I'm surprised she hasn't demanded that zombie Steve Jobs personally repair it for her.

Or whatever the zombie equivalent of "personally" is.


Well, considering that anyone who's 72 has likely spent most of their life without a computer, it's not too surprising most older folks aren't up to speed on the technology.

When you're 72, I imagine younger folks will laugh at you for not knowing the ends and outs of whatever technology they just can't live without and you could care less about.
 
2013-09-28 01:32:49 PM

One Bad Apple: itsaidwhat: buckler: She was on the news today, saying it was a joke. Pity that no one can tell, because demanding Apple send her a courier to replace her iPad is just the sort of thing she would do.

She was obviously intoxicated when she made those posts.

Who is stupid enough to think that Twitter is the Apple help line?

Other names for her great "Apple Now" business idea ...

1. Apple Now, Damnit.
2. One Bad Apple Service
3. I('monit,the)Pad
4. Martha Stewart's Online Livid Magazine App
5. You'd farking do it for Oprah!!

You will be receiving the DCMA notice from my attorney within the hour you plebe.


Hey, what's with the name calling (Martha)?

Since the bidness focus will be on the misconception of poor service by one specific user, and not so much on the product performance, we will happily rebrand "One Bad Apple Service" to "Rotten to the Corp".

You're welcome.
 
2013-09-28 06:39:09 PM

ZMugg: Eve L. Koont: I seem to have misplaced my tiny violen...

...t pizza?

[www.elsewhere.org image 100x100]


I have no idea what happened just now, but I just wasted however much time it took for that *.GIF  to run. Could not look away.
 
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